1) Why in the world are you and Dave Desire called "The Big Unit" when you're two of the smallest wrestlers in NWA-NY?Do you really need to ask that? Just ask all the sewer-water drinking alligator-skinned women who live in this land swamp they call Staten Island. They're all looking at Dave Desire and Sterling Rick Silver to see why we carry around the real "Total Packages" in NWA-NY. Besides, we have big feet. Next question.
2) What are your goals in NWA-NY?
Don't you watch the NWA-NY television show? I've been very specific about my goals. Like my fellow New Jerseyan Biggie Biggs, Dave and I, and our partner in crime Nick Berk, if he graces NWA-NY with his presence, are going to take the NWA-NY tag team titles, strap them around our waists, paint a New Jersey flag on them, and wear them to every bar from Belmar to Wildwood this summer!
3) Why do you have such contempt for New York and the New York fans?
You know, it's funny that you ask that, because it relates to another question the fans have been asking - why did I come out in the corner of Guillotine LeGrande and The Kamikaze Kid last month? Well, here's the dirty little secret, and LeGrande and The Kid are going to find out right now along with everyone else - I was only out there to scout possible opposition for The Big Unit. But this is how it relates to why I hate New York - Back in 1996, Paul Lauria and some guy named Kid Ego Craig Casey, who no longer competes (I wonder what happened to him?), invited The Big Unit to a wrestling show in Long Island. Well, boy, did we get rooked. After those bridges, that traffic, those ungrateful fans, the smog, and having to put up with a ring full of mattresses, I learned real quickly that New York, and everything in it, SUCKS! Plus, I went to law school at Brooklyn Law School, and that sucked, too.
4) You went to law school?
Of course I did. I just graduated. I don't look smart to you? Hello?
5) What's with those ugly Zubaz pants?
What, the Zubaz pants? These things were personally hand-crafted by my good old friend The Mongolian Jackass in a tiny village near the Tibetan border and delivered through the Andes mountains by billygoat, guinea pig, and donkey to the nearest airport 10,000 miles away, whereupon they were delivered to me in a burlap sack along with 3,000 rotten, stinky, dead skunks and squirrels which were supposed to be delivered to the Mongolian Barbecue store down the street. But the smell came out when I washed them inside-out with Ultra Tide.
6) Your next two matches in NWA-NY are against The Soul Brothers and Chris Michaels. Who will team with you on June 12th...and what are your singles chances on the 19th?
I had hoped that Dave Desire would be able to team with me on the 12th, but his leg is not fully healed. Then, I called Joe Rules, but he was too busy tending to his harem to team with me that day. So, I called Nick Berk, and he might show up, if he gets clearance from the NY State Athletic Commission. Nick Berk and I hold tag team titles currently together in Pennsylvania. We should take care of the Soul Brothers handily. The last time I was in the ring with them, in January, i pinned Jack Soul! Or was it Elvin? Or Jack? I dunno. As far as that Chris Michaels goes...who does he think he is? A light heavyweight? I saw him wrestling Tito Santana in Brooklyn! That's no light heavyweight. I'm going to see to it that he either drops weight or drops that title, darn it!
7) Your main offensive weapon in matches seems to be yelling at the crowd. Don't you want to show them that you have wrestling ability?
No.
8) Where exactly is your hometown, Key's Hunt, Florida? I haven't been able to find it on a map.
Um...well...it's actually very difficult to get to. It's at the intersection of two thigh highways at the end of the treasure trail, near the town of Kearny, New Jersey.
9) Why wouldn't Crazy Ivan team with you in Deer Park? What's with the rumors of you and Dave Desire negotiating with Preston Montgomery, Esq.?
Well, I don't think it's a secret that I used to manage Crazy Ivan and Zeig about 3 or 4 years ago at the beginning of my career. They're still sore because they found out after the fact that I bankrolled all their profit money into buying armaments and emergency rocket launchers for the Israeli Army, instead of spending it on corn chips and pizza like I told them. Oops. I guess that's why I'm not a manager anymore. As for Preston Montgomery, Esq.? No comment.
10) Last question: Who is your favorite wrestler of all time?
That's the last question? That question sucks! Probably Arn Anderson. Or maybe Jerry D.
11) Who is Jerry D.?
Sorry. 10 questions is all you get.
[THIS JUST IN!][NWA's D12]
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