Gemorah

Warning--This is better understood if you are Jewish, and know about the relgion.
Warning--You will not be the first to inslut this piece.

]
MISH' our rabbis teach us that divrei kodesh
should not be taught to goyim GEM' asks
vegard from norway why shouldn't the other
religions learn talmud if it is important as you
claimed shouldnt everybody be taught this
divine truth replies rav ahron there are some
things which could be taken out of context and
used against us oh said michael you mean like
where it talks at length of the magnitude of a
certain rabbis penis, then the rabbis argue over
its size using other objects in approximation
until the rabbi in question answers that it is
monstrous yes like that replied rav ahron ok said
vegard from norway but that is rare in the
gemora certainly there is other stuff in it to learn
perhaps you are right said rav ahron no thats
crazy (that makes perfect sense) says david we
just spent a great deal of time studying perek
shviyi of masechet (Shabbas) brachot it is
obviously beneficial to us but it could make us
look like idiots if somebody didn't know what it
was got hold of it said rav ahron that would be
completely missing the point betach replied david
but as we learned in this particular breita everybody says pumpkins pumpkins
the picker knows his pumpkins agreed michael we could find plenty of things in
this section that are boggling it goes back and forth between hebrew y aramaic
pero en hebreo aleph yud nun is no but aleph yud nun is yes in arimaic said benjy
the soccer fanatic from manchester in hebrew shin ayin nun yud is poor but in
aramaic it means (rich people) nobody said joseph let me get this straight the
cutim were agroup of jews who converted because otherwise they would be eaten
by wolves yes said rav ahron there was a major question of what to do with them
just about every third perek asks about them replied michael thats [not] helping
your cause any: perhaps suggested michael it is because we do not want to
make them look like idiots thinking that all this stuff be taken literally responded
joseph perhaps its true perhaps if you take the eldest black cat of its mother who
was the eldest black cat of its mother who was the eldest black cat of its mother
burn it and then put the ashes in your eyes you will be able to see spirits said
michael I was more thinking on the lines of the rabbi who was dubbed the short
guy with burnt legs we learn in a breita that this short rabbi was so afraid of
gehenim that every day he climbed into a lit stove to get his body used to fire he
never got burnt until one day when he told lashon harah he came out with burnt
legs asks robbin so by not teaching them we are sparing them embarrassment
well replied michael it would appear that we are just making it more difficult for
them to be embarrassed many of the am haaretz wish to take a short cut that they
perceive to be through mysticism the complexities of these things is such that you
need certain to be able to study them said rav ahron one needs to be over forty
married and a talmud chacham the chachim agreed so michael asked why is
madonna studying it because it appears to be the easier way said benjy from
london maybe we shouldn't be teaching women this stuff at all much of the stuff is
easily considered highly sexist said ami oh you mean like when we learned in a
breita that two women are equivalent to men what about the breita inserted david
where they ask why when shaul hamelech asked some women a simple question
and they gave him an incongruously long answer that that is what women do:
Perhaps said david the real reason is that they dont want you to get the wrong idea
about jews a lot of stuff in there if taken to be serious could make us look much
stranger than we already are not even in the mystical subjects but our mentalities
in general like said joseph where it goes on a bit at the about what happens when
half of your bed disappears or is stolen said benjy the soccer fanatic from
manchester when they go on about playing with your food and how if you forget to
make the bracha you should either push the food over to the side of your mouth or
take it out depending on whether or not its disgusting out of your mouth said
michael just be glad it didnt go into describing which foods would be considered
disgusting and which ones didnt said benjy from london what about when the one
rabbi was debating with another rabbi to let his wife hold the wine and the wife then
went off in a huff down in to the cellar where she promptly smashed 400 barrels of
wine said michael im surprised we didnt use that in the antiwomen argument I
personally think that the principle of spilling water is the same thing as spilling lives
should not be screamed for all of the world to hear: perhaps said vegard the silliest
part of the section is where they try to figure out how you can make a minyon out
of nine or a mizumen out of two it goes into how to bunch the people together to
make it look like ten, or to spread them apart to make it look like ten the idea here
is to fool god said joseph it goes on to say that a torah can be counted as a person
said robbin it says that the shabbas can be considered a person as well said michael
doesnt it also say that you could count a kid before his bar mitzva if he already has
two pubic hairs could you see a rabbi in shul desperate for a minyon asking a kid to
pull down his pants said the rest of the group shut up but said michael the accepted
way of allowing a prebarmitzva boy to be counted in a minyon is if he knows who
god is who in their right mind is going to believe anybody kid or not that says they
know who god is said rav ahron maybe thats the point
DENAY SHUM DAVAR UVO ALEPH SIPHIM

(This was supposed to be right justified. It didn't work.) I was thinking of writing some Rashi or Tosphot, but that'd be overkill. OK Miriam, give me your best shot.
?????????????????????????????????????

Get me outa here!!!

Wanna read the last one?

Wanna read the next one?

Take me back to the list

Michael Kadish

""So the only reason you're keeping me alive is because you don't know DOS?" - Prophesy II
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws