Shotgun shells

Following the army, we went to Beit Rimon, where we went and did quite possibly, the stupidest tours in Israel. We literally went to see Israel's car museum as one of our trips while we were there. This is comprised of a great deal of Renaults, Fiats, and a car that was actually made in Israel. The entire museum could be beaten by a show of a Porsche, Ike's Gremlin, and Bert's Mustang.

The most interesting thing that we did in Beit Rimon is walk. After a while, I stopped lying that my leg was still acting up, and went on these walks. There was one hike, one walk in particular that I thought was rather strange.

It was a nice scenic walk, very green, with trees on the right, and a fenced in farm on the other. On the entire farm, the only animals that we saw were cows. Perhaps this was just the pastures. I didn't even see any buildings, just cows. Not even that many, for about one and a half miles, I saw maybe a dozen and a half, a score of cows. On our left were the fenced in cows, we were on a pebbled path, on our right was about a fifteen foot deep forest, followed by a one laned, empty highway, which was followed by some green hills. Apparently the electric fence was to stop the cows from going to the highway, and hitching a ride.

I haven't gotten to the strange part yet. We were walking on, I was being explained the superiority of the British military. I was explaining that the British finger on nuclear missile buttons defied stupidity, and was a last ditch attempt for the United Kingdom to pretend to have some glory. They went on to insult America, until I quickly agreed, that the US has some major problems, but that the British military was a waste of space. They said that anybody who drives on the right hand side of the road doesn't know what they're talking about.

I still haven't gotten to the strange part. The strange part was that while we were walking between the electrically blocked cows, and the trees, (I guess this would have been Reagan's environmental nightmare.) on the pebbles, I found a shotgun shell. By the end of the hike, I found three more. (hey, this really could've been a Reagan nightmare, I guess.)

Next to us, this "forest," is a long strip of land. It's very, very long, but, as I said before, it's exceptionally thin. Hardly an ecosystem. That would mean...somebody was using a twelve gauge shotgun...on cows. The only thing they could hunt...were cows.

Cows, if you haven't been around them, are not the most intelligent creatures. Their stupidity is why Gary Larson chose them. Have you ever wondered why cows aren't the beloved creatures? We've had Lassie, Flipper, Francis, Willie, and Mr. Ed, but the closest we've come to a Bessie was in City Slickers. Bovines don't garnish much sympathy.

Now, I'm not into hunting in the first place. It's not the animals, so much as it is the guns. If you were to hunt, I would, irrelevantly, personally feel better if you didn't use a gun.

But people love guns. We won't get into Freud here, but I think shooting animals with high powered, or semiautomatic weapons is going a bit overboard. Personally, I agree with the late Lewis Grizzard, who said that you should just get one bullet. If you miss, sorry, come back tomorrow. But people will claim that they'll need rifle to hunt ducks or deer.

But cows? Killing cows for sport is about as challenging as hunting turtles with a power drill. You can kill a cow by simply tipping it over. You might as well just nuke Bessie.

What's even worse is that according to Jewish law, you can't eat an animal that was shot, it has to be schechted. So, somebody went to kill cows, for fun, with a rifle. And Americans are gun crazy?

Moo.

Get me outa here!!!

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---

Michael Kadish

"Quite a number of people also describe the German classical author, Shakespeare, as belonging to English literature, because -- quite accidentally born at Statford-on-Avon-- he was forced by the authorities of the country to write in English." -- Deutscher und Beobachter, 1940

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