Army I-Rousseau

I consider myself a pacifist, not so much as I think violence is pointless, but that I have a strong belief in Rousseau's opinion. When my father suggested that I go into the Israeli Army, I made my point pretty clear on the matter. Apparently, a rumor was started in school last year that I grew my hair and beard to protest my father FORCING me into the IDF. While this wasn't true, I by no means want to be in the Tzahal.

So anyway. the program I'm on put us into the Israeli army for a week.

So, without complaining, I did it. I went and saluted every morning, I mastered the kipul shemoneh (the military's way of folding blankets. Really.), and appear to be the only person in Israel who can do this by themselves, and I shot the M16 at target practice only to feel a lot like the guy in Pulp Fiction who shot the .44 Magnum at Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta.

I felt really bad, because the group as a whole was hideous. Ideally, if I was going to have protest this stint in the military, everybody else would be on time, like military clockwork, and I would be the one who would loosen it up.

Unfortunately, the group had the overall ambition of Beetle Bailey on weed, so, I guess that I naturally did the opposite. Well, I didn't do everything I was asked. When it was time for the exercises, my leg ^mysteriously started to get pains back.^ But, nevertheless, I generally did what they asked in the strict militaristic form. I showed up on time, I always had my uniform on correctly, I was one of the few who had mastered how to shut up, etc.

When we were standing in the mifkad, (roll call, plus salute, plus exercise, plus more stuff, while standing at attention) one of the superiors, I can't remember if it was the Arasaf (Sgt.), or the Mifakaid (Literally, the superior. You can guess how we mispronounced that one.) but they decided once while they were punishing us for the constant lateness, the pointed me out. "You, what's your name?"

"uhm, Michael." I was hesitant, and was really tempted to give somebody else's name.

"You all should be more like Michael. He is on time to everything, he has his uniform on correctly. Try to be like him." Which, roughly translated, says, "Please give this guy a Code Red."

I didn't WANT to be in the army. If I did want to be in the army, I wouldn't want these slackers around messing up the system. As it is, I didn't want to be in the army with these slackers messing up the system, because they made me want to be in the army.

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"He gives you free will, and then a long list of opposing rules you have to follow. God is the world's biggest Sadist. Me, I'm the biggest humanist." --Satan in Devil's Advocate (Like it's a surprise to anybody that the father of the antichrist would be born in Jacksonville...)

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