Charlie

So far, for my free weekends, I've spent every one of them with my cousins. Whenever I go to shul with them, it's hard not to notice this older man there, named Charlie. We jokingly call him the ��� ��� [Chazzan Sheni] (Second cantor), and it doesn't take long to realize why. With his Alzheimer's, he acts like a child, and therefore intentionally sings louder and before anybody else, especially before the chazzan.

A couple of my friends have come with me to the Rosenbergs, and when we go to the shul, I always warn them of "Charlie, who sits in the back row. He's the uhm, Chazzan Shani."

"What's a 'Chazzan Shani?'"

"You'll see." So, then Charlie will invariably start, and they can't help laughing at him the first couple times that he does it. I guess he does it to feel important, I don't know.

Writing this, I feel guilty that I'm making fun of a person who is no longer mentally stable. I'm not proud that I point this out as a humorous joke to friends, but when I first encountered this individual, I was caught off guard. It annoyed me until I asked about it. So, maybe I'm stopping other people from getting angry at him. On the other hand, I probably should just politely explain his situation, in a non-humorous manner, so as not to make him look like a fool.

But the point of the matter is that after a while, you have to think about him. What a horrible position he must be in. The one thing that bothers me the most is that occasionally he'll apologize for it. That means that he lapses; he can't control himself. So, sometimes he may be near, or even completely sane, but everybody feels that automatically he's to be ignored. I get scared when I feel that I am trapped. This situation would horrify me. It would be one thing not to be taken seriously when you are unstable, but to be able to realize what's happening to you, that would be like being placed in a sealed, locked coffin when you were still breathing. It's horrible, there's no escape, and you know that soon you'll deserve to be where you are, but until then, the pain must be unbearable.

I shudder just thinking about it. I hope I'm never in that place. I guess it's like The Who, who says, "I hope I die before I get old."

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"Lie? Ha, the truth is far too much fun." -- Captain Hook

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