Getting the phone

You may notice that these mails may be coming in a tad late. Do you want to know why? Allow me to explain. When I went to Israel, they assured my father, "oh don't worry, they'll have internet and E-mail access." I still wanted my own laptop, just in case. In what was just one of those inexplicable things, my parents actually complied. I got a computer. All I needed was a phone. That was the hard part.

First, I found out that in order to access AOL in Israel, it costs an additional six dollars an hour. And an hour begins at the first minute. But that really isn't the hard part. The hard part is that I had to figure out someway to get a phone line. This proved enormously difficult.

First, I tried the Kibbutz lines. Outside of the dorms, there is a phone, but the problem is that it only makes calls within the kibbutz. However, I saw one of the kibbutzniks discreetly call a number, and then pushed other buttons after that. So, I reasoned, there is a secret code that allows you to call out of the kibbutz. Now the phone will only take four digits before it attempts to connect you.

But you have a lot of free time on the kibbutz.

I tried almost all of the possibilities. Let's see, with the pound sign, and the asterict, that makes it twelve to the fourth power...that's nearly twenty one thousand possibilities. I found out near the end that the Kibbutznik in question had called his brother, and used the dial pad to play "Happy Birthday."

So, then we went to plan B. Plan B dictates that we use one of the people on the kibbutz who has a phone line to call. No go. My madricha tells me to use my families. My family tells me to use the Leader's, the Leader tells me to use my madricha's.

No luck there. So, I try to buy a cell phone. Everybody in Israel has a cell phone, or as they call it, a pellaphone. This was also a strain. My uncle made up some numbers to show my family that it would cost $1000.

So, then I figured I'd buy it through the kibbutz. I talked to Boaz, my leader, he directed me Mordechai, H who directed me to Shalom, who directed me to Aryei, who told me to talk to Boaz. That took over a week for that whole circle. So, what, we're on plan E, now?

Plan E started after we were given yet another speech from the Kibbutz. These are generally pretty good, the Kibbutz doesn't need our money, so they're generally a bit honest, even though they ooze with Zionism. Rafael came to talk to us, he was very friendly, telling us how important we were, how the kibbutz was trying its best to accommodate us, and not asking for the first cent. He ends with, "Does anybody have any problems?" so I tell him mine, that I'm interested in purchasing a cell phone through the kibbutz, since they supposedly cut better deals, plus there are no cities around the kibbutz. He tells me to come to his office, and we'll discuss it.

There's this old business technique, I'm not sure if it inspired Freud, or he inspired it, but they have to come from the same place. It's the old Don't-talk-but-write-down-everything-he-says-on-a-little-notepad technique. It's quite a good technique. I walked into the room, we say shalom, and I explain to him my dilemma. He doesn't talk, just sits there, writing down what I'm saying, and occasionally staring at me. I make a few jokes. His expression doesn't change, he goes back to the pad, and keeps writing. Finally, "Well I'll see what I can do." Apparently, he saw that he could do jack.

Plan F. The South Africans were scheduled to leave before November. I'd buy the cell phone off one of them. Four members of our group have one of their own. Do any of them have cell phones? No. (I can't share with my friends...it's hard to explain, just take my word for it.)

I'm now working on plan G. In the meantime, I'm spending five days at my cousins' house. They have a phone.

This is why these letters seem a little out of date. My apologies.

Get me outa here!!!

Wanna read the last one?

Wanna read the next one?

Take me back to the list

---

Michael Kadish
"Why can't the Jews and the Arabs settle this like good Christians?"-- Arthur Balfour

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