My Patriarchal Blessing

After I had been in the church for about a year I went to the Perry Branch December 13, 1964 to receive my Patriarchal blessing, I met with an un-assuming yet theatrical gentleman. He was gentle and soft voiced. He laid his hands upon my head and gave me my patriarchal blessing.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Cumorah Stake No. 290 December 13,1964 Perry, New York A Blessing given by ..John W.Stonely............Patriarch, upon the head of ..Earl Donald Attridge.................. son of ..Earl Attridge.......and..Helen Luella Maynard... born..September 2, 1943....at..Buffalo, Erie, New York... Brother Earl Donald Attridge, acting under the authority of an ordained Patriarch, I place my hands upon your head and, as directed by the spirit of the Lord in your behalf and in humility, give unto you your patriarchal blessing. This blessing shall be to you as a guide and a counsel throughout your life. Your Heavenly Father has already richly blessed you. As one of His sons He has guided you thus far and your life has been preserved to the end that you should receive the Gospel. To the degree that you abide by its principles He is pleased with you. When you left the presence of your Heavenly Father to come to this earth you were given a mission and all things have been ordered that you shall complete that mission and that you shall have the length of life to accomplish your work. You were sent to the earth to be useful and to this end the Lord has blessed you with the Priesthood which is a means whereby you can serve. This will be a power in your possession forever. Through it you are enabled by your Father to do good. You have the right, the power and the ability. By seeking the counsel of those who preside over you and through those who are spiritual, with which you are admonished to surround yourself, you can be directed in those paths that will enable you to use all your talents and capacities that you may secure your salvation and your exaltation and this is a part of the plan ordained for you. From time to time as you go to your Heavenly Father humbly in prayer and pour out your soul to Him and ask. He will reveal to you those things you should do to be wholly pleasing in His sight and acceptable to Him and make Him proud of you in this life as He was in the pre-existence. For there you were valiant and He reserved you to come to this earth at this time when many wonderful things are taking place and when the Gospel is here in its fullness and when you are privileged to associate with His people. By obedience to His commandments you shall enjoy every blessing which is in store, for there has been placed upon the earth all good things which are needful for man's welfare and you have the right to call upon them in enlightening your mind, increasing your understanding and to be successful in your chosen career, and find joy and happiness in life. For it was ordained that you should enjoy your earth experience. The Lord has ahead for you many experiences and, dear Brother, all of these will not be easy but are designed for your welfare. You have the assurance that you will learn from them and none of them will overcome you. If you will place your trust in the Lord and walk with Him you shall triumph over them all and look back and see where they have made you a true son of your Heavenly Father. For He has need of men who are valiant and faithful, honest and tall in their thinking, to accomplish His work here upon the earth. You will be called to assist in preparing the earth for the glorious second coming of the Savior and you will be given a part in the building up of His Zion. Because of His great love for you the Lord has selected for you a righteous lineage. You are a member of the family of Israel. The blessings which come to you, through your progenitor Ephraim, are all that the prophets have promised to that tribe and are yours through inheritance and you shall enjoy them through your faithfulness. The time will come when you will make the selection of a companion in life. Particularly at this time go to your Heavenly Father and counsel with Him in prayer, that He may guide and direct you, and after you have made your choice, be determined that you will take her to the House of the Lord and receive there the blessings that await the faithful. This particular blessing is completely within your power and you can receive it by being sure to follow this counsel. Based upon this principle, you will have a posterity which is righteous and be found serving the Lord from generation to generation. They will always bless you and be proud to bear your name. The things that trouble you now are of little moment. The Lord knows them well. He will overcome them if you will turn to Him and do His bidding. You shall be shielded from the darts of Satan. Your path will be hedged about and you will be given inspiration and revelation and gifts of the spirit. It shall be said of you it shall be well with you at the last day. I seal these blessings upon you through your faithfulness and I now seal you up to come forth in the morning of the first resurrection surrounded by your family and your loved ones. I do this by virtue of the Priesthood and in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen Approved:

I do not remember beautiful words. Nor do I remember any angelic outpouring of the spirit. After all my life up until that time was dealing with controlling my true self. One of many things I do remember was the phrase, " This blessing shall be to you as a guide and a counsel throughout your life."

My Patriarchal blessing has been a guide and a counsel throughout my life. When I was excommunicated, in a fit of anger I ripped my blessing into pieces and flushed it down the toilet. It took close to ten years for me to make request through my sister to obtain a copy of my patriarchal blessing. I wept when I read myblessing again and have wept over it numerous times since.

Many times in my life I have been in danger. My blessing reports my " life has been preserved to the end that you should receive the Gospel. " When I was eight or nine years old I was told to turn on the main switch to electrical wiring in the house. It was during a storm and I walked through two feet of water and was standing in two feet of water when I switched the main lever.

Just a few years ago I was surrounded by ten muggers who

pressed knives into my chest. I was informed by the police that other people robbed by this same gang had been shot or stabbed to death. I was thankful to have walked away from them.

When I was a teenager I was swimming with my two cousins. One of them started dunking me, making me bob up for shorter and shorter breaths. I was choking on water, gasping for my life. I tried to get out of the pool only to be pulled back into the pool by my older and stronger cousin. I pleaded to the lifeguard and other swimmers nearby but no one did a thing. This lasted for at least thirty eternal minutes. I thought I was drowned numerous times as my lungs filled up with water. I coughed for life. For some reason my life was being preserved. I believe this book is one of the reasons my life was perserved.

When I was in the church I just believed in the truthfulness of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was only after I was excommunicated that the sure knowledge was made evident to me and I knew that the Church was true with conviction. I feel now more than before I accept and know that the Restored Gospel is the truth. I know now that I have truly received the Gospel message into my soul.

I became intimately involved with men during the beginning of the aids epidemic. I took care of four aids patients some of whom had open wounds. My life has seemed to be spared for which I was truly thankful. I am not claiming that I am part of any plan of the Lord but I believe there is some reason why my life was preserved. I am convinced that I still have purpose on this earth. I sincerely hope that my book will bring about good. It is not my intention to dissuade anyone from believing in the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. If I wished to discredit the Church I would not wish so strongly to still be a member. I want to be a part of the truth only. The truth of my life will somehow have to to fit into the picture somewhere.

" You will be called to assist in preparing the earth for the glorious second coming of the Savior and you will be given a part in the building up of His Zion." If I could help one Gay, Lesbian, or bi-sexual person not to take his or her life I will have felt that I had built up Zion for the Savior. If I can succeed in enduring this earthly experience as a homosexual which I do not understand giving hope to some person who can make a difference I will be pleased knowing I assisted preparing the earth for the Saviors return.

If I could show just one homosexual person that he or she can be spiritual, live commandments, and do good here upon the earth, then I will know that this Patriarchal blessing is fulfilled.

Though I was excommunicated I never felt that I lost the priesthood. After my initial anger from all the unhappy experiences left me then came the still small voice. It has never told me the Church, Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ is false. Nor has it told me that my love for another man is evil. It has taught me that my choice of sex first leads to no significant relationships.

When I have been beset with what I considered evil spirits I still invoked the priesthood. The priesthood power that " would be in my possession forever." The evil departed. Though I have been excommunicated I feel I have this power in my possession and I can cast out the evil spirits by the power of the priesthood. All I can tell you is that priesthood works through me still and I do not question the priesthood. " The things that trouble you now are of little moment. The Lord knows them well. He will overcome them if you will turn to Him and do his bidding." I would suppose that the Lord knew what I would go through in my earth life. This life is of little moment and the Lord knows what troubles me well. My prayers, fasting, many breaks with past weaknesses and situations continue to show my efforts to do his bidding. I endeavor everyday I live

to live the commandments of the Lord.

I believe I am turning toward him to do his bidding by writing this book to end hypocrisy, to end suicides, and to renew the place of gay and lesbian individuals to the church and the church to this membership.

I don't wish to embarrass the Church. No one should think I am asking the Church to be subjected or ridiculed as a haven for homosexuals. I do desire that the homosexual could find in the Gospel, a place and a pathway to Heaven. We can not find that place by bearing false witness against ourselves.

We Gay and Lesbian people are spiritual beings. We have testimonies. We are waiting in the wings for a place in the plan. WE will not speak the lie for anyones comfort. If we are so repulsive to God let him deal with us. Let God be the source of vengeance. His Judgment is accurate. If there is any question in anyone minds realize we are your brothers and sisters. Love never faileth.

" You shall be shielded from the darts of Satan. Your path will be hedged about and you will be given inspiration and revelation and the gifts of the spirit." Even though we have been accused of being trapped in our behavior I believe that we can be loved by our Heavenly Father and by our Brothers and Sisters. If what I have experienced is not inspiration, revelations and gifts of the spirit throughout my life I would be forced to believe that there is not a God. And I know that is not true.

Every prayer I have had answered and every burning within my heart or bosom has testified of the truthfulness of the Church and the Gospel. Every spiritual experience I've ever had throughout my life leads me to conclude that I have been worthy to receive inspiration, revelation and gifts of the spirit.

" It shall be said of you it shall be well with you at the last day." I have felt the presence of the Lord very strongly. Perhaps I am coming in at the end of the day to be accepted just as those who started at the beginning but I am there. We are there to serve. We can not serve as a subculture of Mormonism. Even the dogs gather the crumbs from under the masters table. We are not dogs. We are spiritual sons and daughters of Our Heavenly Father.

I want these blessings. I've taken a lot of time to sort out in my mind what homosexuality is and how it relates to the Church. I've studied the gospel plan and how it relates to the homosexual. I realize I am at fault for my own behavior. I also see much that could have been done to avoid pain coming into so many lives due to the behavior and the thinking of the Church. It's time to stop the accusations. Start the dialogue to recover all that was lost. The answer to this dilemna seems perplexing. Has a Prophet of God entered the Holy Chambers of the Temple seeking an answer? Has it been done without preconceived answers? Has the process of the burning in the bosom or stupor of thought occurred? I hope I have not received all that the Gospel can offer me.

President Kimball once told me I would do something for the homosexual in the Church. I thought he was referring to when I had married, fathered children, and was active in the Church back in the 70's. However then everything seemed to turn for a loss.

It is now that I have been made aware of my usefulness by

being out of the Church. I have finally " received the gospel. " Now I must prepare to be acceptable before The Lord and His Church. I can not do that pretending to be a heterosexual person. I can not do that suffering my life time away being alone and without companionship and intimacy. I have been alone much of my life but I have not always been lonely. The Gospel gives me strength even when I believe that more is needed for us to find a place. There are too many returned missionaries in the Church who are homosexual today, too many men and women counseled to marry only to flounder without direction breaking up their marriages in failure. There are too many teenage homosexual young people who have ended their lives because of prejudice, ridicule, and exclusion. I am no authority on the membership of the Church but I have spoken to many counselors in mental health settings and I am not alone in this quandry or with this conclusion.

I can not see any point in driving people to murder themselves just because others may believe they aren't living the way of the majority or even as the majority thinks is God's appointed way. Do we really benefit the kingdom being dead?

So my Patriarchal blessing has been a blessing throughout my life. I have gone to it when all seemed lost. It has strengthened me. It has counseled me. I am thankful my life has been preserved so that I might write this book. It is not easy on the Church nor even Gay and Lesbians. I hope it will lead all of us to do good unto each other.

I too am a child of God. I was sent here to do good. " When you left the presence of your Heavenly Father to come to this earth you were given a mission and all things have been ordered that you shall complete that mission and that you shall have the length of life to accomplish your work."

This is the only mission that seems to be sitting directly in my lap at this time. I work with who I am. That is all I've got. My mission is to show my children that good can come out of being truthful before God and man.

" You were sent to the earth to be useful and to this end the Lord has blessed you with the priesthood which is a means whereby you can serve." I wondered all my life why I always seemed to be working so hard. I would help this person and that person but I never felt fulfilled or rewarded the way the world counts wealth and success.

But lately I see a pattern how God was moving throughout my whole life. Even those people that I was intimate sexually with I meant them no harm. I truly believed I loved most everyone of them. Each day I live I am reminded of loved ones who I met over the years gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or straight who influenced my life, loved me, shared space and energy. I am not ashamed to see them today or in my after life to tell them how much I love them. I thank them for all the positive things they have taught me.

I baptized, healed the sick, blessed my children, and prayed by this priesthood power. It was as though the great tailor was sewing me to my next challenge, my next learning experience, the next person who I could give hope to and they to me.

When I excommunicated myself from the church I chose the only available path I had to regain my own power over my life. I was devastated. I thought I had lost the most sacred thing I could have had in my life, the priesthood. " This will be a power in your possession forever. Through it you are enabled by your Father to do good. You have the right, the power and the ability."

All the questions of unworthiness flew away with these simple phrases. Even though I had homosexual feelings I had baptized. I had healed the sick with this power. I had calmed the cries of loved ones. I had blessed my children. I could still do good.

When I rejected this power out of extreme pain, it was not too many years and I was calling upon the Power of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood ( higher Priesthood elders hold ) to protect me, heal me, forgive me, bless me in the privacy of my own life. I have never felt neglected, rejected, nor deserted by this Priesthood power.