President Spencer W. Kimball was a wonderful man. He was a prophet of God. I did all I could to follow his counsel. He was long suffering, empathetic, and did his best. He knew a great deal about homosexuality and knew numerous cases of homosexual men and women of the 1960's. I do not even now believe he could have done anything else than what he did in the 1960's. I do not discredit President Kimball's efforts but maybe there is a step two to the plan which can heal and save?
He believed we should marry and keep our gay life behind us by not telling our spouses. This is not a day of hiding in the shadows. We must deal with the truth head on with no side stepping. That means that the membership of the Church can not walk around with blinders on. Be not of this world but don't deny it exists nor bear false witness pretending innocence or piety.
These are some statements made by President Kimball in his book Miracle of Forgiveness which
I am compelled to respond to:
" The ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah are symbols of wretched wickedness more
especially related to this perversion, as the incident of Lot's visitors indicates. " ( see Gen. 19:5 ).
page 78.
Through years of personal survey ( thousands of Gay men ) I did not meet a single homosexual who would have taken anyones daughters for sexual purposes. Heteroxsexual people might have, even bi-sexuals could, but not homosexuals. Of course I was not there. I am not a biblical scholar but Lot offers his daughters to be used for sexual purposes to a crowd of alledged homosexuals. What member in the Church would think such a thing from a righteous servant of the Lord? Your own daughters?
If Lot lived in a city of homosexuals he certainly would be aware that offering women to homosexuals would be ludicrous. Surely we are missing some facts on this incident.
It may be embarrassing for men who are blessed to be special witnesses of the Savior to
prayerfully call upon the Lord in the sacred rooms of the Temple on the behalf of Gay and
Lesbian people. I am not questioning the Lord. I simply want to know that these scriptures used
against us really do speak about us.
" Sin in sex practices tends to have a snowballing effect. Thus it is that through the ages, perhaps
as an extension of homosexual practices, men and women have sunk even to seeking sexual
satisfactions with animals." page 78. Miracle of Forgiveness.
Through years of personal survey and experiences with homosexuals I have never met a
homosexual who had sex or wanted to have sex with an animal. In fact the only person who ever
mentioned such a practice, I met when I was 16 years old on a farm in New York State and he
was heterosexual.
" If the abominable practice ( homosexuality ) became universal it would depopulate the earth in a single generation." page 81.
There are homosexuals all over the world who for various calamities have been raising their own
and other people's children. Some are adopting children and the research seems to indicate that
the children do not suffer nor become homosexual as a result. Perhaps two loving same sex
partners could have raised me in a loving home. Perhaps I would have developed more love to
overcome some of my other weaknesses.
" Our method is one we THINK would be approved by the Savior." page 83.
In the Church we bear testimony to the Gospel principles with the words " I know ". This
statement gives evidence that the Holy Ghost has witnessed to us of the truth of the matter. If my
experiences have stirred any feelings toward further revelation for those of us who find ourselves
outside the fold my mission is accomplished. Then with the words " Thus sayeth the Lord," will
make President Kimball's statement " one we think would be approved by the Savior " History
either way the revelation pronounces.
" Thus our approach is a positive one, dwelling upon the glories of the gospel and its blessings,
the happiness of proper family life, the joy in individual cleanliness. Its success is reflected in the
numerous lives blessed with complete recovery. " page 84.
I do not doubt the fully recovered out of mean spiritedness but as one who has done everything possible for me for so many years I question the quick fixed. I would ask them some very blunt questions for I have struggled to recover for a life time. I have saught the fully recovered only to find them participating in vicarious homosexuality.
I could write another book concerning the downfalls of my sexual practices of homosexuality. The calamities would seem equally serious to those following the Church program. When I seethe love between two gay men and two lesbian women I know that there is something worthwhile there. It is something I missed like many of us on the earth. I have seen it work with others so I am convinced I am capable once I am healed of my past.
" There are private and public stories of people who have found freedom from homosexual desires. " This quote from Erin Eldridge's book " Born That Way " p 3. provokes the need to ask these so called recovering homosexuals some very in depth questions since I considered myself cured at one time.
If you have found the secret come and teach me that I may know you are a real person and the story you tell is not just a story. If what you say is true I rejoice. If not then I sorrow for the misrepresentation to millions of us out here in the real world who have struggled and suffered. There is nothing I like better than the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Perhaps we can speak face to face at a future date.
I am spilling my guts before everyone face front, in person. When I see that kind of forthrightness
in the cured then I can evaluate the truthfulness of your written words.
" It was fast Sunday ( once a month fast for 24 hours ) and the end of class was reserved for
bearing testimonies. I imagined standing up and telling them my name was Erin and I was new in
the ward. I'd just started coming back to church because I was struggling with alcoholism and
homosexuality. Then I imagined the whole room becoming still with that awkward
uncomfortable kind of silence that is so deafening....Born That Way p.11.
It is sad that there is not a safe place within the Church for people to testify of their struggles and
do so without fear. This is the same lack of consciousness which brought me crawling through
life unable to heal myself in the Church. When the leaders and members of the Church can deal
with the human condition then lives will be saved and souls will be exalted.
" But attractions toward the opposite sex can develop. Divine intervention may be needed to help
uncover those desires."p 44.
These are words of Erin Eldridge again from her book titled Born That Way. What more could I have done? I did everything humanly and God seekingly possible. I forced. I practiced. I prayed. I served. I begged. What ever you did was a secret to us. We can not live a secret of your life. I believe the Lord has the secret and he will reveal it unto his servants his prophets if they will but think it out in their minds and bring it before him. No matter how distasteful that may seem. Out here we lanquish from the lack of that valiant act.
I do not want to hear from those in other Churches who think I was with the wrong group of people ( Mormons ) to really repent. While out of the Mormon Church I was involved in a host of Christian movements none of which convinced me by their behavior especially that they had any more ability to be helpful to me than the Mormon Church.
I will however listen to anything you have to say after you take the complete missionary
discussions to the Mormon Church not previous to you reading this book!
I would join with the words of Sister Eldridge
" When I attempted to free myself from homosexual desires and behavior, I questioned many
things. But there were two things I could never deny: The Book of Mormon is the word of God
and Jesus is the Christ. " p.58.
The Book of Mormon is the most purely translated book of scripture with only one translation from the original. Yet none of the prophets felt it of eternal importance to say point blank Thou shalt not have same sex relationships or marriage. Neither can I find Jesus Christ saying these same things while he ministered here on the earth. This issue is too important for these two vehicles not to have recorded the command.
" When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman,( taken in adultery ) he said unto to her, Woman where are thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said , No man Lord. And Jesus said unto her, neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more. " John 8:10-11.
The woman could have left the Savior's presence and chosen a single marriage partner. The homosexual would most likely experience what I have experienced. Where are the options? I would rather love another human being than wax in a forced state of misery.
" We advocate the example of the Lord, who condemned the sin, yet loved the sinner. " Gordon B. Hinckley conference talk quoted in Dallin H. Oaks Ensign article Same Gender Attraction. p.13.
The Savior appears to have said, " Neither do I condemn thee, ". Somehow in all these years of sincere application of the Church program which I understood, all I heard was condemning. Where was the love? Where were the outstretched arms?
Prophets and Apostles may condemn and love. We as latter day gay and lesbian persons with testimonies of their divine calling wait upon the love of Christ to provide us place.
I do fear God. I do have respect for the Church leader's divine calling. I know I appear bold for
having dared to discuss these things but If I do not, who will? I purported in my
excommunication letter that I turned out to be an experiment pro or con for marrying Gay and
Lesbian members of the Church to heterosexual partners.
" This is not to say that marriage is a cure for same sex attraction. President Gordon B. Hinckley
has said : ' Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as
homosexual inclinations or practices, which first should clearly be overcome with a firm and
fixed determination.' Reverence and Morality, Ensign May 1987, p. 47. Born That Way p.45.
What am I to think upon these statements from what has transpired in my life? Did I somehow
fall between the cracks with out a firm and fixed determination? Trust is a sacred thing. I gave
the Lord through his Church all the determination I had. I must be guided by the truth as I see the
truth. Lord enlighten my mind when I do not understand thy purposes.
" Some men find it helpful to get involved with sports or start working out to gain a greater sense
of masculinity. Changing certain mannerisms or mode of dress can also help men as well as
women. " Born That Way p.107.
Look at the world the Creator has place around us. He created birds, flowers, trees to shade us. This was a nurturing Father in Heaven with the sensitivity to create this magnificent globe of flora and fauna. It was through divine power but with an infinite and sensitive tenderness.
I don't know what prompted the Apostle Paul to rave about the effeminate. What beautiful thing in all of creation was wrought with out the feminine. Can we cut it from us like an eye that offends thee. Must we all look alike in clothing, manner, and countenance. Were we not all conceived by a man and a woman.
This erroneous belief that Gays and Lesbians are just lacking development of the opposite gender inclinations in their nature, seems a theory of desperation. The masculine and the feminine is in everyone since we have earthly as well as heavenly parents both male and female.
We have been falsely accused of sexual promiscuity, child molesting, bringing aids and diseases upon the world, divulging military secrets, and depopulating the earth. I don't know how others can judge us without the realization they are breaking the commandment of God, " Thou shalt not bear false witness. "
I would think it was obvious where the homosexual is forced to turn as he is run out of the Church. If he doesn't choose atheism then he must heal somewhere. And isn't that somewhere a place of real love. The shame is it is not in the Church. As you have done it unto me you have done it unto the Savior. For I am the least of these your brethren.
In The Event, a Salt Lake City newspaper, the April 1996 edition, Edwin B. Firmage reveals the continuing persecution of Lesbians and Gays in predominately Mormon Utah. The Salt Lake
City School Board banned all extracurricular clubs in the schools to prevent the formation of Gay and Lesbian support groups in the high schools. He was particularly distressed at the mean spirited words of some state senators one declaring " that since gays can't reproduce among themselves they recruit our children to sodomize them. " Let My Children Go - Seeing the Stranger as Enemy p. 8. The Event.
Firmage reveals that these words came from elected state representatives " they were motivated , I believe , by deep homophobic fear. One source was the leadership of our state's dominate religion, the LDS Church resonating to its perception of current litigation and debate in Hawaii relating to same sex marriage. " p. 8. The Event.
Later he advises, " Not one gay person with whom I have ever spoken considers that he or she chose to be gay or lesbian. They knew they had same sex attraction early in life. None whom I have met ever felt that they could change this. Not by prayer, not by fasting; not by reading scriptures; not by submitting to torture under the guise of " behavior modification therapy " like experimental rats in some in human experiment, though many have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying; and not by marriage to a heterosexual, as if one could be seduced into a change of one's fundamental biologically determined sexual orientation. Such marriages usually end sadly; with damage done to many. " p. 8-9. The Event.
The Lord brought the missionaries to my door to teach me his Gospel. I was baptized for better or worse a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and given the gift of the Holy Ghost. Through this divine power he testified to me of the truthfulness of his " Restored Gospel ".
The Lord Jesus Christ, through his appointed Prophet David O, McKay called me to serve him on a mission. He allowed me to teach bringing several dozen persons into his fold. I was accepted as a student of Brigham Young University to further my education. The Savior allowed me to associate with Prophets and Apostles of his Church. He enabled me to sing in His choir.
The Savior granted me permission to be employed in his Temple. He allowed me to gain more of a testimony of his divine presence there. The Lord allowed me to walk in his holy places. He granted me entrance to his most sacred dwelling places preserving my life. The Savior enabled me to father two wonderful children, love and care the best I could for them and to have a noble wife. Jesus Christ enabled me to teach his gospel, bless the sick, bless my children, and reactivate many members into his Church.
My Savior has testified to me in the Sacred Grove of the first Vision of his Prophet Joseph Smith. He has enabled me to teach others preparing them for the missionaries and for baptism into his Church. The Lord has provided a group ( Los Angeles ) for me to express my individual nature to others like me. Where
we may grow, serve, and love. This group is the only contact I have with His Church. It is a sacred trust enabling me to know of the truth. I am truly thankful.
It would be difficult for me to believe that this is all the Lord has in store for me or for people like me. As with the cries of the woman of Canaan, " yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table. "
I ask, " Where are the crumbs? "
Matthew 15:22-28