March 10,1991- " Mission Bay Ward ( ward- a congregation ) Sacrament Meeting Bulletin: Announcements: Discussion Group For Gays, Lesbians and their Families and Friends. The Mission Bay Ward invites everyone to attend a discussion group focused on the issues that gays, lesbians and their families and friends encounter with the Church. Love, tolerance, confidentiality and acceptance are the passwords to this meeting. Please bring drinks or snacks to share. Wednesday March 13th at 7:00 p.m. at the Pacific Beach Bldg. The room number will be posted in the front west foyer. For more information please contact Mark at phone #."
This Church bulletin was given to me by my neighbor Rhonda while I lived in San Diego, California. She was a member of the Mission Bay Singles Ward ( young adult congregations made specifically for single members of the Mormon Church. ) We had some discussions concerning me being gay and leaving the Church. When I saw the Church bulletin I was greatly encouraged that I might find a place in the framework of the belief system which I had belonged.
My interest in the discussion group was rekindled when Larry walked into the Better World Bookstore in Mission Hills, San Diego which I was managing. The owner of the store mentioned to me that Larry was a gay Mormon. I spoke to him about the group that was meeting for gays and lesbians at the Mission Bay Ward. I found that Larry had attended the group giving me even more courage to attend. The owner of the bookstore and her husband allowed me to use their Volkwagen Van to attend the meeting.
There was a large sign in the foyer of the Mission Bay Ward Chapel ( building where ward members meet ). It said " GAYS AND LESBIANS DISCUSSION GROUP MEETING." The sign pointed to the Relief Society Room ( women's Church organization). I was deeply moved to be entering a Mormon Chapel with some bit of welcome once again after so many years of absence. I was encouraged at first to be directed to the Relief Society room one of the most nuturing rooms in the chapel.
I walked in on a group of people that included the Bishop of the Ward, the first counselor in the Bishopric ( officers over a ward ) Mark the leader, and about a dozen Gay men, Lesbian women and other members of the Mission Bay Ward. I was in awe that these leaders would be there showing interest in people once considered so undesireable. Other meetings were to be attended by representatives of the stake president and the stake president himself. ( stake-a region over several wards )
The group was embroiled in a discussion about removing the announcement for the group from the ward bulletin. Some of the members of the ward had found the announcement in the church bulletin objectionable relaying that information to the meeting through Mark and the Bishopric. ( Bishopric- consists of a Bishop or ward leader and two counselors ).
I related to them that I had found out about the group meeting through the bulletin. I told them I would not have been at the meeting if it were not for the announcement.
Mark was in charge of the meeting. He was a tall, brown haired, honest Abe kind of a man with glasses and a listening ear. I came to understand that he perhaps had a family member who was either gay or had other difficulties with the Church. Consequently, Mark was moved to help others separated from the Church.
I noticed John from Salt Lake City. He was active in the Affirmation Group ( Gay Mormons ). That night he was so discouraged with the Church he was thinking of atheism. There was a gay male couple, Joseph and Richard who believed in the Church but felt that homosexuality was misrepresented as in the accounts of Sodom and Gomorrah. The question was discussed " Why would Lot offer his daughters to a group of homosexuals? "
I agreed with the suggestion that we do service projects for the ward so members could see us. I reminded the group that we were spiritual people and we could do much good as members of the Church if given the opportunity. Since I did not believe I would be changed to heterosexual I still wanted us to be the best of service to others as possible in this life.
I attended group meetings from April through July 9th 1991. On the latter date, I was to tell of my experiences in the Church. However, no one showed up except Mark, the Bishopric priesthood leader. I related my experiences to Mark. He was very moved. He commented how sorry he was that I had experienced so much pain.
I was surprised that July evening when Mark related to me that he had gone to Dr. Robert Card, a Salt Lake psychologist and Stake leader. Mark told me that he too had taken a form of aversion shock therapy. Mark also related that he had bad experiences with this therapy.
What occurred to me in Dr. Card's offices in the 70's were supposed to have changed my homosexual desire to heterosexual. These sessions were paid for by the State of Utah Rehabilitation Services.
Pornographic heterosexual and homosexual movies were shown to me. An electric shock device was attached to my arm and a measuring device was attached to my penis. A strong shock was applied to my arm whenever I was aroused by the homosexual films. I called the therapist, Dr. Frankenstein, because he was the one who was wildly pushing the shock button.
Dr. Card said he got carried away treating me because I was a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, an official missionary arm of the Church. This was small consolation to me as my arm became serrated like a piece of hamburger. Dr. Card would later claim that the gay community complained too much about this form of treatment.
I was amazed to see that these trained professionals, licensed therapists and counselors of the State of Utah would think that one's sexual orientation could by means of electric stimulation be shocked out of them. I felt degraded being shuffled along with convicted sex offenders into such a treatment mode.
Just the opposite seemed apparent in 1991 as the Mission Bay study group stood before me. I felt like this group had integrity for the group wanted my salvation without coersion or forced behaviors. I would now be able to go at reasonable pace with reasonable self initated goals.
Members of the group had written guidelines to the group as rules on how they wanted to be treated in the group and the Church. These guidelines were written so as to preserve a safe environment for Gays and Lesbians members of the Church to meet. I find these guidelines an important start to any further groups set up by or for the Church and its Gay and Lesbian membership.
Guidelines to the Discussion Group which meeting in the Mission Bay Ward. 1. Attitude - We will show each other love, compassion, honesty, respect, and tolerance. 2. Respect for Opinions. We will give everyone who so desires, a right to express his or her own opinion without interruption or argument. 3. Confidentiality - We will not reveal outside of the discussion group (a) the identities of anyone who attends the group; or (b) the details of any of the matters discussed in the group. 4. Purpose - We will attend the discussion group for the sole purpose of helping gays, lesbians, family members, friends, and ourselves to develop spiritually by uniting together in a religious environment to work through issues relating to spirituality and sexuality.
We hope that the spirituality of everyone in the group will grow as we enhance our love, understanding, sensitivity, and respect for ourselves and each other through open, honest, and safecommunication. We acknowledge that the purpose of the discussion group is not to engage in psychological or other therapy relative to sexual issues, preferences or actions. We encourage ecclesiastical and/or other competent counseling. Furthermore, the purpose of the group is not to criticize or modify the formal teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints respecting the issue of homosexuality.
These guidelines, I believe were drawn up by the priesthood leaders of the group both gay and straight with an eye single to the salvation of souls. I believe such guidelines would be good for continuing the socialization of Gays and Lesbians back into the Church.
Providing a safe environment is a very historical tenant of the Church. " We'll find a place which God for us prepared, Far away in the West, " expounds the beloved Mormon hymn, Come Come Ye Saints. " Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid, " it continues. All these occurrences we as Gays and Lesbians desired from the Church.
Unfortunately this open door, this apparent hope came to an end. When Mark left the area a new
Bishop came in completely disbanding the group meeting. The door of opportunity was again
unfortunately closed.