Kid and Caboodle: Musings of a "Split-Shift" Mom
By Peggy B. Hu
July 2006

With Independence Day almost here, I have been thinking about how parents define independence differently as a child grows older.

I remember when my son was about 5 months old, he figured out how to pick up a relatively large baby bottle and hold the nipple to his mouth. My husband and I were very excited by this demonstration because it meant our son was starting to become independent. We were especially impressed when he used his feet to prop up the far end of the bottle -- which seemed almost as long as he was -- so he could drain every last drop of milk without sucking in any air.

Nowadays my son, who is 3 1/2, can dress (and undress) himself, wash his hands, get a drink from the faucet, pour himself a bowl of cereal, call people using pre-programmed phone numbers, climb into his car seat and buckle the top portion of his safety belt, and select and put things in the shopping cart when we go to the store. He knows how to use chairs and large cushions as stepstools to reach light switches, the microwave, and other things that used to be too high for him. My son still has a long way to go if one defines independence by what he can do. Nevertheless, he has come a very long way since he was a newborn.

If one defines independence by the desire to do things without any assistance, though, my son has that quality in spades. My son also has strong opinions on everything -- what clothes to wear, what food to eat, what activities to do -- that are independent of mine. Sometimes these different opinions cause conflict between us, but in general I take delight in his ability to express himself so clearly even when we want to do different things.

Although I feel wistful at times, every time my son takes another step toward independence I know that I am doing my job as a parent. Some day he will be an adult and will need to know how to do everything by himself so he can leave home and start his own life. Whenever that day comes I know I will be a little sad, but I will also be very proud.