Konbanwa, minna-san! This is my first attempt at a Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic. I hope you take this seriously and email me any comments and criticisms at bea_chan@yahoo.com . Rurouni Kenshin does not belong to me, though I wish it were so. 

Disclaimers are found on my main page. Ja ne! "^_^"---Bea-chan. 



Reflections, Trust, and a Decision 

Kenshin sat on the dojo steps, listening to the sounds inside the dojo indicating that Kaoru was working out by herself. He knew she was, since Yahiko had gone to town to visit Megumi at the clinic, and Sano was nowhere around the Kamiya dojo. Which left him alone with Kaoru. 
He had been living at the dojo for more than a year now, and he had never regretted closing that dojo door behind him and giving up wandering. He had found a family here, in the person of Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sanosuke, although many times he had cursed himself over and over for bringing trouble to them all, the most recent one being the fight with Enishi. 
He had really believed that Kaoru had died because of him even if he had fought hard to save her. He remembered chasing after his ex-wife's brother. "I will not let you harm Kaoru-dono even if Tomoe wants her dead!"  He had come back to the dojo only to find Kaoru impaled with a sword through her chest, a cruel cross scar engraved on her left cheek. Kenshin clenched his hands on his hakama, remembering how he thought he had truly lost her. 
Kenshin heard Kaoru swing her bokken, and he relaxed. Enishi was no longer a threat, and things were peaceful again. He was so relieved to see Kaoru alive and well, and he had gained another friends in the person of Shinomori Aoshi. He had been the one to discover the trick Enishi had pulled over them all. 
Arigato, Kami-sama, for the peace we have now. His eyes narrowed into slits. Now. Who knew what was going to come tomorrow? Another madman to exact revenge on him, perhr the trick Enishi had pulled over them all. 
Arigato, Kami-sama, for the peace we have now. His eyes narrowed into slits. Now. Who knew what was going to come tomorrow? Another madman to exact revenge on him, perhaps. He never could understand how Kaoru and the rest could ask him to remain at the dojo after all the trouble he had caused them. Specially Kaoru. She had asked him to stay the first time, and even after learning that he was the Hitokiri Battousai, she did not turn him away. 
Kenshin smiled as he recalled Kaoru challenging him as the hitokiri with a mere bokken in her hand. That one night, in the dark Tonyo street where they first met, changed his life. Living with her at the dojo, he realized how lonely he was, wandering for ten years with only a sword for a constant company. He met Kaoru, and though he never really admitted it to himself or anyone else, he had come to think of her as his special woman. Not as a replacement for Tomoe, as Enishi had said before, but as a different kind of love. He had at first been attracted to her fiery spirit, and later on, he had come to love the gentle nature that underlay that spiritedness. Once he had fallen in love with her, it was easy to accept her other aspects, like her ability to wield a bokken, and her lack of ability to cook. 
But I can never tell her how much I love her, he thought. I'm too stained, too guilty, and she is so pure and innocent like a child. When I was her age, I was already working as a hitokiri, slaying people without a thought. He shuddered as he thought about his past as an assassin. Kaoru may not seem to care about it, but I do. And I am always afraid for her, that she will be killed, if not because of me, then by me as Battousai. 
But, Kami-sama, how I long to tell her that I love h--- 
No. I cannot. I cannot endanger her, because if my enemies find out that she means everything to me they will use her as the others had. Jin'nei, Saito, Shishio…They will use her like they used Tomoe before, and once again my love can lead to death. I cannot always protect her. 
He stood up and made his way to the kitchen, taking a pitcher of water and a glass. He took these to Kaoru, along with a small towel. He knocked on the dojo door while expertly balancing the pitcher and the glass with one hand, and he slid the door open. 
"Kaoru-dono, I thought you might be thirsty," he said, setting the water down on one of the shelves in the room. 
Kaoru, wearing a woman's gi and hakama, looked pleased. "Arigato, Kenshin." She poured herself a glass of water and drank, throwing her neck back and closing her eyes. 
Kenshin looked at her, amused. "You are practicing," he commented. 
"Hai," she said, setting down the glass she was holding. She held up her bokken. "Would you like to stand against me?" 
He was flustered. "Ano…I am not used to using a wooden sword." 
"Then use your sakaba," she said. She saw the look on his face and hastened to assure him. "Don't worry, you won't hurt me. You're that good," she added almost shyly. 
"All right," Kenshin said. He drew out his sakaba and watched her as she sprang into a ready stance. Since Kamiya Kasshin was designed for defensive purposes only, he decided to attack first, using the most basic of charges then dropping low at the last moment and attempting to wipe out her feet from under her with his sakaba. 
Kaoru jumped lightly as the sakaba passed under her feet, and she brought down her bokken to his wrist, only to be met with Kenshin's free arm. Kaoru wrestled her weapon away from his grip, and retreated to the other side of the room. "You're too good," she said, pouting. 
Kenshin returned to his feet. "Kaoru-dono…" 
"You were holding back," she said. 
He hung his head, not trying to deny the truth. "I was afraid to hurt you." 
She sighed, hanging her bokken by the wall. "Kenshin, you will never hurt me. Well, maybe sometimes you will, but I don't mind. And I can protect myself. You are not the only one who knows how to fight. When I am endangered, I can count on myself to come to my own rescue. I wish you would trust me on that one." She took the towel from where he had hung it, and she wiped her face with it. "I'm just going to change my clothes. Afterwards, we should go to town. Yahiko is expecting us there so we could all have dinner at the Akabeko." She left him alone. 
Kenshin sheathed his sakaba. Now she's upset with me, he thought. He drank from the glass Kaoru had drunk from earlier. He knew she had a point. She was not a child, no matter how childlike she was. She was a grown woman, and she was responsible. He did not mean for her to think that he thought she was not capable of taking care of herself. 
She's more than capable of that. And yet, I never told her that. I never told her I had confidence in her, that I trusted her like she trusted me. 
He closed his eyes, remembering what she had said earlier. 
"I can protect myself. I wish you would trust me on that one." 
She had been trying to tell him something else. She was saying that it was all right. 
Kenshin waited for a few minutes, giving Kaoru enough time to change her clothes. Then he followed her to the house, to her room, and paused outside the door. He knocked lightly. 
"Come in," he heard her say. 
Kenshin slid the door open and regarded her seriously. He stepped through the partition, taking a deep breath as he did so. His violet eyes locked with her blue ones. "Kaoru-dono…" He offered her a tentative smile. "Kaoru-dono, I need to tell you something." 
"Hai, Kenshin?" Her equally tentative smile strengthened him. He stepped completely into her room, sliding the door close behind him. 

OWARI