True Story Of An IRC Chat

On Thurday, October 22, 1998, at around noon I think, I entered the IRC channel #computers on EFnet to get some information on making your own computer components. I decided to start with asking simply about computers, to see how much the people there knew, although I was specifically looking for how to make chips and circuit boards.

I ended up getting banned, because I was smarter than the ops. (Well, one of the ops, anyway.) I now regret that I didn't log this chat, as it was pretty funny. I do, however, remember sort of how it went. Here is a re-creation of it. This is certainly not verbatim, but it's as close as I remember to what really happened... It should be pretty close. See for yourself how lame the ops are in #computers! (And yes, this really happened.)

(Nicks have been changed to protect the innocent, except for my own, which was FUDchild at the time.)

[FUDchild] Can somebody here please tell me how a computer works?
[wooster] Well, I have 50 minutes left, so I don't have enough time to
tell you.
[partMan] well FUD, you need electricity
[FUDchild] That's OK, I have electricity already.
[wooster] Good, heh
[partMan] And you need an on/off switch
[FUDchild] Yup, I have that too.
[partMan] Good...
[partMan] Actually FUD there is way too much to explain.
[wooster] FUD, just get an iMac, they're simpler.
[FUDchild] Can you just give me a hasty synopsis then?
[partMan] No.
[FUDchild] OK...
[FUDchild] iMacs can blow me off. :)
[FUDchild] How can I make a chip?
* partMan puts an iMac in his lap
[partMan] Uhhhh...
[partMan] You can't, unless you spend a few billion on a chip fab.
[FUDchild] A chip fab? What's a chip fab?
[partMan] Chip fabrication plant...
[FUDchild] OK, where would I get one of those?
[partMan] You can't, you need billions first
[FUDchild] OK, then what?
[partMan] dude
[partMan] You can't.
[partMan] There's no way.
[FUDchild] Of course there is! Intel makes them!
[partMan] Are you Intel?
[FUDchild] No, why?
[partMan] You can't make chips just because Intel does.
[FUDchild] Sure I can... Hobbyists make their own chips don't they?
[partMan] Man, you could get maybe 8088 speed if you made it yourself
[FUDchild] So? 8088s rule!!
[partMan] Hah
[partMan] What can you do with a 8088?
[partMan] You can't even run MS-DOS 1.0 with it
[FUDchild] Sure you can. I personally know someone who has a 8088 and runs
MS-DOS 3.3 on it.
[partMan] Yeah, so
[partMan] What can he do with it
[FUDchild] He can do word processing.
[partMan] whoa
* partMan jizzes
[FUDchild] And run CGA games.
* partMan jizzes some more
[FUDchild] ROFL
[partMan] Get real
[partMan] Nobody wants a 8088
[FUDchild] Sure they do.
[FUDchild] Poor people would consider even an 8088 a Godsend.
[partMan] No they wouldn't.
[partMan] Get real man.
[FUDchild] OK, fine...
[FUDchild] How can I make a circuit board then?
[partMan] Oh, man
[partMan] you cant
[wooster] Well, first you need a blank board
[FUDchild] OK, I get that from Radio Shack, right?
[partMan] FUD why don't you make your own OS?
[wooster] Right
[wooster] And then you need to cut it with an etcher
[wooster] Also from RS
[FUDchild] I'm working on my own OS right now... Don't expect to see it
for a while though.
[partMan] Don't worry, FUD, we won't
[FUDchild] It'll probably take me a very long time.
[FUDchild] Like years.
[wooster] And some chemical to burn the circuits in...
[FUDchild] I'll probably have better things to do before I finish. :)
[wooster] Not sure exactly what the chemical's called, RS should have
that for you too.
[wooster] haha
* wooster pulls out his BASIC compiler... ph33r my new OS.
[FUDchild] Cool! Thanks...
* FUDchild ph33rs wooster's OS.
[wooster] That chemical is nasty stuff though... It burns
[FUDchild] It's really corrosive?
[FUDchild] If I poured it on my hands I'd have a bad day?
[partMan] yes
[partMan] very bad
[wooster] I think it's sulfuric.
[wooster] The reason I say that is because the stuff STINKS!
[FUDchild] Hmmmmm, I'm not sure if I want to start fooling with extremely
corrisive chemicals...
[FUDchild] So what you're saying is maybe it's not such a great idea to make
my own circuit boards...
[partMan] WOW!!! YOU LEARNED SOMETHING!!!
[FUDchild] Heh heh...
[partMan] FUD man I wish foo were here
[partMan] He'd straighten you out
[FUDchild] Why do I need straightening out?
[partMan] cause
[partMan] you can't make all this stuff yourself
[wooster] FUD you might as well make a whole computer if you're going to make
chips and circuit boards
[FUDchild] Good idea, thanks!...
[FUDchild] ...OK, how do I make a hard disk?
[partMan] dude
[partMan] leave before I kick you out
[FUDchild] Oops, sorry...
[partMan] YOU CAN'T!
[FUDchild] How about just a floppy disk, then?
[FUDchild] partMan: You are wayyyyyyyyyyy too negative.

At this point, I got banned and kicked. I tried continuing with partMan in private /msgs. It went something like this:

[FUDchild] If a hard disk can't be made, how is it that I have one in my
computer?
[partMan] I didn't say they cant be made
[partMan] numb nutz
[FUDchild] Then why did you say I can't make one? I can do it if anyone
else can.
[partMan] YOU DON'T HAVE THE EQUIPMENT
[FUDchild] So? I can always get it.
[FUDchild] There's always the concept of acquiring what you don't have.
[partMan] FINE
[partMan] GET IT THEN
[partMan] LEAVE US ALONE
[FUDchild] OK, where would I get it from?
[partMan] I DON'T KNOW
[partMan] BYE
[FUDchild] Well... You could have just said you don't know then.
[FUDchild] Didn't have to b/k me.

He didn't reply after that, because he was a l4ym0r.

So, now you have seen a pretty much accurate re-creation of an actual IRC chat on EFnet's #computers. And you have seen what a lamer this op was!

Was I banned unfairly, or not? Let me know! E-mail me your thoughts on this! Tell me what you think of this page!

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