Brownies, Hampers and Venomous Wakes 
 
It was nine o'clock on a wet, foggy day, a day with a dampness that seeped through 
clothes and skin into the marrow of your very bones, chilling and ominous. I could 
hardly see further than my newly blue fingertips and the greyness enveloped me from 
all sides, a cloak of gloom that stole the blood from my toes and all optimism from 
my soul.  
 
Relief, or at least something close to it, flooded through me as I trudged up the gravel 
pathway towards the hotel. It was quite an impressive building, even in broad 
daylight. It's mock gothic towers and massive oak doors had always reminded me of 
a film set, ready and waiting for the hero to sweep his loved one over the threshold. 
But now, silhouetted against an ashen sky, it resembled a haunted mansion. Freddy 
Kruger and countless other villains lurked just around the corner and the killing 
scenes from numerous horror movies flashed across my mind.  
 
I tried to shake off the morbid feeling, and headed round to the employee entrance. 
The Hotel wasn't exactly a hotel, not in the normal sense of the word. To be honest, I 
would have just called it a Boarding House and been done with it, but Mrs 
McMurphy, the owner, disliked the term and so Hotel it was. At the moment, there 
were only the regulars staying: a family, a couple and an elderly gentleman. They all 
seemed to have moved in permanently; They'd been there as long as I'd been 
working part time, which was almost three months now. Every Saturday, for twelve 
hours, and every other weekday after school from six until nine o'clock at night. But I 
needed the money; every teenager needs money, and I didn't mind working there. It 
was out of season so the rooms for short term guests were empty; normally there 
would be new people to meet and welcome. I'd been working there to fill the space in 
my life that had appeared after leaving the didgiworld a few years ago and drifting 
apart from my new found friends. 
 
Melinda greeted me at the door with a cross look, her normally pretty face screwed up 
into a scowl. She usually seemed pleased to see me, even flirty, but as I was running 
late she would have had to cover for me, and she hated having to lie, even little white 
untruths.  
 
"Come on Yamato, I'm meant to be on front desk. You haven't even changed yet! 
Brian'll kill you if you don't get Breakfast up to the hordes in time...." 
 
I slipped off to the employee common room, stuffed my bag into my locker and 
quickly changed in the toilet. The mist had made my hair fizz and I struggled to get it 
into something that remotely resembled my normal bird's nest style. Okay, so it was 
meant to be messy, but not dragged through a hedge backwards and then blowdried in 
a force fifteen hurricane  
 
I headed for the kitchen. Breakfast was always served at Nine Thirty, so I had ten 
minutes to get all the plates and cutlery up to the dining room before they got seated. I 
loaded it all onto one of our big multipurpose carts also used for laundry. The China 
balanced precariously on the flat wooden top and the dirty sheets and towels fitted 
neatly into the massive hamper beneath. We had this kid who stayed for a little while 
who was obsessed with hide and seek and would quite regularly hide in the Hamper. 
Saying that, I guess I could probably fit in one too. Not that I've tried, mind. 
 
Taking the lift to the first floor, I laid up in record time and was back in the kitchen 
before the sausages and bacon had been taken from the frying pan.
*
 
 
I wait on the table for breakfast and dinner, and I've got to know the regular clan. 
They came down in their customary order: Ernest Haines arriving first and chatting 
with me for a couple of minutes about life in general. A lovely old dear; he reminded 
me of my Grandad. 
 
Then came the couple, Greg and Kendal Stannard. They were just married when they 
moved in, and seemed to be joined at the hip. Kendal was a really meek and mild 
creature, who hung on Greg's every word. 
 
She creeped me out. 
 
After them, the Keyes appear. Mrs Liana Keyes: Best-selling Crime novelist and dead 
ringer for Claudia Schiffer, (well Claudia Schiffer after ten years and a couple of face 
lifts) one of those people who looked down on everyone. Her daughter Brooke was 
the same age as me, went to my school, and was a miniature version of her pompous 
mother, except for the author bit. One of the 'In crowd', I didn't have much to do 
with her, and she probably hadn't realised I worked at the Hotel. Martin Keyes was 
the most henpecked person I've ever met, but there was alot more intelligence there 
than anyone gave him credit for. Liana married him for his blood; Second son of an 
Earl or something like that, although I've always wondered why Liana didn't go the 
whole hog and just marry an Earl. 
 
Finally Shawn Driscall would saunter down, arriving just after the meal had been put 
on the table and causing Liana to glare crankily at her nephew for the rest of 
breakfast. I got on well enough with Shawn as he had none of the Keyes' snootiness. 
In fact there was a wonderful simplicity to him: He hated his Aunt; Liana hated him. 
And that was that. 
*
 
 
It was Mrs McMurphy's custom to get up earlier and have breakfast in the kitchen 
before going for her daily meander around the park. She was quite an active sixty 
year old, but recently her hips had been playing up and her mortality had quite 
suddenly been brought into perspective.  
 
So the fact that she wasn't present at the meal didn't occur to me as odd at all.
*
 
 
After clearing the dirty plates back on to the Hamper, I went back down to the 
kitchen. I was surprised to find Sarah McMurphy, Mrs McMurphy's granddaughter 
and only relative she spoke to, in the kitchen. She was quite clearly deep in 
conversation with Brian Stent. Stent is the Chef and general handyman. He hates the 
'Underlings' as he calls us and constantly complains about the state of youth today.  
 
Idiot. 
 
Anyhow, the reason I was surprised to find her down there was that she usually kept 
away from the hotel except to pick up her Grandmother. 
 
I cleared my throat; a two fold exercise. One: to let them know I was there and Two: 
so that I wasn't accused of eavesdropping.  
 
I shouldn't have bothered. The look I received from Stent would have rivalled 
Medusa. Sarah was slightly less malevolent and merely motioned for me to leave.  
 
I slunk out backwards, straight into someone. Whipping round I came face to face 
with someone's chest. Looking up a bit I realised with a sinking heart who I'd 
bumped into.  
 
Taichi Kamiya. 
 
My old fearless leader. The guy I'd had more fights with than anyone else I'd ever 
met. The guy I'd stupidly opened up to in a fit of panic about my kid brother. The guy 
who'd not spoken to me for three years. The guy I'd been avoiding since I came back 
because I felt myself trusting him. And that scared me; broke every rule I have about 
myself. So I flushed and tried to pass him without him commenting or, even worse, 
yelling at me. 
 
"Yamato Ishida? I didn't know you worked here. Jeez, it's been ages." He flashed me 
the patented Tai grin. 
 
Fighting a sense of extreme surrealism, mainly brought on by the fact he remembered 
who I was and that he was standing there making polite conversation, I nodded 
dumbly. 
 
"Great. I'm just starting. Today's my first day." 
 
"Wow." I mumbled. "Sorry I ran into you." And left, feeling very Alice in 
Wonderland. It was a feeling that would stay with me through the rest of the day. 
*
 
 
At about Eleven I had finished stripping beds, and hoovering the stairway and was 
ready to clear Mrs McMurphy's room. We have no master key, and the guests leave 
their doors unlocked if they want them cleaned. All the doors bolt across from the 
inside, so if they go out, they have to leave it unlocked. It's one way to make sure that 
all the rooms get cleaned. 
 
Mrs McMurphy always had her door wide open during the day as she liked to keep an 
eye on things and only locked it at night because Sarah worried about some drunk 
guest hurting her. 
 
"Matt! Wait!" Taichi came level me as I loped up the third floor steps.  
 
"It's Yamato." I told him. Where do people get off, shortening my name as if it were 
their own? It really puts my back up, so I guess I snapped a little more than necessary. 
He blinked in surprise and then gave me a wry sideways glance with his deep 
Chestnut eyes. It annoyed me, the fact that I'd looked at his eyes. I have a thing for 
eyes: Bright sapphire blue; Sparkling emerald; Dark, almost black ones; Any sort. If a 
guy had saccharine eyes I would keep looking at them, and most boys thought this 
was a come on. I'm pretty feminine looking: blonde hair, skinny, big blue eyes; the 
works. Girls fall for me left right and centre, while practically all the guys I met 
seemed to have this Brian Molko thang going with me. But it really isn't a come on, 
the eye thing. Especially not toward Taichi for crying out loud.  
 
Taichi had lovely eyes. This could be fun. The last thing I needed was him thinking 
was that I was coming on to him. Which I didn't. But the whole thought process made 
my skin crawl strangely and made me even snappier 
 
"What do you want?" 
 
"Mr Stent told me to watch you do Mrs McMurphy's room." 
 
"What hard work - watching." I drawled sarcastically. 
 
"Think of me as your supervisor." He told me. I gave him my best glare as we turned 
the corner to her door. 
 
It was shut. My heart missed a beat. 
 
Taichi went over to it and tugged. "It's locked. Where's the key?" 
 
My mouth was dry and I could only manage to shake my head. 
 
"Oh, you forgot it? Typical. Learning from an amateur...." He teased. 
 
I found my voice. "It bolts from the inside." I called through the door. "Mrs 
McMurphy? Can you hear me? Are you Okay?" 
 
Taichi had stopped fooling about and looked genuinely worried. I was terrified she'd 
fallen again and hurt her hip further. 
 
"We'll have to knock the door down." He said. 
 
"Get Sarah and Stent. They'll have to know." 
 
His leaving comment was "Keep talking to her," and he then leapt down the stairs 
clearing them in a single bound. It was then I realised quite how long his legs actually 
were now. I then realised that I was focusing on triviality and struggled to bring 
myself back to coherence. 
 
"Everything's going to be okay." I said to the door, as much to myself as to Mrs 
McMurphy. But I was now oddly comforted. Help was on it's way; the old lady had 
probably taken her hearing aid out and was in the middle on one of her romance 
novels she enjoyed so much.
*
 
 
It seemed like hours but in reality was only a matter of minutes until Taichi returned 
with the cavalry. Sarah watched ashen faced as Stent, Martin Keyes and Greg 
Stannard ran at the door. Kendal Stannard hovered by Sarah's arm anxiously, ready to 
comfort her if necessary.  
 
The door gave way after the third attempt, crashing to the ground with a thud that 
would have woken the dead. 
 
Only it didn't.  
 
Because, lying peacefully in bed with romance novel still in her hand, was Mrs 
McMurphy. She looked so tranquil I would have placed money on the fact she was 
sleeping still, but one look at the waxy skin confirmed the fact everyone had known 
when they looked in the room.
*
 
 
Mrs McMurphy was dead.
*
 
 
Call it reflexes, call it stupidity, call it whatever you want, but I had to go in and 
check that she was dead. My brain just kept telling me there would be a pulse. 
 
There had to be. 
 
As I walked in, a strong smell smacked me in the face. I couldn't place it, but it didn't 
smell good. Then it dawned on me that dead bodies always smelt bad in books and on 
TV. Then I felt guilty for dismissing her as a dead body already.  
 
Sarah opened a window wide. I guess she didn't like the thought either.  
 
I placed my fingers on her neck, trying to find the pulse as I'd done countless times 
before in my first aid class. Only there wasn't one. It was like a final confirmation 
that she really had departed this life. 
 
I felt slightly numb and sat down on the bed. Her eyes were shut and she was smiling 
as if she'd just had the best dream ever. There was none of this glassy wide eyed 
staring corpse stuff that you get in films. But then, I reasoned, She died in her sleep. 
Why would anyone sleep with their eyes open? They wouldn't. 
 
She looked so happy. It was as if she'd been freed from her old and crippled body, 
and released into a better life.
*
 
 
We all gathered in the kitchen, Guests and employees, drinking sweet tea with 
biscuits, and commenting on how nice a person she had been, how she'd had a good 
life. Everyone stared into their tea and mulled over how life could end with so little 
warning, sliding peacefully into the deepest sleep.
*
 
 
Taichi walked me home, which was sweet of him. My Father was out. 
 
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" He asked on the doorstep. 
 
If he hadn't been so nice, I probably wouldn't have dropped my guard. I somehow 
killed the poker face I'd been working on for so long and he saw how much I was 
hurting for a split second. He hustled me inside as I frantically tried regain my void-
of-emotion expression. 
 
We had another sweet tea.
*
 
 
"I think I'm jinxed." Taichi remarked, lying full length in front of the fire. He looked 
like some over grown tabby cat, his dark hair all tousled. Well, an extremely big 
tabby cat. The thought made me snicker. I guess it was shock. 
 
"You think it's funny? I'm cursed and all you can do is laugh at me." He said huffily. 
 
"No, no. Not that." I assured him. "Why are you convinced you're jinxed?" 
 
I curled up tighter in the armchair, sliding my feet beneath me. Taichi propped 
himself up on his elbows. "As soon as I start my new job, the owner dies." He 
groaned. "This always happens to me!" 
 
"Remind me never to employ you..." I teased him gently. 
 
"I didn't mean it like that." He changed the subject quickly. "So who's the new 
owner?" 
 
"Sarah, I guess." I said non-committedly. 
 
"Are she and that Stent guy an item?" 
 
I choked on my tea. "No!" I cried, after I'd finished spluttering. 
 
"Oh." 
 
"Are you and Brooke Keyes?" I asked, and regretted it immediately. He got that look 
that all blokes get when the lust puppy sets in. It's a pathetic trait of all guys, I know 
it well. 
 
"She's kinda untouchable, y'know?" 
 
"Not really..." I said dryly. 
 
"Well, she looks really, really hot, but what would she see in me?" He carried on, 
luckily, before I mentioned anything. "Nah, she's way out of my league." 
 
"She lives at the Hotel." 
 
"No kidding. I may get to know her better then...." 
 
I couldn't resist adding, "She believes 'The staff should be seen and not heard' and 
preferably not seen if it can be helped." 
 
He looked a bit put out. He got up and remarked stiffly "I think I'll be on my way 
now." 
 
"See you on Monday." I said as he left, leaving me kicking myself.
*
 
 
It was half term, so I was working full days. I also dreaded going back on Monday as 
I'd have to clear out Mrs McMurphy's room. 
 
It was exactly as I'd seen it last, only without her in bed. With a weird sense of 
invading her privacy, I stacked her extensive Mills and Boon collection into 
cardboard boxes. I had just started on the china ornaments when Sarah joined me. 
 
"I'll leave you to it." I said. 
 
"No, no. Stay please. It'll stop me bawling every two minutes." 
 
We worked on in a comfortable silence. Sarah is somewhat of an enigma to me. 
Sometimes she seems really vunerable, sometimes a friend but most've the time I get 
the distinct feeling she wants to get her hands down my pants. Ah, well. Ain't never 
gonna happen. 
 
But going back to the matter at hand. For such a small elderly lady, Mrs McMurphy 
had amassed an immense accumulation of junk. 
 
"Okay Yamato, time for a break." Sarah handed me a bar of chocolate. "This is way 
above and beyond your call of duty." 
 
"I liked her." I explained as Sarah went to get herself another cup of tea. I nibbled on 
the chocolate. Normally I would have wolfed it down, but this wasn't normally. 
 
I distracted myself by glancing round the room. 
 
"I could've sworn that radiator was white..." I said aloud. 
 
Liana stuck her head round the door. "Oh it was. I saw it being painted the other day-
" 
 
Sarah caught the tail end of this conversation and she and Liana glared at each other. 
Light dawned in Liana's eyes and she smiled smugly at Sarah before leaving. 
 
"She gives me the creeps." Sarah commented. "Come on, lets get this finished."
*
 
 
It was pretty strained between me and Taichi when we were working together. We 
were cleaning the living room and Brooke was watching us. Or more accurately, 
watching Tai. She stretched suggestively, winked, and then left. I've always thought 
that some people can learn to flirt and some people were born with the skill, like a 
gene that lies dormant until the person starts to practice. Brooke had definitely 
jumped in that pool and bypassed the intelligence stakes. 
 
Taichi gave me one of his sideways grins and followed. I groaned and slumped into 
one of the chairs. 
 
"What's up?" I looked upward at Shawn who had slipped in as silently as always. 
"Oh. Brooke. Think how I feel, she's my cousin." He widened his eyes in mock terror 
and I laughed. 
 
"Thanks Shawn. I needed that."  
 
"Oh, Stent's headed this way, so I'd get up if I was you." 
 
"Thanks!" I slunk off, sharpish. And made myself busy in the hallway as Stent passed 
me. I could hear the faint voices of Martin and Liana arguing in the next room. Liana 
had a room to herself; she hated sleeping with her husband. We had weird people at 
the Hotel. 
 
It sounded like of helluva fight, but I couldn't get the gist of it. Then the door opened 
and Greg Stannard stormed out. 
 
I turned and ran into Stent as I did so. He almost skewered me onto the thinnest drill 
bit imaginable, brandishing the tool at waist height. I skipped out the way as he gave 
me his normal scowl and then headed off down the corridor. 
 
I thought it was best to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
*
 
 
The funeral was held on the Friday. It rained, and rained and rained. I stood with 
Shawn and his girlfriend Mimi. Yeah, that Mimi. Taichi stood to my left, with 
Brooke's arm snaked round his waist. There was alot of her friends, people from all 
around had loved the sprightly old lady. 
 
It was a very solemn affair, a proper burial, none of the 'newfangled nonsense' she 
had so detested in life. It was a small comfort, but I knew that she would have liked it. 
Ernest, her chess adversary, was almost in tears. 
 
The wake was held at Mrs McMurphy's favourite restaurant in the village. Ernest 
hadn't stayed for it. His daughter had taken him home with her.  
 
I walked home along with all the younger people, but feeling very left out. Shawn had 
to take Mimi home and Taichi and Brooke were making plans to go to see a movie 
the day after so I felt like the third wheel. Kendal and Greg drove home, giving 
Martin a lift. Sarah and Stent stayed for a commemorative final few drinks and Liana 
also walked, taking a different route home as she need to clear her head. I'd noticed 
her knocking back a quite few, so it wasn't surprising she felt a little fuzzy.
*
 
 
Saturday was as wet as Friday. As I scuttled up the gravel path, I saw Ernest's 
daughter dragging a case down the front steps. As I ran to help her she lost her 
footing and slid halfway down them. I helped her up and she glared furiously at me, 
as if it were all my fault. She grabbed the case from my hands and stormed off.  
 
It was the green moss that had caused her to fall, not me. Four days of extreme rain 
had turned the picturesque moss that covered the front steps and back path into 
ectoplasm-esque slime. And this slime was now decorating the seat of her expensive 
linen trousers. 
 
I decided against telling her.
*
 
 
Changing in the toilet and flicking my hair up into Sonic the hedgehog style spikes 
that made me look even younger than I normally do, I walked out and straight into 
Taichi's shoulder. 
 
"Gotta stop doing this." I said, looking up at him. "Hey, are you okay?" 
 
"I broke up with Brooke." I resisted the temptation to say 'I told you so', and merely 
waited for him to carry on. "She kept wanting to leave me really quickly after the 
funeral, and when I asked why she got all cagey and finished with me."  
 
I patted him on the shoulder I'd just run into and told him some utterly useless piece 
of advice about fish in the sea and the sort of thing that someone has to say; it's 
compulsory when dealing with the infatuated but newly unrequited. 
 
We loaded the Hamper for breakfast. It was strangely empty - normally there was a 
load of clean linen waiting for me to change the beds. 
 
After laying up, we stood and waited for everyone to arrive. 
 
"It's really strange, Ernest not being here. He was such a happy guy. Always gave me 
a nice thought to start the day with." 
 
"Okay, what about....acing the hardest Maths test you've ever sat."  
 
"Taichi, with the greatest respect you are very weird." 
 
"Happy thought." He explained. 
 
"Scary thought. It means I would have had to have sat the hardest Maths ever." 
 
"Oh." He chewed his lip as he thought about it. "Well, think about bunnies or kittens 
then. Some such girlie thing." I clouted him one as Kendal and Greg came in and sat 
down, closely followed by Martin and Brooke, whom Taichi avoided looking at.  
 
Giving it another couple of minutes we laid out the meals. Shawn sauntered in as I 
put down his plate. 
 
He looked at Liana's empty seat. "Damn. I thought I had the timing right. This is my 
only way of annoying her all day." 
 
"Uh, where is Liana?" Taichi asked softly. 
 
"I didn't see her come in last night. She must have been very late...." Kendal mused. 
 
"Probably sleeping off her hangover. Mother never has been good with her drink." 
 
"Hark at her," Shawn drawled "'Mother'. Jeez, you sound so diffident. But that is, I 
suppose, the entire point?" 
 
Leaving them bickering, Taichi and I slipped out. 
 
"Should we go and wake her?" He asked. 
 
"Nah, maybe Brooke's right and she's sleeping off a hangover. Or she may have got 
an excellent idea for her new novel." 
 
"Her last book was meant to be really good. What was it...?" 
 
"'Murder by Candlelight'. She always starts the title as 'Murder by....'." 
 
"Stupid really. How do you kill someone with candlelight?" 
 
I opened my mouth to set him straight, but glancing at his amused face I knew he was 
teasing me now.  
 
"So, you like murder mysteries?" 
 
"A little." I admitted. "I've always wanted to go on one of those weekends, you know, 
playing amateur detective?" 
 
"That'd be pretty cool. I've never really thought about it. It must be really hard to 
solve them..." 
 
"Not really. There's a pattern; a formula. Any thing that strikes you as odd, 
remember. The oddest fact is usually the key point that unravels everything-" I shut 
up. I don't usually talk this much. Breaking another rule of my survival code. What is 
it with this baka? 
 
We turned the corner to where Liana's door stood closed.  
 
"Mr Keyes'll probably get her out of there for lunch." I remarked and we went back 
to the dining room to clear away.
*
 
 
We ate our lunch in the employee's room. Normally I would've gone and sat outside 
with a good book (I was halfway through 'Titus Groan' then, brilliant book) as 
reading in the park for an hour usually sent me into another world and left me feeling 
refreshed; ready for the rest of the day. Either that or go write a set of lyrics for my 
rock band. Didn't I mention that? Oh, I'm one of those annoying 'muso' boys. 
Guitarist and vocalist and general heartthrob. A far cry from my off stage paranoid 
loner persona. 
 
But as it was raining heavily I couldn't go outside, and reading in front of someone 
else in a teeny tiny little room isn't very civil. 
 
We bring in our own lunch, to save time as then you can eat it whenever you have 
any spare minutes. I was quite looking forward to my chocolate brownie; a rare treat 
as I had to make them myself and time was scarce between working and school. As 
soon as school entered my mind, I wished it hadn't. Only two more days until we 
were back. 
 
Great. 
 
Taichi was contemplating his sandwich. He had this look of intense concentration that 
you never see on a guy except in extreme cases; namely football matches, porno mags 
or food. Tai was obviously in the third category (unless he had a copy of Playboy 
stashed in the sandwich). 
 
"Penny for your thoughts." He remarked unexpectedly, bringing back down to Earth 
with a jolt.  
 
"I was uh, just thinking about....food." 'Boy, fielded that one well', the little pessimist 
inside me mocked. 
 
Taichi grinned. He had always appeared to be nonplussed by the fact that most girls 
couldn't string a sentence together when they were around him. Take Sora for 
instance. She'd had the biggest crush on him ever, until she tongued the captain of the 
football team. Her loyalties changed a little after that. Mind you, he is quite good 
looking, in a kind of big hair and strange clothes kinda way. If you like people who 
are way bossier than you. But, hey, it's not my fault I annoy him. Actually, wait, it 
prob'ly is. Most of my female friends (Read groupies) thought he was either a stuck 
up imbecile or the best thing since sliced bread. 
 
"Hey, Yamato, you're daydreaming again." 
 
Knowing what I'd been thinking about, namely him, I blushed ever so slightly, but 
tried to regain my composure my asking: "Why is it that something's 'the best thing 
since sliced bread'? Couldn't it be, like, 'the best thing since....chocolate digestives'?" 
 
"Doesn't have quite the same ring to it." He mused. "But I do agree, why sliced 
bread? One of the life's great mysteries." It had just dawned on him what a surreal 
conversation we were actually having. He shook his head in amusement. "Why do I 
only ever have such bizarre discussions with you?" 
 
"Another of life's great mysteries." I said, finishing my final bite of brownie and 
getting up. "See you later." I said, and went back to work.
*
 
 
Just before dinner we were standing in the corridor contemplating Liana's door. 
 
"Knock?" I asked, somewhat hoping he'd do it. 
 
"I'd rather not."  
 
"But if we don't, she'll miss dinner." 
 
"That's not our fault." He stated 
 
"But it is. We didn't wake her." I argued. 
 
"Dare we?" 
 
"Well we are only the lowly servants, but I guess we should." 
 
Having put it off for as long as possible, Taichi knocked. "Uh, Mrs Keyes? Are you in 
there? Dinner's almost ready." He tried the door handle. "Locked." 
 
"I have a really bad sense of deja vu...." I said, as we looked at each other, 
apprehension showing plainly on Tai's face.  
 
"Get Stent again?" 
 
"Uh huh. But I'm sure she's just asleep or something." I winced, knowing how feeble 
that had sounded.  
 
Taichi smiled thinly. "I only hope you're right and that we just make utter fools of 
ourselves. Which is quite likely. Come on Yama-chan." 
 
I was too uneasy to argue that Yamato was my given name, or even to revolt at the 
term of affection, and let him lead me away quietly. He stopped at the dining room 
and stuck his head inside. "There's no one here yet. You'd better wait here, in case 
she comes down." 
 
I nodded. It made sense. I couldn't imagine what Taichi would say to Stent, but 
within five minutes I could hear the handyman's coarse voice echoing up the stairs.  
 
"...I don't know what you're thinking....stupid boy.....ruin yet another good oak 
door.....born worrier, that's what you are...." He caught sight of me peering round the 
doorway. "You young lasses shouldn't encourage the whims of fussing adolescent 
schoolboys." I still couldn't believe he thought I was a girl. Stupid freak. 
 
I rolled eyes my eyes at Taichi, who merely smirked back at his 'female' friend. He 
was heading for a right smack in the mouth.  
 
"So, Mrs Keyes isn't replying." 
 
"Right." 
 
"We certainly wouldn't have spoken to you if she had have been." Taichi muttered 
under his breath. 
 
Stent charged at the door. It shuddered a little but held. "Sturdy, they are. Been here 
since my father, years before me." He remarked with obvious pride as he backed up 
for another run. This time the hinges gave way, and the door itself teetered for a few 
seconds until it toppled over in slow motion. 
 
I gazed through the doorway and tried to scream. Tried, and failed. 
 
Liana Keyes stared coolly back at me, slightly lopsided as her head was on a tilt. She 
was suspended mid-air by the telephone cable that had been knotted to the chandelier 
and then looped tight around her pale neck. Her shoes dangled helplessly from her 
feet and her fingers drooped insipidly by her side.  
 
I stepped back into Taichi, and then the choking started to make me shake.
*
 
 
I'd found yet another corpse.
*
 
 
The police arrived almost as soon as Sarah called them. Forensics swarmed in, all 
white suits and plastic bags, while the detective who was obviously in charge of the 
whole operation told us that they'd want a statement from everyone. 
 
I was called through second, straight after Taichi, as we'd found the body. Two police 
officers awaited my arrival, and introduced themselves as I sat down.  
 
DI Tannahill was a tall imposing woman, all extremely white skin and black hair 
scraped back into the tightest bun I'd ever laid eyes on. She reminded me of the 
stereotyped vampyre-esque housekeeper from countless Hammer Horror movies. PC 
Khan on the other hand was in his early twenties, round face all eager to please and 
blond hair almost as spiky as Taichi's tokyo style. He seemed to be quite new to the 
job and was taking notes as DI Tannahill grilled me over the details. 
 
Basically she asked when I'd last seen the deceased, why I'd asked that the room be 
opened and if I knew any reason why Mrs Keyes would have wanted to kill herself. I 
answered as best I could, feeling totally numb. 
 
"You will be asked to remain here until the forensic results come through-" 
 
"But I- you just said she committed suicide!" 
 
"There are certain...irregularities." DI Tannahill remarked cryptically as she hustled 
me out, ready for the next sucker.
*
 
 
We made cups of tea for everyone -sweet tea was becoming quite addictive- in almost 
total silence. Taichi looked as stunned as I felt and for all my muted senses I felt he 
needed to be comforted as much as I did. 
 
The others were sitting in the recreation room and a shocked hush had descended 
upon them. I sank down into a chair, thankful that my legs had held me for as long as 
they had, and glanced around at the faces of everyone else in the room.  
 
Kendal was crying her eyes out onto Greg's shoulder. Greg and Martin kept looking 
at each other; some kind of shared confidence passing between them. Stent was still 
muttering about the ruined door and patting Sarah on the shoulder in a kind of 
awkward comfort. Brooke's mascara had run, trailing rivulets of black max factor 
down her cheeks. Every so often she would let out a banshee wail for effect, and then 
wait to see who comforted her. Shawn was the least upset, but even he looked slightly 
disturbed. 
 
It flickered across my consciousness that if Liana hadn't killed herself, if she'd been 
murdered, then the killer was sitting right here in the room.
*
 
 
It had been an inspired thought. The Pathology report came back, and the result of 
extensive examination showed that Liana had been strung up after she was dead. 
 
Poison had been administered in her drink. 
 
The drink she'd had whilst at the wake.  
 
The drink that everyone had watched her knocking back. 
 
The drink that everyone present had had access to.
*
 
 
I slept all day Sunday, except for eating some soup for lunch in a groggy stupor. We 
had been asked to stay at the hotel, so that we could be questioned at any time. It was 
like walking on egg shells; you had to watch what you said to everyone. 
 
By Monday I had had enough. I needed to know who had killed her so that my 
nightmares would cease and to maybe dull the lifeless image that flashed across my 
mind every time I closed my eyes.  
 
I found Taichi chilling in his room. He looked pretty cool with everything. I must 
have looked a mess, but by then I really didn't care. 
 
"Hey Yama-chan." He greeted me, without moving. He was lounging on his back, 
staring at the ceiling, listening to some laid back music.  
 
"Come on, get up. We have to help." I called. 
 
With a groan he moved over onto his side to look at me. "What for? We can't do 
anything, blondie." 
 
"We could...look for clues?" I paused. "Whoa, how Nancy Drew did that sound?" 
 
"Very. I guess you're right. We may as well. Got nothing better to do..." I pulled him 
to his feet and we set off around the Hotel. "Well, where to?" 
 
"Naturally we'll go to the scene of the crime. She-" My voice faltered. "They've 
definitely taken her away, right?" 
 
"Of course. It'll just be like when you went into Mrs McMurphy's room to clear up." 
 
Just like it? He said that, right? Well, there was no police tape in Mrs McMurphy's 
room. And none of her stuff had been bagged up as evidence. PC Khan was in there 
at the same time. He grinned at us. 
 
"Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson, I presume?" He teased. 
 
"Uh, we were just wondering how umm...." I stalled. 
 
"How the police handled these kinds of things." Taichi lied smoothly. 
 
"C'mon in. Don't touch anything. I'll explain exactly what we're looking for." He 
handed us a pair of plastic gloves each.  
 
"Thank you PC Khan." I said, feeling about six. 
 
"Steven, please. I know it's unprofessional but never mind." 
 
I brushed up against the wall, and caught my wrist on a small spot of polyfilla next to 
the door way. It started to throb, but luckily didn't bleed.  
 
"Okay, Pathology's taken away the body-" I winced at that. It sounded so heartless, 
not calling her by her name. Like she hadn't existed. "And we're just bagging up 
evidence now. These shoes, see? They were the ones she was wearing on the day of 
the wake?" 
 
"Yep." Tai assured him.  
 
I switched my glance to the shoes. They were totally clean. "You sure?" 
 
"Uh huh. They matched the pink outfit she was wearing. It was kinda inappropriate 
but......" 
 
"Oh. Weird." 
 
Taichi gave me a funny look, but by that time my mind was racing ahead. "We'd uh, 
better go." He told PC Khan. "Thanks for showing us." He hustled me out and 
practically dragged me to his room. 
 
"What was that all about?" 
 
"It just proves something. The murderer is someone who knows the hotel." 
 
"Even better." He dead panned. "So what?" 
 
"So what?!?" I asked incredulously. "That means they could strike again!" 
 
"Well, Detective Ishida, who is the murderer then? Me?" Shawn stuck his head 
around the door. 
 
"Uh, you did hate her." Taichi pointed out. 
 
"Sure, but then so did Martin." 
 
"Sorry?" Tai looked bemused. 
 
"Liana was having an affair with Greg Stannard." 
 
"And he found out last Monday." I said. It all clicked. The argument I'd overheard, 
Greg rushing out. It all fitted into place. 
 
"Or Kendal could've known and got jealous." Taichi mused. 
 
"I'll leave you guys to work out the prime suspect. But I have one question for you: If 
she was dying anyway, how come she ended up hanging from a telephone cable?" 
 
Okay, so I had to think about that one.
*
 
 
Monday, after dinner, and I was in Taichi's room again. He had a mass of bits of 
paper scrawled with ideas spread out across the floor and we were staring down at 
them.  
 
"Ugh." Tai moaned. "I have no idea whodunit, how they dunit or why they dunit. 
Arggh!!!" He slumped back onto the bed. I sat down and crossed my legs, settling 
into a comfortable position.  
 
"Why would they have strung up a dying person?" I wondered aloud. 
 
"Easy. Effect, or that they really hated her. Although I guess they would've had to 
have hated her alot to kill her. But how did they get Liana-" 
 
"Get Liana? That's it! She was dead already! She couldn't have walked in! There was 
no moss slime on her shoes!" 
 
"But wouldn't someone have noticed? I mean, maybe you could've got to the kitchen, 
but after that anyone could've seen you." We paused and looked at each other. 
"Unless," Taichi almost yelled at me. "Unless they used the hamper!"  
 
"Brilliant!" Then another problem stuck me "But how did they get through a locked 
door?" 
 
"And talking of locked doors, isn't it strange that Mrs McMurphy was dead behind a 
locked door?" 
 
"You can't possibly be implying that she was murdered too?" I yelped. 
 
"It seems a big coincidence, that's all." 
 
I let the thought sink in. Not a very nice possibility. 
 
"Go on, you'd better get some sleep. Unless..." He grinned. 
 
"In your dreams Kamiya."  
 
"I can only hope." He kidded, as I hopped to the door. "All joking aside, I wish I 
could keep an eye on you. I'd say lock your door, but, you know...." he trailed off 
awkwardly. 
 
"Whaddya think I am, some kinda 'defenceless maiden'?" I glared at him, sarcasm 
dripping off the words. "I didn't survive the Digiworld or anything like that..." 
 
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Alrighty, I'm sorry for insulting your hardness, oh 
manly man that you are now." 
 
I sighed. He was right for once. It'd be better to stick together. "I kind of agree." I 
said grudingly. "I wish we hadn't been taking about it so much." 
 
"Look, grab your stuff and sleep in here. I'll crash on the floor." 
 
"You sure?" 
 
"Yeah. It won't do me any damage for one night. Anyways, I'll sleep better knowing 
you're okay." 
 
"My knight in shining armour." I rolled my eyes at him. "But....Thanks." 
 
"Whatever. Only, we never ever tell anyone. It'll totally ruin my image." I laughed 
and went to get my things. Okay, he wasn't exactly the world's best body guard but at 
least we weren't easy targets. I passed Brooke's room as I went to mine. She was 
reading an official looking letter; the whole gold crest and all that. It must have been 
about Liana's will. Brooke must've inherited quite alot from the smirk on her face. 
 
Yet another suspect for the list.
*
 
 
We sat on the bed and studied the paper clues for hours, deep into the night. By about 
three a.m. I could barely keep my eyes open, and ended up with my head on Taichi's 
shoulder and his arm wrapped around my waist to keep me upright, his long fingers 
jabbing softly into my sides whenever my eyelids fluttered shut. After a while he 
must've given up, because I woke around five to find myself lying back in his arms 
and the paper was scattered all over the bed. I went back to sleep. 
*
 
 
I woke quite early for me, around ten o'clock, to find Tai still studying his little bits 
of paper.  
 
"Morning." He called. "There's some breakfast on the table if you want it." I crawled 
out of the covers and scrambled over to the toast. 
 
"Anything new?" I asked. 
 
"Well, I was just thinking about how to get into the room. Not through the windows; 
everyone would notice. And if you went through the doors you couldn't lock it. So 
could you bolt the door from the outside?" 
 
"Maybe." 
 
"If there was a hole so that you could slip a bit of wire through and pull the bolt 
across...But there wasn't." 
 
"Unless...The polyfilla! The hole had been filled up!"  
 
I threw my arms around Taichi, getting butter in his hair. We quickly disentangled 
ourselves. 
 
"That so didn't happen." We both mumbled, and then grinned slightly. 
 
"But who?"  
 
"That's the main problem. Nearly everyone has a motive." 
 
"We can't rule out anyone. How do I know that you haven't ever met Liana before 
and took the job here to take your revenge?" I aksed in a mock dramatic tone. 
 
"Gee, thanks Yama-chan." He threw a pillow at my head, and I slipped out of the 
room to go and get dressed, ready for the rest of the day.
*
 
 
Taichi pounced on me as I left my room. He glomped onto my arm and half dragged 
me towards Mrs McMurphy's room. 
 
"You do know that just asking me to follow you would have been way less dramatic." 
 
"Exactly. And where the fun in that?" He grinned. "Seriously though, I still can't get 
over the coincidence of Mrs McMurphy dying so close to this murder." 
 
"Are you suggesting that she was also murdered? If so, they got away with that one." 
 
"Why do you always say 'they'?" 
 
"Because we don't know whether the killer is male, female or plural. Also they could 
have been on a contract hire; an Assassin." 
 
"You're turning into Dawson Leery. Anyways, an assassin wouldn't know the hotel 
so well." 
 
"I guess." I ran a hand absent mindedly through my thick hair.. Something was 
bugging me. "Why would they commit such an obvious murder straight after killing 
Mrs McMurphy and managing to convince everyone she'd died in her sleep? Its 
totally flawed. But what if..." 
 
"If what?" I had his attention now. Those lovely eyes were fixed straight at me. My 
stomach flipped and a metallic shiver ran right down my spine. For a moment I just 
stood there; frozen, drowned in the deep richness of his gaze. A rabbit mesmerised by 
the headlights. Basically I was roadkill. 
 
"Why don't we check for holes?" He asked, clearly thinking I was still deep in 
thought. I stuttered a reply, glad for an excuse to turn away. Running my hands over 
the patch of wall around the bolt, it was totally smooth. What is wrong with me? It's 
Taichi for crying out loud. 
 
"Sorry, but I don't think we're going to find anything." Taichi swept his hands higher, 
and then reluctantly admitted that I was right. 
 
"Well?" He asked as he settled down on the floor, leaning back against the wall and 
looking up at me. 
 
"Well what?"  
 
"What were going to say before? 
 
"What I was going to say was: what if the real murder was Mrs McMurphy? And 
Liana had found out and needed to be silenced?" 
 
"I can't see Liana keeping her mouth shut for the time between Mrs McMurphy dying 
and being poisoned." Tai remarked sceptically 
 
"She could've...The stupid woman! She would've blackmailed the murderer!" 
 
"She had enough money though." 
 
"Maybe Liana Keyes liked the whole thrill idea that she wrote about in her books. 
The characters weren't exactly Miss Marple or Poirot; They weren't nice people. 
They had a Bond quality about them. Most of the leads survived millions of incidents 
that we mere mortals would have died thinking about!" I was on a roll. "Maybe she 
believed she was one of her characters. That's what one of them would've done: Get 
the money and get out." 
 
"Shame they were fictional." Tai deadpanned. "And I hate to burst your bubble Yama, 
but she couldn't have been murdered. No hole, remember?" 
 
I fell back to Earth with a jolt. "Damn. I knew there was a slight flaw in this whole 
thing." I leaned back, thinking hard. Something was niggling away at the back of my 
mind. It was the one little thing that would solve the whole thing; the vital clue. And 
yet it eluded my consciousness. I needed to eat again.
*
 
 
Halfway through a shared kitkat it dawned on me. The meaning of life as we know it, 
why penguins can't fly and above all: Who had killed Liana.
*
 
 
I just had to check one little thing. We crept back into Mrs McMurphy's room and, 
sure enough, there it was. As bold as brass. Staring me in the face. I'd been blind not 
to make the connection. I let out a whoop of delight and flung my arms around a very 
bemused Taichi. 
 
"So now do you want to divulge the murderer's identity?" He asked, smiling a little at 
my exultation. 
 
"I'll start from the beginning. Liana was poisoned at the wake, agreed? So anyone 
could've done it. Everyone separated off to head home; Liana walked by herself. She 
must've died on the way because her shoes had none of the moss slime on them that 
they would've picked up if she had reached the hotel." 
 
"So at this point someone picks her up, bundles her in the trolley, strings her up and 
does the wire bolt thingy, right?" Tai asked. 
 
"Yep. Which we'd pretty much worked out already. The motives were endless. But 
the first cold blooded and even more calculated murder was of Mrs McMurphy." 
 
"Ha! I was right!" He gloated. 
 
"You want me to tell you who and how they killed her?" He nodded meekly. "Then 
I'll continue. This must've taken months to plan. The door was locked by Mrs 
McMurphy herself. This was a factor we hadn't even considered. The murder weapon 
was inside all the time." 
 
"Okay, I'm lost." 
 
"What I mean is, Mrs McMurphy was also poisoned." 
 
"Ah, the old 'sleeping tablets in her drink' routine, huh?" 
 
"Nope. Far more ingenious than that. The radiator." 
 
"You've cracked, Yama-chan." Taichi said, laughing at me. 
 
"No, seriously! The was some kind of poisonous substance painted on the radiator 
that gave off fumes when it was heated. That horrible smell, remember?" 
 
"A mixture of decaying corpses, rotten eggs and marzipan?" 
 
I winced at the description. "Exactly. Cue one dead Granny who looks like she's died 
in her sleep. No-one would check to see if shed been poisoned. I don't know what it 
would've been exactly, seeing as I'm not a toxicologist-" 
 
"You've been waiting to add that into conversation for ages, haven't you?" he teased, 
and then shut up after seeing my rapidly deteriorating patience was deteriorating 
further. 
 
"Liana knew about this! She even mentioned it to me. But she must've decided to 
blackmail the killers, and had to be silenced. 
 
"Killers?" 
 
"Think about it. Who would possibly gain from Mrs McMurphy dying? And who 
would have the means to drill holes in walls or paint radiators without anyone 
noticing?" 
 
"Sarah inherits; Stent does the hard work. He's always been crazy over her. I can't 
believe I didn't realise it! Its so obvious now!" He caught me round the waist in 
excitement. 
 
"Bravo." Came a voice from the doorway, accompanied with a slow, mocking round 
of applause. "You're pretty damn bright for two kids." Sarah drawled, glancing lazily 
from Taichi to me. "You do realise no-one will ever be told what really happened, 
don't you?" She pulled a gun from her tiny hand bag. "Clich?d, I know, but with 
limited resources-" She shrugged her elegant shoulders. "Don't worry, you'll just be 
buried somewhere in the grounds. The police will be told all about you two running 
off to elope, against parents and prejudice etc. the whole gay Romeo and Juliet bull. 
Teenagers just disappear on the streets...." Sarah sighed wistfully, almost in rapture. 
"Well done Yamato. I wouldn't have credited you the intelligent you demonstrate. As 
a result, I'll shoot you....first." 
 
And with a deafening report, my world went black.
*
 
 
So that's exactly how it happened. I have taken a long time to get this written down; I 
can't use my right arm as it is in a sling and this really kills typing speed. One thing 
about Sarah; she may be one of the greatest evil masterminds of the century, but she 
can't shoot for toffee. Which is just as well because she hit my arm rather than any 
major organs. I fainted instantly, and missed the general chaos afterwards. Taichi has 
informed me that after disloading the gun into my shoulder, Sarah shot the ceiling, the 
bed post and also narrowly missed the window. Detective Tannahill heard the gunfire 
and instantly came to our rescue (Something Sarah had neglected in her plans) 
coaxing a now hysterical and clearly unbalanced Sarah down to the station, 
whereupon she admitted to everything. Stent was arrested later in the evening, 
heading towards Gatwick airport with a ticket for the Shetland Isles of all places, 
Both await trial. 
 
As for me, its back to school tomorrow. And I also have a job interview with a nice 
safe trendy clothing shop that hopefully isn't run by any mass murderers. 
 
And so ends my first case, neatly wrapped up with no loose ends. Except maybe one. 
For all you nosy people out there, Nothing has happened between me and Taichi. We 
are still very good friends, thank you very much. We're taking one day as it comes, 
because you never know what psychopaths lurk around the next corner.
*
 
 
I guess that last little bit should be amended. My kid brother, Takeru, and his ikkle 
girlfriend Hikari, who just happens to be Tai's sis, organised a surprise party. And 
invited people I hadn't seen for ages. Like Mimi, Sora, Jyou and Izzy. Yeah, yeah, I 
know he's all grown up now with a grown up name, but he'll always be Izzy to me. 
 
So what happened? Ummm, well. All I'm saying is that my feminine side has never 
been more of a blessing than that night... But I'll let someone else tell that story 
another time. 
 
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
* *  
 
 
Hmmm, next story in the offing at a guess.... A little different from the usual Taito... 
Send all flames to: Kiit_Marlowe@Yahoo.com. Thanx. That was quite appalling, 
wasn't it? Ho hum. The strange mind of a fanfic writer.....