~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don't know why You came back in my life Or why we said goodbye In the first place In your eyes I see where we have been And what could be again If we can erase the lies And the tears that we both cried ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I always have a rude awakening to my day. I open my eyes to the glaring sun, one of my legs tends to be asleep because of how I slept the night before, the alarm clock is across the room in shatters, and my dad's car is backfiring in the garage because he insists on trying to fix it himself instead of taking it to a mechanic. Once I get up, the hot water in the shower is gone, and so is breakfast, even though I really wouldn't have time for either because it's (only) a full twenty minutes before school is supposed to start. By the time my uncomprehending mind realizes the situation I am in, I've only got nineteen minutes left. I begin running to school, have to turn around halfway there because I forgot my lunch bag, and still manage to miss being there on time by only one minute. Only one minute, every day, every time. The class laughs at me, I'm able to talk Haruna-sensei out of detention, only to get it assigned in first period because I happened to fall asleep in class. Or, if I manage to stay awake, because my homework isn't done. Needless to say...I hate mornings. And this morning was like any other. I sleepily opened my eyes to the same scenario. The sun was shining mercilessly, blurring my surroundings so that I couldn't tell if the haziness came from the light or from the fact that the Sandman was still trying to knock me out with a sixty-pound bag of his wares. I did *not* want to get up. "Usagi." It was a feminine, matronly voice, and I groaned. Because naturally, it was not my mother speaking. It was my cat. And she did not sound happy. "Usagi." "Five more minutes, mother," I mumbled, hoping my apparent confusion would trick Luna into thinking I was still asleep. "Usagi! Get up!" Okay, so my mom didn't hiss. "Hey!" I yelped. My mom didn't have claws either, and she couldn't leap from the windowseat to land on my back with pinpoint accuracy, aforementioned claws bared. "Usagi, get up right this instant, you're going to be late for school!" "So what else is new," I said, burying my head under my pillow, then peaking out to look at my clock. 7:36. Hey, what do you know, I was four minutes early. "Usagi!" "Alright already, alright, I'm up," I said grudgingly. "Sheesh, don't have kittens over it." "Usagi, please!" She gave a kitty snort. "Don't act ornery. And how would that happen?" "Well you see, Luna, when a mommy kitty--that's you--and a daddy kitty--that's Artemis--really love each other--" "USAGI! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" "Yes it is," I snickered, then looked at the clock again. 7:41. Aha. Time to start the routine. My eyes widened. "*OhmigoshImLATE!*" I leapt up, only to go crashing to the floor, my right leg dead from the hip down. Now that was impressive. It was usually only the foot, sometimes maybe a calf, that fell asleep. This was the first time I'd managed to cut off the circulation in an entire leg. Even though I had just tossed her across half the room when I threw off the covers, Luna still laughed at the position I landed in. "That's not funny," I spat out. "Yes, it is." Luna gloated as she trotted impertinently ahead of me and out the door, headed to the kitchen where she knew my mom would give *her* the last piece of bacon instead of me. No time for that. I rushed into the bathroom, not bothering to knock. Ever since that embarassing incident with Shingo when I was in seventh grade my family has just learned to be out of the bathroom before 7:42 or else. I jumped into the shower as soon as I started the water, and let out my standard blood-curdling scream. If any member of my family (besides me) accidentally overslept, this was their back-up wake-up call. "WHO USED UP ALL THE HOT WATER?" My family, as well as our two next-door neighbors, ignored me as was expected. I had no time to wash my hair. At 7:44 I was out and in my room. At 7:45 I was dressed and struggling with my shoes. At 7:46 I was attempting to run out the door. At 7:47 I was running back because I hadn't brushed my hair. At 7:49 I was rushing back out the door. And at 7:50, I was standing at the edge of the sidewalk as my mom yelled, "Usagi! Food!" "No time, mom!" "But..." She was standing at the door, in one hand holding a can of some energy drink, in the other my lunch bag. I made a quick decision. "Throw it to me!" "But the drink..." "It's supposed to be shaken up anyway, throw it!" I commanded. Mom obediently wound up and pelted the drink at me. I had to dive for it, but I caught it. "And you're *out*!" I yelled exuberantly. "Nice pitch mom, come on, let's make it two for two!" My mom grinned, wound up again, and....this time her aim was too high. The lunchbag sailed past my head. I ran backward, strained to reach it, when... "HEY!" *Clunk.* I barreled into some poor innocent bystander a mere second after he got knocked in the head by my lunchbag. "Oh my kami!" My mom gasped from the doorway, her hand to her mouth, looking horrified. "Sumimasen! Sumimasen!" She buried her face in her hands and rushed back inside, slamming the door. I jumped up, and immediately began bowing rapidly, spouting apologies as well. I was a lot more polished at this than mom. Came from experience. "Sumimasen, I..." I stopped midbow, staring at the shoes. It couldn't be. "What it is with your family, Tsukino-san?" Chiba Mamoru stood before me, rubbing the back of his head where the lunchbag had struck him. "Are you all rejects from the minor leagues or something?" "Innocent bystander, my foot!" I sniffed, then yanked my lunchbag from his hand. I stared at his still outstretched hand for a moment, shocked at seeing a white bandage wrapped around it. What had he done to himself? A pang tugged at my heart, and then I resolutely turned my back on him and ran away as fast as I could. "What?" He asked, confused. "Usagi..." Hah. I confused him enough that he fell into his regular pattern of calling me by my given name. It served him right for sticking that stupid '-san' suffix on it every time he spoke to me now. I ignored him and kept running to school. I had no time to stop, I was late enough as it was. And besides, I didn't dare turn back around. Otherwise there was a chance he might see the tears shimmering in my eyes as I did. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Make me Feel alive again Take me back where we began In the first place Maybe Maybe it's all wrong But you never should have gone In the first place ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I had no time to think any more about Chiba Mamoru, what he had done to himself, or what he had done to me. Not that morning, at least. "Tsukino-san, you're late." "Yes, Haruna-sensei." I bowed respectfully. And that was where the formality ended. "Again," she said. "I'm fourteen seconds earlier than usual," I pleaded. "Detention this afternoon." Good grief, this woman was as forgiving as an IRS agent. "But Haruna-sensei, it wasn't my fault!" I protested. "My...um...my power went out, my alarm didn't go off!" "Is that so?" She raised her eyebrows at me. I nodded vigorously. "Funny. That's the third time this month." "Uh...our power company is notoriously bad," I said wisely. "You know how it is." I crossed my fingers behind my back that she did. She rolled her eyes. "I also know that if you're late one more time..." she started. "Oh, I won't be, Haruna-sensei," I assured her. "Bad things always happen in threes, right? This is my third time. I'm all used up!" I said brightly. "You also have missed the past three homework assignments," she accused. "You *should* be sent to the principal's office for that." I thought quickly. "But...that means there's six bad things that have happened to me, Haruna-sensei. And that's a multiple of three. See, I'll be better tomorrow!" I flashed her a big smile. She buried her head in her hands. I seem to have that effect on people. "Whoa, Usagi can do math in her head," someone wisecracked. "She must have done her algebra homework last night. For once." I turned towards the class angrily. "Who said that..." I wanted to say, but Haruna-sensei looked up, surprised, at that remark. "Tsukino-san? Do her homework?" She said in wonder. "Well, alright then, I'll let the tardy slide. But just this time!" She barked at me. Whew! I slid into my seat right as the announcements began. That was close. Now I just had to pull out a piece of notebook paper and hastily try to work the night's assignment, because I *hadn't* done it. Maybe she wouldn't take it up. "Pass up your homework, class," Haruna-sensei instructed as soon as the speaker crackled off. Okay, or maybe she would. I scrambled to write a note on it. it began. I scribbled out chocolate chip cookies and wrote ‘carrot sticks' above it. I might get more leniency if she thought I was a healthy eater. I sighed. Did they give points for cuteness? I dejectedly handed the paper up with the rest of the students on my row. She'd never buy it. ***** "She bought it!" I told Naru exuberantly during sixth period--study hall. I still couldn't believe my good fortune. "You're joking," Naru said, incredulously. "Nope. I went to her after lunch to give it to her, and before she could start to complain, I told her all about how much easier it was after Ami explained it to me. She immediately started praising all of Ami's accomplishments, and complimented me on acquiring such a fine math tutor," I said triumphantly. "But Usagi, that's a lie," Naru objected. "No it's not. Ami *did* help me with it. I just didn't tell her that I did it over lunch instead of last night." I giggled, then paused. "Or were you talking about me saying that it was easier now that Ami explained it? Because you may be right, I'm even more confused now..." I said guiltily. Naru shook her head at me. "You're incorrigible," she said affectionately. "Okay," I told her cheerfully, having no idea what she just said. "So, what are you doing this..." "Usagi! Naru, my precious pearl of the sea!" Naru groaned and buried her head in her hands. I was glad it was Umino causing this reaction in somebody and not me for once. "What, Umino," I asked, seeing as Naru was otherwise occupied. "I have news." He pushed his geeky glasses up with one finger. "Guess who wrecked his really expensive convertible last night?" "No one at this school drives," Naru pointed out, then paused. "Unless it was a teacher. Was it a teacher?" she asked eagerly, belatedly remembering to be concerned. "Nope. But it was someone you know." He waited for our reaction. "Umino..." I groaned. "Just spit it out." "You know him really well," he dropped a major hint. "But I don't know anyone who drives..." I stopped, my face paling. "...except..." I whispered. "Yup, Chiba Mamoru," Umino said smugly. "UMINO, YOU BAKA!" Naru screeched at him. "Why'd you have to tell us that?" He looked stunned. "I just thought you'd want to know..." he whimpered. "Well, you don't have to act like we should be glad about it!" She huffed. "Come on Usagi, let's go." She grabbed my hand and had to drag me up on my feet, because my mind was in a daze. Mamoru, in an accident? My mind flashed back to that white bandage this morning, and tears threatened to spill over. He was hurt, and I didn't know it? ‘And he didn't want you to know it,' my mind taunted me. ‘You two are finished.' "If it makes you feel any better, it was the other guy's fault," Umino called to us as Naru pulled me to the door, grabbing a hall pass for both of us as she did. "They ran a stop sign." "Bathroom," Naru told the teacher as we left. "You're not supposed to go together..." he objected. "We have to deal with...err...a certain female condition," Naru fibbed. "I've got to go to my locker for her." I glared at Naru. Of course, make me have to be the one to get her period and be unprepared. The teacher flushed. Naru did have one thing right in saying what she did; male teachers never argued with a girl during that time of month. "All right then, I'll make an exception." We fled to the bathroom. "Naru..." I complained. "Well, I couldn't have said it was me, I supposedly had my period last week," she giggled. "He might start to suspect something. But hey, are you okay?" Her look turned to one of concern. I turned away from her, towards the mirror. The tears that had threatened back in class I let flow freely now. "I saw him this morning," I sniffled. "He was wearing a bandage on his hand..." "Oh, Usagi," she said sympathetically. "But he didn't say anything," I cried, then thought about it. "That wasn't insulting," I amended. "Men are jerks," Naru declared. "But Mamoru..." "...is better off without you, if this is how he is going to treat you. Come on, why don't we go out for an ice cream cone after school? Just us girls," she encouraged. "You deserve it." I gave her a watery smile. "All right." "Great. In fact, I'll even pay for it!" she said enthusiastically. "In that case can we make mine a banana split?" I asked hopefully. She rolled her eyes, and then gave me a wicked grin. "Tell you what, we'll split one." She started giggling hilariously. "Naru, that was so stupid," I said, then started laughing at her. "Hey, it made you laugh, that's what I was aiming for. Come on, Moro-sensei will wonder where we are." She started to lead me out the door. I followed, trying not to let Naru notice that I was still down. Her little speech might have convinced her, but she didn't know Mamoru like I did. I still ached at being dropped, for no reason at all. At least not the reason he said he did. ‘I don't love you anymore, Usagi,' he had said. I tried not to blink back tears anymore at the memory. He had to still love me. Because I still loved him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Without you here I'm always wanting more Like what we had before In the first place And now we know It wasn't all a dream You're still a part of me When hello became goodbye To a love that never died ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Late that afternoon, Naru was still trying to take my attention off of Mamoru. We hadn't gone straight to the ice cream shop. We had gone to the mall, though we couldn't clothes shop like usual. Every time I walked through a store with a men's display I wondered wistfully what Mamoru would look like in this or that outfit. Instead of that stupid green jacket. We browsed, instead; through bookstores, where I looked at manga and Naru at fashion magazines; through jewelry stores, where we tried on crazy dangle earrings while giggling hilariously before being chased out by an angry sales lady; and through a toystore, though we had to make a hasty exit when I started crying after seeing a stuffed bunny that looked exactly like the one Mamoru had given me last Christmas. In despair, Naru finally tried to turn me into the ice cream shop like we had originally planned, but got sidetracked by the guy behind the pretzel stand counter. "Do you think he's cute?" she whispered. I looked at him critically. "He'll probably get acne easily," I said. "All that salt he has to hang around." "Usagi! That's mean," Naru giggled, embarrassed. "Besides, I thought it was grease that causes acne." "Pretzels are cooked in grease, aren't they?" "It hasn't been proven." "What, that pretzels aren't cooked in grease?" "No, silly head, that grease causes acne. Ingesting it, that is." I made a face at the thought and she ignored me. "Alright already, go introduce yourself if you're so interested. I'll stay here. Buy a pretzel or something. Just remember, that doesn't excuse you from my ice cream cone." I winked at her. "Right." She squared her shoulders confidently. "Be back in a second." "For your sake, I hope you're gone longer than that." I smiled and winked then sat down, with my back turned to them. Naru deserved space to work her feminine charms on him. She was allowed to chase after her guys. And I was allowed to chase after my dreams. I sighed. It was weird how some dreams could cause great joy and others could cause great pain. When Mamoru and I were together, I would dream about our wedding day. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. But now that we had broken up, it was the saddest--because I knew it would never happen. I blinked back tears for the umpteenth time that day. I wondered if Mamoru ever felt the same way. I closed my eyes and wiped the tears from my eyes, and when I opened them I had to do a double take. Were dreams really able to come true? Mamoru stood in front of me, looking down with a slightly concerned look on his face. I gasped and stood up. "Mamo-ch...Mamoru-san," I had to say, the forced formality nearly gagging me. But that was the way he wanted it. I gestured towards his hand. "You're hurt." "I wouldn't be if a certain somebody didn't keep running into me in the morning," he said with a rueful grin. There was no malice in the words. I laughed weakly. "No, it was an accident." "That's what you always say," he teased. "I meant, you hurt your hand in an accident," I managed to say. "Are you okay?" "Fine. Some baka ran a red light," he said gruffly. "Umino said it was a stop sign." "Umino didn't have his facts straight." "Maybe that's why he only gets 95s on his papers instead of perfect 100s like Ami," I said, smiling at him. "Maybe." There was an awkward silence. "Can you do anything with that hand?" I asked. "It's just sprained," he told me, shrugging off my concern. "It's nothing." "You probably shouldn't use it." "It's fine." "I could help," I persisted. "No, Usagi," he said. "But you shouldn't use it, maybe I could come over and help you out..." "I don't need help," Mamoru said curtly. "And even if I did, I most certainly don't need yours. Good-bye, Tsukino-san." I stared at his departing back, wondering where I had gone wrong, and if there was anything I could have done to change it. So much for my dreams. I kicked angrily at the mall floor. Stupid dreams. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don't know how we ever let it end Or why you're here again How did it feel being out on your own No one to love you when nobody's home You don't know what you've got till you watch it go ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My morning schedule was the best proof of how to take my mind off of something I didn't want to think about. The solution, pure and simple: make it hectic. Of course, it couldn't always being morning. But when the sun was too busy setting in the west to accommodate me by rising in the east, a harried senshi battle with a demonic monster from another universe would always suffice. "Come on Sailor Moon, move those buns of yours!" Mars told me angrily. "We're fighting a battle here!" "Ha ha," I said to her sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed." There was only a huge, ridiculous parody of a possessed teddy bear in front of us, whose wide brown eyes and fuzzy, soft-looking fur had tricked us at first into believing it was more harmless than most of the creatures we faced. Until it had attacked. Then it threw--of all things--long, flaming matches at us, and we were doing the Mexican hat dance trying to get away from the brushfires it started. Because of course, it had to show up at the park. They always do. Mercury has more than once hypothesized, half- seriously, that there must be an abnormal concentration of evil energy located somewhere in the middle of it, or a porthole to a negaverse somewhere, or something. She never found any concrete proof to back her theory up, but invariably, monsters always showed up at the park. Which in this case proved quite a problem. "Only you can prevent forest fires." Hah. Smoky the bear was starting them himself, and Mercury was hard pressed to put them all out. "I'll try to restrain him," Venus yelled, then followed up on her words with a "VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!" The chain of hearts whipped around the beast, causing us to cheer, and then groan and dodge out of the way of more matches when it easily broke the chain with its strength. We should have known. Had the bear decided to stop its arsonist career, it could have passed as Bigfoot. "Do something, Mars!" I yelled. "What, you don't think there's enough fire around here, baka?" she said. "I don't want you to set the grass on fire," I told her curtly. "Aim for the stupid bear! You too, Jupiter! Maybe you can distract it long enough for me to attack." They weren't able to. Even though Mars grudgingly agreed to try it, it didn't work. They singed its fur, but they didn't buy me any time. It was the rose that did. I sighed. As always, the beautiful heroine, who just so happened to be a superhero herself in this case, was saved by the charming and courageous hero. It was the typical fairy tale that I always enjoyed growing up, and still dreamed of wistfully. But I liked the story much better when the hero still fell in love with the heroine at the end. And, with a "Moon Princess Halation!" the battle was over. I looked mournfully at the victim's remains. I had killed a teddy bear. Sheesh, how heartless can you get? I looked up at the bearer of the rose and answered my own question. Tuxedo Kamen stared sorrowfully at me for a moment, his form silhouetted in the moonlight. I could see a glimmer of white on his left hand, a souvenir from yesterday's car accident. And then he turned around and disappeared into the distance, without even saying a word. He didn't even try to give us one of those corny pep talks during the battle--gosh, he really *was* depressed. "Took you long enough," Mars grumbled when I turned back to them. "Love you too, Rei," I said sarcastically as we detransformed. "See you tomorrow." I turned my back on the group and started to head home. "Usagi, I don't think it's safe to walk alone," a concerned Ami called after me. I waved off her worries. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm Sailor Moon," I joked, striking a pose for her. "Why don't you say that a little louder, baka Usagi," Rei said, annoyed at her snub. "Sure Rei, I will. I'M SAILOR MOON" I yelled into the darkness, causing the others to gasp at me, and for me to start giggling insanely as I ran away. Tomorrow I would get a lecture on being more careful and discreet. Tonight, what did it matter? There were plenty of wackos out there who had claimed to take responsibility for what we did. For all anyone knew, I was just another cracked nut. And without proof they were just words. And do you really think I'm going to give them that proof? I only *look* crazy. Left to my own devices, I was able to forget about the events of the past hour quite easily. My friends slipped from my thoughts as I took the long route home. I had some thinking to do. About myself, and about Mamoru. About our past, and about our future. And about dreams, and how they never seemed to come true the way you thought they would. My feet had a mind of their own, and after I had been walking awhile, I looked up, wondering where I was. With a bit of a nervous shock I realized that they had followed my heart. I was standing on Mamoru's street. I looked up at his apartment building and gasped. There was a figure standing on his balcony, a tall, dark person dressed in formal attire with an old-fashioned top hat upon his head and a cape billowing behind him. He stared into his sliding door for a moment, possibly looking at his reflection in the glass, and I wondered how he was able to face looking in the mirror. Abruptly he opened the door and walked in. He flicked on the lights but forget to draw the curtains, and I watched him as he moved first from the living room to hang up his dress clothes and then to the kitchen. He boiled water and made himself some tea. But as he crossed the room, the injured hand that was holding the steaming cup failed on him and he dropped the mug. I stifled a gasp as it crashed and broke on the floor, splashing hot water everywhere. I watched to make sure he hadn't burned himself--he hadn't--but tears burned my own eyes at the sight. I ached to go up there and help him, but I knew he wouldn't even let me in the door. Why did he have to be so stubborn? After a few minutes he disappeared from sight, probably going back to his bedroom to retire for the night. And a few more minutes after that the lights in his apartment clicked off. I watched it in the darkness for a short while, looking for what, I don't know. Finally I turned and walked the rest of the way home by myself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Make me Feel alive again Take me back where we began In the first place Maybe Maybe it's all wrong But you never should have gone In the first place ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting back in the house was always tricky. I was always terrified my dad would catch me and think that I had been out with ‘some boy.' And in the past, when Mamoru still loved me, Dad hadn't been far from the truth. I've got to confess that I didn't *always* come straight home after a senshi battle was finished. I usually climbed in through my bedroom window. This required courage, as I had to climb a tree to reach it since my bedroom was on the second floor. However it would have required even more courage to try to sneak through the back door and get caught by my dad. Compared to that, the thought of falling out of a tree and breaking my neck was easily less frightening, so I stuck with the tree. I made it through the window. I carefully tiptoed through the piles of manga lying on the floor. And I promptly tripped over the cat sleeping on the other side of the bed. The accompanying yowl by her and crash by me could have awakened the dead. I leapt up in a panic, yanking off the sweatshirt and jeans I had pulled on when my communicator went off. I was scrambling into a pair of pink pajamas even as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I had just finished the top button as the light to my room clicked on and I blinked, trying to feign sleepiness. "Wha...? Who's there?" I slurred, blinking tiredly at the figure in front of me. It was my mom, not my dad (thank goodness.) "What was that noise?" she asked me. "I got up to get a drink of water and tripped over the cat," I said, shaking my head as if I was still drowsy. "Sorry." "Oh. Okay," she said, apparently satisfied. Whew! "Just try to be quieter, sweetie." She started to leave, then turned back towards me and gave me a critical look. "Don't you ever take your hair out of those buns?" Oops. I flushed. I had accidently left my hair up after the battle. "It's an experiment," I told her. "You know how braided hair is crimped if you sleep on it at night? I'm seeing what happens if it's left up in a bun." "You'll have a headache in the morning," she observed, then shrugged. "Oh well. It's your choice. Good night." She closed the door behind her, and I ran over and cracked it open so that I could peek out and tell when she was back downstairs. Once she was I carefully shut the door back, turned off my light and climbed into bed for real. As I was nuzzling into my pillow, I felt Luna leap up onto the comforter with me. "How'd it go?" she whispered. "We won," I said, yawning. "After all, I'm still here, aren't I?" "Don't get smart on me, young lady," Luna tried to reprimand, but I cut her off. "I don't think you'll ever have to worry about that," I said, rolling my eyes, then pulled the comforter over my head. "Night, Luna." "Usagi..." "Good night, Luna." "But Usagi..." "Good night!" She sighed. "We'll talk about this in the morning. Good night." Hah. Score one for me. It's not every day I win a fight with my cat. I pulled the comforter back of my head, and looked around. I could see the curled up form of my cat at the foot of the bed-- having given up, Luna had fallen asleep practically instantly. I smiled affectionately. Buried somewhere inside of that stupid hairball was a heart that truly loved me, and I was happy to reciprocate the feeling. Then I looked out the window at moon, and remembered the shadow of the last figure I had seen standing against it. ‘I wonder...I wonder if I'll dream about him tonight.' I closed my eyes, and before I fell asleep, prayed I would. Because no matter what happened, I couldn't stop dreaming. I just couldn't. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe Maybe it's all wrong But you never should have gone In the first place ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~