Here's the chapter I said would be coming out in two weeks...four months ago. *^_^* Well, if you need to know what I've been doing all that time (since it obviously wasn't this), just refer to my read-me that I posted a few weeks ago. Trust me, it hasn't been all play and no work. Life can get crazy sometimes, ne? ^_^ And incidently, you can thank Natasha for this finally being released. There's only so many veiled threats disguised as Highlander quotes that a person can take. "There can be only one." *rolls eyes* Uh-huh...thanks for the warning, Natty... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Six "And how does that make you feel, Tsukino-san?" "That has got to be the oldest line in the book," Usagi answered, ignoring the question. Her psychiatrist--"shrink", as Usagi so nicely put it--grinned in response. "Hai, you're probably right," he answered. "But also one that's tried and true. And you're evading the question." "I was hoping you wouldn't notice." Usagi giggled, then sighed as she thought to herself. She finally countered with a question of her own. "What do you mean, have I grown comfortable with my injury? What type of question is that?" "You've had to use your wheelchair for...how long has it been now? Four months?" Dr. Madison asked. "Hai," Usagi nodded. "Have you grown comfortable in it?" he asked again. "Do you want to get better?" "Of course I do!" Usagi said, giving him an are-you-crazy glare. "Are you trying?" "Yes!" she insisted, then paused. "What do you mean?" "I don't mean to imply that you aren't," Dr. Madison explained. "It's just that often times, with long term injuries such as your own, a person can grow comfortable with their progress. It's easier to maintain the level they are at, than to try to improve their condition." "You know, someone else told me something like that the other day," Usagi said. "Who?" ‘Why not?,' Usagi thought. ‘He won't believe me anyway.' "Luna," she answered. "My cat. She said I was getting complacent." Dr. Madison raised his eyes and was silent for a moment. He was used to this from Usagi, and it wasn't the first time Luna had come into the conversation. He came up with a counter method. "Alright," he finally said, "If we're going to play these games..." He reached into the drawer and brought out.... A sock. With two buttons sewed on the top. He stuck his hand in it and began mouthing to her in a high squeaky voice. "Ohayoo, Usagi, my name is Mr. Sock. So tell me, what did Luna say again?" Usagi had to laugh out loud. "That is the corniest thing I have ever seen," she said. "I didn't think shrinks really did stuff like that." "On the contrary, the children love me." The sock continued to talk. "Three-year-olds, maybe," Usagi teased. "Actually, that's right." Mr. Sock bobbed his head up and down. "Really? I was just joking." Usagi was surprised. "Why would a three-year-old need a shrink?" "Various reasons," Dr. Madison said in his normal voice. "One, I'm helping adjust to her new adoption. Another has to have risky heart surgery, and hers was a one-time visit to try to make her feel better. A third has trouble with social situations because of ADHD." Usagi sobered a bit. "They're too young to have problems that big." "Some would say the same about you." "Me?" Usagi protested. "I'm fine. I've gotten used to it," she said frankly. Dr. Madison smiled to himself; he had tricked her into talking about her feelings, whether she realized it or not. "How so?" he prodded. Usagi *did* realize his trap, and let herself fall into it. It wasn't that she didn't want to answer it in the first place, she just didn't know how. "I mean, I've just gotten used to everything. Like the stares. It's as if no one's ever seen a paralyzed person before. And some of them act like I'm deaf too, when they comment on my injury while I'm within hearing range." It annoyed Usagi just to think about it. "And needing help to do every little thing, like dress. My mother has to come and help me change every morning and night. It reminds me of when I was five, or something," she continued. "And how does that make you feel?" Dr. Madison asked. "There you go again." Usagi rolled her eyes. "Can't you come up with another line?" "Why waste perfectly good words?" Dr. Madison grinned. Usagi groaned at his silliness. "OK, so you can't teach an old dog new tricks, I'm living proof. But you're still avoiding the question." Usagi sighed. "Well...depressed, I guess." Dr. Madison nodded, encouraging her. "I mean, I wonder how long my recovery is going to take. It seems like it's never going to end. And the doctors keep warning me not to get my hopes to high. It scares me to think that I might be like this for the rest of my life," Usagi said. Once she got talking, she told everything. "And how will my friends take it? They act so awkward around me. And the stress is really wearing on all of us. "Sometimes if feels like I'll never get better," she finished. "So why try?" the doctor challenged. Usagi bristled at the implications. "You tell me," she said defiantly. "Nope. I asked first. When you answer my question, maybe I'll answer yours," Dr. Madison said with an infuriating smirk. "Grr..." Usagi couldn't think of any other response than a growl, but resignedly set herself to thinking about...about.... "What was the question again?" she asked sheepishly. "What's your motivation?" Dr. Madison asked. "Why are you trying to get better?" "For...my friends?" Usagi ventured. "So I don't have to burden then." "Maybe," Dr. Madison said noncommittally. "Or my boyfriend. We're...we were probably going to get married someday," she hesitantly admitted to him, her heart nearly breaking as she said it. ‘ ‘Were' is the operative word,' she thought. They still hadn't made up. In the end, Mamoru had done exactly as Usagi wished; he hadn't called or visited ever since their fight. It was a hollow victory. "What if he decides he doesn't want to marry a paraplegic?" She voiced one of her greatest fears. ‘What if he doesn't want to get married at all?' she thought to herself. Dr. Madison frowned, but still didn't comment. Yet. "Oh?" Usagi forced her thoughts temporarily away from Mamoru and back to the question at hand. "For that matter, my family won't want to have to care for me forever, either," Usagi said. "They've had to rearrange their entire lives for me, and I know it hasn't been easy. And I know I'm a burden to them financially. They try to hide it, but the hospital bills are adding up, and the insurance company is starting to balk at the amount." Dr. Madison didn't answer. "And...I guess that's why," Usagi finished. "Those are pretty good reasons, don't you think?" she asked, proud of herself. "You don't seem to have a lot of faith in your family and friends, Usagi," Dr. Madison said dryly. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked indignantly. "And answer me," she commanded. "I answered your question. Fair is fair." "I had every intention of explaining myself," Dr. Madison said calmly, and Usagi carefully restrained another growl. It always seemed that she got a lot more worked up in their sessions than Dr. Madison ever did. Whereas she was known to leave their sessions in fits of anger, he was always as unruffled as shorn duck. ‘Maybe,' Usagi thought irritably, ‘it's because he's always annoyingly right.' "You've mentioned your friends, parents, and ‘Mamo-chan'" -- in spite of her pain Usagi had to giggle when Dr. Madison said that -- "before. Correct me if I'm wrong, but they seem like caring, intelligent people, ne?" he said. Usagi nodded. "Trust me, parents have a depth of love that you can't even imagine. All your parents want is for their baby daughter not to hurt anymore, and to be happy. It doesn't matter the hardship or money it takes to get you there." Even as he mentioned it Usagi's mind turned to Chibi Usa. ‘For once you're wrong, Dr. Madison,' she thought to herself. ‘I can imagine the depth of a parent's love. But you're right too. I'd do anything to keep her from hurting and to make her happy.' Silently she realized that this was another reason to get better. Chibi Usa would love her even in a wheelchair, Usagi knew. But if it was possible for Usagi to get better--and it was--then Chibi Usa deserved it. Dr. Madison gently poked another hole in her reasoning. "And if your friends and boyfriend haven't left you yet, then I think it's safe to say they aren't going to. They're going to stick by you for as long as it takes you to get better. Which brings us back to the original question...why get better?" He leaned back in his chair. Usagi was still for a moment as his words sank in. ‘If you're boyfriend hasn't left you yet...' she thought sadly. ‘But Dr. Madison, he has. What do I do then?' "We had a fight," she said abruptly. Dr. Madison raised his eyebrows but didn't comment, knowing Usagi would explain herself in a moment. She hung her head and blinked back tears. "He...he admitted that I was causing him to have trouble in school," she said. "I didn't want him to have trouble because of me, so I told him not to see me until his grades improved," she finished in a whisper. "When was this?" Dr. Madison asked gently. "A few weeks ago," Usagi mumbled, still looking at the floor. "We haven't talked since." Dr. Madison looked thoughtful, trying to decide what approach to take. He finally chose the one that would throw Usagi off the most. "You're right." Usagi jerked her head up, looking at him in confusion. "You agree with me?" she said doubtfully. "Oh yes," Dr. Madison assured her. "I think you did the right thing." Usagi looked at him in surprise. "But you're always playing devil's advocate," she protested. There had to be a catch. Dr. Madison grinned at her choice of words but simply said mildly, "Only when I want to make you think. But of course you are right in this instance. Grades are always more important than people, after all." Usagi sputtered for a moment. "No they're not," she said in annoyance. "You're mocking me. I know that people are more important. Especially when the person is having a hard time..." she trailed off. She suddenly slouched over, pouting. "That's not fair." "What?" Dr. Madison played the innocent. "Don't ‘what' me," Usagi growled. "You're just trying to make me see Mamoru's side, aren't you? Men always stick together." "And is it working?" he asked. Usagi gave a big, defeated sigh. "Yes," she said reluctantly. "It's hard for Mamoru too, Usagi," Dr. Madison said gently. "A traumatic injury such as your own can often hurt family and friends just as much as the victim. Now, you were right; Mamoru shouldn't let his schoolwork suffer. But you know, there is this little thing called ‘compromise'...." Usagi giggled sheepishly. "All right, I'll apologize," she gave in. "It's not like we haven't had worse fights. This one just scared me more, because of this thing right here." She patted her wheelchair ruefully. "Which leads us back to the original question," Dr. Madison artfully shifted the topic of conversation. "Why get better?" Usagi slumped over again and shook her head in exasperation. "You never give up, do you? I'm tired of thinking about this question," she moaned. Dr. Madison checked his watch. "We still have fifteen minutes left in the session," he said mildly. "Take your time." Which was his polite way of saying, ‘I'm not letting you get off that easily.' Usagi took him up on his offer. She propped her chin up on her palm and rested her elbow on her armrest, sighing as she thought. Dr. Madison had effectively ruled out her best arguments of friends and family. She thought he might approve of her ‘for the future' argument, but that got too complicated. Besides, he would come back with something to the effect of physical disabilities not limiting her mind, and therefore any future occupation minus professional wrestler was ruled out. Hence, there was no one or thing left except... ....herself. She sat up in surprise. "That's it, isn't it?" she asked out loud. "What's it?" Dr. Madison prodded. "I have to want to get better for myself." She wasn't just speaking to Dr. Madison, but to herself as well. She thought aloud as she answered. "I can't just take second best, and if I just let myself accept my injury, that's exactly what I would be doing. It's like you said. My friends and family don't care about my actual disability, but they don't like it that I'm hurt. They don't want me to get better because it burdens them, but because they want me to be as happy as possible. And I won't be able to like myself unless I know that I had tried my hardest at recovering," she finished, contemplating on her newfound discovery. A small little voice was telling her that she had always known this, but it was only now that she had allowed herself to accept it. "I think you are on the right track," Dr. Madison said, nodding his head in approval. He wasn't prone to excited outbursts, but Usagi could tell by the tone of his voice and the slight smile tugging at his lips that he was pleased with her answer. "Though keep in mind, a question like this never has a simple answer. There can be many different reasons, all equally valid," he cautioned. Usagi rolled her eyes in exasperation. The man never gave up. "But that's good enough for today," Dr. Madison amended. "You're doing well, Usagi. Your therapy is progressing well. Speaking of therapy, how is your physical therapy going?" "Reasonable," Usagi sighed. "If I'm leaning heavily on the parallel bars, I can even almost stand up by myself. Sakura says that's great, and that it will be any day now before I'm able to take a step. I'm not so sure I believe her," she finished sourly. Dr. Madison narrowed his eyes. "Before," Usagi said hastily. "Uh...the visit really cheered me up?" she said sheepishly. Dr. Madison rolled his eyes and grinned. "Alright now Usagi," Dr. Madison said. "I may be an old goat, but I can tell when you are pulling the wool over my eyes." Usagi groaned. "That was awful," she complained. "What is it with middle- aged men and bad jokes? My dad does that too!" "It's hereditary," Dr. Madison joked. "We get it from our kids." Usagi mock slapped herself on the forehead. "I think I'll get out of here while I'm still sane," she said, wheeling her wheelchair around to head out the door. "And they think I'm the one who needs treatment..." she muttered to herself. "Good-bye, Usagi," Dr. Madison cheerfully called out. "You're going to be walking through that door next time, right?" "Sure, Dr. Madison, sure," she humored him. "Bye!" "Okay, Usagi, give me a grunt!" ""*UGH!*" Considering how tough holding her balance was for these push-ups, Usagi had no objections with complying with her physical therapist's wishes. "Good girl," Sakura said admiringly. "You've really improved since your first visits, haven't you?" Usagi smiled in satisfaction as she completed another push-up. "I really have gotten a lot stronger, haven't I?" It was the wheelchair, she realized. There was at least one thing she could thank the wheelchair for, and that was her arm strength had increased incredibly over the past months she had been in it. "I was talking about the grunts," Sakura teased. "They're not nearly as wimpy as your first ones were." Usagi groaned as she completed her last push-up and sank to the floor. "Thanks," she grumbled sarcastically. "Your encouragement is appreciated, as always." Sakura patted Usagi on the shoulder. "Take a breather," she permitted. "That was a good set. You're exactly right though. You've grown a lot stronger these past few months, in your arms, as well as your legs. I still say greatest improvement is in your grunts, though." She winked. Usagi smiled in response, content to just rest. She might be a lot stronger, but that didn't change the fact that physical therapy was *still* hard work. Especially when it came time to work on rehabilitating her legs. She had been entirely truthful with Dr. Madison on her progress. There was a lot she could do now, that hadn't been possible even as little as a month ago. She had regained almost all of the sense of touch in her legs, and was able to move her toes and feet with relative ease. And with just a touch of support from Sakura and a *lot* of support from the parallel bars, she was able to stand on her own. Even as far as she'd come though, it still seemed disheartening to Usagi that she had just as far to go. She didn't think she'd be able to walk even if her life depended on it. She cautiously broached the subject with Sakura. "Sakura... do you think I'll ever be just like I was before the accident?" Sakura sighed, then gave her a candid smile. "I'm going to be honest with you as always, Usagi. It's hard to tell with injuries like yours. You never know when a person's progress is going to reach a plateau. And some things just take time to recover. Like with your legs, we knew that you wouldn't go straight from the wheelchair to walking on your own. It takes time to build up the strength, especially after so many months of not using them regularly. "But...and as always, this is a cautious but..." she warned, "Right now I can see no reason why you shouldn't have a full recovery. The x-rays show no permanent damage, and you have made steady progress each time you've been here. So the only thing we don't know is how much time it will take for this to happen. "I've told you all this before," she finished, teasing. "I know. Sometimes I just need to hear it again," Usagi said softly. Sakura patted her on the shoulder again, more affectionately this time. "Any time." She winked, then changed the subject. She knew that Usagi always had a better workout when she was thinking of something else....even if that something was just another problem. "By the way, how's it going with that boyfriend of yours?" Sakura knew about the fight as well. "We still haven't made up. Oh Sakura," Usagi suddenly sighed, "men are so complicated sometimes." "And you know they say the exact same thing about us," was Sakura's rejoinder. Usagi laughed. "Yes, but it really is tricky trying to talk to Mamoru." Usagi thought again over her failed attempts to get in touch with him. She knew now how stupid their fight had been. The wrong things were said at the wrong time. She didn't know if Mamoru felt the same as her, but she knew she had to at least talk to him. However... "He doesn't answer the phone. He uses an answering machine to screen his calls, and he never answers the messages I leave him. And of course he won't visit me. I'd visit him, but of course..." Usagi didn't finish, but instead glanced ruefully over to her folded up wheelchair over by the door. "That does make it difficult," Sakura agreed sympathetically, then hesitated. "I do think it would be best to talk to him in person. Something that important to you shouldn't be discussed over the phone. Your case is an exception, but...are you sure there's absolutely no way to see him? Is there anywhere you could go he might not be expecting you? Where did you see him the most before you had your accident?" she asked gently. ‘When we were battling evil villains,' Usagi thought to herself, then had to hide her laughter from Sakura. There was no way she could tell her that. Then she furrowed her brow. ‘Hold that thought. There *is* a place that we could meet, but it would be risky...I'm not sure how I would get there, but...he definitely wouldn't be expecting it...' "A penny for your thoughts, Usagi," Sakura teased, breaking Usagi's train of thought, and causing her to flush at being caught daydreaming. "You'd have to make it a dollar to hear the juicy stuff," she teased right back. "It was nothing, I was just thinking, but...you may have just given me an idea. Thanks," she told her. "Good. That's what I'm here for," Sakura said cheerfully. "Well, actually, it's not, that's just a bonus. Speaking of my job though, it is time to get back to work. Ready for the parallel bars?" Usagi could have sworn she saw an evil glint in Sakura's eyes as she said this. "As ready as I'll ever be..." Usagi sighed. "You know you love them." Sakura's eyes did twinkle this time, knowing that this was the part Usagi liked the least. "About as much as I love a trip to the dentist," Usagi grumbled. Sakura's pat on the shoulder was more like a swat this time. "Come on, get to work. Start crawling, I'll meet you over there," she said, and started over to the bars with a bouncy spring in her step. Usagi groaned out loud. Sakura's idea of preparing her for everyday life was forcing her to try to crawl everywhere in their therapy sessions. Though it was more like dragging herself. It was even worse than those blasted push-ups. "Sakura, when am I ever going to have to do this in real life?" she whined, but obediently pushed herself up and started the slow process of pulling herself towards her therapist. "You never know," Sakura said, and Usagi interpreted this as I-have-no-clue-but-I'm-making-you-do-it-anyway. "Now come on, a turtle could move faster than you, Usagi." "Ha, ha," Usagi said sarcastically. "The turtle and the rabbit, I've never heard that joke before Sakura. How original." Sakura smirked from the other side of the room, and Usagi just sighed once again and kept crawling. Sakura could rival Dr. Madison for corniness. This was going to be a *long* session. --------------------------------------------------------------------- AN: In case you need help interpretting that last corny joke, don't forget that 'Usagi' means 'rabbit' in Japanese. ^^ Thanks to... Natasha. It's nice to know there's someone else on the planet who is as insane as me. Oh, and btw...37 days now. '_' Mandy. Gold medalist at globe-trotting. Trot on over to me sometime, why don't you? How many schools can a person attend over the course of a year, anyway? ^_~ Lady Guine, the best net mommy a girl could ask for. As always, thanks for your encouragement. You're beautiful! ^_~ All my other net pals...Aimee...Usagirl...Helmut...it's been a while since you've heard from me, but that doesn't mean I don't think about you often. ^^ I'll catch up to you soon, I promise! All of you wonderful readers out there, who put up with me. Each and every e-mail I get warms my heart, it really does. Yeah, I know, I'm such a sap. But I'm a cute sap. Forgive me? ^_^ Have a great day, everyone! ^_^ Hugs, Setsuna M (kimmie-chan@juno.com)