Sailor Moon Pain: The Lovers: Part 1
{Jon Carp}
Address: jcarp@med.unc.edu
Not melodramatic!

Three quick notes before we start:  1: This isn't a continuation of the 
same story, but I kept my character.  For those that don't want to read 
SMPAIN, that character is Sailor Earth, Terrae, who is a mildly insane.  
This information isn't very important, though, since she has a very small
part here. 
     2: I feel I must apologize for Sailor Earth's name.  When I was 
trying to figure one out, I went through my old middle school latin books, 
and I thought the word terra, -ae, f., earth, would be fitting.  I used 
the genitive singular form, meaning "of the earth".  I felt it was subtle
and pleasantly ironic.  However, when I did this, I was completely unaware 
of the obsession Sailor Moon fanfic writers seem to have with this 
particular latin word.  I'm pretty sure that EVERY SINGLE STORY has a 
character with a name based on that word.  Some have like seven or eight 
of them.  So I'm sorry about my lack of originality.  Thank you.
     3:  Fair warning: this is about the relationship between two of my 
favorite characters.  However, many people do hate them.  If you are a
member of the Christain Coalition, I'd advise you to stop reading now and
go burn down a synagogue, or whatever you people do for fun.  Who needs 
you, anyway?


Now it's over, I'm dead, and I haven't done anything that I want, or I'm 
still alive, and there's nothing I want to do.--They Might Be Giants


     
     The god sat on his coral throne, pondering over the day's events.  
He had just met with a sea god of a nearby galaxy, Raamand was his name.  
Despite the vastly different evironments on the planets they presided 
over, they had much in common.  They had discussed various topics, from 
tides to sounds to underwater life.  He had some interesting fish over 
there.  Maybe some that could be imported to earth.
     It was a beneficial relationship.  He had always said that the 
Olympian gods should interact with all the others more.  There were 
rewards to getting to know the neighbors.  
     Oh, well.  Back to business.  He had some earthquakes to plan.  
Let's see, three on Saturn, two on Mars, one on Ganymede, one on Earth, 
four on Uranus, one on Mercury, one on Io, two on...
     He stopped.  The trident slipped from his grasp and fell onto the 
floor.  He ordered one of his nymphs to call Pluto, and as she left the 
throne room, a single tear rolled down his left cheek and soaked into his
beard.



     The call came in at exactly 10:22 P.M.  Within thirteen minutes 
the paramedics were on the scene.  It was as grisly as the the caller had
said.  The car and the tree were both pretty much completely destroyed.  
     Immediately all of the medics ran through the crowd to the nearest
body, lying fully twenty meters from the shattered windshield.  They 
checked her quickly, although it was clear to all that she was probably 
dead.  Her head was almost split open, and was leaking blood all over the
ground.       
     Amazingly, she was alive.  Half the paramedics gently, quickly 
lifted her onto a stretcher and wheeled her to the ambulance.
     The others ran to the car.  One of them opened the driver side 
door and checked the man's pulse.  "He's alive!  Let's get him out!"
     They pulled him out of the broken seat belt and lay him on a 
stretcher, then ran him to the ambulance.  "He's got a chest wound, and 
probably some internal bleeding.  Get this shirt off of him!"
     They ripped it off, sending buttons flying.  Then they stopped, 
and stared at the bared chest.  The head medic snapped out of it first.  
"Okay, stop ogling!  Let's just try to save her life!"
      They slammed the doors and sped off to the hospital.



     Two and a half days later.  Haruka lay in the hospital bed, 
trying to stomach the god-awful TV shows.  Lessee...soap opera, soap 
opera, game show, news update on the economy, bad drama, bad comedy...
bleah.  That's enough of that.  She pushed the power button and lay the 
remote control down next to her. 
     She gingerly touched her chest.  Ow.  So that's what six broken 
ribs feels like.  She wondered how badly Michiru was hurt for the two 
hundred and thiry fourth time since she woke up.  Probably not really bad, 
they weren't going too fast when they hit the tree.  She knew that.  But 
it bothered her that they wouldn't let them see each other.  Could she 
still be in surgery?  
     A knock on the door.  "Come in," she said, and was amazed at the 
weakness of her voice.  
     It was her parents.  It was the first time they had seen her 
consious since the accident, but they didn't look happy or relieved she 
was alive.  They seemed sad for some reason.   
      "Oh, Haruka," her mother tried to smile.  "How many times do we 
have to tell you to drive carefully?"
     Haruka tried to smile too, although she knew something weird was 
going on.  "It's not my fault.  It was a blowout.  But at least I wore my
seat belt, even if it was defective."
     A humorless laugh.  What was going on?  "The doctors say you'll 
be released in a couple of days, but you can't move around too much.  And
no racing for at least two months."
     Haruka nodded.  "I expected that.  But what have you heard about 
Michiru?  How badly was she hurt?"
     Her mother turned away when she heard Michiru's name.  Oh god, 
what was this?  How badly could she have been hurt?  
     Her father looked at her sadly.  He sat down next to the bed.  
"Haruka...Michiru was thrown through the windshield when you hit the tree.  
The...the doctors couldn't do anything for her."
     "What?  What are you saying?"
     He was crying.  "Haruka...Michiru's dead."

     She didn't move for a long time.  Then, suddenly:  "No.  No, you're 
wrong!  The...the car wasn't moving that fast!  She wasn't..."
     "I'm sorry, Haruka."  He reached out and tried to hug her.
     "You're lying!!  You're lying to me!!"
     Her mother walked closer, tears in her eyes.  "Haruka..."
     "NO!!  Tell me the truth!  Where is she?  TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!!"
     "Haruka please...stop it!"
     Haruka stood up and limped to the door.  "I'll find her.  You 
can't keep me from her."  But the pain in her chest was too much and she 
fell against the wall, sinking down to a seated position.  Then she 
screamed.  It built and built and filled the room with pain until it 
dissolved into sobs.  Her parents sat on either side of her, and cried too.


     The senshi, when they found out, were, of course, devastated.  
Few of them had ever known how difficult it was losing someone so 
suddenly, especially in such a pointless way.  But now, they all realized
how important she was to all of them, and how much they would miss her.
     But time goes on, and pain goes away.  Within two weeks most of 
them had completely gone back to their normal lives.
     Most of them.  Ten'ou Haruka had not.  After she found out she 
didn't stop crying for four days, and when she eventually did they 
released her from the hosptal immediately.  Her parents wanted her to 
stay with them, but after being told repeatedly that she needed time 
alone, they relented.  They knew that she couldn't go back to her old 
house, where she had lived with Michiru, so they rented her a small house
not too far from the old one.  She lived there alone.
     The funeral was on a Saturday.  Most of the Senshi were present.  
Minako, Usagi, Chibi-Usa, and Hotaru cried.  The others just stood, 
solemnly, and tried their best to hold their tears back.  It was a 
beautiful ceremony.  Michiru's parents got several compliments.  The 
mortician had done a good job, the corpse was just as beautiful as the 
live person, despite the head damage.  The tombstone said, "Here lies 
Kaiou Michiru.  Loved by all, inspired by life."  Her father had thought 
it sounded poetic.  Haruka was noticably absent.
     After the funeral, Setsuna went to Haruka's house, and pushed the 
doorbell.  No answer.  She knocked.  No answer.  Again, louder.  Nothing.  
Oh, god, what if...
     No!  Stop thinking that way!  She took a deep breath, opened the 
door, and went in.  
     She found Haruka sitting in the corner of the bedroom, hugging 
Michiru's violin.  She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept for a week.
     "Haruka," she whispered.  Haruka looked up, but didn't say 
anything.
     Setsuna sat down on the bed and looked at her.  "We missed you 
today," she said.  "People were asking about you.  There was some pretty 
bad gossip there about you and...uh, well, anyway, I set the record 
straight."  Haruka didn't even seem to hear her.
     "Haruka, we have to talk."  She paused, but Haruka didn't object.  
"I know you.  And I know how much you're hurt.  But I'm not going to let 
anyone else die."  She did start to protest that, but Setsuna continued 
harshly.  "I'm not going to let you kill yourself."
     Haruka laughed without smiling.  "Really?  And just why do you 
expect me to believe that?"
     "Because I give you my word right now, if you kill yourself, I 
will too."
     Haruka stared at her in disbelief.  Then she relaxed and laughed 
again.  "No.  I'm sorry, good try, but I know you, too.  Your duty is far
too important to you to give it up for me."
     "You're wrong.  You don't know anything about me.  When I give my
word, I keep it.  And both of us know perfectly well what would happen if
there was no one guarding the time gate."
     "I don't care."
     "That's not true," Setsuna said angrily.  "You know it's not.  You
can pretend all you want, but you could never give up your duty either, no
matter how much you're hurt.  So why don't you just give up this little act
of yours, and promise me you won't do anything to yourself." 
     Haruka looked at the floor.  She was crying.  
     "Haruka, promise me, damn it!"
     A tortured whisper.  "I promise."
     Setsuna stood up and walked over to Haruka.  "Thank you."  She 
picked up a pillow that was lying on the floor and put it on the bed.  
"Here, why don't you try to get some sleep?"
     "I can't sleep," Haruka muttered.  "When I sleep I dream."
     Yes, Setsuna could imagine how terrible the nightmares must be, 
seeing Michiru die over an over.  "Okay," she said gently.  "Then let's 
go downstairs and I can make you something to eat."
     She reached her hand down, and Haruka took it and stood up.  They 
started down for the kitchen, but Setsuna stopped.  "Haruka...why don't 
you leave the violin up here?  It...it's kind of painful for me to see 
it."  She reached out and tried to take it.
     "DON'T TOUCH IT!!"  Haruka hugged it closer to herself.  "GET OUT!"
     "Haruka..."
     "GET OUT OF HERE!!"
     Haruka pushed Setsuna out the front door, and then went upstairs 
and returned to her corner.  


     Later that day.  Setsuna had told Hotaru, Terrae, and Usagi to 
meet her in Terrae's apartment.  
     "What's this about, Setsuna?" Usagi asked as soon as she got 
there, which, of course, was after everyone else.  "I have a date with 
Mamo-chan in an hour."
     Setsuna glared at Usagi for a second, causing the latter to turn 
scarlet red.  "This is about Haruka, Usagi.  We four are probably the only 
ones in the world she really trusts besides her parents, and I don't want
to get them involved."
     "What do you want us to do?" Hotaru asked.
     "One or more of us needs to go to see her every day to make sure 
she's eating and healthy, and keep her company.  She's just wallowing in 
pain right now, the last thing she needs is to be alone."
     They all nodded.  "What about you, Setsuna?" Usagi said meekly.  
"Are you okay?"
     "Yes, I'm fine.  I just have to help Haruk--"
     "Why?"
     Setsuna turned to look at Terrae, who was staring at her with 
those big grey eyes.  "What?"
     "I said, 'Why?'  Why are you okay?  You shouldn't be.  I saw you 
at the funeral, staring off into space, pondering the mysteries of the 
universe or whatever the hell you do.  Dammit, don't you even care?  
MICHIRU IS DEAD!  How can you just ignore it?  Does it effect you at all,
or did you never care about her in the first place?"
     Setsuna could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she kept them 
in.  "I always cared about her, and you know it.  I just...I...can't think 
about that now.  Haruka needs my help, and I've got to help her.  It's 
what Michiru would want me to do.  She...she'd want Haruka to get...get on 
with..."  
     She couldn't hold them back any longer.  Tears burst from her, 
streaming from eyes that hadn't cried for hundreds of years.  She sat 
down with her face in her hands, and sobbed for a long time.
     The others stood silent behind her.


     The two gods stood in the dark chamber, arguing.  
     "I don't see what you are so afraid of!"
     Pluto looked angrily at his brother.  "I told you, I'm not afraid 
of anything.  It's just that there are rules to this kind of thing.  Even
I can't go against them and expect there to not be any reprocussions!"
     Neptune folded his arms over his chest.  "You did it before, 
Pluto.  They all died, and you let them all come back!"
     "Yes, I did do that.  ONCE.  And that was rebirth, which is far, 
far simpler than what you're proposing.  This whole thing is just too much 
trouble for me to worry about.  I'm a very busy person."
     "Yeah, the first time it was rebirth, but what about the inner 
senshi a few years ago?  You brought them back then!"
     "Yes I did, and you have no idea what a pain in the ass that was.  
Besides, then it was clear that those five would be absolutely necissary 
for the survival of the species.  Here I'm just not sure."
     "Listen, Pluto, I fail to see how someone who spends hours at a 
time building little castles out of jewels can's spare a few minutes to 
bring my Senshi back to life."
     "A FEW MINUTES!  I don't think you understand what's involved 
here.  First I have to find her essence in the Elysian Fields.  Then I 
have to seperate her soul from the big mass I have down there (that in 
itself takes several weeks).  Then I have to go all the way up to earth, 
dig her corpse up, fix all the rotting and decomposing, stuff both her 
soul and her essence in there, and seal it up again.  You have no idea 
what a pain all that is to do."
     Neptune sighed.  "Sometimes, I just have to wonder if you have any 
love at all for the humans.  The rest of us take care of them, but you, 
you just sit down in Hades and watch your underlings do your job.  Do 
you even understand how important my Senshi is to the whole race?  They're 
going to need all the help they can get, and they can't fight what's 
coming without Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus.  You know just as well 
as I do how long she's going to last now."
     "Look, I don't care about your Senshi or Uranus's.  It really 
doesn't bother me at all that yours is dead, and that his will die soon.  
As for the humans, let them use one of those others.  There are imitations 
popping up every day, y'know, those Star people, for example."
     Neptune was getting extremely frustrated.  "That's not going to be 
enough, Pluto, and you know it!  Do you want them to die out?  After all 
the effort we've put into them?"
     Pluto stroaked his beard and sighed.  "I suppose you're right.  We 
do have to insure their survival.  But I'm not positive that your Sailor is 
absolutely neccisarry for the survival of the species."  Neptune started to
say something, but Pluto cut him off.  "Now, Brother, don't interrupt.  I
will think about what you have said, and discuss it with my aides, and 
perhaps, PERHAPS, she will be returned to earth.  Now goodbye."  He was
gone.


     Two and a half weeks later.  Usagi found Haruka sitting in the 
corner of the bedroom holding Michiru's violin.  "Hi," she said cheerily.  
"I brought dinner!  Makoto made this for you.  I don't know what it is, 
something Cantonese, I think she said, but it smells yummy!"  
     Haruka grunted.  Usagi uncovered the dish with a flourish and gave 
it to Haruka.  "Um...that part on the side where there's not any food...
uh...I ate that part on the way over here.  I'm sorry.  Like I said, it 
smelled yummy."  She laughed guiltily, but her host took no notice.
     Haruka ate painfully slowly.  Usagi knew she had to stay.  Haruka 
didn't eat when no one was there, so she knew how important her presence 
was, but it really disturbed her to see someone like this.  It was weird,
Haruka didn't act at all the way Usagi would if Mamo-chan died.  She 
wasn't crying or screaming, or acting hysterical.  She just sat there all
day, holding that violin.  
     The thought of Mamoru dying brought tears to Usagi's eyes.  Within 
a few seconds, they were pouring down her cheeks.  Haruka didn't notice.
     After twenty minutes of eating, she dropped the dish on the 
ground.  "I'm done," she said.  Half the food was still there.
     Usagi picked it up, sniffling, and handed it back to Haruka.  
"You have to finish.  Setsuna said to make sure you did."  Haruka threw it 
back on the floor.  "I told you, I'M DONE," she said, angrily.
     Usagi sighed.  She was being stubborn again.  Not even Setsuna 
could make her eat when she was like this.  "Okay," she said.  "I'll just
leave the food right there, in case you get hungry."  She wiped her tears
away and tried to appear in control.  "So," she said.  "Uh, read any good
books lately?"  
     She had intended Haruka to laugh at that, but there was no 
response at all.  After a few more lame attempts to get her to talk, Usagi 
gave up.  "Well, um, I guess I'm off."  She waited, but Haruka didn't 
seem to care.  "See ya."  She walked down the stairs and out the door.
      
     
     The dirty newcomer was hiding in the bushes, laughing, and staring 
up into the sky.  It was smoggy and grey, but beautiful!  Wonderful!!  She 
wasn't sure why, but it felt different.  It...it was REAL!!
     And these bushes were real, the ground was real, the air, the 
trees, everything.  But most of all Her.  The one.  She was the most real
of all.  Just sitting upstairs, waiting.
     For what?  What could...oh yes.  Me.  The newcomer laughed, and 
was so overcome with joy she started crying.  She's waiting for me, and 
she'd do it for all eternity if I didn't come.  But I'm going to come.  
I'd always come, no matter what was seperating us.  In this case, just a 
whole lot of dirt.  No problem.
     Then she thought of what she had left behind, what she'd lost 
forever, and almost screamed.  Then she thought of what she was getting 
back, and she smiled, and began to laugh.  And then she started to run.


     Alone.  Forever.  They don't understand, the feeling, just ripped 
open and bleeding.  But not anymore, no, all the blood was gone.  She was
just hollow, nothing left but skin and a brain.  God, she wanted to die.
     Because she was already dead.  Everything she had, every vital 
organ, every emotion, every feeling was gone, smashed through the 
windshield.  She was being cheated with this extra, useless life.  It was
natural to want to come to an end.
     Just lie back and feel the life oozing out, and let the blackness 
consume her, calm, peaceful.  Fianlly she could rest, and take her 
rightful place in oblivion.  Then she'd truly be alone.  It was too hard 
stuck halfway.
     The door downstairs opened and slammed.  Usagi, probably.  Why 
didn't they just go away, leave me alone and let me die?  Please, just 
let me DIE!!  If she had had any tears left she would have cried them 
then.
     Slow footsteps up the stairs.  She's coming.  A creak.  She's 
opening the door.  She's standing right in front of me.  
     Hmm.  That's not Usagi.  That's Michiru.


     They just looked at each other at first.  Both were drained dry of 
most emotions, and needed to build to the appropriate reaction.
     But when it came, it was sudden and huge.  They met in the center 
of the room, at full speed.  Sobbing out of pure joy, they embraced and 
babbled incomprehensibly to each other about how happy they were.  They 
stayed that way, laughing and crying in each other's arms, for a long time.