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We did it in the pub after practice. We got drunker as it went on so some of the answers may seem a bit weird but that's the Special Needs experience.
Zac xxx

AN INTERVIEW WITH....
SPECIAL NEEDS.

SO WHO IS IN SPECIAL NEEDS AND WHAT DOES EACH MEMBER DO?
Zachery Stephenson (vocals/harmonica) Daniel Shack (lead guitar) Andrew Pearson (rhythm guitar) Philip James (bass) Neil �Skipper� Allan (drums). We all write songs.
HOW DID YOU ALL MEET AND COME TO FORM A BAND TOGETHER?
All: Too boring. Really.
WHAT DID YOU GET EACH OTHER FOR CHRISTMAS?
Andrew: Herpes
Philip: I wanted to get Andrew plastic tits actually.
Skipper: Nothing.
Zachery: Nothing. Except holly and a bucket of love.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE OF MUSIC?
Andrew: We�re a vocal band.
Zachery: Andrew claims to have invented a new type of music called folkwankdiscopera.
WHO ARE YOUR INFLUENCES?
Andrew: Call centres, not going to work.
Zachery: Willy Wonka, Bobby George, Benjamin Pell, Brian Clough, Screamin� Jay Hawkins, The Dude.
Andrew: Pregnancy scares. Spector, Cohen early Beatles, launderettes of weary crapulent Shepherds Bush. Perversion.
Zachery: Shopping at Netto but imagining it�s Disneyland.
WHERE DID THE NAME SPECIAL NEEDS COME FROM?
Daniel: We were all in a pub in Sheffield (where three of the band went to University) thinking up band names like The Pink Poodles and The Wild Wild Mavericks when the barman came to collect the glasses and in typical Northen style just said, �you boys are special needs� and we felt that was kind of appropriate. Plus it looks good in print.
Zachery: And it gives us plenty of free advertising.
IF YOU WERE ALL CONTESTANTS ON THE SAME EDITION OF THE WEAKEST LINK WHICH OF YOU WOULD LAST LONGEST?
(Cue mass inaudible argument with Zachery shouting something about absorbing pointless information and breaking the legs of anyone who uses �tactical voting�.)
YOU HAVE A TOUR COMING UP NEXT MONTH WITH THE BARBS AND THE ROCKS. WHICH OF THE TWO BANDS DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?
Daniel: They�re both shit.
Zachery: It�s an unfair question really. We really like The Barbs but both collectively and individually The Rocks are our best friends.
DO YOU GET NERVOUS BEFORE GOING ON STAGE?
Daniel: We play bingo to relax.
Andrew: We listen to Skips playing drums and make up dance moves to go along with the soundcheck.
HOW DO YOU STRUCTURE YOUR SET?
Neil: Quickly.
Zachery: The stupidest songs last.
WHICH TRACK DO YOU MOST ENJOY PERFORMING?
Andrew: Martin�s In a Fix.
Daniel: Groove is in the Heart. Philip does a mean version.
Philip: The one where I look the cutest.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO AFTER A GIG?
Daniel: Group kiss and cuddle.
Zachery: Depending on how it went. Sometimes I sit in the corner crying and wanking.
IS IT DISHEARTENING ON THE NIGHTS FEW PEOPLE TURN UP TO SEE YOU?
Daniel: We don�t play the Bull & Gate anymore.
Philip: We played the Coventry Festival last summer and there were about 40 people watching us in a big field. That was pretty awful but we made the most of it. We met this guy called Joe who loved us so he brought us all to TGI Fridays where he worked behind the bar and gave us free cocktails all night. Don�t think his manager was very happy about that actually.
WILL YOU BE PLAYING ANY OF THE SUMMER FESTIVALS?
All: Yes.
Zachery: We�re working on it. Not Coventry though, I can tell you now.
DOES EATING CHEESE GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES?
Philip: That�s a medical question. Why are they asking that?
Andrew: Cheesy nightmares.
Daniel: Do cheese slices count?
Zachery: I like nightmares. They�re exciting. I like to eat cheese, listen to Throbbing Gristle play some Resident Evil and then have terrible nightmares.
YOU�VE JUST RELEASED YOUR DEBUT SINGLE �SYLVIA�. WHAT IS THE TRACK ABOUT?
Andrew: Beautiful old-fashioned girls outside Tesco. Love in the humdrum.
PULP HAVE A TRACK CALLED �SYLVIA� TOO!
Andrew: Jarvis! Nerd!!
Zachery: Yes. I have it. Nice song, not as anthemic as our one though. Actually I�m planning to write a song called �Bohemian Rhapsody.�
Andrew: I�ve got one called L.A. Woman (Let Me Do You in Shrewsbury).
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER DOING ANY COVERS?
Zachery: We have done. We�ve done Wild Thing by The Troggs and Ashes by Screamin� Jay Hawkins.
Daniel: Groove is in The Heart.
Andrew: The darts song. Heeeeeeyy baby, (band join in at start of �Hey�) I wanna knooooow. Wil you be my girl.
Zachery: I reckon we could take Walk Like an Egyptian to Number One.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TO RELEASE AN ALBUM ANYTIME SOON?
Andrew: Chim chimnee chim chimnee chim chim cheroo.
Daniel: We�re more of a singles band. (Laughs)
Zachery: Little problem of being the skintest band in Europe but one day hopefully.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD?
Zachery: He Man and the Masters of the Universe.
(Record exec comes in and announces where single is placed on Amazon chart. It�s currently number 25. Sandwiched between Emma Bunton and Limp Bizkit. Band start singing Who Let The Dogs Out. �Higher than Razorlight!!! Yaaay!!�)
Neil: Dukes of Hazzard.
Daniel: Dallas.
Andrew: Womans� Hour (Unidentifiable voice shouts: �It�s on the radio you twat!)
Neil: Dangermouse is a good one.
Daniel: Bullseye as well.
Philip: Put Bullseye in if you want. Someone has to say Bullseye.
WHAT IS IT LIKE SEEING YOURSELVES IN MAGAZINES AND HEARING YOUR SONGS ON THE RADIO ETC?
Andrew: What magazines? Oh yes, I was the centrefold for Twat Monthly. I felt used.
Zachery: It felt weird the first time we were on the radio but it�s happened quite a lot now so we�re kind of used to it. It�s always nice though. Especially when this famous bloke doing the show says we�re a �really good band.� Seriously though, it is weird to get emails from Japan and America from people saying they love our music.
DO YOU FEEL FAMOUS?
Zachery: Yes, very. At least compared to these losers. (Points at rest of band). There is a Zachery �The Legend� Stephenson badge in existence. That�s what I call famous.
Andrew: That was my comment! Thief! Gyppo! Pikey! Long-haired wanker! You have the cock of a two-year old baby. (Zachery and Andrew descend into good-natured childish name-calling.)
Neil: I�m the drummer for fucks� sake!!
IS THE BAND NOW YOUR FULL TIME CAREER OR DO YOU STILL HAVE OTHER JOBS TOO?
Andrew: It�s a pastime. Like railway.
Zachery; For me it is, cos I�m lazy.
Neil: Uh, I dunno.
Daniel: Philip works wirh inner-city kids. That cost me my job. (comment goes unexplained)
Zachery: I do a bit of jury duty.
DO YOU WEAR SOCKS IN BED?
Andrew: Pop socks. (Geddit, pop)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE BAND PINK GREASE?
Zachery: I like them, although I used to hate them. They are ugly though.
Andrew: They wear visors and they can�t write songs.
Zachery; Hmm, probably true but they are entertaining.
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT YOU COULD MAKE AS A BAND?
Zachery: No 7 in the Amazon chart.
Andrew: Having a Ferrari and a big cock.
Zachery: Are you going to have an enlargement.
Andrew: No, I was being flippant. Making children have manners.
WHICH DO YOU ENJOY DOING THE MOST� WRITING SONGS, RECORDING THEM OR PLAYING THEM LIVE?
Andrew: Writing songs. The rest is pussy.
Zee (manager): I resign.
Daniel: I like listening to our sings on Dolby Surround.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TV SHOWS SUCH AS POP IDOL AND FAME ACADEMY?
Andrew: Magic!
Daniel: Andrew retreats behind a wall of irony.
Zachery: Jokes aside, I abhor them. I�m baffled as to why the upper echelons of the music industry seem to be dominated by people who don�t care about music at all.
WHAT FIRST MADE YOU WANT TO PICK UP A GUITAR AND JOIN/FORM A BAND?
Band try to put words in Neil�s mouth praising the group.
Neil: No.
WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR ANYONE THINKING ABOUT STARTING UP A BAND?
Zachery: Get Roger Morton as a manager.

ALL QUESTIONS BY SCREAMING TARTS.

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