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AN INTERVIEW WITH�.
JEF FROM PLAN A.

SO WHO IS IN PLAN A AND WHAT DOES EACH MEMBER DO?
We'll you got Nik who plays bass and interorgates through drunken wisdom, Gary who plays drums and makes people laugh like Norman Wisdom and me, Jef who plays guitar, sings and has the whiz, dom I hate tricks.
WHAT DID YOU GET EACH OTHER FOR CHRISTMAS?
Nothing, we already have each other. We don't need to reinforce anything with expensive monetary gifts.
WHY DID YOUR SECOND GUITARIST LEAVE THE BAND?
Because he was bored of being broke. And not getting any presents.
YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A REPLACEMENT FOR HIM?
No need, I've intoduced a big muff.
YOU USED TO BE IN THE WILDHEARTS. ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH THE REST OF THE BAND?
What do you mean still?? It was the Wildhearts for fuck sake, we speak when we see each other, we probably get on better now actually as we can understand what each other is talking about.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE OF MUSIC?
Beautiful. Brash. Bombastic. Bane. Bedlam. Bananas. Bracing. S'why we're called plan A.
WHO ARE YOUR INFLUENCES?
Each of us have so many different ones, let's start: Good music. let's stop.
HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER MARRIED BRITNEY SPEARS AS A JOKE GONE WRONG AFTER A TWO DAY BOUT OF DRINKING?
Very nearly, only I thought it was her, can't be sure. think she was blonde but..........had better tits as I recall.
WHAT IS THE MOST SPINAL TAP MOMENT PLAN A HAVE EVER HAD ON TOUR?
Leaving the house probably, we are spinal tap. Although The Darkness have taken the crown and I have to salute them for it.
DO YOU GET NERVOUS BEFORE GOING ON STAGE?
Sometimes, it depends who's there and where you are.
HOW DO YOU STRUCTURE YOUR SET?
I like to start at the beginning and work towards the end but I know other people who have a different method.
WHICH TRACK DO YOU MOST ENJOY PERFORMING?
The new ones. A terrible answer to quite frankly a terrible question I feel. What happen to all the questions that we're thrown up on your site? Some of those we're great. And just incase you we're wondering, Gary still doesn't know.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO AFTER A GIG?
Come down and resume normal body functions like blood to brain, air to lungs...ect
DO YOU EVER GET HOMESICK WHILE ON TOUR?
You are really having a laugh aren't you?? More like tour sick while at home!!!!!!
IS IT DISHEARTENING ON THE NIGHTS FEW PEOPLE TURN UP TO SEE YOU?
No we still have our time on stage. Plenty of bands would freak at playing to only a few people but we always take it for what it is and I quite like intimate parties.
HAVE YOU GOT ANY PLANS TO TOUR OUTSIDE OF THE UK DURING 2004?
Tour or emigrate out of this over taxed, overstated, overrated museum.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HEARD THAT US FORCES WERE PLAYING THE HEY HO EP TO AL QAIDA PRISONERS TO 'BREAK THEM' BEFORE INTERROGATION?
Well, a mate of ours played it to US troops out there and it went down really well. If, however it was used for warfare in the form of interrogation, I would hope for results. The best result we had was our mate back and a few more fans.
IF YOU WERE ALL CONTESTANTS ON THE SAME EDITION OF THE WEAKEST LINK WHICH OF YOU WOULD LAST LONGEST?
We would all club together. Ann Robinson, you are the weakest link. Now fuck off!
MUSICALLY AND LYRICALLY, WHICH OF THE SONGS YOU'VE WRITTEN IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
A fairly new one called Squallerday. It was written a while a go but I never got around to writing lyrics until Gary heard a tape of it and.....well..... made it happen.
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER DOING ANY COVERS?
We have. Loads. Beach boys, Thin Lizzy, Nirvana, Pistols, Twisted Sister, Motorhead, we just never do 'em twice.
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT YOU COULD MAKE AS A BAND?
An album to be paid for by someone else and sold in the shops so people who have never heard it could pass it by for Shania Twains latest release. To tour with U2 and blow them off stage because we we're bored. We just want to be appreciated like the small droplets of sweat after sex, the smell of freshly cut grass on a summers morning, (asthmatics apology) the last Rizla in the packet and the smell of freshly baking bread.
IF YOU COULD INTERVIEW YOURSELVES, WHAT QUESTIONS WOULD YOU ASK?
Why now? Haven't you had enough?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TV SHOWS SUCH AS POP IDOL AND FAME ACADEMY?
I think they inspire people to fight back and understand that celebrity hysteria isn't the way forward and that it's only entertainment at the expense of some poor cock suckers who know no different.
WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
What bloody spare time.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD?
Never really watched 'em. I was into Tom and Jerry and Carry on films but I'm not sure about TV shows, Young ones probably.
DO YOU WEAR SOCKS IN BED?
No. Naked as the day I was born.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKETS RIGHT NOW?
Some Guitar picks, �2.22, some chewing gum and a lighter.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TO RELEASE AN ALBUM?
Yes. We've been working on new songs, old songs of mine and we're still going. We have a whole bunch of stuff from rehearsals and they never stop writing themselves either. We have loads of music and little money but you will get a great album when it's done. Oh yes, a great album, a great big album. Or maybe just lot's of little ones.
DO YOU TRY AND ENCAPSULATE YOUR LIVE SOUND IN THE STUDIO?
Nah, not really. It's two different things, live and studio. A live studio album..........now that's a third.
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A LIFETIME OF FREE AND AVAILABLE SEX OR A LIFETIME OF FREE AND AVAILABLE BOOZE AND FAGS, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
Ahem!! A satirical question? I would never put myself in that position, you heard of a three pack yeh?
DOES EATING CHEESE GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES?
Not any more, I'm immune. I had to move on to chocolate recently and that doesn't even work anymore.
WHAT FIRST MADE YOU WANT TO PICK UP A GUITAR AND JOIN/FORM A BAND?
The promise of free and available sex, booze and fags. Oh, and a modicum of boredom.
WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR ANYONE THINKING ABOUT STARTING UP A BAND?
Fucking go for it. You'll either love it or leave it but it will be the best time of your life.

ALL QUESTIONS BY SCREAMING TARTS.

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