Mind Your Language
Contributed by Z.A.K.
Read this out loud if you are sleepy.......
The European Union commissioners announced today that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language standard for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other option. As part of
the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had
some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what
will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k".
Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "w" by v. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
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