HOW TO LEAD
On a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, Mr. Data wants to be taught to dance. Dr. Crusher is doing Tap. Mr. Data, being an android, is able to watch her and do exactly what she is doing, learning in mirror image in real time. He then states that he now will be able to dance at the oncoming wedding. She tells him, no you need to learn how to Waltz. Well, he struggles a bit because he just can't watch and copy, as the two partners roles are different. But being an android, he catches on in a minute or two. He then makes a statement to the effect of "As I see it, I need to maneuver my partner around the dance floor, taking care not to bump into anyone or anything, dancing to the music, spontaneously choreographing a changing and pleasing series of moves, all the while maintaining light conversation." "Yes, that's it", says his instructor. Mr. Data responds, "Gee, this is difficult, isn't it?"
The moral of the story: Leading is more than communicating the next move to the follower. It is a multifaceted role and it is difficult.
What you are about to read is a summary of basic principles I have collected over my short years dancing salsa. Some of these principles were told to me by more experienced dancers, others are directly taken from women and the rest originate from the common sense and my personal understanding on this matter.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
1. Leaders lead, followers follow. You will encounter followers who believe otherwise and there is nothing you can do about it. If you don't like it, don't dance with them again. If you enjoy it, you may find that passing the lead back and forth can be great fun, if the dancers are in perfect sync with each other, with the music and with the dance.
2. Don't teach unless she asks. She will be annoyed if you attempt to teach. Even if you're 100% sure that you're right and she's wrong, do not teach. It's rude, arrogant and women do not like it. Besides, how do you know it wasn?t you who flubbed it? - If you are in class and know she is doing wrong, approach the subject diplomatically, e.g. "That didn't feel quite right to me, did it seem OK to you?" If she thought it was OK, this is the end of your attempt to teach. If she agrees that something was amiss, the safest thing to do is to ask an instructor to watch you two do the move and give you feedback. In the other hand, if you are in a club; a lady who wants to learn will be very thankful if you take the time to teach her. Be aware that many of these ladies will not say, ?Please, can you teach me?? Therefore, you must be sensitive to their attitude and willingness to be taught. If you don?t feel like she is there to learn, then do not attempt to teach unless she specifically asks.
3. If she can't follow it, it's because you can't lead it. This was a difficult concept for me to accept. I protested that if her frame collapsed or she got herself off balance or if she was anticipating instead of following, how could it be my fault that she wasn't doing what I was leading? It is the leader's job to assess the ability of the follower and lead accordingly. If she can't follow it, you've led something beyond her ability. You must learn to assess a follower?s ability in the first few seconds of a dance. In the other hand, if she is a more advance dancer than you, don?t try to lead complicated moves when you are not sure, because if the lead it not right, it won?t happen. Basic moves are also nice when performed correctly. If you are comfortable leading single turns and simple patterns, she will enjoy it better than confusing flashy stuff that isn't working.
4. Give her a second chance if she flubs a move. They hate it when you don't give them a second chance. Don't discuss it, just smile and set it up the same way and do it very soon after the first flubbed attempt. If she does a lot better on the second time, recognized it and lead it a third time. Another reason to give her a second chance is that you may have been the one who blew it.
5. Dance with her. I will repeat that slowly? dance-with-her. This means not for her, for you or for the girl in the bar. You two are a dancing together, it?s a 3-minute relationship. So look at her eyes, show her how much you are enjoying those short minutes. And very important, SMILE? A nice, sincere and little flirtatious smile can work wonders in your partner. But don?t fake it, women sense that.
6. Her safety is paramount. Lead stuff she can do. Don't pull her off balance; don't run her into something or somebody. Before you make that move ensure there is enough space and is safe, if not? then don?t do it. If despite of all your efforts she gets hurt, get out of the dance floor with her, offer assistance, get ice if needed.
7. The golden rule, ?If SHE looks good, you'll look good?. If you can lead well enough to make her do anything, don't. If there is any showing off to do, let it be you showing HER off, not you showing you off. Dance at HER level, and if you are better, occasionally challenge and surprise her. If she does something well, recognize it and lead it some more. It is not fun to be dragged like a rag doll through moves she doesn't know. You might be able to make her do 20 moves she's never seen before, but she is not going to like it and will be just praying for the end of the song. She will enjoy it more if you expertly present her to the audience (real or imaginary) through half a dozen moves she's done before and knows how to perform nicely. When you try to force many new moves all in one song, this isn?t a case of you ?making her look good out there? In fact, she will think you are an arrogant, rude and selfish guy just trying to show off your self.
8. Connect with you partner. This seems like an obvious thing to do, right? ? Wrong! I have met many guys who call them self ?professionals? who are cold like icebergs and it shows when they dance. They might be able to portray good and complicated routines, but his partner and probably the audience watching, don?t feel it. After the dance she may think ?Yeah? that was good?. This is the spiritual quality that makes dancing to be called ?art?. A dancer most be an ?artist? who transmits his emotions to his partner (and audience) through his performance. Unfortunately, as it happens in other forms of art, not everybody has what it takes to become a artist; but if you do, then your partner will have chills along the spine, her eyes will be looking straight at yours, her face will be illuminated with a bright smile coming from her heart and after the dance is over, she will be thinking ?WOW? I have to feel that again?.
9. Be respectful. Dancing is NOT vertical sex! You have no idea how many women complain about this. It is disgusting to watch a guy (who obviously is not a man) inappropriately touching and molesting a woman in the dance floor. If your level of testosterone has reached toxic levels and it?s affecting your brain, you shouldn?t be dancing. It is hard to believe that many women still think it is rude to say ?no, thank you? to a guy just because other men will not ask them to dance later, and accept dancing with these jerks. Being sexy while dancing is achieved when your lady feels and looks sexy, NOT you. And most important, she does not feel invaded in her persona.
10. Be humble. If indeed you are a great dancer, let other people say it. Humility is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of maturity and confidence and women find it appealing. If a lady approaches you saying, ?My friends say that you are the best dancer here? Just smile and say something simple like? ?Oh! thank you, I?m still learning, would you like to dance?? Keep your mind open and take criticism as constructive. If you think you know everything and can do anything better than anyone, then my friend? I feel sorry for you. You have reached your maximum level of development and you will not grow anymore. BE A MEMORABLE LEADER These are the ABC?s that will make her remember you well enough so that many months after you had one dance with her, she will recognize you and ask you to dance: A. Lead clear and smooth. Not too strong but not too light, just enough to let her know what to do at the right time. Jerking moves only hurt women?s shoulders and they don?t look natural. Remember, the key word here is SMOOTH? B. Dance to the music. And these are the top 5 things women want in a dance partner.
1. Be on the beat.
2. Begin moves on beat.
3. Transition when the music does, e.g. hit the breaks, react to tempo changes, nail the last note of the song, etc.
4. Interpret the melody and/or lyrics with your spontaneous choreography. If you are really connected with the music, it will tell you when is the time to get close, open, do spins, shines, etc.
5. Achieve that rare spiritual state, which makes your partner feel in a different world she can?t express with words and will leave her wanting more. Women expect 1 and 2, appreciate 3 and will look for you if you do 4. They will put you on their must dance with list, send flowers to your mom and join your fan club if you do 5. C. Surprise her. Perfect moves that make the follower do unexpected major changes of direction (e.g."... and then we went sideways, Wheeeee...!") These are NOT turns, dips, flips or spins and are done SMOOTHLY.
OTHER USEFUL TIPS
A. Pay attention to the minor details. If you absolutely have to keep track of time, wear the watch in the right hand. This prevents her hair from getting caught in the band when you screw up on a double turn lead and drag your wrist through her hair. Put your keys in left or back pocket if you must carry them. There's nothing quite as anti-romantic as positioning your partner for a corte or dip or some other form of full contact and discovering that your keys are poking both of you. Keep your teeth and breath clean, at the very least, avoid garlic, bell pepper and onions on the dinner menu. If unable to properly clean your teeth prior to dancing, at least invest in some Dentyne or breath mints. Oh! And if you chew gum, please? keep your mouth closed.
B. Keep alcohol to the minimum possible. Maybe one to loosen you up, but most serious dancers don't drink. It impairs the timing and balance, makes you sweat like a pig, and you'll smell like a drunk. Cokes or other carbonated drinks for sugar or water for fluid replenishment are standard with top dancers. Since clubs survive on their concessions, don?t whine about cover charges, make sure you consume from the bar, also tip the bartenders, waiters, etc. If a club can't make money, it won't be there for you to dance at next week.
C. If you are one of those men who sweat like ham in the oven, make sure you have a small handy and clean towel in your pocket and use it as many times as necessary. Another great tip and women appreciate it, is to have another ready-to-use shirt in your car. Believe me, they may not say it, but women don?t like to get too close to a man who is all soaked in his own sweat, specially if you have strong body odor. They will certainly notice and recognize when you have a solution for this problem.
D. Take care of your self. By this I mean really, take care of your self. Before saying ?yes?, a woman looks at you from top to bottom in less than a second and creates an instantaneous impression of you as a person; and this is even before you dance with her. Therefore, try to keep your ideal weight, be well groomed, dressed nicely and wear good cologne. Remember, this is an investment. Women create good impression of a man who takes care of him self, because it gives them the idea that he can take care of them as well, including in the dance floor.
E. If a lady asks you to dance, don?t say no. Remember, most women will not approach a man asking him to dance and for those who overcome the fear of rejection, the least we can do is accept their invitation. This will serve multiple purposes. Other ladies will think you are approachable; she may even introduce you to her friend who happens to be the girl you are drooling for, and the experience and practice you gain can be invaluable. But be aware that an invitation to dance is only that, an invitation to dance. If she is interested in something more she will let you know, but for the time being? keep you heart beating to the sound of the music and just dance.
F. Don?t be a victim of Xenophobia (fear to estrangers). Wouldn?t be nice to have a world in which everybody dances salsa? In order to achieve that, we must spread the ?salsa virus? and the best way to do it, is dancing with new people every time. That?s how real viruses become epidemics; infected individuals make contact with non-infected (if you don?t believe me, just ask the Chinese government). Making closed dancing circles with the same persons does not help the cause. I understand that we all need to experience that sense of security and comfort of a regular partner, but if you want to grow and develop into a good dancer, you must also dance with other people, try different styles, different levels. As my dear friend, the great Eddy Torres master of the masters said to me, ?A dancer is the person who can make other people dance?.
A FINAL THOUGHT Remember, dancing was meant to be fun and enjoyable. Salsa as we know it today, was born as a manifestation of joy, happiness and freedom by the African slaves in Cuba. After mixing with other cultures and influences, it went through different changes until its unique rhythm and flavor were clearly identified as way of expression of the ?Latin? culture. But the roots and the basic principles of joy, happiness and freedom still prevail today. For those who are not born ?Latinos? and have adopted Salsa, you must remember and respect those principles. Salsa is not just a dancing style; it is a way of life based on those very own fundaments. When you dance because you love it and feel the passion and meaning of the music, it will show in the way you dance. You will be sharing with others those same emotions somebody shared with you when you didn?t know anything about Salsa. But when you dance away from the true meaning of dancing, you become a victim of your own tramp. You not only harm the image of Salsa as a way of expression of an entire culture, you also extinguish the fire in others and more people will lose their chance to enjoy this wonderful experience. For some men (and even women) this is a complicated and hard to understand concept. If you are going to remember one single thing about this whole article make it this. Don?t use dancing as an excuse to proof your self to others. Dancing is not about who is better or worse, is not about superiority and rivalry. If you dance, do it because you feel the need to dance and have something to share with others, dance as the way to celebrate your freedom and show who you are deep inside. If you teach others, first ensure you have the right motives and the right connection with the true meaning of dancing, because if you don?t, you are teaching something else, but not Salsa. In other words? You cannot give what you don?t have. Well, there you have it. In a nutshell these are the principles and philosophy I have found most useful in my never-ending journey of becoming a better dancer. I hope you find them useful too and may serve you as incentive to create your own principles. But whatever you do, make your dancing days a memorable stage in your life that when it ends, you will be able to remember all those wonderful moments leading a lady while listening the seductive and contagious beats of this rhythm of our lives. Y que viva la salsa !!!
Written by By Adan Atriham
