Welcome my friends, to the show that never
ends.... Oops, sorry, didn't mean to get silly
on you there, but I've always wanted to say
that.
Oh boy am I in a good mood today, ladies
and gentlemen. Because today, I get the sup-reme pleasure of interviewing one of my all
time favorite actresses, Kathy Bates! Yes,
you heard that right, Kathy Bates is one of
my favorites. Please, try not to look so sur-prised, she is an awesome actress... have you
seen her in Needful Things or Misery? The
woman is absolutely incredible! Not to men-tion A House of Our Own, where she ripped
my heart out by playing a hard working, sin-gle mother with such intensity that, for a second, I was right there in that room with
her while she was beating the hell out of her
annoying little ingrate of a son.<<sniff sniff>>
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
Alright, we should get this interview started before I totally break down here.
KB: No, but I'll let you call me Kathy.
RT: OK. So Kat, I have to tell you, every since Tim Curry died, I've been
in need of a positive female role model, and I think you may be just
that person!
KB: It's Kathy, and what do you mean? Tim Curry isn't dead.
RT: Yes she is, but that's beside the point. The point is, I need your in-
fluence, I need your guidance and inspiration... And I need to know
where you got that dress!
KB: I'm flattered that you think so highly of me, but I heard what you said
to the audience and quite frankly, I think you have me all wrong. I try
to be a serious and diverse actress, the roles I take in horror movies are
only one area of my career. Not my entire career. Haven't you ever
seen Titanic?
RT: I started to, but my friend told me you were kind of mushy in that one
and well, just between you and me, I've had enough mush watching
Meg Ryan to last me the rest of my life. No, I think what women need
is a strong, positive role model like you. << raising her voice a little >>
A woman who's not afraid to stand up and say, "Hey! I'm here... and
you better get out of my way!" << raising her voice a little more >> A
woman who's not afraid to beat the living hell out of anyone who to
gets on her nerves. A woman like you, who has a big ol' hammer, and
knows to use it! << now yelling at a high that only women and really
good tenors can hit >>
KB: Could you please calm down, and quit standing on the couch, you're
going to get it dirty.
RT: << climbing down off the couch >> Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried
away there, I'm just finding it hard to keep control of myself. Heck, just
being around you makes me want to go out and kick some butt! <<
sitting down and smoothing out her dress >> I love watching you kick
butt, by the way. You're so good at it. But you know, I think what gets
me the most is how creatively you do it. I mean, come on, whacking
that guys ankles with the hammer? That was classic!
KB: You realize I don't actually write those scripts, don't you? I'm an
actress, I just play the role they give me.
RT: Yeah, but it's your acting really brings the character to life... Let's face
it, "Annie Wilkes" was just a word on a page till You got ahold of her!
I don't think Stephen King, himself, knew who she was when he first
cast you for that role.
KB: Stephen King didn't cast me for that.
RT: Huh? Oh... OK, we're not here to get into a technical discussion, quit
trying to confuse me with facts!
KB: This is starting to get a little out of hand, I should probably leave now.
RT: NO! You can't leave, I'm not done interviewing you! Plant your butt in
that chair right now or I swear... I swear... I'll grab my marble rolling
pin!
KB: Oh yeah? You think I'm scared of you??? Why I'll...
<< scuffling noises >>
RT: Oh yeah??!! Say that to my face, why don't you!!!
<< more scuffling noises and the sound of breaking glass >>
RT: You broke my flower pot!!!
<< even more scuffling noises >>
KB: My Hair!
<< more scuffling noises even still >>
RT: My Tooth!!
<< everything goes quiet as RT catches her reflection in the microphone as
the cord is being wrapped around her neck >>
RT: Wait a minute... << gets up to get a closer look in the mirror >>
wow... that's cool... check it out, I got my tooth knocked out by Kathy
Bates!!
KB: Are you insane???
RT: No, I just think this is super cool. Look.
KB: << smoothing out her dress and fixing her hair as looks at RT's bloody
mouth >> Hey, you're right, that doesn't look half bad. Did I do that?
RT: << laughing and admiring her bloody mouth in the mirror >> Yes you
did! You ROCK!
KB: Thank you! << looking at her watch >> Oh wow, look at the time! I
really have to leave now, but this has been great! We'll have to get
together and do it again sometime!
RT: Oh heck yeah! anytime you're free, just stop by... and thank you so
much!
KB: You're very welcome...
<< picking the tooth up off the floor >> May I keep this?
RT: Oh you bet! Souvenir?
KB: Nah, I want to put it in an ice cube as a prank, Billy Bob is coming
over for diner tonight and I think he'll get a kick out of it.
RT: Oh! OK, sure... you can have it! Just make sure you tell him where it
came from << wink wink >>
KB: I will, and thank you. Good-bye!
RT: Good-bye!
RT: So there you have it folks, the greatest woman in the world,
Kathy Bates!
Interview. A figment of my imagination
and a product of having way to much
time on my hands. If I have offended
anyone, I sincerely apologize.
Thank You.
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