The worst City that I have EVER had the misfortune to go through would have to be Needles California.
It is like HELL ON EARTH!!! No Matter the time of day you can count on it being so hot there that the typically cool wind is So freaking hot that it burns your skin. And Heaven forbid that you run out of gas there. Gas prices are in excess of $2.50 for regular! And forget trying to talk to one of the Residents there it is like they all live in this perfect little bubble and they have no idea that people die in that kind of heat, they are among the most snobby, uncaring people on the planet! So, if you find yourself driving in the direction of Arizona by way of East bound I-40, I suggest that you avoid Needles at all costs.

--Rocky
(Does anyone besides me remember Snoopy's brother Spike (Also known as the Edge during the Joshua tree years). Spike lived in Needles...So ironic a picture you have painted (well not really)-Rox)

Worst city I ever went through:
Davis....
"Cross walks for animals????"
(It would seem that Orwell was right...IB, did you happen to see any hoof prints from pigs?-Rox)

--illogicalbeats

Boyle Heights, CA. scary as fuck. It makes compton look like a nice suburb.

--xina

I was lucky enough to not only know both sets of my grandparents into my college years, but was also blessed with living close to my mothers parents. They were only down in LA with us living in Northern California so we got to see them on a monthly basis. My grandfather was one of the biggest inspirations to me as a kid and as an adult. He was one of the most caring and giving people I have ever met and was always there for a friend or family member in need. I feel just having know him has had a huge impact on my life. He passed away when I was a junior in college and it hit me pretty hard. It's easy to celebrate a life but that doesn't make it less difficult when that life is gone.

--RobbaD

Easy...San Francisco. That town sucks. Good luck finding a place to Park for free. No...parking costs you your first born. That’s if you can ever get where you are going. All the roads run in circles. And the town smells like someone peed all over it.

--x777x

The worst city that I have ever been through would have to be Biggs in Butte County.
The town has two square miles of old rice mills and backwoods trash. They pass for quaint small town folk but are really fucked up people (like who isn’t). The worst two things about this town are as Follows:
1. The two gas stations they have did not have any zig zags in stock.
2. The terminator II pinball game in the general store had a broken led display panel (so all the appeal of the new skool pinball machine was lost, as was my score cause I couldnt play any of the bonus games. one more thing, you are a lucky lucky man if you can find a chick with a full set of teeth (which isnt a bad thing all of the time, right bob?) {‘Any port in a storm’ is fair, I say—Rox}

--JumboTrash

Newark, NJ
A trash can city - Put a lid on it and wait for pickup day.

--Lone Wolf
(But...It's in the GARDEN STATE!!!-Rox)

El Paso, TX. "Shithole" doesn't even begin to describe the condition of the city. The only saving grace is that you can drive through it quickly on the interstate.

--Ophelia Resurrected

Hey Bahb,

That would have to be Mexico City. I love the place but it has the worst congestion and traffic I've ever seen, if you can see past 10 feet because the smog is so heavy. 20 million people trying to pack into an area so small does not make for easy commuting...

A in LA

Hey Bahb,

Good question. Let's see...

LAW #1 - Legalize the sale and use of marijuana (to over 21ers) in state/city certified "bong houses" and the privacy of your own home.

Pro's: People do it anyway, it kills less than alcohol, great new tax revenue for starting more wars, and it'll piss the shit out of drug cartels around the world.
Con's: A rise in 5 MPH auto collisions, a rise in heart disease due to Krispy Kreme overindulgence, Glaucoma is cured - ophthalmologists go under, Dominos becomes bigger than Microsoft.

LAW #2 - You must have an IQ of at least 100 to be POTUS.

Pro's: Nuff said.
Con's: Might take a while to find a qualified applicant who actually wants to be president.

LAW #3 - Teachers make the same starting salary as POTUS.

Pro's: You gotta do something with all that new marijuana tax money...
Con's: We must develop a way to screen out evil sadistic rat-bastards like Mr. Hoyle, my trig teacher in High Scool.

I figure that just these three new laws are enough to get me written in on the next ballot. Oh wait, maybe not. I think law #2 applies here...

--A in LA

legalize gay marriage.

lower age of drinking

ok i know this is a bad idea but my logic goes either lower the age of drinking to 18 all across the board or raise the age of armed service too 21 we should not expect a young man to sacrifice his life for freedoms he doesn’t even enjoy.... " for the record i think they should both be 21 18 is too young to decided to drink / at least it was for me and choosing to die or fight at athis again can seem grander than it may be with a few years in the real world under there belt"

legalize drugs for adults in a secure setting

ok here we go again i know why legalize drugs and i wont use the old arguments like tax it and help budgets...i will go for the Darwin deal..
use drugs and die lol more food and money for em ... Darwinism at its finest....

--IllogicalBeats

No speed limit on open highways (I5, I80 in the desert, etc.) I'll think of 2 more later ;)

--HoneyBee

First law (Change)

Smoking in Bars - Duh

Second (Change.) I hate bar newbies, but hell, if they can let you die fast, they can let you live fast.

Drinking legal at 18- If you can die for your country, you can drink to it too!

Third

Local Police have to be elected. That's enough for me.

--Bad Monkey

1. I'd like to change the Law Of Gravity - Gravity Sucks!!!! It would me much more fun to jump over the house, cross the street, etc.

2. I'd like a law that says guys 6+ feet tall can't put stuff on the top shelf in Safeway unless they provide a ladder so I can get the shit down without either climbing on the shelf like a monkey or testing my reflexes by knocking stuff around and then catching whatever falls off.

3. I'd change one commandment in the bible. Thou shalt now covet thy neighbors goods. That's Capitalism (Thank you George Carlin).

--Lone Wolf

First law would be if a definition of 'frivolous' could be reached, that for every person that files a frivolous lawsuit be forced to pay the defendant the amount of damages asked for in the suit. It's time people start taking responsibilities for some of their stupid actions. (i.e my coffee was too hot, or I didn't know that carrying a fridge on my back by myself would hurt me, fucking idiots, Roxette, the Spice girls, American Idol and all it's fuckin copy cats)

Second, that election day be moved to April 15th. Would be interested to see politicians views and actions change when the day the get elected is the same day we have to pay our taxes.

Third, that people getting married be forced to go through a one year waiting period. during that time they have to live together and share everything. If things don't work out they walk away with whatever they came in with, and all assets acquired during this waiting period are split 50/50 no arguments. You really learn a lot about your significant other during that first year together.

Oh yeah and child molesters be strung up by their balls, or other parts for the female ones, in a public square for the parents to throw a beating on them.

--Thunder

Could only think of two laws to change:

1. Legalize sodomy. (for NotBlake)

2. Lower the age of consent to 14. (a la Pipe. "but she looks 12")

--Fun, fun. Rock 'n Roll High School.

1. The decriminalization of the sweet sweet dankity dank.
2. More of a measure (or amendment) than a law but I propose full medical care for all citizens. It would be great if I could go and get antibiotics without paying 65 bucks.
3. I.Q. Testing for anyone who would drive a car, own a handgun, reproduce, or any other action that would have any kind of impact on humanity.

--JumboTrash

bahb.....here are the 3 laws i would change or enact...

a. you do unspeakable's to women or children, you get your nuts cut off, 1/8" at a time. seriously, no tolerance for these types of crimes and/or criminals; just putting them in a 8x10 until they do their 5-8 stint is not right. the bigger the pain and punishment, the bigger the deterent. oh yeah, we need to get the media involved in this one, mandated by the law. you put a few first time offenders on the tube and the talk show circuit, there will be a question that pops into any molesters mind when he starts to think about what "he's going to do tonight".....no mercy, no tolerance, no nuts.

b. legalize weed. why, why not. but legalize it for 18 and older, and tax it at 50% of the current cig' tax. think of it, more revenue for the states, less expense for the "war" on drugs. i know this is a stretch for my conservative roots, but what the hell, waste pisses me off.

c. eliminate spam. 'nuf said.
late,

--the white guy

this is too easy......
it has to be the unbelievably and forever sexy Jessica Rabbit, from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", who understated it when she said....."I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way"
late,

--the white guy

you baby ............lol.

um i dont know

on pure interest i have had a crush on drew barrymore for the longest. but i would say ... aw fuck it i take drew... but not for her mind lol...

--illogicalbeats

Pink

--Harleybabe

Peace and have a multi-orgasmic day!

--A
(OMFG… had never heard of her…found http://www.aria-giovanni.com/ A…you are my hero…she’s natural too-Rox)

I would want to have sex with one of those tentacle-slinging monsters from Japanese anime.
So many tentacles, so little time.

- Fill 'er Up

Tom Jones!!! Nuf said (well Bahb is a close second....hehe)....

--RVG

You, of course!!!!

--Lone Wolf

At the risk of sounding like everyone else, I'm going to have to go with "What is my cousin?" for $500.

--@ntoinette

Gwen Stefani ;-)

--HoneyBee

Hmmmm....
Such a broad range of possiblities...
Missionary-On Top (and as a default): Penelope Cruz.
Missionary-On Bottom: Halle Berry (If you haven't seen Monster's Ball, then you'll never know why).
Doggy: Aisha Tyler or Shannon Elizabeth.
Greek: Madonna (Just for O'Rourke)
French/69: Angelina Jolie (OMFG)
Russian: Aria Giovani (Just so I could put those funbags to some good use).
In a Car: Serena Altschul (Just so I could watch her slam her ignorant, self-important, pretend-journalistic head into the rear window...repeatedly).
In an Elevator: Tera Patrick or Judge Judy (Just for the money shot on her lace).
At PacBell Park: Laura Bush (But only if it was on the JumboTron, and I knew for sure that the Dub was watching...but I would give her the common courtesy of a reach-around).
Grudge: Martha Stewart (Yes, and as a matter of fact I would punch that bitch in the back of her head) or Matt Carroll (For The White Guy, Wood and everyone else that HE fucked along the way).
In a trench near Basra: (Or other global hotspot): Christiane Amanpour.
BDSM: Michelle Pfieffer (But only if she's wearing the Catsuit).
And Since we're on the topic...
Dirty Sanchez: Joan Rivers (on Oscar night, on the red carpet, with cameras rolling).
Angry Pirate: Anna Kournikova (Not being able to see out of one eye and hopping around on one leg shouldn't hurt her professionally, so why not?)
Chili Dog: Britney Spears (If you even have to ask "Gee Rox, why her?", then you're next).
And I'm spent...

--Rox

Ralph Fiennes.

--Ophelia Resurrected

I would like to have sex with a group of train hopping' hobo m.i.l.f.'s. After we make love we would bake cookies in the nude... after we all went to sleep they would would steal anything that isn't nailed down. Man that would be fun.

--JumboTrash
("She's crafty and I like her style"?-Rox)

Ron Jeremy- i just think it's about time that a fat old man fucks him for a change.

of course, i'd be thinking of Jessica Alba....

--Not Blake

Remember that lady from the Wendy's commercial that asked "Where's the Beef?"
I would draw her a map.
She would follow it.
It would lead to Castle Greyskull, aka my crotch.
I would put her into a sexual coma.

Upon reawakening her with smelling salts (because that's the best way to wake up a coma-stricken person),
I would ask her but one question:
"Would you like to Biggie-size your meal?"
She would answer yes.
And so begins her second foray into orgasmic bliss.

After beating her about the head and neck, she would awaken one final time.
Without words, I would deliver the sexual deathblow.
And after the smoke and debris cleared, I would be gone.
The only hint of my being there would be her smile and a t-shirt that read:
"I found the beef. I got the beef. It is in New Jersey. Bon Jovi Rules."

And if that whack ass ho is dead, I'd take Fetish Queen Dita Von Teese.

--Jeff

Alive or Dead? Because there’s some dead chicks I’d really like get to with…

--Pipe

Kirsten Dunst, Rene Zelweiger or Jenna Elfman

-T Willie

Well that would definately have to be, the one and only, Wesley Snipes !!! Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, what more can I say ? And you will be happy to know that you would run a close second....lol

--Lee xxx

I'd have to say that my biggest joy in the past 12 months lives in Pipe's pants.

--Hello Pussy

For me it would have too be 2 things.....
1. wacthing my son take his first steps to me this week.
2. being able to stand behind the mic for the first time and not run.

--Illogicalbeats

Being able to spend what little time I could with my mother before she left this earth for the big martini bar in the sky...

--A

Seeing my dad walk out of the hospital after basically being written off for dead by the doctors.

--Lone Wolf

Hmmm....My biggest joy of the past 12 months would be that I meet someone who (in a different set of circumstances) would of been my soulmate. I found someone who shares my sense of humour, my love of music and someone who is one of the most romantic guys I have ever known. But the joy that once was is no longer, because we don't even talk anymore. I miss the easy flow of conversation, the way he made me smile and the way he made me cry. I thought we had a special bond that stretched across the miles, something that would keep we warm when my nights were cold but, maybe the distance was too great for us! I miss this person more than words can say and I would love it if someone could answer this one question for me ......If this thing between us never really started...which means it was never finished...then way the hell does it hurt so much that we don't talk anymore ???

--Lee XXX

Getting Married!

--Saul

Slowly but surely overcoming my greatest fears and working on bettering myself to not be co-dependant and liking myself. I have to say I've come along way since I 1st met you and I thank you for helping me in the toughest times in my life. You’re a rock and my current hero. So actually I would have to honestly say that my biggest joy for the past twelve months has been knowing you Bahb. Thank you for all you've given and taught me over the past year.
Signed

~aniya420~

1) watching my kids as they turn into some pretty damn cool teenagers (although it is amazing how in about the last 12 months I went from being the most brilliant dad on earth to a complete out-of-touch moron who knows nothing)....,br>or...
2) sex after 40"+" years of age......like fine wine or aged cheddar, it only gets better....you "30 something" young punks have lots to look forward to....
or...
3) just being alive and living life to it's fullest, or at least until my tired ass falls into bed, earlier and earlier...

late,

--the white guy

I think for me the biggest Joy in the last 12 months was marrying my best friend in the whole world. And having the opportunity to start making his dreams a reality.
And watching our children grow into beautiful people. I do not know which I like more.
I know it is mushy, but it is the truth.

--Rocky

It's been some of the shittiest times and some of the best times as well, so bittersweet is a mild term of reflection right now but here we go...
I've met and got to know some great folks...
Knowing that one of my "brothers" got off of his ass and finally proposed to one of the best people on earth...(L & B...may you both be blessed with a LIFETIME of joy together).
Finding out this week that another proposed as well (Congrats again Rob)...
Having Anthony speak at my father's memorial...(Thanks G)
Knowing that the rest of my surrogate family was there to help me deal...(Pat, Cliff, Lon, Blake, Luna, Denise, Mickalee...Thank you).
Dancing by myself on an energized floor...
Seeing people smile...
Killing kittens (if you know the joke, good...if not...don't trip)...
Success (or is it merely survival?)...
Any time I can sit under my cans and mix until the sun comes up...
Chewing box is always nice...
Getting the site and the Topic back online...
Watching Spoke (plug)...
Watching the sun rise or set...
Hearing someone speak what is truly in their heart, and not simply mouth words they feel fit the situation...

Sounds like a heap of sappy-assed shit when I read all of that back, but I guess the bottom line is my friends are still the biggest joy in my life, and I thank you all.

--Rox

hhmmm...
birth of my son and the best part no back labor, best child birth experience ever.
if only all childbirth experiences were that good.

--Jingles

Tossing off to dirty magazines in the bathroom.

--Pipe

If I could be anyone for a week, I would be a glaciologist in the Antarctic. It would be an adventure to hack into the ice, play out some Mr. Popper's Penguins fantasies stemming from childhood, and watching Greenpeace open a environmentally friendly can of whup ass on some Japanese whalers.

--Ophelia Resurrected

I would switch with Robert Hoffman this week and go check out Spoke (plug) at the VMC in Davis (203 E 14th St. @ B St.).
Six bands for $5 and beers for only $2 (plug)!
Check out www.spokemusic.com for more details (plug).
Love yah Bahb!

--RobbaD
(And I'M the Corporate Whore?-Rox)

If I could trade places with anyone else...hmmm...I think I'd trade places with my wife.
Not because I'd like to know what it's like to be her...Ya see...I am the world's greatest lover...and I'd like to know what it would be like to fuck myself.
Oh...wait...that would be like masturbating right? Fuck it...I'll just stick with masturbation and not trade places with anyone.

--fran =]

I would have to say Jay so I could say 'fuck' a lot and the word 'nooge'. Plus I would have some tubby bitch as my man servant like Morris Day and the Time. Or I could call him my hetero life mate.

--Thunder

I know this is late, but I'd be my labrador Poogin, cuz everyone loves her, she gets away with everything, she eats and sleeps all she wants and she's sorta cute! (not deep, I know, but at this point these are qualities I admire).

--RVG

Odd, I can't think of anyone I'd trade places with (or at least that would be funny)

--Rox

So you mean that it's OK to actually think, discuss and talk about things, even when they're waving the flag?
Hmmmmm.... I don't know, I'm a little hesitant because, golly, they might call me unpatriotic. Fortunately the Patriot Act 1 (& 2!) has my best interest in mind, so let me go turn UP the Have You Forgotten?, by Darryl Worley, put one more Dixie Chicks CD on the fire, and then I'll settle in to my most comfortable typing/fancy-word-using position.

"Has the U.S. Given Up On Pretense, And finally Become A Colonial Power??"
That brings up a few questions:
1. What IS the U.S.?
2. Can most Americans differentiate their colon from Colin P.?

The short answer to our topic is NO. The pretense is the THING. The facade-sustaining economic needs (of the U.S.) are the engine of this "freedom train" tour of the Mid East, and the principles and privileges of democracy that are supposed to be conducting this journey were put in a box, and somehow fell off the train long ago. Once found, they were immediately put up on eBay where they were eventually bought (cheap) by a very wealthy Arab hermit. Ironically some dude named Bin Laden (OBL) is now using them as a very comfortable foot rest. Imagine a scene in which OBL reclines on a well appointed leather couch, feet resting nicely, and watches in amazement as John Ashcroft does more to destroy our civil liberties than even he ever could have dreamed.

--GT
(Wow, and welcome aboard--Rox)

remains to be seen..... if we help rebuild and leave iraq then no .... but i got this sinking feeling that we wont be leaving .....so i say for now i lean towrds yes ... yes indeed...

--illogicalbeats

Oh all right, I'll reply, but it really won't be of any interest to anyone. I heard that the whole secret, conspiratorial agenda (though not so secret anymore since some nimrod published a paper on it) is to abolish the Arab world by moving from country to country and "forcing" democracy....which is something that really doesn't exist in this country; it would actually be a parliamentary sort of government, which is equal to England and therefore Colonial....so the answer is YES! (how's that for round about thinking???)

--RVG

Hey Bahb,

Nice to hear from you again. Very touchy first subject. Wouldn't expect anything less...

No I don't think we've given up on pretense, in fact I think we could have been a lot more Draconian in our methods lately, but have been holding back in order to avoid the appearance as such. I'm the wrong guy to ask as I tend to be a bit in favor of the Roman Legion's way of foreign diplomacy, however I really think that as a people and a culture we go out of our way to find acceptance from the rest of the world (notice, I said "people" and not the leadership) and I really think we just want everybody to like us. Are we "colonizing" Iraq? I think not. We may be misguided, but I honestly think we as a people see the moral importance of the cause. It may be for oil, it may be a vendetta but in the end I think we believe we're in the right. Is that Colonialism? Maybe it is. I don't think so.

Hell, while we're at it, let's take out Syria and Iran...

--A in LA.

http://news.yahoo.com/fc?tmpl=fc&cid=34&in=world&cat=syria
want to know your answer check out this link

--illogicalbeats

The U.S. is doing exactly what power does to anyone or any group.......absolute power corrupts absolutely. The humbling may occur before my time passes.

--DMW

Wait, we haven't been a colonial power? I thought that.......oh yeah, not in the "true" colonial power sense.

--RobbaD
(Once a smartass, always a smartass--Rox)