21 June, 1999
Submitted By: Shawn
"Who Has The Biggest 'Brain'? "
Bahb. Never afraid to ask the tough questions... duh!
Just look under the flannel.
(Hey, smart guy)
--RobbaD
--Andy
Bob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Shawn
Bob, I do believe that would have to be the Sperm Whale...
(There's a little S.C. back atcha!)
--A
This IS a difficult topic. Much like Andy, I figure anyone that shows their brain by default must have a pretty big one in the first place.
They did a bit on The Daily Show last night about how Einstein had an abnormally large brain. I wondered how they knew this as the 30's were a more modest era, but I figured it was all the Freudian stuff going on at the time.
I would also say that since Andy just got his Master's in E.E., he would qualify as a "pretty smart guy", not a "medium smart guy" mind you.
I have to give some props to Antoine for wearing the "I Can't Even Think Straight" shirt while performing in the land of the cultural inbreds. This took a fair amount of grey matter.
And Dan-o as well for crushing "crappy" at same said cultural gene pond.
But the winner in my mind is Sean Michaels. Based on the gift (which was modeled on Mr. Michaels...uh...Central Nervous System as it were) we got Heather after she lost the Niners/Broncos bet, I'd say he's the smartest guy on the planet. His brain was bigger than my fist.
--Rox
The Taco Bell dog.
And she's a girl.
--Waive
(The Irony Of It All--Rox)
What was so offensive about this weeks topic????? I feel like I am missing something here. It has been proven that Einstien had a big brain, that the parts with mathematical and scientific function were indeed larger than any that have ever been seen before.
--LC
As much as I'd like to vote for myself on this one, I gotta go with anthony, or at least that's the one I'm most familiar with 'cause he uses and shows it so often! late,
--the white guy
Pipe's got the biggest brain, cause he's got the biggest ...
- Sir Robin, the Not so Brave as Sir Lancelot
Previous Topics:
The Week Of:
Well, I guess I better respond to my own t.o.t.w. So, you may say "Hey, what kinda stupid question is this?", but
nonetheless I had to ask because last week I was thinking such depressing thoughts. Myanswer is no. No, I am not a happy person. Why? Because I figured out that although I have a nice job, a great wife and I am living new experiences everyday, I am lacking the one essential element that allows anyone to be happy. Control. Control of my life. Right now, I'm a passenger (as the folks at VW would say...). I'm reacting to my life rather than affecting it. That sucks. Is it just me? or is this a common problem. I don't know. They say that everyone is either a leader or a follower. What if your neither? Hey, I'm not looking for sympathy or the answers to life. I just want to feel like things are the way they are because I WANT them to be. I don't believe in fate. What would make me a happy person? If I could look at myself in the mirror every morning and say, with all honesty, today I do what I WANT to.
--A
Brother,
I can, without a shred of hesitation, say that I am extremely happy right now. I have started a new job and am doing what I have always dreamed of doing.
Plus, and most important, my relationship with my wife is growing and always getting stronger.
Sure there are some things that I would love to change (weight, salary, and lack of hair), but the truth is I am happy. I have a family, great job and love for life. Sounds corny, but it is true.
--Pablo Ortega
Eh...I guess no.
I think I'm happiest when I have someone in my life with whom to share, give and grow.
Without that, I tend to notice all the petty things in life that irritate me (The list is quite long for those who spend much time with me).
At least Rammstein is playing this week...So I've got that going for me...Which is nice.
--Rox
Live in Seattle for a couple of years. No chance of skin cancer, here. And I've actually learned to appreciate the value of pants!
--aj
Sleep naked with the fan on.
--RobbaD
Dear Bahb,
Too hot? Hmm...try moving to the Southern Hemisphere, a.k.a., Argentina. It was 27 freakin degrees last night! Not that cold you say?...Hey! I'm a SoCal boy who complains when it drops below 60! Send me down some of that global warming you guys keep talking about.
--A
Sit in my air conditioned apartment!
--C
Befriend a kid who has a pool sometime during late winter/early spring.
--Rhino
easy, stay the *#@& out of the south, the east, the midwest, and keep my butt in the best place on earth.....the sf bay area! late,
--the white guy
Auto-erotic stimulation.
Sure, you might work up a sweat, but if you play your cards right you can have a nap and maybe it will be cooler when you wake up.
If not, go sweat in someone else's house.
--Rox
riding a motorcycle and feeling the wind blow through your
clothes is a great way to "beat the heat." if i'm not doing that
though, i'm sitting directly in front of the ac. i don't know. i think unless you're really old, the heat is not that big of a deal. just do your normal shit and quit complaining. rox, i like your idea, but you have to agree that that method works for any weather condition.
--toelicious
(Duh.--Rox)
get naked
roll around in the mud
when it dries take a cold shower
repeat as necessary
--waive
I went to Florida and Atlanta last week. I come back here and you're worried about it being 70 degrees? Right?!!! Tempature in FLA - 90 Humidity - 90.
The answer in Florida was to drink Pina Coladas (called Piners "pronounced peeners") from morning till night and then sit in the hot tub and drink beers...
--Shawn
(Three reasons why I'll never leave The Bay Area: Excessive Heat, Excessive Humidity, and Excessive Stupidity...Peeners?...Are you fucking shitting me? God how I weep for the future--Rox)
If grass hair grows back......I'll take it.
--Shawn
Grass for hair so it could be cut with a lawnmower.
--Skipping Home Room in Boston
Grass for my head, roller paper for armpit hair, and matches for nose hair so I could get high anytime I want.
--Boston #2.
Since I lack both hair and fingers, either of these is an attractive option.
I would hope that they would be soy sausages in case I got nervous, and felt the need to chew my nails.
I wonder if you'd be able to change the type of sausage. The possibilities in a romantic environment are limitless. Gives whole new meaning to a "banger" (are you feeling me Rahb?).
Also, could you change the type of grass or even a ground cover? Crabgrass or baby tears would be cool if you were going clubbing. And if you got a crappy haircut, it would grow back in like two days.
I do think that both would be best, though i'm not sure if I'd like having a dog in my home: chewing on my hands if I had a nap, or worse taking a crap on my hair while I slept.
--Rox
If I had grass for hair, I would wear a hat until it turned brown. Then I would have weeds for hair, that is, until some of it started to grow back. I could have little patches of brown and green hair.... Would I use fertilizer for conditioner? Then my hair would smell like shit. Then I would have no choice but to live in BERKELEY. Then I would have to smoke lots of dope, drink beers with strange names whether they tasted good or not, and try to make all my friends conform and think the same way I do, though conformity isn't cool......nah.
Hmm...if I ate my fingers, would they grow back? Would they be
Chicken-apple sausage fingers or Anduille sausage fingers? What would the fat ratio be? Are we talkin' fresh or cured sausage? Nitrates? What about hot-dog fingers! Could I have hot-dog fingers? Make mine 'Ball Park' fingers, that way they would plump when I cooked them. When I get old, will they go bad and start to smell funny? Maybe I should get slim jim fingers, then they wouldn't smell funny, and I could be endorsed by the World Wrestling Federation.
OK, sausage fingers it is.
--Bad Monkey
I'm going to have to go with the grass for hair on this one. Being a guitar player, I'd hate to have the sausage casing break open while doing a two step bend and have all that greasy-gooey junk in the center soil the strings and neck. The strings would probably act like a cheese grater on my right hand and dice it up small enough to use the chunks on a Tony's Pizza you buy in your local grocer's freezer.
Bet that you're glad your a vegetarian right now Bahb. Would my hair be the smokable grass? That would be a bonus, I could sell it for lunch money.
--Robba D
Definitely grass for hair, man. Some of Chico's finest sticky purple punch would be the bomb!
...Oh you mean THAT kind'a grass...
--A
hmmmm.....what was the old bumper sticker, "grass, gas, or sausage, nobody rides for free"....take the sausage! late,
--the white guy
Vacation? Do people really take those?
C
3 weeks in Mexico, 2 weeks in Yosemite, 1 weekend at a Mariachi workshop in San Jose, 2 weeks house-sitting with free reign of all the modern accomodations, including Nintendo 64.
Best summer vacation: The summer immediately after I worked for the Oppressor: Marriott. The contrast between lifeless and meaningless work and meaningful conviction of LIFE vocation was beautiful.
--IG
Several years ago we drove from Kentucky (yes I am a hick) straight through to Denver. Spent a couple of days there and then the next three weeks traveling around the US. Other than several days in California and Canada, we never spent more than one night anywhere and I think I saw every state and national park between here and there and back. I'd kill to do it again right now. As far as this summer is concerned I don't have plans for a trip as yet, but in between school and work and other 'obstacles', I'd like to make another trip to California (via the airlines this time) to see my big brother :o).
--waivey
Best summer I ever had is getting out of this hell hole account known as Reno. Going back east this summer for a wedding and family reunion out on Cape Cod.
--Sup
Vegas, baby! We're going to Vegas. Rox, you bring something nice to wear.
--T
Got two summer time vacation traditions.....always go to a different city for the 4th of July celebration, slc, sac, sfo, sj, maybe the cruz this year, or napa, or monterey......and secondly, a week at camp with my kids, up in the sierras, relaxing, enjoying nature and the peace of it all the way it was intended.....no phones, no pc's, no stress. the best summer vacations are those which you spend with those you care for. late,
--the white guy
(Wise advice from one of the wisest men I know--Rox)
Bob, Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars. Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars. Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars. Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars. A decent map of downtown Belgrade. - Priceless. There are some things that money can't buy...unfortunately good intelligence isn't one of them. (unless you're at Los Alamos)
I know you didn't ask me to, but, I would like to go over your house and straighten out your life. I don't think you should be kicking out your friend that lives with you. I know it is your house and that you have things you would like to accomplish, and that your friend is in your way, but it just wouldn't be right. Your roommate has been with you for a while now and whether you like it or not he/she has rights. If you kick him/her out, I am going to have to go over there and make you take him back. I don't care what your neighbors say, you have to take him/her back. Because if you don't then I would have to deal with him. And there is no way in hell I will do that. After all, I just want peace! (to keep the status quo) You say that what right do I have to get in your business? I don't. But, I just want what's best for all (me).
Why can't we all just get along!
Say again? No, no! What I am doing to all those people that live around the shopping centers that I own is different. They bring down the value of my property and besides with them out, I can build new houses and make a profit on the higher rents. After all, they aren't in any pain, they just don't want to work.
They have rights you say? Not in my property, the government is trying to make me follow their rinky dink rules, but what are they going to do, bomb my home and shopping centers? I don't think so! This is America! Besides, we are talking about two totally different things. What you are doing is trying to kick somebody out of your home. What I am doing is bringing jobs to our area and helping revitalize the inner city (my pockets) communities. So don't compare the two.
note: I understand why we, as a country, are involved but for so long we have been the global police that people all over the world hate us. Its like that old lady at the museum, that kept telling you not to touch stuff when you were young. What right did she have to boss you around. I always dreamed that I would grow up and later go back and set that lady straight. What will happen when the rest of them come and set us straight.
Plus, we preach equality and fairness but time and time again our society provides us with ample examples of the complete opposite. Are we not committing inner city ethnic cleansing in our business, industry and education sectors (can you say, "Ward Connelly" or as I like to call him "Puto"). The truth is we are there to keep the status quo. It benefits us to stop any variation of the current geo-political power structure. Civil unrest means change, and for us that is not to our benefit. What bugs me is that we hide behind the skirt of righteousness. Why can't we just be men and women about it, and admit that our reasons for being there are not altruistic but strategic.
--Jean-Paul
What are the reasons for being the global Policeman? I love it when I hear President Clinton say that our actions in Kosovo are a "humanitarian effort." If this is our purpose for being there, why are we not in Tibet?
I think it's a joke how our politicians pick and choose our enemies and use propaganda to turn on the war machine. We're like that predictable punch line at the end of a knock-knock you've heard 10 times too many. Capital Hill is run by the companies and individuals who have funded the campaigns of the politicians.
I know I'm not saying anything new here but think about this: One reason we're not in Tibet is because oil companies don't have an interest in running a pipe line on their soil.
They do in Kosovo. If it is really ethnic cleasing, why aren't there any women or children in those graves.
Hitler wanted to wipe out a whole race, not just the men. Not that murdering these men is right but could they possibly be targeted enemies of the Serbs?
Doesn't the US have targeted enemies?
Why do we need the CIA?
I know that I'm rambling here but it is to make a point. If we truly are going to be the world's policeman, then we should have a policy and stick with it. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN MY LIFETIME. Robert F. Hoffman for President.
--RobbaD
This is a bad question for me to try to answer, as I do not follow the news and just got by in history. I have mixed feelings about it ranging from being the wife of a serviceman to feeling badly for those that do need help from someone and seeing the US stick its nose in other country's business.
If one can truly justify our interests at stake in a matter, then maybe.
If one cannot, then we have no business getting in the middle of conflicts and risking the life of our soldiers.
--CZ
I think we still do need to be the global police, but we need to be smarter about the issues we get involved in. We cannot afford
politically nor economically to send our troops to places where the goal of our presence is not clear.
--Shawn
UPCOMING MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL
For the rest, there's MasterCard: the official card of the 19-member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
--Woody
Oddly, I support this action, and US involvement in NATO as a global security action team.
If we don't do it now, we will in four years, when it costs even more lives and dollars.
The Balkans have been a powder keg for the last two hundred years, and stability must be brought to the region. It took the deft political manueverings (and marriages) of Josip Tito to quiet ethnic and religious differences, and when he croaked the bigotry came roaring back.
A homeland is needed. My fear is that the last homeland the West set up has not seen lasting peace since Palestine was renamed Israel, and we will need to post a security force in order to stabilize the region.
Economic viability is a reality for any nation-state. Without investment and lasting sustainable industry, any region will continue to suffer as one of "have-nots". Investment requires security, and NO ONE will invest in an unstable area, and despite Marxist rhetoric, capital does not materialize out of thin air.
Also the West must walk the talk of protecting freedom, and self-determination. Genocide (in Tibet or Serbia) has been determined by NATO to be "wrong". If this is the case, then we must support any action that is inherently based on ethnic or cultural freedom.
Does this mean that we practice our principles at home? Of course not. We've never done so, why should now be any different?
Do we wait until the US is directly attacked until we engage Slobodan? We're foolish if we do--and I'm a "pacifist". Diplomacy does not work when people are hungry, cold and pissed off. It didn't work with Chamberlain, it didn't work with Metternich, and it sure as shit didn't work with King George III...
I don't condone violence but in a violent situation I feel it is better to strike when the opportunity is there, and public opinion is not, rather than wait for the latter to catch up...it doesn't look as pretty in the history books, but God damn there aren't as many names on the war memorials afterwards.
I'd also say US (and NATO) policy must be more clearly defined. "Stopping genocide" is a political, not a strategic, objective.
Oh yeah...for all of you who might think this is new...history has repeated itself 100 years later...I'd suggest reading The Proud Tower by Barbara Tuchman. Just substitue "US" everytime Britain is mentioned...
p.s. Blowing up the Chinese embassy WAS major fuck-up on our part...we'll be paying that one off for the next 50 years...The Chinese have a longer memory than ANYONE! Just ask Britain, or Russia, or Korea, or Japan.
--Rox
``Milosevic has taken us into the heart of darkness where the rule of law is trampled by the law of rule, where women are raped, villages pillaged, justice is a bullet in the
back of the head,''
--Defense Secretary William Cohen
(To The US Naval Acadamy Class Of '99)
``As I have indicated before, the United States cannot be -- and should not be --
viewed as the policeman of the world.''
--Defense Secretary Cohen (8 September, in response to violence in East Timor)
It really depends on what you mean by careless. Is that the stereotypical "Sunday Driver" who thinks that they own the road and the only important thing in the world is what's in their visual domain? The kind of person who makes up their own speed limit and rules to the road. The kind of person who drives parallel to the person next to them on a two lane highway. THEY NEVER SEEM TO GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR WAY! The kind of rubber necker who drives with his wife through Napa and says, "Look honey another winery. Wow look! There's a feild with grape vines (I've been going to Napa a lot lately)." Is that what you mean by careless?
--RobbaD
Reckless driving at high speeds is worse. Here you are the target and they are the missle. The target usually loses...
--Shawn
Ah ha, the great question is upon us. Is it, "Get out of the way you asshole!" or is it, "Whoa, what a maniac!"? As for me, maniacs rule!
--C
Doing ANYTHING at low to safe speeds is absolutely ridiculous!!! Why bother doing anything if you can't do it right (thus fast and furious as hell)?? Oh, ok, that's my id talking...I have to be honest and say I've never had a ticket for speeding. But by God I did have citations for having expired tags! If that isn't living on the edge, I don't know what is...
--Waive
A. Our driving habits are reflective of our true emotional state.
B. We are a nation of neurotics.
C. The more you drive, the less you Know.
A+B+C=Take BART more often.
--Rox
That easy; "reckless driving at high speeds."
40 days and 40 nights,
--Joe
Dear Bahb,
The one thing I should mention is that careless driving at slow speeds is the main reason we have reckless driving at high speeds. Either that or an urgent bowel movement...
--A
I'm Done Here,
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