I like the fact that when I go to work and come home there is actually daylight left!!! In winter I begin to think that I live in the South Pole, the land of NO sun...
--Waivey
I enjoy all of the life springing up around Contra Costa County. This life that spreads itself in the air and causes my sinuses to clog up. Causing headaches and difficulties with my breathing. I guess that's just a consequence to the beauty of Spring.
--Rob
Everything! I celebrate by changing my house decor into bright spring colors, witnessing all the baby animals being introduced to our world especially the cows because they pass daily behind my backyard, the sunny days, colorful flowers, the sun lasting longer into the evenings, and time to listen to spring jazz music. Oh yes, and the singing of the birds.
--Camille
The sound of birds and bees fucking.
--Decalf Wallpaper
Previous Topics:8 March, 1999
Submitted by: Rox
"What phrase, when removed from your verbal lexicon, would cripple your ability to communicate?"
It's a tie:
A) Fuck!!!....You gotta be fucking shitting me!
B) If there is a God, let this not be decafe.
or
C) Whatever.
--Rox
ˇˇˇ I SKULL FUCKED THAT SHIT, MEIN !!!
--IG
"__________ you, Bahb"
--Bad monkey
Of course, "Ya know what I mean". Ya know what I mean?
--CZ
Good to go!
--Sup
I believe the word I would not be able to function with out is "gringo".
Without it, I don't think I could effectively communicate.
--Jean-Paul
Jesus-Fucking-Masturbating-Christ! Allright, I wouldn't be crippled, but it would take a lot of the fun out of trying to outdo Iverson's "Oh Jesus!" during drunkin tirades. Well, any tirades.
Admit it, if we couldn't say 'dude' anymore, we'd all be crippled...
--Andy
words i can't live without
y'all
hush
TREAT !!
oh and of course the one thing I find myself saying over and over
again...
"I really need to polish the gun rack today, it gets awfully dusty in the mini-van."
--Waive
FUCK ME!!!!!
--Shawn
1 March, 1999
Submitted by: Rox
"What is your proudest moment? and/or What is your least proud moment?"
Proudest moment is graduating from college
--Shawn
Outside of all the proud moments I've experienced with my children and my husband, my personal proudest moment was receiving my diploma from nursing school and it being announced that I was graduating with honors (which I was not aware that I was).
--Christi
Most proud:
Hearing the applause and seeing tears in the eyes of the audience following the performance of a song for which I wrote the lyrics.
Least proud:
Every time I compromised my principles about "Right" and "Wrong" while working for the "Great Satan" (Marriott).
--Rox
The proudest moment in my life was the night we finished "Buy Ten...".
The least proud moment of my life had to be the moment I realized.....hmm, no, it had to be that night I....ummm, no that wasn't it either....shit.
--badmonkey
22 February, 1999
Submitted by: Rox
"Given a magic wand, what would be the first three things that you changed?"
I've decided to answer this question personally rather than for the good of the world. The world is good enough and I do enjoy shorter term resolutions anyway. First, I would create the ability to transfer myself from point a to point b by the nod of my head. Like in the I Dream of Jeanie show. No more worries about traffic, gas costs, and car upkeeps. Second, I would eliminate all those people who adopted or bought a pet who mistreat them and created an ownership program under strict control where people are screened and determined fit before they are allowed to adopt or purchase a pet. Finally, I'd design a clothing operation where you can borrow a months worth of clothing and then return them for new ones the following month. This will avoid wearing the same old thing, allow to wear that special dress for that special occasion you only wear once and to avoid the costly expense; etc. This third one was not well thought out, just sounded good in the moment of thought. Thanks
--camille
I would have to say that I would change:
1. Penis size
2. My wife back to 19 years old again. (She was so damn hot...uh, still is of course but come on, you know what I'm saying.)
3. My bank account balance
I was going to say that I would ask for peace in the world and all that but then I decided I'm in a selfish mood today so fuck it.
--Name withheld in case my wife reads this...
15 February, 1999
Submitted by: Rox
"Who is/was your favorite President? Why?"
J.F.K. The guy hung out with Sinatra.
--Rahb
F.D.R. The guy hung out with Stalin.
--Rox
The president of my junior class in high school. She always made
concessions for me.
--Shawn
Bahb,
I've got to say that Clinton (No relation to George) is my favorite. Who else has the balls to do what he did (and he did.) and continue with his job. What determination, what pride and honor for the American democracy.....HA HA, just joking! What a loser! What a dumb ass! He got caught, dumb fuck! I can't believe he was willing to give it all up to stick it in her mouth! Oh well...
--Badmonkey
That guy who was president for a couple of days...he decided to talk for hours during his inaugural (sp?) speech in the rain and catch pneumonia...then died? (serves him right) I forgot his name. (Pres Dumbass?)
--Runs with Scissors (William Henry Harrison died from pneumonia on April 4 1840, one month after his inauguration--Rox)
Martin Van Buren
--Pipe
8 February, 1999
Submitted by: IG
"Who is St. Valentine historically and why do we
celebrate this day as a "love" holiday? Where/when/why
did the exchange of "valentines" start?"
St. Valentine ???? Isn't that codeword for Windows 99 ???
--A
St. Valentine was the brother of St. Roxuranus. Valentine loved to masterbate in the wilderness while his brother humped sheep in the meadow. We exchange gifts and celebrate this as a love holiday because true love is in the eye of the beholder. And as you know, sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell.
--Rahb
Valentine is one of the "Latter" saints. His sainthood was the sole result of freeing Shermanium from the evil clutches of Antonius.
Antonius had lured young Shermanium into the garden of Eros with his founts of purity symbolized in the form of what humans would call "milk".
Shermanium, being Lactose intolerant, promptly fell into a bout of lower intestinal incontinence, and suffered great physical trauma at the hands of Antonius.
Yet in spite of his personal suffering, the purity of Antonius' offering continued to draw young Shermanium into the wicked garden, thereby increasing his pain.
Valentine, passing through the garden one day herding a small flock of goats, heard the cries of Shermanium, and rushed to investigate.
Valentine spotted a large furry monkey who appeared to be protecting the garden in which Antonius was entertaining young Shermanium.
This monkey hurled a brutal string of epithets at Valentine in an effort to dissuade him (and his goats) from entering the sacred shrine of Abernathium.
Valentine tried to befriend the monkey as Shermanium fell deeper and deeper into his pit of "sorrow". He asked the bad monkey why he was stuck guarding the gates of this "apparent hell."
The monkey replied that he merely wanted to "play on his pan pipes", and that "I just want to drink me some wine", but was forced into this pennance by Solbergius (a witch of some raw ability, who was trying to find the bad monkey a paying gig at a local Denny's).
Recounting this tale brought the maladaptive behaviour out of the simian once again and Valentine was threatened within a inch of his life by bad monkey's Big Muff (a dangerous tool which distorted all sound to an ultra low pitch vibration that made dolphins cry).
Valentine was knocked from his feet, and the goats spread quickly in fear of the evil Muff.
Valentine was torn. Should he confront the bad monkey, and save young Shermanium, or should he gather his flock and quietly leave the lad to evil lurking within Abernathium?
Forcing his way past the bad monkey (and the outrageous 2 sheckel cover charge), Valentine charged into the garden and separated the misguided wood nymphs with a crowbar, extracting young Shermanium from a pool of what could only be symbolized as chocolate, thus saving the young lads life. Once free of the pit, Valentine handed Shermanium a roll of parchment to cleanse the impurity of his actions from his body.
Valentine's sacrifice, and true display of agape, has become immortalized as the true display of love, and the symbols of milk and chocolate have been incorporated into a single greeting that humans give to each other to celebrate his selfless actions. Exchanging greetings in the form of cards, are both another symbol of the Saint's unconditional love and the cleansing nature of love that is within all of our actions.
--Rox
1 February, 1999
Submitted by: Shawn
"What question you would love God to answer straight up?"
Why did you give men nipples too?
--Rahb
What are the numbers to next weeks lottery?
--LC
Why do a lot of tragedies happen to really good people, and not evil people? It's always the criminals with perfect health, and mother or father that dies of cancer.
--Saul
Just the mere fact that He/She answered confirms my first question. My real question I guess would have to be why? Why man? Are we an experiment? or is there a purpose to it? Kind of an open question, maybe kinda' lame, I know, but it's kind of like the last child in a string of brothers and sisters wondering if they were a mistake or not. Doesn't matter anyway, I'd still be a dork...
--A
They got breasts AND a pussy! All I got was dick! What the Fuck!!?!?
--badmonkey
Since the mere fact that he was available to answer questions, answers a question that has always had me puzzled........I would ask for the numbers to an astronomically high powerball.
--CZ
Why are you fucking with me?
--Rox
4 January, 1999
Submitted by: Rox
"What is one of the resolutions you made for 1999?"
Dear Bahb,
This one's about as South O.C. as you can get...
I vow do get an oilchange every 5K like I'm supposed to and get my new Aliso Viejo Handwash punch card signed off once a week so that I may truly be a part of the great SoCal "shiny-happy-people" car culture!
--A
P.S. I might as well bleach my teeth too while I'm at it... (...and to think this guy used to have street cred--Rox)
A: I usually never make a New Year's resolution. Just the fact that I've waited all year to make a healthy decision in my life pretty much guarantees that it won't stick. It is really like any other day of your life, it just happens to fall on the fist day of our calendar year. Don't you have to be ready to make a change in your life?
I'm quitting smoking.
--Anthony (Yeah Right...Anthony's gonna quit smoking and I'm going to quit jerking off--Rox)
Quit smoking. (It's been 4 days and the patch works pretty well)
--Rahb
use my gym membership more often and perhaps even see
results.
--CZ
To put money into my IRA regularly instead of going shopping! --cac
28 December, 1998
Submitted by: Rox
"What Was The Most Important Thing That Happened In Your Life In The Last 12 Months?"
I got a new job and I moved.
--Shawn
I rediscovered the most important things in my life, got reaquainted with lost friends and lost the dead weight.
--Rahb
There are 2 things that happened this year that were important. I
divorced my husband and lost my daughter.I guess that says it all.
--Meg
I found love, and lost hope.
--Rox
21 December, 1998
Submitted by: Rox
"Can the spirit of the holidays survive in the 21st century? If so, then what do you plan to do to ensure this? If not, why?"
I think the better question to ask "do you think that the spirit of the holidays can survive in 21st century capitalism." I don't think there's any other system of economics that has managed to rob people of their ability to truely identify with and OWN something greater and more significant than themselves IN ADDITION to robbing the poor and destitute of their livelihoods without returning to them some real meaning in their lives. At least the church gave a transcendent and meaninful idealogy back to it's indigenous converts in the Latin America before annihilating them.
If, by the "spirit of the holidays", you mean Christmas as a Christian holiday (which it essentially should because no other idealogy or systems of belief gave off such a strong community and "familial" energy like even non-religious, agnostics, and atheists claim that the winter months bring to them), then I think that that spirit died years ago with the rooting of capitalism in our nation, particularly this century. There is a resurgence in the church as it changes to prepare for the 21st century. This resurgence is a reclaiming of young people by the church as it grows with new priests and leaders of modern spirituality (as opposed to the "pray 10 hail mary's" of the older church). I think things will get interesting between capitalism, science, and the deep longing we all have for the transcendent (even if it is just drugs for some people).
Merry Christmas all. Grace, Joy and Peace to you.
--IG
Christmas will always exist in a world where billions of dollars can be made. I will spend time with my friends and family and enjoy giving rather than receiving.
--Rahb
p.s. "What is it with this John Lennon bullshit" (Some asshole at Dan's) (Actually it was one of the empty-headed, cum-guzzling whores no doubt sporting a little black fucking backpack at Dan's...there are quite a few--Rox)
Dear Saniclaws,
I have to believe that the holiday spirit will continue on, no matter how much exploitation and commercialization we associate with it. We all have to believe. It's kinda the point, aint it. For some people, it may be the only time you get together with parents, siblings, family, and friends. Those people you see maybe once or twice a year and wonder why you don't make the effort to do it more often. How do I plan to keep it alive in the 21st? Be the best human being I know how to be.
--A (Peace, Love, and Understanding) (Elvis??? On this page.....shocker--Rox)
No.
The social decay that has undermined our culture has decimated the core of the holiday spirit. "Me First" does not translate well into the spirit of giving that used to define the winter holidays.
Until we can embrace unconditional love the other 364 days of the year, the one day of sharing is a superficial farce.
If we believe in saving the Holiday Spirit, we would choose to live that lifestyle with every breath we draw, and it certainly would not be defined by feasting and checkbooks. Celebrating family bonds and sharing ourselves with each other is what life is about. We certainly do not need some metaphorical "Saint" to deliver this love.
If the spirit will survive, it will mean that on March 25th, or June 25, or for that matter August 1st, we will greet our neighbors with compassion, and celebrate the beauty of life with our families with the same zeal that we save for December 25.
--Rox
