 |
| MARIA:"Michael, if you can hear me now over the sound of your rappidly inflating ego, please tell me that you don't believe what this this Michael worshipper here has to say!" |
| MARIA:Oh, please! Do your lips not get chapped from all the ass-kissing? |
|
| Seizoen 2 |
| Harvest |
| MARIA: "She looks familair" ALEX:"Yeah, that's Vanessa Whitaker, she's our congresswoman" MARIA:"I have to start reading the newspaper" |
| Skin and Bones |
| MARIA:"Girlfriend, Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quit ready to show you the bod just yet" MAX:"No, I was just wondering if you heard from Liz yet" MARIA:"Not since you asked me an hour ago, no" MAX:"I heard you on the phone with her" MARIA:"Max, a little advice, the girl goes of to Sumont Florida and barely says goodbye to you, in layment terms, she blew you off big time. And look at you, look, you're like a graveling dog, Have you heard from Liz today, did Liz call?, No, that's no good. Look, you play it cool right, let her come to you" MAX:"Let her come to me?" MARIA:"That's what I'd do" MAX:"Wait, didn't you just tell me that you left like 5 messages for Michael in the past 2 days?" MARIA:"What's your point?" |
| Ask Not |
| KYLE: Damn human of him. Of course, he is the reason I got shot in the first place, but what the hell. No conditions are permanent. No conditions are reliable. Nothin is self. TESS: Calvin Klein. I approve. KYLE: Dad! TESS: "Buddhism for Beginners" is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler and Busty Biker Babes? |
| Surprise |
| GRANT: Well, I'm impressed. No one's ever given me a surprise party. MRS.EVANS: Oh, when's your birthday? GRANT: December 7th MRS.EVANS: And what year might that be? GRANT: Well, this obviously isn't a good time for a date ISABEL: Well, you're welcome to stay MICHAEL: Or go MAX: I know. Tess is missing MARIA: Oh, boo-hoo. Sorry COURTNEY: Chill out, NYPD Blue ALEX: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $ 150 to rent this costume. And do you have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass? MARIA&COURTNEY: Yes! |
| Summer of '47 |
| MICHAEL: What was World War II like? HAL: What do you think? CAVITT: Captain. You see that troop truck?Take it directly to hangar 20. No stops. No questions. I don't care if a family of 4 is bleeding on the roadside. HAL: But Roswell needs all the tourists it can get, Captain. MICHAEL: The chicks dig it grandpa MARIA: I'm sorry. When humans need rides, they take Jettas. And when aliens need rides, they take spaceships. Oh! Find one! |
| The End of the World |
| LIZ: I'm so confused ALEX: I'm so depressed MARIA: Wimps! FUTURE MAX: 3...2...1 LIZ: Well? FUTURE MAX: I said approximately MARIA: We need to talk MICHAEL: Talk? MARIA: Yeah, about our relationship MICHAEL: You gotta be joking me COURTNEY: You handle your machine really good MICHAEL: Thanks COURTNEY: Well, I guess it's time for another night curled up in my sheets, fondling my remote control MICHAEL: I guess COURTNEY: Unless, of course, you want to be my remote control for the night? LIZ: Hi KYLE: Well, you here for a reason, or you just rushed right over 'cause you sensed I might be experiencing some actual joy? |
| MICHAEL: I don't know. She went out the window. I tried chasing her.... MARIA: But it's hard to run with your pants around your ankles? |
| MARIA: Culture Club? Wham? The Backstreet Boys? God, she really is an alien, this one. |
| MICHAEL: Ok, so now it's my fault MARIA: Yes. You know what? Just to make things simpler, from now on you should consider everything to be your fault, ok? Ok. |
| Wipe Out! |
| ISABEL: I'm not avoiding you. We destroyed a race of people. I'm just trying to get past it. Juice? |
| MARIA: Oh, please don't let me die like Elvis. |
| LIZ: Um... you know, from what... from what she said, the husk is starving. It's looking at her thighs like they're 2 canned hams. COURTNEY: I heard that, you bitch. |
| MARIA: Ok, we've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St. John's wort, and pamprin... What? I was dating Michael Guerin. |
| KYLE: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass! |
| KYLE: Hey, I've been really nice about following your orders, Senor Presidente, but if I can do something to help bring some people back or ensure that Liz, Maria and I live to see another day, I'm gonna do it. |
| Meet the Dupes |
| LONNIE: That's right. Zan's my brother. Rath's my lover. But who are you? Why are you still livin' and breathin' and riding in this car? Oh, that's right. You're here 'cause I love you. Ain't that sweet? |
| MARIA: No. No, it's not ok.You ordered pepperjack. You have the right to expect pepperjack. This is... this is unacceptable is what this is! BRODY: It's just cheese. MARIA: No, it's not just cheese. BRODY: But it's a very small thing MARIA: Yes. It is a very small thing, and that's why a person who can't even get the cheese right does not deserve to live! BRODY: Wow. You take your job very seriously. |
| MAX: What are you running from? ISABEL: I'm just getting in shape. MAX: Since when? Your only exercise used to be the escalator at the mall. |
| LIZ: Ok. This thing kind of happend with Kyle, but it didn't really happen, and I can't tell Max what I didn't do. But I can't tell you what I didn't do either, so don't ask me to explain it, ok?But... the point is, I just feel really stupid being here. MARIA: Do you realize that what you just said made absolutely no sense? |
| RATH: You want me to kill him for you? MICHAEL: I'll get back to you on that. |
| BRODY: Well, just things... missing moments of time, bizarre dreams I can't remember in the morning.It all reminds me of the last time. So, if I... suddenly dissapear for a couple of days, it's nothing personal. I've just been abducted. |
| Max in the City |
| MAX: You wanna watch where you're hitting those things? RATH: Do I? |
| TESS: Why don't they... come in person? RATH: You see, little girl, space is what we call very, very big. You know, it's not easy to get places. People just don't zip around the galaxy like on Star Trek. |
| TESS: I think he'll handle it. RATH: Hey, is someone talkin' to you, retard? |
| NICHOLAS: Actually, Kivar speaks for his world. And I speak for Kivar. Max. Nice to see your genocidal girlfriend again. Killed anyone today? TESS: Day's not over. NICHOLAS: what a charmer. |
| RATH: Ha. Yeah, possession. Doin' the Linda Blair, you know? Human dude never knows what happend to him. He thinks he's been frickin' abducted. Heh. |
 |
| A Roswell Christmas Carol |
| MARIA: What is it? MICHAEL: That's a good question MARIA: This must have cost you a fortune MICHAEL: I'm sure they will |
| Disturbing Behavior |
| MARIA: I think they're having sex MICHAEL: Wow! MICHAEL: I'm not completely emotionally retarted. I have feelings. MARIA: Okay, walk them over there and give 'em a workout AMY: Hello MARIA: Hello? AMY: That's right. This is your mother. I confiscated Liz's phone. Where are you? MARIA: I... I'm still in New Mexico, mom AMY: Oh, that's cute. Where are you? MARIA: On our way to Arizona AMY: Why? MARIA: We're being free spirits, mom AMY: That means you're going to Sadona to get stoned and have sex in the hills MARIA: Mom! AMY: Do you think I wasn't 17 once? Do you think I didn't do crazy, stupid things with a really bad boy, when I was your age? MARIA: Yes, I know you did, Mom. Dad! AMY: Let me talk to him MARIA: No, why? AMY: Put him on the phone now! MARIA: She wants to talk to you MICHAEL: What? No... get... are you crazy. Hey, Mrs DeLuca AMY: Michael, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter. You will protect her, and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tattoos, you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that can not be shown in polite company... and Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay? MICHAEL: Okay AMY: Call me if you need bail money MARIA: What'd she say? MICHAEL: She wants you to have fun. |
| How The Other Half Lives |
| MICHAEL: What's going to happen with her? We can't leave her here with these freaks. MARIA: Well, that's something we can handle. All we need is a lawyer. |
| Heart of mine |
| MICHAEL: Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them. MARIA: You don't believe in them? MICHAEL: The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural. MARIA: You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do! MICHAEL: I knew you were going to make this thing into a whole issue MARIA: Oh my god! This is potentially one of the 5 greatest nights of my life! And if you're not going to do your part in providing that for me, then I'm just gonna, I'm gonna seek other options. It's what I'm gonna do. MICHAEL: So, what are you saying, that we're seeing other people? MARIA: Oh my god! You are so annoying! MICHAEL: Fine, then we're seeing other people. MARIA: Fine! MARIA: What are you doing here? MICHAEL: Came here to dance MARIA: Well you shoulda brought Juanita MICHAEL: How do you know about her? MARIA: I followed you to your pod. MICHAEL: Juanita's my dance teacher MARIA: Your dance teacher MICHAEL: Yeah, I can't dance. And I knew this was a big deal for you so I was taking dancing lessons Maria looks very embarrassed, relieved, happy. MARIA: Oh my god! MICHAEL: Wait, did you think Juanita was some chick I was boffing? MARIA: Oh my god! MICHAEL: How the hell did you find out about it in the first place? MARIA: Oh my god, I'm like the stupidest person alive MICHAEL: Okay. Juanita declared me unteachable. but if you want to risk personal injury... |
| It's Too Late and It' Too Bad |
| MICHAEL: So, what's Liz accusing us of now? MARIA: You know what? If you're here to trash-talk, I'm gonna have to take a rain check, 'cause that is the only way I'm gonna get through a simple school day without losing it, all right? MICHAEL: Well, you gotta tell her to get off this Alex thing MARIA: What if she's right though, you know. What if... MICHAEL: All the more reason for her not to get involved. It's dangerous. It's not for Liz too look into, or you MARIA: God, I hate this. I just hate that there's a division between all of us. MICHAEL: Well, then maybe Liz shouldn't have blamed us for killing Alex. MARIA: That is not what she said, Michael |