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| Alright kiddos, time to hit the hay! This page is for Mommy and Daddy, and maybe your big bully-brat of a sibling. Not leaving? Alright! But don't go crying to your parents when you are done! You've been warned! |
| So, there's this guy, and he's at his local bar when the bartender says, "Hey Mick, I think you had better go home, mate. I think you have had one past your share." Mick, still sipping off his last pint says, "Alright Joe. I'll head off here as soon as I finish this one." After a few minutes, Mick swirls around his stool and steps off, only to fall to the ground. Thinking to himself, Mick relizes that he is more pissed than he thought. "Maybe if I get to the door, the fresh air will help me sober up. He crawls to the door frame, shimmies up, and takes his first step out into the street. Mick opens his eyes, and sees the pavement at his face. "Jesus! I must be really drunk! I should be able to crawl two blocks to my house and get myself into bed." And so he did. The next morning Mick's wife walks into the bedroom with the morining tea and awakes Mick. "Mick, where you at the bar last night?" Mick, still rubbing his eyes, says, "Yes Mary, I was, but how did you know that?" Mary replys, "Joe called. You left your weelchair." |
| One Saturday night, the bar is more crowded than usual. An Italian lady fights her way to the bar, lifts her arm, and tries to get the bartender's attention. She continues to unsuccessfully flag down the bartender when a local, sitting at the bar, helps her get the bartender's attention. "Hey John! Get the ballerina a drink, will ya?" So the bartender serves the woman. A time later, the same Italian woman tries to get a drink. So the local helps her again. "Hey John, Get the ballerina a drink, will ya?" So the bartender helps the woman again. Later, after most of the crowd had gone home, the bartender walks to the local and says, "Hey Pat. You have help me with something here, how did you know that Italian lady was a ballerina?" The local answers, "Anyone who can get their leg that high has to be." |
| A drunk man walks into a bar and asks the bartender where the restroom is. The bartender points him in the right direction and the man heads off to the toilet. After a few minutes, and baratender and the crowd hear a loud scream from the restrooms. A little while later, another loud scream comes from the bathrooms. Checking on the drunk man, the bartender opens the toilet door asking, "What is all of this? You are scaring my customers away!" The drunk man says, "You are not going to believe this, but everytime I flush the toilet, something comes up and grabs my balls!" The bartender bows and shakes his head saying, "That's because you are sitting on the mop bucket." |
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