Family TherapyBack to episode list

H = Homer, M = Marge, B = Bart, L = Lisa, S = Dr. Sherwood
The family stand outside the door of Dr. B. F. Sherwood. Marge holds
some knitting. Lisa holds a chain of paper dolls in one hand, a pair
of scissors in the other. Bart holds a toy machine gun.
null:Family therapy? What the hell is this?
null:You said we were going out for frosty chocolate milkshakes.
null:Well, I lied.
The door opens.
null:Uh... Simpsons? Welcome.
The family enter the office and are seated.
null:So what brings you to family therapy?
null:Well, Doc, it's like this.
 They're all driving me crazy.
null:[interrupting] He's always blaming things on me. It's not my fault.
null:[interrupting] There's always something wrong with me. I wish I
  was an orphan.
null:Lisa!
Bart spots the bowl of mints on the doctor's desk.
null:Oh, boy! Mints!
null:Go ahead. Take one.
Bart starts shoveling them in.
null:We never laugh anymore, Doc.
null:You can say that again.
Bart pauses his mint-fest briefly.
null:[mouth full] When Homer's right, he's right.
Bart then resumes his shoveling.
null:For once the old man's correct-a-rooni.
null:Shut up!
null:I'm sensing some deep-seated hostility here. Why don't we all take a
 deep, cleansing breath.
Everyone takes a deep breath and exhales. Bart then resumes eating mints.
null:Don't you think you've had enough mints, son?
null:I ain't leavin' 'til that bowl's empty.
null:Put those mints back, boy.
Bart spits out liquefied mint-goop back into the bowl.
null:Ewwwww!
null:Good Lord, you little slob! You ruined the whole bowl!
null:Don't talk to my brother like that, you big oaf!
Lisa kicks the doctor in the shin.
null:'Oh! [rubbing his leg] Why you little borderline psychotic...!
Homer rises from his seat.
null:No one talks to my daughter like that!
null:Oh, yeah? Now are you gonna bully me like you bully your kids?
null:We don't like you, sir.
Bart raises his toy machine gun and rapid-fires rubber suction darts
at the doctor. Lisa cuts the doctor's tie. Marge gasps.
null:[trying to remain calm] Leave this office, please.
The doctor pries a suction dart off his face. (It leaves a red mark
behind.)
The family walk out of the office into the hallway, the door slamming
shut behind them. They exchange embarrassed glances, then their mouths
start to quiver, and they all burst out laughing (including Maggie).

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