Simpsons XmasBack to episode list

Scene: Exterior of the Simpsons house. Snow is falling.
Bart:[VO] 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home,
Fade to inside. Aside from the window in the center of the screen,
the picture is black. A pair of eyes enters from stage right. As
it passes in front of the window, we see that it is Bart.
Bart:Not a creature was stirring,
Bart continues moving, his eyes exiting stage left.
Bart: 'cept for me and this poem.
Bart opens the door to Lisa and Maggie's room. Lisa is asleep with
a smile on her face. Maggie, in a small bed (not crib) next to Lisa's,
is also asleep, though she sucks furiously on her pacifier.
Bart:My sisters were nestled all snug in their beds,
 While visions of candy bars danced in their heads.
With a twinkle, a thought balloon appears above the girls, depicting
two candy bars and a Rollo with arms and legs, dancing to funky music.
Bart:Then I sprang like a spring,
Bart hops out the doorway. The girls each open one eye and watch him go.
Bart: and snuck like a sneak,
Bart quietly hops down the hallway.
Bart:Down the stairs to the gifts,
Bart slides down the banister.
Bart: for just a quick peek.
Bart slides downward out of frame, and lands with a thud.
Bart picks himself up and looks off camera with a troubled expression.
Bart:When, lo and behold, what did I see?
Cut to Bart's viewpoint. Lisa (wearing a blue nightgown) and Maggie
(in a white baggie) standing by the tree.
Bart:Lisa and Maggie had just beaten me!
Lisa is admiring a small present. Maggie shakes a small wrapped box.
(Whap whap whap.) Bart crawls to a rather large red box, which he
pokes at with his left index finger. (Thump thump.)
Bart:I poked at my package, and said, [aloud] This is rad, man!
On the couch and wall behind Bart grows a menacing shadow,
with hunched shoulders, and fingers curled.
Bart:[VO] Then noticed Dad's shadow. He looked like a madman!
The shadow reaches to the side and turns on the light. Cut to Homer,
in his blue nightgown, blue stocking cap, and blue socks.
Homer:Oh Maggie, oh Lisa, oh little Bartholomew!
Homer points to each child as he says the name.
Homer:Go upstairs, go right now, before I kill all of you!
Homer punctuates his brief speech with strangling gestures.
The kids scurry off.
Bart:And so into bed we fled in a flash,
Trailing a cloud of dust, Bart hops into bed. The lights are put out
(presumably by Homer, off-screen), and the screen goes black, save for
Bart's eyes.
Bart:Awaiting 'til morning to open our stash.
Bart blinks twice before going to sleep.
Through the window, the sun peeks over the horizon.
Bart:At last daybreak came, and we scampered so cheerily,
Lisa, Maggie, and Bart rush past the window, arms extended in front
of them, with expressions of great anticipation.
Bart:While Mom and Dad yawned, and gazed at us wearily.
Homer and Marge on the couch. Homer still in his nightgown, his
two hairs uncombed. Marge in a grey nightgown next to him with a
cup of coffee, her hair still up in rollers. Both have bags under
their eyes. As Homer yawns, we hear the kids tearing into their
presents, as ribbons, empty boxes, and torn wrapping paper fly past.
Bart:For Maggie, a pacifier.
Maggie holds a shiny new pacifier (twinkle!) in her hand. She removes
her existing pacifier (pop!) and smiles. (No teeth.)
Bart: For Lisa, some dolls.
Lisa, smiling, holds a Binky doll in her right hand, and a Bongo doll
in her left. The dolls have no pupils.
Bart:For me a big burp gun
Bart smiles broadly as he holds a large green toy gun.
Bart: which shoots ping-pong balls.
He aims and pulls the barrel repeatedly. With each pull comes a
popping sound, and a red ping-pong ball emerges from the barrel of
the gun, bouncing off Homer's head. Homer puts his hands in front
of his face, but that doesn't help.
Bart:Then on came the TV,
The family are camped out on the couch, Maggie in Homer's lap.
Homer hits the remote, and ``Jingle Bells'' meekly plays on the
TV set as we see Itchy and Scratchy in a snow scene, wearing
Christmas caps (no scarves) and waving politely at the camera.
Bart: and we sta>
Everyone gradually nods off. First Homer, then Marge, then Lisa,
then Maggie. Bart is the only one remaining awake.
Shot from beside the TV. Bart in the foreground, continuing his
poem. The rest of the family asleep on the couch, Lisa curled up at
one end, her Bongo doll on the floor in front of her. Maggie is asleep
in Homer's lap.
Bart:[aloud] So, to those of you groovin' on my holiday rap,
 Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good nap.
Bart waves good-bye to all, still holding his toy gun in his right hand.
[Time: 1:08]
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