ShopliftingBack to episode list
Bart, Maggie and Lisa stand in front of a candy stand inside a convenience
store.
Bart:I've gotta have those candy bars!
Lisa:But Bart, we don't have any money.
Bart:There's be a way!
Lisa:You better not be thinking of stealing those candy bars...
Bart:That's it!
Lisa:Better not, Bart.
Meanwhile, Bart stuffs candy bars into his pants as he mischievously
raises his eyebrows.
Bart:So long, suckers!
Bart exits. Then soon thereafter returns, carried by the back of his shirt
by the store security guard.
Bart:They caught me.
Bart is placed in the security office, his ill-gotten gains arrayed on
the desk before him.
security guard:You just sit right there and think about your crime, you dirty
 little shoplifter-thief.
The guard leaves.
Bart:[false fear] Yes, sir! [sticks out his tongue]
Back in the store, the guard chats with the store owner. Maggie and
Lisa hide behind the candy stand, their eyes (and cute noses) peeking
over the counter.
store owner:Is he scared?
security guard:I think I got that kid so scared he can't even see straight.
store owner:Good. Frighten him some more while I call his parents.
Lisa:[quietly] Poor Bart...
The guard returns to the office.
security guard:Well, boy. Looks like the jig is... Gasp!
Bart sits at the desk, his hands and mouth smeared in chocolate. The
evidence on the desk is gone.
Bart:I know my rights! You can't hold me if you ain't got no evidence, copper!
Bart sees his face in the mirror and swallows hard.
Bart:Uh, is it too late to make a full confession?
{Homer and Marge come to take them home.}
In the car. Homer drives.
Marge:Your father and I are disappointed in you, Bart.
Lisa smiles.
Bart:Gee, I hadn't noticed.
Homer:Bart!
Marge:What have you learned from this experience, Bart?
Bart:Well, Mom, I might have been caught and had a few bad moments there, but I
 gotta admit, the chocolate was delish.
Marge:No, no, no, Bart. The lesson is, ultimately, crime hurts the criminal.
Bart:That's not true, Mom. I got a free ride home, didn't I?
The car screeches to a halt. We hear Bart yell ``Ungh!'' followed by
a thud. The car speeds off. Bart is left standing by the side of the
road.
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