Grandpa & the Kids

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{curly braces} enclose text that might've been cut from the original

airing.

The three kids stand in a doorway (from left to right, Bart, Lisa and

Maggie). Behind them stands Homer.

Homer:

Meet your Grandpa. Now get in there and talk to him.

Homer shoves the kids into the room.

In the room sits Grampa in a rocker.

Grampa:

Gather 'round, kids. And I'll tell you about the good ol' days.

The kids hop into his lap.

Bart:

{Aw,} man!

Through Grampa's story, Bart has one of those, ``I've heard this before''

expressions. Lisa and Maggie are entertained.

Grampa:

You know, when I was your age, I had to walk twenty miles just to get

to school. And back then, we didn't have pacifiers. We had to suck on

pieces of wood. And in my day, we didn't have TV sets. We used to sit

on our grandpa's lap all evening and listen politely to his entertaining

stories.

Bart:

Was your grandpa a liar too?

Grampa:

No, but his lap was awful slippery!

Grampa playfully pushes Bart off his lap. Bart lands with a thud.

The girls are in Grampa's lap. Bart bounces a red ball.

Grampa:

Once upon a time, there was a happy little elf.

Bart:

[annoyed] Can't something bad happen to the elf?

Grampa:

The happy little elf hummed a happy little tune.

Bart:

Aw, come on, man!

Grampa:

But suddenly, the happy little elf STOPPED!

Bart is startled, and the ball crashes through the window.

Lisa:

Why did the happy little elf stop?

Grampa:

Because he realized... he was actually a clumsy little elf.

Bart hangs his head.

Things are pretty much as we left them. The girls are in Grampa's

lap. The window is still broken.

Bart:

Come on, Gramps. Tell us a story.

Grampa:

You want it scary, eh?

Bart:

That's right, old timer.

Grampa:

This is a story... of a very... Wauugh!

Grampa's eyes go haywire, and he throws his arms wide, tossing the

girls to the floor. He then slumps in his chair.

The girls stand next to Bart.

Lisa:

You killed Grandpa.

Bart:

[panicking] No way, man! Society killed Grandpa!

Lisa:

Face it Bart... You're doomed.

Bart:

Uh oh.

Zoom in on Grampa's face. He opens one eye and smiles. Then closes it

and pretends to be dead.

Bart faces away from Grampa.

Lisa:

Which do you prefer, Bart? The gas chamber? ... Or the electric chair?

Bart's eyes go weird. Grampa chuckles.

Grampa:

I was just pullin' yer leg.

Lisa throws open her arms.

Lisa:

Hallelujah! He's alive!

Lisa starts dancing with Maggie in celebration. Bart starts to lose

his balance.

Homer appears in the doorway.

Homer:

That's what I like to see. Everybody having a good time.

Homer sees Lisa and Maggie dancing joyfully, Grampa rocking in his chair,

and Bart losing his balance.

Homer:

Bart?

Bart falls flat onto his back.

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