| |||
| The living room. Marge sits on a chair and knits. Bart plays with a | |||
| punching bag, Lisa spanks a rabbit doll (which goes ``squeak'' at each | |||
| spank), Maggie toys with a rattle. And Homer stands behind a genuinely | |||
| ancient camera, the kind with an accordion lens and a | |||
| Homer: | Come on everybody, it's time for the family portrait! | ||
| Nobody pays any attention. | |||
| Homer: | Let's bunch together now. Here we go! | ||
| Nobody pays any attention. | |||
| Homer: | Move it! | ||
| The rest of the family zip into position. From left to right, Bart, | |||
| Lisa, Marge and Maggie. Marge has one arm on each of the girl's shoulders. | |||
| Homer: | Perfecto. Everybody smile. | ||
| They do, to an extreme. (Including Maggie, who smiles through her | |||
| pacifier.) | |||
| Homer: | I'm going to set the automatic timer. | ||
| Homer sets the timer and rushes to get into the picture just as the flash | |||
| goes off. Bart has been pushed out of the frame (only his arm is showing), | |||
| Lisa and Maggie have been separated from their mother, and Homer stands | |||
| directly in front of Marge, creating a four-armed creature with Homer's | |||
| face and Marge's hair. | |||
| The family wait impatiently. This time, they've left a space for | |||
| Homer to stand in. | |||
| Homer: | [o.s.] Almost ready. Here we go. | ||
| Bart: | Let's get the show on the road, man. | ||
| We've got things to do. | |||
| Lisa: | Yeah, Dad. | ||
| Homer sets the camera timer. | |||
| Homer: | Okay, here we go. | ||
| Lisa: | Make room for Jumbo... | ||
| ... and joins the family between Lisa and Marge. | |||
| They all smile. Marge and Maggie smile without showing their teeth. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] What'd you say? | ||
| Lisa: | [through her teeth] Nuthin'. | ||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] All right, everybody. Squeeze in real tight. | ||
| They squeeze together. Marge shows some cleavage. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] I want us all to get us all in the picture this time. | ||
| Closer. | |||
| They squeeze in even more tightly, and everybody shows their teeth. | |||
| Bart folds his arms and leans in from the left. Maggie and Lisa move | |||
| in front. Marge puts her arm around Homer. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] Closer! | ||
| Just has he pulls everyone in tighter, the flash goes off. | |||
| The family are mushed together into a jumble that would make Picasso | |||
| proud, with eyes, noses, mouths, and arms all over the place. | |||
| Third time's a charm. Or so they say. Marge is visibly tired. | |||
| Homer: | Okay, hold still. This is the last picture on the roll. | ||
| Bart: | [tired, rolls his eyes] Praise the Lord. | ||
| Homer: | Watch your mouth, you little smart-ass. | ||
| Homer peers into the viewfinder and focuses on Bart sticking out his | |||
| tongue. | |||
| Lisa: | Yeah, Bart. | ||
| Homer looks up at Bart, who has since put on an innocent face. Homer | |||
| scowls, then brightens. | |||
| Homer: | Nothing's going to ruin this one. | ||
| Homer sets the timer. | |||
| Homer: | The timer's a-tickin'! | ||
| Homer joins the family. Bart makes a weird face. | |||
| Lisa: | [tattling] Bart's making faces, Dad. | ||
| Homer: | Bart! | ||
| Bart's face quickly returns to normal. Everybody smiles a toothy smile, | |||
| including Maggie. Marge's half-closed eyes slowly droop. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] This one's going to be the Simpsons at our finest. | ||
| Smile. Look cheerful. Here we go... | |||
| Bart resumes making faces. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] Here we go... | ||
| The faces get weirder. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] Here we go... | ||
| And weirder. | |||
| Homer: | [through his teeth] Why you little...! | ||
| As the picture is taken, Homer lunges for Bart. The Simpsons Family | |||
| Portrait consists of Homer strangling Bart, Lisa and Maggie making | |||
| faces at the camera, and Marge asleep. | |||
| Back to episode list | |||