Note: This is just for fun.
*Scene fades to Thingoden and Nura cuddling together in the corner of a pub. All of a sudden Nura pushes Thingo away, sobbing.* Thingo, I�m sorry, I just....can�t. I love someone else, and he loves me back. I can�t live a lie... My real love is Pelly, my uncle-in-soap! (shudder)
Next episode: How will Thingoden and Pellakal respond? What will happen to Thingo and Nura�s engagement?
Pellakal
*Pelly looks at Thingo. Thingo looks at Pelly. They both look at Nura. Pelly gets all dramatic. ((ed note: the following text does not display the true emotions of the said Rider, Pellakal. Any legal actions taken against him will be rebutted by his horse, Pferd)). Pelly kneels before Nura* Alas, my dear, long have I loved you from afar, yet I have endeavored to conceal it from your sight. It gave me great joy to see you and young Thingoden so happily engaged. Alas, I would rather go now and live the life of a hermit in the deserts of Harad than to come between this tender, fragile love between you and Thingoden. Go now, dearer than daughter, run into his arms, and forget me. I shall be leaving soon...
Elswyth
Wow, we should send this to some of the real soap writers. *Imagines a LotR version of General Hospital* The Nura/Thingo/Pelly triangle, Ary�s search for a guy, Pferd taking care of legal matters....
Amhran
(please, please note that this is all acting and the actions portrayed here do not resemble any feelings or actions of RL or normal RP. thankees.)
*Amh staggers in, her hands clasped to her heart* "Pelly..." she gasps, "How could you do this? I thought you loved me...so all that was a lie? Oh, heartless!" *she breaks down sobbing, mascara running down all over the place
Aryante
((see beginning of Amh�s post))
*grovels at Pelly�s feet* Oh, Pelly, I love you too! CHOOSE ME OVER THESE OTHER UNWORTHY GIRLS!
Nuraeariel
(The following does not represent the feelings of Nura. Any legal actions taken against her will be rebutted by the Association of Saddle Soap Addicts.)
Nura stares in shock at Amh. Suddenly her tears flow as she slaps Pelly across the face, good �n� hard. "You liar! You...you...excuse for a pile of muck! How dare thee say I was your object of adoration when this woman obviously was the one you loved!"
Elswyth
Pelly you really are going to have to be a hermit!
Pellakal
(Ed note> The following transcripts are for the amusement of the masses only. Have a cookie)
*Pell begins to cry with large manly sobs of grief.* Alas, that such a calamity should come upon me! Is it not the worst crime to befall a man, that he should lead astray the quiet, trusting disposition of a lady, and gain her affections unasked for! Woe unto me, and a curse upon my house! *he takes all three ladies in his arms, crying painful tears upon their brows.* Alas, such a fate has befallen me, and I can but seek a glorious death in battle. Weep not for me, nay, do not think of me again! I am but a passing chapter in the volumes of your lives. Live on, for it is for you that I seek death. I am leaving now, by the first train, and shall throw in my lot with that of the French Foreign Legion. Fare thee well, and Viva la Legion!
Amhran
*the background strings reach a sickening crescendo, culminating in one of the strings popping off with a deafening twang, a scuffle and muffled cursing, then silence, as Amh - the Soap Amh - because the real Amh and the RL <name censored> are laughing their fat heads off and don�t mean a word of this - gazes at Soap Pelly with big liquid doe eyes. the audience gags*
Oh, the French Foreign Legion? *clasps hands, enraptured* A uniform...how macho and romantic! *clutches him* Oh, Pelly, Pelly, be careful! Be careful, won�t you! If your life should be taken by those foreign barbarians, I�ll *dramatically* kill myself! *canned gasp from sound board...as the violin has broken a string, the accordion reaches a sickening crescendo*
Bl�dtunge
*Bl�d enters the thread royally, stomping up to Amhran and taking hold of her arm.* "You shall not throw your life away on this... this... Motions to Pelly distastefully. vagrant! Any man who runs from you for the French Foreign Legion is not good enough for you!"
Thingoden
(calls lawyers in to write a suitably decent disclaimer...
Disclaimer: Any words, actions, emmy-winning performances, henceforth displayed, shall be considered null and void, as they are a misrepresentation of the character that is Thingoden, thus the characterizations is just a character of the character and said character is not, and can not be deemed to be in any way related to the real character that is not the character of the character.)
*puts hand over heart, and dramatically throws head back* Alas, you hath dealt my heart a mortal blow, how.... why.... I shall say goodbye to this cruel world, for there is nothing left for me here. I do only hope that you, Nura, can live and be happy, for truly I would not want to love you selfishly and stop you from loving someone as I you. *turns dramatically to Pelly, who by now is already decked out in legionnaire gear* Alas that you do not realize the great treasures you would leave behind, the Lord hath given you a royal flush yet you would seek to fold...
Amhran
((OOC: Oh, man, this is getting fuuuuuuuuunny...))
*The accordion honks out two discordant notes and ceases as Soap Amh - who is not an indicator of the feelings or thoughts of RP Amh or RL <name> - turns to gaze with shock and surprise into the furious blue eyes of Bl�dtunge* Bl�d! I...I didn�t know you were here!
((OOC: Dun dun dunnnnnn *extensive reverb*!))
Aryante
((Copied from Thingo�s post: (calls lawyers in to write a suitably decent disclaimer...
Disclaimer: Any words, actions, Emmy-winning performances, henceforth displayed, shall be considered null and void, as they are a misrepresentation of the character that is Aryante, thus the characterizations is just a character of the character and said character is not, and can not be deemed to be in any way related to the real character that is not the character of the character.)))
Blaed, I have a confession to make. I�m in love with you! No longer do I grovel at Tala, Braga, Curu, or Beleg�s feet! It is yours that receive my attentions! ...and the rest of you! *wails* Blaed, oh, my dear, sweet, Blaed! Will you be my lover?
((I think I�ve been watching far too much Moulin Rouge for my own good... ))
*breaks into song*
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I�ve never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Pellakal
Now, to return to our regularly scheduled showing:
The following broadcast is brought to you by P&B�s Saddle Soap!
*add same legal jargon about views and interests of the cast. If you have a problem, please see my acting manager at [email protected]*
*Pelly, looking downcast, turns to Blaed.* In this matter, as in every one, I hold you to be utterly in the right. Behold, I am as low as a worm, for I would flinch and seek the way of the coward from this predicament. Please, take good care of her, and see that she not trouble herself about me again. *turns to Thingo* Do not be so quick to loose heart at this changing whims of womanhood, my good man! For deep in her heart, though she know it not, the fair Nura loveth you still, more so than she ever could love me. For her love for me is also bound up in those parental bonds that transcend time and space. Do not quail, but go boldly out, lay siege to her heart, and win with dignity what truly belongs to you!
*Pelly turns to Elvh, who is also bedecked in the uniform of the Legion.* Come, Jacques, it is time for us to make our way. To the solemn sands of Harad! To the bloodied shores of the Sea of Rhun! To where ever fate takes us, where we can bury the sorrow of our past in the graves we have boldly chosen for ourselves! Viva la Legion!
Braganil Agl�ca
*Braganil storms into thread and confronts the new 3rd* WHOM are you calling a VAGRANT? Surely not my valinat brother Pelly? For Pelly is neither vagrant nor random but a stout man of morals and fiber. He is very regular and... and.... such! *Looks indignant, eyes blazing and mouth foaming*
Nuraeariel
Note: All following actions do not represent the true feeling of Nura. Lines that look skeptical or refer to men other than Thingo should be looked at only as extrememly exaggerated and placed for the enjoyment of the public. Random comment: This is beginning to look like the Aragorn/Eowyn/Faramir triangle!)
Nura looks back and forth between the two loves of her life. Pelly...Dear Pelly, so brave and thoughtful. And then there was her sweet, charming Oden. Her heart ached for both of them. At last she turns to Thingoden, "Alas! I cannot choose between the two of you. Yes, Pelly rides away with the French Legion of Pickles, but I cannot give up the hope that someday he will come back for me. Do not be so sad, my love. I choose to be unmarried." She reaches up and gives her once-betrothed one last, bittersweet kiss. "Ferthu hal, Thingoden!" she cries and runs out of the pub.
Tala
Nura - you abandon Thingoden and also Pelly my unlawful brother in law? off with her head!!! you are penalized.... now let me figure out a punishment for you... mayhap sweeping Braga�s temple eh?
Elvheimdros
Elvhs stands up tall next to Pelly. "Away then! Let us go, and escape this nonsense. And when we died fighting valiantly, remember us! Jacque, it is time!"
Bl�dtunge
*Bl�d cocks an eyebrow at the foam dribbling down Brag�s shirt, nonplussed.* "If he was... such, why is he leaving her for the foreign legion? Great honk, man! If he would stay behind, repent of his ways, and try to win her hand in an honorable fashion, I would be more than happy to approve their marriage! For I deem that in their heart of hearts they still truly love each other."
Pellakal
(same legal jargon blah blah the positions stated are not truly those of the actors involved blah blah see Pferd if you have a problem)
*Pelly grasps his brother�s shirt collar, holding him back* Nay, Braga, this is no quarrel, and it is not the way to end a quarrel if it were! Alas for my crimes! For I would gladly repent and turn back, but, how could I ask any woman, let alone the fair lady Amhran, to wed such an accursed man as myself? Death, and glory in battle, these are all I can lay claim to now!
*sees Nura about to run* Ah, sweet Nura, your heart troubles you now, but you must choose the way you deem the best. *Nura runs from the pub* Alas, Thingoden! Her heart indeed troubles her, and she knows not which way to turn! Do not follow her now, most worthy of men, let her be at peace for some time, and then lay siege to her again! I would not have her so unhappy; you are the one man I would deem worthy enough to take the hand of my niece in marriage! Go with my blessing!
*Elvh/Jacques and Pelly/Pierre move towards the door.*
Braganil Agl�ca
Oh woe is me... *Braga is unsure why and how and whatfore, but woe is him and so he leaves this establishment, totally confused, mounting Rahedan the wrong way around, looking down from rahedan�s behind* See what you�ve done here? my horse is build the wrong way! Oh woe indeed is me!!!!! *Silently, Braga sobs as the drama unfolds and Rahedan slowly trots home with a mismounted rider on top*
Amhran
((OOC: *is beginning to feel a bit...edgy* Uh oh...are y�all trying to get me Plaza-married to Pelly? Don�t even...o_O))
*Soap Amh looks from Soap Bl�d to Soap Pelly and back again, getting a twitch in her eye as she does so...* Oh, calamity, she thinks, do I go with my brother or Pelly? Maybe if I concentrate really hard I can melt into the floor and reappear somewhere in the Deep South. Then I won�t have to choose. Yeah.
Pellakal
And now, we fast forward to the last scene... (I am leaving this weekend, I thought it befitting to end my role). This program has been brought to you by Pell �n Brags.
*and so it is. The train leaves, carrying Elvh and Pelly, dragging him away from the admiring glances of the various females.... He and Elvh make their way, with their fellow legionnaires to the sands of Harad. It is there, by the banks of a small stream within the hot sands, that their small company is suddenly beset upon by a band of Wainriders. The Legionnaires form a square, but cannot keep them out! A retreat is ordred! Gallantly, Pelly and two comrades hold their position as their fellows run back to safety. But it is too late for Pell. There, upon the desolate sands, he is cut down, and his dead body is hacked by the cruel Wainriders. It lies there, unburied, in the sun, still guarding the stream where Pellakal met his noble end.... The rest is silence.....*
Braganil Agl�ca
In a pub fIar, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away, a shudder runs through Braganil and in that instant he has spiritual communion with his brother pelly for a last time. he feels a stab in his heart, falls to the floor, and begins to sob. His brother is no more, and so Braga, having lost his will to live, falls into his own blade to rejoin his beloved bro in the eternity that is the vastness of the Void!
Elvheimdros
(legal nonsense)
*Elvh is the red guy standing up in the pic. Pelly must be the other one.* ;-) Seconds later, a bullet, er, arrow, quidquid, nails him in the head, and Elvh too slumps to the ground....
((OOC...and is well and truly out of it! ))
Amhran
*Soap Amh - who is not anything like RP Amh or RL <your ad here>, thank heaven - is ready to pound Ary for hitting on her brother. She hits on him figuratively, Soap Amh hits on her literally. You get the ideer.* Little PUNK! Hands off my bro!
Bl�dtunge
*Soap Bl�d just watches with a cocked eyebrow as Soap Amh defends him. He turns to Soap Amh.*
"You know, she does sing rather nicely... Won�t scare Hwitstan, that�s for sure..."
((OOC: Legal jargon blah blah blah not real actions/intents/feelings etc. etc. etc. have a cookie. ))
Culfinwen
*gulps and decides she hates these scenes. Curse my dramatic nature!*
DISCLAIMER: Culfinwen, while being a romantic and a ditz, is not in love with anyone, especially someone from the Plaza. Her romantic nature makes her oooh and ahh over others, but the ditz nature is not the boycrazy type. Thank you for watching, and while you�re here, remember to buy Bob�s Best Bubble Bath!
*Culfinwen, dressed in her luverly French peasant dress, runs over and falls by Pelly�s side, brushing back her auburn hair from her pale face (gotta have the dramatic descriptions -- too bad I�m not a blonde. jk)* Noooo! My darlingest (coughicantbelievei�mdoingthiscough) Pellakal, too long have I waited. Now you are dead, and I have no choice but to kill myself too! *takes out a long handled knife and closes her dark blue eyes (more dramatic descriptions) and stabs herself in the heart! Falling to the ground at Pelly�s side, she gives a small moan and then she dies*
Oh, gracious, I can�t believe I did that. *laughs* I always turn pink and blush when I do scenes like that. (in RL anyway)
Aryante
Aryante stares intently at Blaed, her green eyes catching the light. She tucks a strand of midnight black hair behind an ear. "You really think I sing nicely?" she says breathily. "No one�s ever told me that before. Blaed, I...I..." She bursts into tears. "I love you more than ever!" She turns to Amh. "You can�t keep us apart! Hit me all you want; I�m not leaving Blaed!"
((see any other person�s disclaimer and switch the name with Aryante. There ya go!))
Amhran
((OOC: Ha ha ha. I keep forgetting to turn el siggo off, but I remembered this time. Ha ha ha. And Pelly has acquitted me of the crime anyway. You can�t touch me. Ha ha ha. ))
*The accordion blew a gasket, or whatever else is in an accordion to blow, so now the violin is back - but still missing a string. To make up for it, the player sings the notes he can�t play. The effect is little short of...oh, say, frog with bronchitis. Soap Amh is about to pummel Soap Nura and Soap Ary for hitting on her favorite brother, and her favorite brother for responding, when a telegram arrives from Harad.* It�s...it�s about Pelly! It says...OH NO! *The violin/frog attempts to reach a sickening crescendo, but an earsplitting shot is heard from backstage. Silence. Soap Amh freezes in perfect stage form. She doesn�t even swallow. A small puddle of spit forms in her cheek and threatens to dribble down her chin. Just in time to save her dignity - if the word fits - a new instrument comes on. She swallows and resumes monologue.* He�s...dead. I have no more will to live...*She swoons in a dead faint. Soap Bl�d attempts to catch her but misses because he has his Soap eyes glued on Soap Ary. Soap dink.*
*flump*
*She grabs his shirt collar and pulls him down so he can hear her. Did I mention the Soap Amh had garlic bread for lunch?* Bl�d...*koff* I have a confession to make...*wheeze* I�m not really your sister. I�m...I�m Aria�s long-lost twin! And Elvh�s long-lost third cousin twice removed on his mother�s side! *She promptly slumps into a coma, with a death grip on Soap Bl�d�s collar. Crowbar, please.*
*The kazoo chorus reaches a sickening crescendo*
Braganil Agl�ca
Blue Ghostie Braga appears and yells into both Nura�s and Arya�s ears* CAN�T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? Do you know what your lil catfight is causing up here with the valar? They are BETTING on the outcome, and even eru neglects tpo ruler Arda for this. Geez! *kicks up a mudhose in the swimming pool and douses both with mud*
Rinavariel
*laughes hysterically at Amh* that means you�re my third cousin fourty-two times removed, or whatever you said, too! cool! but why are all the guys getting killed? My brother and Pelly, and.. and... there was someone else...
oh, and Ary, I object to getting sprayed with mud. This dress was clean three weeks ago and I just washed my hair last thursday twice removed!
Nuraeariel
*momentarily stops harassing Arya to listen to her Daddy. She cackles evilly as the mud is dumped over her.* Ooohh...Not a good idea, Daddy, to get in the middle of a catfight! *Smiling like an angel, she reaches over and tugs on her Daddy�s legs, resulting in a very muddy Braga sitting on his bum in the pool.* Heh! That goes to show you should never bother an aethelwigend, especially one in the middle of a catfight....*turns back to her opponent* Now, where were we??
Bl�dtunge
*Notes that an Aethelwigend in a catfight really shouldn�t claim to be an Aethelwigend cause they�re not acting like one.*
*SoapBl�d picks SoapAmh up and sobs.* "No! No! Even away from you that madman still hurts you! Thrice unworthy vagrant, he is! The deepest pit of Hell itself is too good for him!"
*Runs from the thread seeking medical help for SoapAmh, not even comprehending the family bit.*
Rinavariel
purple? and green? the green maybe, but the red and orange kinds are better! but it does taste better than mud, I�ll admit... having tried both, I ought to know!
Amhran! what are you doing?! Ridiculous! Pelly�s very nice and all that, but making such a scene! *kazoo blows a... whatever happens to kazoos to make them not work... and Rina improvises a sad and melancholy tune on the piano*
Amhran
((OOC: Rina, it�s a soap opera. I�m supposed to make a scene. ))
Aryante
SoapAry pushes SoapBraga and SoapRina out so soapshe can get on with the catfight. SoapShe lets out a bloodcurdling shriek (think Nazgul, but higher) and submerges SoapNura�s head under the mud. "Haha, Blaed is mine! MINE FOREVER!!!!" SoapNura kicks SoapAry�s (or Arya or Yante....whatever you call SoapAryante) legs from underneath her and she begins to drown in the kiddie pool of mud.
Sorry muchly Nura! I just need an excuse to get out of the mud. I think you won the fight. And as for Jell-O, it makes me hurl, so I�m glad we used mud. *cheerful smile*
Elvheimdros
Anyway...SoapElvh groans. His leg and arm are broken, and his head is a mess, but he�s alive...barely. (OOT: notice I did only say I *fell*...). He finds the remains of SoapsPelly and SoapCulfy and drags them, so they lie near each other...and tries to scoop sand over them. Then he passes out again.
Rinavariel
*RealRina points out to the mostly dead Elvh that it may be the same name, but it�s spelt differently*
Rinavariel
SoapRina suddenly finds a telegram from unknown soldier which says that Elvh, who she supposed dead, is alive and well (well, mostly well) and recovering nicely in hospital. She bursts into tears and is consoled (consoled? why consoled?) by an extremely muddy Ary. �He�s alive! alive!� (hysterical tears) �I thought I would never see him again! oh my....� *is overcome by sobs mixed oddly with laughter, producing very strange results*
see? I can be silly and hopelessly romantic when I want to be... oh, and as SoapRina is no longer playing the piano, the violinist is back, playing Paganinni�s thingy for two strings, the only problem being that one of the required strings is the one that broke... just so you know....
Amhran
((OOC: Boy, I�ve started it now...all this soap! *blows bubbles and waits for an inopportune time to emerge from the shadows and declare...oh, heck, I�ll do it now.*))
*SoapAmh drops from somewhere near the ceiling - rumour has it she was hanging drunkenly from a chandelier - and lands like a sack of potatoes on SoapShadowblade. She sits on SoapBlade and blinks obliviously skyward.* Where am I? Who am I? *She peers down at the squashed SoapBlade underneath her* Where are you? Who are you? Do you know where I am? Do you know when I�ll be back? Do you know anything? I can�t remember...*blank stare*
((OOC: Can you say..........amnesia? *piano reaches a sickening crescendo...of The Entertainer*))
Amhran
When SoapBlade shoves SoapAmh off, SoapAmh bumps her head. Yes she does. Suddenly all her memories come rushing back on her in a flood of dramatis.* I remember! I remember everything! Did somebody say Braga? He was my father! I was kidnapped and taken from him when I was a week old and sent over Niagra Falls in a bucket! I survived, though, and washed up in Lower Manhattan where I was raised by a group of rebel Nazi anarchist ninjas. They taught me their ways and I was just like them, beating people up, taking the carnations out of their buttonholes and setting them on poles as a gruesome reminder of who was boss. But then a Catholic monk from Uzbekistan appeared to me in a dream and said I was wrong; that I must repent of my ways. I did and thenceforward became a hermit of the Order of Squashed Bananas. One day, however, I slipped on a peel and went flying down into a canyon where I was washed downstream and bumped my head. That gave me amnesia. A kind mobster picked me out of the river and pumped me full of brandy to cure me. That�s why I was hanging from the chandelier. And then you, kindest of SoapBlades, made me crack my head on the floor and now I remember everything! *grabs SoapBlade in a spine-cracking soaphug* Thank you!
Culfinwen
*SoapCulfinwen cocks her head quizzically. She looks first at SoapAry and then at SoapShadowblade (note the "shadow" part, hun I call people what they want to be called, unless its my friend Tim), and then at the SoapAmh who has fallen from the sky. SoapCulfy wonders who they are fighting over. SoapCulfy looks at the eligible guys: Blaedtunge, Braga, Pelly, Elvh & Thingoden. SoapCulfy gives up trying to think -- too hard -- and steals Nura�s tostitos.*
Culfinwen
Okay, Nura, you can have Thingy and I�ll have the tostitos. *huggles the bag and kisses it dramatically* And after I eat the/my tostitos, I�ll pick some...other...guy. But for now............. *Culfy has her tostitos*
AMH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST REALIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU�RE MY SOAPTHIRTEENTH-SOAPCOUSIN-THREE-HUNDRED-AND-ONE-TIMES-REMOVED-ON-MY-SOAPAUNTS-SOAPGODMOTHERS-SOAPGRANDMOTHERS-SOAPHUSBANDS-SOAPSISTERS-SOAPEX-BOYFRIENDS-SIDE!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew there was a resemblance. Only... I just can�t figure out what....
Culfinwen
*SoapCulfy gets on stage, looking pale and worn* I just learned that I have lukemia and I�m going to die within a week! And I never even got to fall in love!! *SoapCulfy weeps uncontrollably* My dreams of getting married and having children and publishing books will never come true now! (OOSC: Okay, so I�m a dork. Those are my real dreams.) *SoapCulfy throws herself on the couch, weeping uncontrollably, as her blood sloooooooooooowwllllyyyyyyy gets destroyed or whatever it is exactly that lukemia does*
Hows THAT for drama? <G>
Ye Ed> It kinda got crazy from here on...