JOY UENO

 

 

 

 

Q and A

July 13, 2009, 2:15 P.M.: At the Curves Fitness in downtown Downey, CA. The chirpy manager in her fifties, named “Helpful Evelynn,” is giving me the tour.

Helpful Evelynn: Welcome! This here is our brand new Ab/Back Press. It’s great for working the rectus abdominis muscles, the transverse abdominis, and the obliques. Will you try it out? What are your particular fitness goals?

Me: To build core muscle, to help me to feel good about me. I was sexually assaulted. [I gulp.] Oops, didn’t want to talk about that. What I want is to regularly control my life. So tired of turning to the fridge for comfort.

Helpful Evelynn: Well mind over body always I say. Oh, put more umph into it—good. Nuts and berries can help with weight loss. You’ll look great for that guy come summer by sticking to a low-fat, high-protein diet. Great! Now let’s try the Chest/Back to lift and firm the pectoralis majors. [She peers over her C.V.S. reading glasses.] I see you want tone for the gluteus maximus too. What the hell happened, kid?

Me: My butt? Oh, he took it there. First it was the laptop where he mentally photographed my online purchases. I also made a few bucks on Amazon from used DVDs. Say, isn’t this question callous? [My arms stop pushing and pulling. This makes Helpful Evelynn shake her head.]

Helpful Evelynn: You need to become a happier, healthier version of you. Let’s start with your mental game. Hon are you…it happened?

Me: Lordy. [It’s the adductor machine next for the transformation of the inner thighs. My legs go closer then out, closer then out.] Will you please please please please stop?

Helpful Evelynn: Right! [She sets aside the clipboard she’s been carrying.] We here at Curves aim to help women overcome the seemingly insurmountable. Try to turn your mountain into mere pebbles. It’s important to erase the... Let’s do try to get…it, shall we?

Me: [I rise. To tower over someone means one puts herself out there.] Eve, I don’t want to remember but I will. In the middle of the night, his tongue craved my belly button—not the umbilicus. In the middle of the night, he left deposits by the top of my feet—not the distum pedis. He exposed and fondled my breasts—not the areolae. When he put his pecker in my privates—not the vaginal fornix—he crossed another border. And don’t say I started it, Eve. Don’t you dare!

Helpful Evelynn: But why didn’t you get—? [I check the time: 2:20 P.M. It’s time. Time to place a purple towel over Helpful Evelynn’s head. And another one for the pastor, and one for the police officer, and a few more besides. There were more than a few. Helpful Evelynn teeters with hands outstretched as she offers that starting at $30 a month Curves does provide community for women of all shapes and sizes. I smile and tell her to have a nice day.]


 

Joy Ueno has grown up in southern California, where she currently resides. In her spare time, she enjoys watching roller derby, reading fiction in all shapes and sizes, and trying out recipes on her friends and family.