sketches towards a biography...
(entries are listed from newest to oldest)
click here for page 2...new entries!
12.18.00, 20.55
well, let's try again, shall we?
first, a link or three, randomly added...
http://kubrickfilms.warnerbros.com/mainmenu/mainmenu.html
the man is a master of film making. was a master. may he rest in pease. i'm getting my first two kubrick dvd's soon...2001 and spartacus. god i love his films...not a bad one in the bunch...
http://members.home.net/tasroe/index.html
my friend summer roe from the gothic parents list. she and her husband theron and their family have a fabulous website...please check it out...
current events: not a lot, still. listening to some pink floyd, a 1975 live show from canada. eating frozen lima beans, and baking some potatoes for much much later. veronica, home, is wrapping a secret santa gift for a friend at school. me, i'm puttering around and taking it easy and kinda sorta wishing i was at work...
some neat pics from the stanley kubrick site...did i mention i love his movies? oh, i did, didn't i?
just a few, mind...
quote of the day:
"You can’t fight
in here, this is the War Room!"
– President
Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers)
...from Dr.
Strangelove
12.18.00, 18.44
quiet, lonely day today. ronnie at school, donna at work. spent most of the day waiting for my computer to finish defragmenting itself. it's finally done now.
honestly not a lot to say today. sorries :-(
np: no warning, king crimson
12.16.00, 16.26
my second attempt at writing a journal entry. windows locked up earlier and told me it couldn't find an available port on my own web server, so I couldn;t save any website changes. curses!
quiet day at home with donna at work and veronica at her big sister's house for the weekend. so i'm finning the quiet with typing and web editing as well as loud music. 2 hours ago it was the doors boxed set, especially when the music's over and riders on the storm. now it's the metallica live shit binge and purge 3-cd live set. sad but true is on at the moment, and it's loud enough to hear the little arabic motifs in the background occasionally...
what have i done today? not a whole lot...i've been under the weather recently, so i haven't been feeling great enough to do a lot. some web-surfing, occasionally play a little bit of a game or two, work when i feel up to it...
http://www.thedoors.com/gamma/bmr/main.htm
a link to bright midnight records...the doors' new record label. newly released live albums from the 1969-1970 tour, interviews, and more!
christmas shopping seems to be done finally, and the holiday will be spent here with the family coming down to visit. i have to pick them up, as my dad just had knee surgery, but i don't mind at all.
another cool link...
and a third to boot...
i'm actually sorta kinda looking forward to christmas this year a little. can't for the life of me figure out why though...
current listening: of wolf and man, metallica. later listening...who knows. maybe some hawkwind or genesis...
12.14.00, 19.44
today is my 'little' brother's birthday. he turns 23 today. god, i'm getting old. i remember being bigger than him and beating him up all the time. now i wouldn't want to get into a fight with him, he'd kick me three ways to sunday. but he's a good guy, he goes out of his way to help me and donna and veronica whenever possible, so happy birthday kevin! i know you won't see this, but every one else will, so there :-P
added a new section today for veronica's computer, which we've done a lot of work on just like we've done on ours.
let's see...kinda sick today, so i went home from work early. crashed out and napped for a while, and i feel a lot better. maybe sleep was all i needed, hmm? had to replace our dvd drive last night. i don't think it was working right from the very start. the new drive is quieter and works better than the first one ever did, so that leads me to believe the first one was b.o.b. (bad outta the box).
current reading: repairing and upgrading pc's, 12th edition, scott mueller (who sent me an e-mail! it is to gloat!)
current listening: projeKct 3, masque (parts 1-13)
12.11.00, 17.02
no real good journal entry in a few days. i'll try to correct that by making today's entry that much longer and more involving.
very very tired today. woke up this morning feeling awful, then proceeded to vomit half a dozen times. so congested and achy...it feels like someone has taken a baseball bat across my lower back. it's the neupagen shots, I know that for a fact, that are causing the achyness. i've been fighting off this cold for nearly 2 weeks now, and it just won't go away. my voice ranges from almost recognisable as mine to barely more than a hoarse whisper to the croaking of a bullfrog. i can handle that, but waking up and vomiting...that just has to stop. i don't know how much more of it i can handle, to be perfectly honest.
needless to say, i stayed home from work today. spent much of the day working on the website, submitting the site to half a dozen webrings (gothic, gaming, music, etc.). hopefully that'll increase my site traffic. i want to make it to 1000 hits so bad...do i sound pathetic or what?
today's required listening: atom heart mother, pink floyd. ummagumma, pink floyd. these are getting me through my day.
i'll write more in this electronic diary of sorts later. for now, maybe some dinner and down time. god knows i need it.
12.10.00, 13.38
http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/POWERPUFF/index.flash.html
live it, learn it, love it :-)
12.8.00, 13.00
not a lot to write about personally today. did some christmas shopping this morning, working a lot with recording music and stuff (got a bunch of new software for editing .wav files and stuff, so i can actually do recording studio type stuff). feeling achy and tired...six days of neupagen shots will do that to you i guess.
cooking lunch...today's menu is twice baked potatoes with sour cream and cheddar jack. yummy...
going to try and catch up on 2 week's worth of housecleaning and assorted miscellania...is that even a word???
another discovered thing i like...not so much a discovery as a conscious acceptance of desire...welsh farms coffee royale ice cream. oh, and our local coffee shop's triple hazelnut cappacino.
today's cornucopia of links:
http://www.geocities.com/glittermeow/Gothlings.html
adopt your very own needly little gothling! just in time for the holidays...
http://www.americas.creative.com/
the picture of the day...12.08.00, app. 7:00 am...the 'tow path' outside our apartment...first 'real' snow of 2000...
now playing: ccccSeizurecc, heavy construKction by king crimson
12.5.00, 22.48
long day at work. last night i had about 8 straight hours of nightmares, which put me into a major state on waking up. nearly couldn't get out of bed, i was so terrified. went to work anyway, and ended up staying till closing. some turnaround...now i'm working on the website with a bowl of campbell's chunky sirloin soup (with a handful of shredded cheddar jack cheese tossed in) and a mug of ghiradelli chocolate mocha hot cocoa. mmm mmm good, as the commercial used to say...
donna is currently working dilligently on christmas cards. christmas is not my favorite time of the year, as it always reminds me of the people i am missing, or who can't be there to share it. i shouldn't look at things this way, but i do. i was afraid i'd be in the hospital for the holiday this year, but it looks like i'll be home, which is the best present i could ask for. i don't expect much this year...but i'll be happy with whatever comes.
new music acquisitions...the new king crimson live album heavy construKction. 3 cd's of killer live material, including covers of bowie's 'heroes' and the beatles 'tomorrow never knows.' plus 40 minutes of video, which i need to check out still. also finally got our dvd decoder card (a dxr3 card from creative, the best on the market) and put it in...what a difference.
tonights links-a-plenty...
http://www.angelfire.com/la/bathoryhouse/13.html
http://honors.semo.edu/echoman/
http://www.tech-advice.freeserve.co.uk/index.html
enjoy...
now playing: nothing. it's a quiet night...
11.25.00, 22.09
last bits of updates for the day, after spending much of today sleeping. getting sick now takes it out of me faster than it ever did. more revamps to the homepage, background pics, etc. sorries for the long download time...i wanted to be a little flashy.
some self-discoveries: a list of likes:
nestle chocolate quik, snyders of hanover sourdough pretzel nuggets, campbell's baked potato chunky soups, girl scout peanut butter patty cookies, baby swiss cheese, lipton iced tea, walker shortbreak cookies, sunshine hydroxes, ghiradelli hot cocoa mixes (especially chocolate mocha and hazelnut). if you ever want to make me happy, send me these things :-)
still listening to the same music, really wanting a cup of hot cocoa, but out of the good stuff. i may have to resort to hot quik (not a bad thing, but much much better cold).
11.25.00, 15.54
feeezing cold today. that's how i feel. woke up ten-ish, ate breakfast, and then proceeded to get violently ill. went back to bed around 11, woke up three-ish. what a wasted day. i've done nothing of interest all day. just some general dusting and cleaning up of the website so far. added some sounds to the site to make everything nice and pretty (oo-er). slight redesign to the homepage.
veronica is passed out on the couch. i envy her :-)
today's music: II brainstorm, iii tragic symphony, iv until eternity, mastermind
11.24.00, 12.49
recovering from turkey induced tryptophan coma, i woke up this morning coughing and hacking relentlessly. had to go to the cancer center for my weekly blood count and procrit shot, and my oncolgist examined me. i have bronchitis. antibiotics through the weekend, and i go in monday for my next round of chemo. at least my counts were decent...
had dad and grandmom over for dinner last night. we had a 25 pound turkey which we got for free from the grocers. dinner was good...the best holiday dinner i have had in a long time. veronica had a friend over for dinner, then spent the night with her big sister, as we didn't think i'd be home today. we're very leery about her being by herself at all right now, as the court case is coming up and already the defendant has sent people over to try and intimidate veronica into not testifying.
not a lot else going on. some new stuff on the website over the past day or two, as you may/may not have noticed. most notably a big section for computer games, one of the ways i spend time relaxing and keeping my mind off treatments, diagnosises (is that even a word???), medications, blood counts, transplants, and all the other assorted crap that goes along with having cancer. loads of screenshots and some downloads as well. i hope to add more downloadable stuff there soon as i can find the disks...
today's listening: marillion, script for a jester's tear, fugazi, misplaced childhood
11.23.00, 08.06
a month since i've had the time/energy/inclination to update my website. mea culpa. things have been...difficult of late.
1) no radiation for my cancer. turns out the tumor stopped responding to chemo after the fourth session. i'm back in chemo, a higher dose which requires me to be in the hospital for a week. monday is my second session, and then we start looking at a stem cell transplant. it's a hard treatment at this point, makes me really sick and drops my blood cell counts to dangerous levels.
2) work has been hell. i'm really starting to dislike retail. the customers are becoming more and more difficult to deal with. i'm getting cursed at on a daily basis because i can't provide the customers with what they want. half the time they don't know what they want. i've come to the point where daily i say that's it, i'm going home. then a customer comes along who's genuinely nice, appreciates my efforts, and makes it all worthwhile. if only i had more people like that...at least my management appreciates my efforts. i know i'm having a tough time with my illness keeping me from fulfilling all my responsibilities, but they're being good about it.
3) difficulties on the homefront. my brother's new puppy was savagely murdered by an unleashed rottweiler at a local park. legal action is imminent. my little one has been subpoenaed to testify in a theft case.
geek updates: new graphics card. dvd-rom drive. upgrade to windows me. dvd decoder card forthcoming.
me update: tired, achy. too many shots and injections. cell counts dropping daily. very weary and weak. dispirited...i just want this all to be over.
today's music: rush, moving pictures/permanent waves/a farewell to kings.
today's big event: thanksgiving dinner.
10.21.00, 13.24
my second attempt at an entry today...first attempt thwarted by a) a need to create a poster for the family and b) a serious system crash. grr...i'd blame it on windows but it wasn't a windows error. shite...
today is veronica's friends-come-over-get-loud-don't-sleep-and-spend-the-night birthday party. tomorrow is the family and friends big serious birthday party. loads of fun. i think she'll really like the presents we got her...but i won't post them till later when she has no chance of reading this page and seeing in advance what she's getting.
new toy for the computer...a tv tuner/video capture card. good news...installation went fine. bad news...it's incompatible with the chipset our graphics card uses. shite again. so we have to shop for a new 'un. as usual i'll stick with a creative labs card, every card i've had in there has been from creative (graphics blaster exxxtreme, graphics blaster banshee, graphics blaster savage 4). i think we'll go with a riva tnt 2 this time...
finished reading dracula, prince of many faces. no current reading projects, outside of scott mueller's upgrading and repairing pc's and a number of software manuals...geeking out as usual.
music today so far...tubular bells (mike oldfield), pleasant shade of gray (fates warning), scenes from a memory (dream theater)
10.17.00, 19.25
long long day at work. the fatigue is starting to get to me...it just doesn't go away no matter what i do. i had my last simulation and prep for radiation treatments today. i'm tentatively scheduled for 28 sessions (6 weeks), 5 days a week, about 15 minutes per session. tentative, because if my blood counts don't hit more of a normal point, then they'll postpone the radiation and have to do something to bring my counts back up. i don't know what exactly they'll do, but they have to do something. sigh...why can't this just be over? i'm beginning to obsess over this, i know, but it just gets to be too much sometimes. entirely too much.
i'm coping as best i can, talking to donna a lot about how i feel, talking to my one manager at work who is a cancer survivor...everyone is so helpful. sometimes i don't think i deserve it.
no music today yet...probably later. downloading an 1 aug 95 primus show at the moment...
some interesting and fun links for me to share...
http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/171/oddstar.html this is oddstar, a band fronted by gena, a good friend of mine on the gothic parents egroups list. they're really a great sounding band, and i'm looking forward to hearing more of their music!!!
http://members.gothicparents.com speaking of gothic parents....this is the member page, where you can see my profile, along with some of my closest friends.
current reading: still reading dracula, prince of many faces.
10.16.00, 07.42
way too early this morning. donna opens, we have to be up at 6 am. combine that with a very late night, and i am exhausted. i'll be asleep by sundown tonight i am sure.
mood: zombie. i'm moving right now just by instinct. gallium scan at 8:30 this morning. i'll just go to work straight from the scan...no point in going home to turn around and go to work. god, this sucks big time...
just one or two more hours of sleep...that's all i ask for...
current reading: dracula: prince of many faces, florescu/mcnally
10.15.00, 18.47
first journal entry. mood: quiet, tired. music: at the moment, none...spent most of the day listening to violator (DM) and gotham (bauhaus). other music today...master of puppets (metallica), miscellaneous debris (primus), above (mad season). at the moment half-watching godzilla vs biolante, half working with FP 98. as donna was at work today, spent most of the day alone. veronica came home around noon. we decided to be 'domestic' and clean so donna didn't have to.
did a small series of b/w photos today, uploaded to the site today as well. try and find them...
other activities...
downloaded entirely too many mp3s from www.primussucks.com, the official primus site. they have a whole series of shows on their site free to download so long as you don't sell them. donna loves primus, i like them too, so i'm downloading them and burning to cd. the ones i have so far are listed on my music trading page.
physically tired. the shakes in my hands come and go. at times i can work normally...other times i feel like i'm in the middle of an earthquake, my hands shake so much. this pisses me off...i wish they'd go away.
this week's schedule...gallium scans monday, tuesday, possibly wednesday. final radiation consult tuesday. potentially beginning radiation this week. therapist wednesday. god, how do i get through it all?
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