| Guaranteed On Delivery (2002) Cast:Oliiver Gruner,Jalal Merhi,David Carradine Aside from many warnings from fellow critic Greywizard, I caved in and rented this hideous actioner which finds Jalal Merhi in typically awful form as some kind of trucker who takes on a white slave trader (Olivier Gruner) the result is surprisingly more awful then what you'd expect. Jalal Merhi is a guy that for some reason keeps making movies. Where as most actionstars usually alternate between good and bad, Jalal Merhi just keeps on getting worse and worse. To describe this as a wretched clunker is probably the biggest understatement of the year, they simply don't come much dumber or worse then Guaranteed On Delivery. The first problem is the direction. Nothing in this movie looks good or stylish, indeed most of the time it just looks plain drabby, literly this is one of the most hideous looking movies I have ever laid my eyes on. The other problem is Olivier Gruner who hasn't been known for anything but performing martial arts, here however he doesn't even throw a kick. (Jalal Merhi also gave us the same situation with Loren Avedon in The Circuit which was even slightly better than this!) Casting Olivier Gruner in a movie where he doesn't do action is akin to casting a porn star in a movie without nudity, it's simply a bad decision and is simply another case of bad judgement on the part of Jalal Merhi. Jalal Merhi is once again painful in the lead role, why does this guy keep churning out crap? I mean the dungheap that is his filmography just gets stinkier and stinkier with each passing turd he craps out and tosses at the audience. Why do movies like this get made? Why? As a director Jalal Merhi is the pits, so the fact that he decided that the world needed another crime against humanity is something that is frightening as much as it is repugnant . Personally I sunk lower and lower into my seat remembering the good old days when horrible actionflicks at least delivered on the promise that the star on the box will fight, not here and so what were stuck with is a yet another lousy Jalal Merhi movie. So the only thing you can expect to be guaranteed on delivery here is gobs and gobs of boredom. D.Jalal Merhi NO STARS |