PILOT

Mulder: Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.
Scully: Agent Mulder. I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you.
Mulder: Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So, who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?
Scully: Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you.
Mulder: Oh, really, I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.

Mulder: That's nine minutes difference.
Scully: It has to be a mistake!
Mulder: Nine minutes, Scully. Do you remember the last time you were missing nine minutes?!

Mulder: You gotta love this place, every day's like Halloween.

Scully: Agent Mulder believes we are not alone.

DEEP THROAT

Mulder: Buy you a drink, Agent Scully?
Scully: Mulder, it's 2:00 in the afternoon.
Mulder: That's not stopping these people.

Scully: Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned -
Mulder: Ohhh, if you were that stoned what??

Scully: Just because I can't explain it, doesn't mean I'm going to believe they were UFO's.
Mulder: Unidentified Flying Objects. I think that fits the description pretty well. Tell me I'm crazy.
Scully: Mulder, you're crazy.

Mulder: There�s something I haven�t told you, Scully.
Scully: Something else?

SQUEEZE

Scully: You seemed a little territorial. I don't know--forget it.
Mulder: [plays with her necklace] Of course I was.

Scully: Ah, Fox Mulder, Tom Colton.
Colton: So Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?
Mulder: Grey.
Colton: Excuse me?
Mulder: Grey. You said green men. The Reticulan skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers, due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.
Colton: You can't be serious.
Mulder: Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?

Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

Scully: Is this what it takes to climb the ladder Colton?
Colton: All the way to the top.
Scully: Then I can�t wait until you fall off and land on your ass!

CONDUIT

Mulder: This is the essence of science, you ask an impertinent question and you're on your way to a pertinent answer.

Scully: I just don't think it's a good idea to antagonize the local law enforcement.
Mulder: Who me? I'm Mr. Congeniality.
Scully: You never know, we might need his help one of these days.
Mulder: I'll send him a bundt cake.

Mulder: Come on, how can an eight year old boy who can barely multiply be a threat to national security? And people call me paranoid.

THE JERSEY DEVIL

Ellen: What about that guy you work with? You said he was cute.
Scully: Mulder? He's a jerk. He's not a jerk, he's. . .obsessed with his work.

Scully: I have a date.
Mulder: Can you cancel?
Scully: Unlike you, Mulder, I would like to have a life.
Mulder: I have a life!

Scully: I�m going with you to the Smithsonian.
Mulder: Don�t you have a life, Scully?
Scully: You keep that up, Mulder and I�ll hurt you like that beastwoman.
Mulder: Eight million years out of Africa...
Scully: And look who�s holding the door.

SHADOWS

MIB: If any inquiry is made about this meeting, we request full denial.
Mulder: I'd say you people already suffer from full denial.

Scully: You lied to them. I can tell.
Mulder: I would never lie. I willingfully participate in a campaign of misinformation.

Scully: Psychokineses? Like how Carrie got even at the prom?
Mulder: How are you?
Scully: I'm fine, but I have a standing in the line at the DMV size headache.
Mulder: Mine's more IRS size.

Scully: Wait, you think I�m right?

Scully: How did you know?
Dr. Bledsoe: It said so on the toe tag.

Mulder: Hey Scully do you believe in the afterlife?
Scully: I'd settle for a life in this one.

GHOST IN THE MACHINE

Scully: So why did you two go your separate ways?
Mulder: I'm a pain in the ass to work with.
Scully: No, seriously.
Mulder: You mean I'm not a pain in the ass to work with?

ICE

Mulder: (As he starts to undress) Before anyone passes judgment, let me remind you that we are in the arctic.

SPACE

Mulder: ...to deny us evidence.
Scully: Evidence of what?
Mulder: Alien civilization.
Scully: Oh, of course.

Scully: It ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning to braid my own hair.

FALLEN ANGEL

Mulder: The *enigmatic* Dr. Scully.

Scully: That story happens to be highly classified.
Mulder: A highly classified lie.

Mulder: (His hotel room has been trashed) Looks like housekeeping hasn't been here yet.

Military Radar Operator: Um, sir. We have an Unidentified Flying Object on the screen.
Military Commander: A Meteor, soldier.
Military Radar Operator: Well, sir. *The Meteor* seems to be hovering over a small town in eastern Wisconsin.

Mulder: Then what can I say? How can I disprove lies that are stamped with an official seal? You can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer because too many others know what's happening out there. And no one, no government agency, has jurisdiction over the truth.

EVE

Scully: 75% blood loss. That's over four litres of blood.
Mulder: Could say he was running on empty.

Mulder: And one of these girls was just abducted.
Scully: Kidnaped.
Mulder: Pa-tay-toe, puh-tah-toe.

Scully: Mulder, you're rushing me out of the room.
Mulder: No, I'm not.
Scully: Do you have a girl coming over?
Mulder: What's a girl? I got a movie I want to watch on TV.

FIRE

Mulder: I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
Scully: Oh, is that what you were extending?

Scully: Oh, I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court.
Mulder: That's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges.

Mulder: Ten to one you can't dance to it.

Scully: Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower.

BEYOND THE SEA

Scully: You set us up. . .This was a trap for Mulder because he helped put you away. Well, I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, four days from now nobody will stop me from being the one that'll throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a b...!

Scully: Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the Adult Video News.

Scully: Mulder, do I detect a hint of skepticism?

GENDERBENDER

Mulder: Now, this... that's... west.
Scully: What does the map say?
Mulder: That we should be there already. (Mulder wads up and drop kicks map)

Mulder: The Addams Family finds religion.

Mulder: How you feeling?
Scully: Better. A little embarrassed, actually.
Mulder: Why? You don't remember any of it.

Mulder: I know what I saw, Scully. And I saw you about to do the wild thing with some stranger.

Michael: The club scene used to be so simple.

LAZARUS

Mulder: [on the phone] Dana, are you all right? Dana!

Mulder: If you lay one hand on her, so help me God, I'll--

Mulder: Can you at least accept the idea that during Willis's near-death experience some sort of psychic trauma occurred?
Scully: Can't you accept that this isn't an X-File?

YOUNG AT HEART

Scully: Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the book.
Mulder: Tells you a lot about the book, doesn't it?

EBE

Scully: I don't how you can believe that what they say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder: I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think that you're hot.

Scully: How do you know that? We work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation and we�re being bugged. What does that tell you?
Mulder: That tells me that not everything is as it appears to be.
Scully: Exactly. And for all we know, this deep background is the one responsible for the bug.
Mulder: He�s never lied to me. I won�t break that confidence. I trust him.
Scully: Mulder, you�re the only one I trust.
Mulder: Then you�re gonna have to trust me.

Byers (of the Lone Gunmen): That's why we like you Mulder, your ideas are even weirder than ours.
Scully: Hmmm...

Byers: Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by one of the most heinous and evil forces of the twentieth century.
Mulder: Barney?

Mulder: I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine.

Mulder: I'm wondering which lie to believe.

MIRACLE MAN

Mulder: The boy's been performing miracles for the past ten years. Twice on Sundays.

Mulder: I think I saw some of these people at Woodstock.
Scully: Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock.
Mulder: I saw the movie.

(Scully suggests they go backstage)
Mulder: Wait, this is the part where they bring out Elvis.

Scully: (As the collection plate comes by) Apparently miracles don't come cheap. Scully: You've got that look on your face, Mulder. Mulder: What look is that? Scully: The one where you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to get back in the house.

DARKNESS FALLS

Scully: Right, what am I looking for?
Mulder: Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable...boyfriend?

TOOMS

Mulder: No, you'd be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I'd hate to see you carry a official reprimand in your career file because of me.
Scully: Fox--
Mulder: I--I even made my parents call me Mulder... Mulder.
Scully: Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you.
Mulder: If there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love.
Scully: Must be fate Mulder--rootbeer.

Skinner: You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you Agent Scully?
Scully: Sir, I expect you to place the same amount of trust in me as I do in you.

Scully: Conventional investigation of these cases may decrease the rate of success.

Scully: Can you determine the cause of death? My instinct says that burial in cement is murder.

BORN AGAIN

Det. Lazard: Excuse me. Could I talk to you for a second?
Scully: I just started the autopsy.
Det. Lazard: Yeah. Um, I don't think he's going anywhere.

ROLAND

Mulder: How was the wedding?
Scully: You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?
Mulder: Did you catch the bouquet?
Scully: Maybe.