The Pope Makes Poop


So the Pope was hanging out in the Vatican talking to like the bishops or whatever when he got hit with a diarrhea wave. The Pope excused himself and starts hustling to the bathroom- but he didn’t want to actually run- him being the Pope and all. "Jesus…" the Pope thought, "if you allow me to make it to the bathroom in time and I will try harder to bring peace to the world..." But the doody pressure built steadily and soon he realized he was having a brown-emergency. The Pope took off his pointy hat, threw it to the ground and broke into a sprint- sweating as his robes flapped behind him. He had hit a pretty fast stride but turned a corner and panicy realized he had a long way to go before he reached his personal pope doody room. He ran with god’s speed and thanked Jesus along the way for delaying the accident waiting to happen. All of a sudden his robes caught under his feet and he was airborne. The Pope flew through the air and landed hard infront of a pack of nuns. They were all, "Oh my god! Your holiness!" and like tried to help him up. The Pope's anus was barely holding things in and this jarring crash didn't help matters. He told the nuns to get the hell away from him and stumbled to his feet all tangled up in his robes. "Fuck this shit..." the Pope mumbled as he pulled his long white robes over his head and dropped them at his feet. The nuns were all gawking staring at the naked Pope. (Pope always freeballs it) It's wow enough for the nuns to see a naked man... but naked Pope! They were all speechless. The Pope sensed the doody dynamite getting ready to burst out and he turned to run toward his holy dumping room. With his backside to the nuns he took one step... but it was too late -his holiness lost control. The Pope put his hands on his knees and admitted defeat. The race was over and the Pope came in second. The diarrhea had built up so much pressure that it blasted out explosively. The Pope greatly appreciated the feeling of wet farty relief and allowed himself to continue to unload spraying diarrhea out of his butt- grunting "Jesus...Jesus..." as he buhblasted out the wet chunk style doody. It seemed to continue for at least two minutes - constant fart ripping diarrhea splatter splat. Finally relieved, he bent over and picked up his robe. His backside needed wiping and there was only the holy cloth available- so he had to make use of it. The soft white silk of his robes felt nice on his bottom and it was quite absorbent too. He streaked it with doo doo skidmarks. With his butt semi-clean he turned to look at his freshly made holy doody. As he turned- he remembered that he was not alone. The pack of nuns were still standing there... and they were absolutely covered in diarrhea splatter. The nuns were bombarded with the Pope’s holy shit. They stood there stone-faced smiling at the Pope looking like all shocked out. The nuns looked as if someone had thrown a bucket of diarrhea all over them. The Pope, always thinking fast on his feet cleared his throat and said, "Sisters... the new blessing is upon you... Jesus told me that the holy fecal matter will bring you one step closer to heaven and it was Jesus’ wish that I bless you in this fashion... congratulations..." And lemme tell you, as the Pope headed back to his chambers he was real thankful for his quick thinking during an awkward situation. And hey, Jesus must have made doody when he was tacked up on the cross- so I don’t see what’s so wrong with a pack of shit splattered nuns thinking they’re blessed.


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