Jesus H. Doody



I go into this gas station bathroom and lemme tell you... it was an emergency. That mexican food from last night churned into something rotten and explosive in my stomach. I kick open one of the stalls and start to undo my buckle. The stench permeating from that stall is horrendous- it smells like doody death decay and I gag deep in my throat. My doody situation is critical- it was in fact- potentially disastrous. Loose gassy doody had to be out- and out now. I think there was already some leakage but I was holding it in tight. Any relaxation of the flex and I would have a backseat filled with load. I look down into the toilet and I see that someone had already graciously thrown up all over and in the toilet. The toilet seemed to have been backed up for a while and was filled with toilet paper and old logs. Flies were buzzing happily on their treasure. I couldn’t help myself- under the pressure I had no choice put to add to the mess. I dropped my pants and stepped into the stall. There was no toilet seat and the porcelain had long since disappeared under rust, mold, and human crusticity. The floor seemed coated with disease giving muck. It stunk. I couldnt even be concerned- I had to release the burning diarrhea backed up and raring to go. I hovered over the toilet and finally relaxed. The initial fart was triumphant- the doody trumpeted it’s arrival like a fecal king. Buckets of diarrhea started dumping out in waves. I got a head rush from all the activity and stench. I lost my balance and fell backwards into the toilet hole. My butt had spongy contact with the wet toilet paper that had been lurking in there. I was sitting IN the toilet and felt the alien coldness of used toilet paper and old doody all over my butt. I kept doodying and it just spread out all over my cheeks. The diarrhea kept coming and farting and spraying out- I was completely disgusted. I looked down and saw my testicles sunken in a mess of green/brown toilet junk. I wondered if I could ever look at them the same. Then everything stopped. I started to feel like I was going to give birth to something big. I felt the need to strain. I pushed myself up out of the toilet swamp by gripping the sides of the bowl. Just the idea of my hands touching this cold horribleness made my stomach turn over and upsidedown. I began to strain- I felt something big coming...brown blood started running down my thighs... I pushed.... I was sweating... I grunted and inhaled a fly. I choked for a second but I had to keep straining as any good mother would. I could hear the blood vessels in my eyes popping. After pushing for what seemed like an eternity—I felt something slowly emerge from my butthole. The first thing that I heard was laughing. I kept pushing- I wanted it out. Horrible giggling. Some...thing splashed down into the toilet. I spun around and looked at the toilet horrified. A small doodycreature stared up at me from the toilet. It looked like a tiny brown doody man. He was all doody- his flesh was doody and seemed to be dressed in what looked like an intestinal lining outfit. I felt myself spinning out of my brain as he put his doody hands behind his doody head and relaxed back into a pile of wet toilet paper. His brown eyes gazed up at me. "Greetings Father..." he said. I saw the curtains being drawn behind my eyes and the short circuiting taking place in my sanity region. Then I and passed out forward. I collapsed next the toilet and curled up into a fetal position. I jammed my thumb in my mouth and tasted it’s new coating. I felt the cold muck of the floor on my cheek. My offspring jumped out of the toilet down onto my head. I felt his little warm wet doody feet walking across my forehead. He curled his little doody hand and spoke into my ear, "I have to go now father... to bring the joyous hell of doody to the world... thank you for bringing me life... browntiful life..." I watched my child scamper off- leaving tiny brown footprints as it escaped from the bathroom- stubby arms waving madly into the sunshine of the world with dreams of turning our blue skies to brown and coating the earth with one glorious skidmark.....


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