Funning the Doctors

So I stumble into the emergency room and I'm like covered in blood. I crash myself into the nurses desk and am all "Gahh...Someone...Hel..." And then I collapse on the floor and vibrate myself. These nurses all crowd around and start examining me and I'm all fake gaggle gurgling and spitting up and stuff. They're all ordering, "500cc's of whatever blah blah stat!" and "Code Blue!" Inside I'm laughing myself silly at their panic ritual, but outside I'm acting like I'm practically unconsciousized. I feel myself being lifted off the floor and plopped down on the gurney thing and being like wheeled somewhere.

I open my eyes all wild and am like, "Am I gonna die?!?! Oh God! The blood... OHHH....GOOODDD!!!" The doctor is like cutting my clothes off and asking me what happened. So I start thrashing around like the convulsion fairy just paid me a visit special- and so in reaction to that, they are all shooting me up with some junk to make me simmer down. I feel the chemicals coursing through my veins and the doctor man stares at me in the face- and is like, "Sir...We can't find a wound... we can't find where you're bleeding...sir... do you remember what happened...?" I pretend I'm all gasp gasp and them spit out,"It's....it's not muh...muh.. my blood..." And then I act all collapsible unconscious again and up roll up my eyes white in my head- then let my tongue hang out all loll loll. I hear the doctor turn to a nurse and say, "Did he say it wasn't his blood?" She's all serious, "Yes doctor...I think so..." I pop my eyes open wide, sit straight upright and scream, "BLOOD OF OTHERS!" and then flop down out fake cold again. I hear the doctors ask for restraints and 50cc's of gloop. The nurse is all grabby with my arm ready to stick me when I grab back at her wrist and take the needle out of her hand and then up jam it into the doctors neck. Everyone is screaming and looking all wow wow as unreality lands on their faces and stretches on tight. I push down the plunger and fill him up with the goodie liquid. He falls back crash clatter into the tray of instruments clawing at his neck with his eyes bugging. All the nurses and docs gather around him and try to like help him out of his bodily trauma. So during their distraction, I hop down off the table, push through a couple of stooges, clamor through the waiting room and speed out through the front door leaving the hollers of "Stop!" and "Get that guy!" behind me. God graces sunshined on me again as I opened the passenger door to a parked ambulance and saw the keys twinkly inside. The engine roared to life, the siren wailed, and I sped off with faith in my heart that I can turn this glistening clean health machine into a blood splattered death mobile covered with man made dents.


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