Howdy!  I jes thau I tell ya about my experiunce as of recent.   I own
     me a farm see?  And I used to have me a wife Vera, right?  But she
     done fell inta the shredder and she ended up very dead frum that whole
     experiunce so my sexual intake has been pretty minimul at best if ya
     know what I'm sayin...  Anyhoo I've been providin pleasure to myself
     for a good six months, with Vera gone to heaven and all, but it gits
     pretty borin after a while.  So one sunup I'm walkin around doin my
     mornig chores and find myself havin me a cornrod that jes aint
     quittin.  Usual, I wake on up with a morning cornrod but it usually
     vamooses after I go tinkle. Y'know?  Anyhoo, with Vera all shredded
     dead for as long as she's been, I feel like I's been bit by a
     hornytoad mosta time.  And this particar day my cornrod feels like it
     needs an outing so I like unbutton the overalls and start up my chores
     with my schlipper out.  It done gave me a real sense of freedom,
     outdoor type freedom, know?  So Retarded Bubba who like works with me
     comes a lumberin over- Bubba does all the work that I ain't suited for
     bein the owner and all, like shovlin manure and paintin a such- he's a
     good boy as retards go.  Bubba starts pointin and my cornroded
     schlipper and is givin me his "Uh-huh Uh-huh" retards laugh.  So I
     slap him upside, that's like the only thing that snaps him out of his
     loops like that.  Like the TV fritzin or sumthun.  So then he gets
     like this weird look on his face like he done know somethun, which is
     like the first time I ever seen him with that look.  And he like
     points out toward the field where my sheep graze around then he points
     to my cornrod.  I's like right away got what he was emplyin so I done
     goes slapped him upside again and he went back into his retard laugh.
     Meanwhile goddamn if that Bubba didn't plant a seed in my brain cuz I
     jes kep on glancin over at them there graizers and my cornrod was like
     emplying that maybe I should take Bubbas suggestion and actionize it.
     So out I head to the fields, my schlipper goin wiggle waggle as I
     walkin and step right out to where the sheeps be.  I find me what
     looks like a clean one and start pettin it like.  My cornrod feelin
     extra anxiousus at this point and I get this whole mindset like, "You
     only live once" type of thinkin... So I start to touch this thar sheep
     in that place where I never thought I would touch a sheep, and
     goddiggidy damn that Bubba, but I'll be a Bluegrass grasshopper's
     uncle if that sheep dont did feel like a my old shreded Vera- before
     the shreddin that is.  So I decide to give this here animal a go
     round.  I saddle up like behind it and go on in for the humdinger.
     And lemme tell you sumthun boy, that there wooly creature didn't done
     felt better than a hundred dollar hooker.  She didn't seem to mind a
     bit neither, just sorta made a noise or two- but that was pretty much
     drowned out by my "Yeehawin" and "Yahooing" like I done used ta do
     with my old Vera.  Although I know it jes ain't right I ain't been
     able to stop this morning routine and goddamn who woulda ever thought
     that I would owe a retard so friggin much. And best of yet- I ain't
     gotta do know beggin like I done did with Vera just saddle up and ride
     into the sunrise.  Yuh-huh! I would never thought a dang retard like
     Bubba could be so sexualis smart.

     and that thars that.