Brain Lizard------------
 

I got me some lizard who lives in my brain. He whispers things to me like..."Punch that old lady in the face!" and "Drive thru that schoolyard!" Yep! Me and my lizard get along just fine. One day he says to me, "Grab that baby carriage and push it into traffic. I do and the baby gets all smushed up and stuff. The mother comes up to me and starts screaming about something. I'm tell her to calm down and ask her to tell me what happened. She's like all hysterical yelling about her new dead baby. And I tell her to relax and I explain about the lizard and tell her how her baby is best friends with jesus now and all that. She's like slapping and hitting me and this whole crowd is all around and then the lizard starts to gimme advice. "She seems upset," Lizard says, "If you go over and piss on the baby it will heal the baby and bring it back to life and stuff..."So I unzip and everyone like backs off and I say don't worry lady. I'm gonna bring your kid back to life. So I whiz all over the mushed up baby. I wait a couple minutes and everyone is like screaming for police or pizza or something. I show the lady that her baby is alive by picking it up and throwing it. See, it can fly now I tell the lady. It's better than ever. It's got jesus in it now. She like passes out or something. Then me and my brain lizard run off into the beautiful sunset in the distance laughing and joking about the beauty of life

.the end