The Art of Bashing

I bash strangers and do it well. My proper bash technique is usually carried out with a brick, stone or large blunt object and contact with the stranger always begins at the head. Some amateurs prefer to use a thick stick or piece of wood, but I frown on this technique and categorize it as a ‘whomping’ not a bashing. Actual initial strike areas are based on personal preference. There is the classic ‘face bash’ between the eyes which usually is the most fulfilling but unless conducted by an expert basher the stranger may offer a block or perhaps attempt to duck which leads to a chase and perhaps even a missed bashed opportunity. But a proper bash is worth the full-face look of ultimate surprise while blood gushes from the face. Always avoid the temptation for throwing your bashing instrument on initial contact as it my hamper follow up bashes. The side of the head bash or ‘ear bash’ definitely has its benefits as well. The basher enjoys the luxury of a sneak attack on the unsuspecting stranger while not sacrificing the look on the face of the stranger once initially bashed. Sometimes I like to walk alongside my stranger for an extended period of time often enjoying pleasant conversation while keeping the instrument of bash out of site. Then when the moment bubbles up inside me, I bash and appreciate the fact that I can catch a profile of the contorted facial features of the stranger. Finally there is the back of the head bash or as I like to call it “sssss…BASH!” Although this bash does not have the full visual benefits of the full-face bash nor the cordial sneak attack of the ‘ear bash’, ‘ssss…BASH!” contains a barbaric thrill which is matched by neither of the former. The spectrum of emotions that course through your system as you approach your stranger are definitely thrilling- especially as you get within 10 feet fully aware of what the future holds. The back of the head, however, is the softest part of the skull and unless you would like to see an instant death by caving in the back of the head, I would recommend a half or three quarter speed bash. Immediate death or unconsciousness of the stranger may preclude fulfilling follow up bashing. However, if bashing an unconscious person has a certain appeal to you, by all means conduct yourself in the best way for your personal style.

After you have made the initial contact, the follow up bash is indeed in intricate part of the full bash experience. As you may never truly predict how someone will react to being bashed, most likely if they remain conscious they will immediately reach to the bashed area and give the basher a pained puzzled look as if they are trying to say “Hey! Why did you bash me?” or “Ow! What just caused that horrible pain?” This is your opportunity to capitalize on the situation and invoke your personal style. I usually prefer to stare evilly at my stranger and allow him time to calculate what has happened and what will most likely happen next. I may toss the brick up in the air a couple times and catch it while presenting my most devilish smile. Then I approach quickly and swing the brick full arc sidearm into the most available head area. This is usually where you will hear the first audible crack of the skull of the stranger as most skulls are only built to handle one or two full bash hits before beginning to falter. Once you hear the crack your stranger will most likely not be able to stand properly and will fall to the ground. This again is where your personal style can come into play. I like to straddle my stranger and sit on the abdomen area. Although your stranger will most likely be dazed they are luckily always semi-coherent of the immediate danger and I often thank our Maker for this added feature. Then I begin what I call the ‘Grand Finale’. The Grand Finale is where I let my inhibitions down and allow myself to get caught up in the moment. I do not count the amount of times I bash in the Grand Finale and I certainly allow myself to scream or grunt primitively. Hopefully, the splattering of blood, skin, and brain back up toward me as I bash, bash, bash will bring me to what I like to call the ‘Basher’s High’. A Basher’s High occurs when a basher finds himself having an enormous amount of power balanced by enormous lack of humanity- always an exciting combination. When I feel the frenzy drain through my toes and the bashes begin to slow I look down at my creation and take pride in my professionalism. The head of the stranger is usually close to flattened while the rest of the body usually remains intact. I always leave the brick in the meaty bloody pulp and stand away from the stranger savoring every twitch and postmortem blood pump. It is at this moment that I mentally clap myself on the back for being so extremely thorough and fully aware of the benefits of a right bash. I suggest you try various techniques and practice on children or dogs to find your own personal style. I hope this little session was helpful to you. And remember; never be bashful about your bashing.

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