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Prayer topics
We Need to Pray! A Lot More!
Restoring Purity in the Church
...And Reflections on Children, Leadership, and More

Oh Dear God, I've Been Foolish - Proud - Again
...Please Forgive and Help Me

I'd Rather Be Part of a Hurting, Struggling Church
...Coming Into Repentance, Humility, Obedient Submission

It's All About You, Jesus!
I Do Want to Submit It All - Dreams, Longings, Dreads, Values - To You

We Need to Pray! A Lot More!
Date: October 29, 2006

On the video at church, the speaker talked about church prayer meetings and prayer bands and how prayer is the most basic need and activity of the church. Lord, I hear our leadership team will be calling for one day of fasting and prayer... but, oh, dear Lord, may that only be the start! I'd love to go to prayer meetings... far more than to "life groups"... or even our women's Bible study, because if we really started praying, everything else would change, too... change to God's plans and purposes and power. We'd know You, Lord God, and we'd finally be able to see clearly where You want us to be.

Lord, I'd like to be involved in a prayer meeting in our school, too. So many breaking/broken families there, too... and financial struggles, and disappointment about numbers....

What about a prayer corner.... like that little hallway space at the end of the main hall... with maybe a bulletin board or book for prayer requests and a bench to kneel at (and a couple cushions for sore-kneed folks to kneel on)... and announcement made, and people (staff, board members, students, parents, grandparents, whoever) encouraged to drop by and pray there for even a few moments whenever they happen to be in the school? And yes! As Pastor Sid says, we do need a prayer room for our church! There must be a space somewhere in the 12,000 + square feet!

And yes! We need to pray - a lot more - at our women's Bible study, too....

And we need to have Titus 2:3-5 relationships built on the foundation of prayer! Help us, dear Lord. Amen.

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Restoring Purity in the Church
...And Reflections On children, Leadership, and More

Date: October 30, 2006

Anyway, Lord, about the church service, I just wished that the leaders had their wives beside them, for the sake of the women and girls who, like me, didn't have a man of their own (father, husband, even son) to be alongside, but who did have prayer requests, and did need a "human touch" along with Your touch. It still seems to me, Lord, that it would be good to have ministering couples so the wives could hold women and girls while the men pray. I don't know, Lord, but I have been thinking a lot about this issue of protecting our daughters, and I am beginning to feel that the enemy does use this "freedom" in our society to cause a lot of heartache and family sorrow and trouble in the church. I am sure most church leaders feel that a "Godly man" putting his hand upon or even hugging a woman while praying for her - and even listening to her pour out her heart - but without her husband or father or son - or at least an older Godly woman - there in protection and support - is not seen as a problem, because, after all, "it's prayer!"

But Lord, I felt a terrible.... fear?? .... I looked, and saw so many other women seemed to be going up there "fearlessly" and many, many of them single women (divorced, widowed, husbands absent for whatever reason) and saw them reaching out themselves to touch/hold on to the men, and/or the men actually wrapping their arms around them (some just laid hands on their shoulders/heads... not quite so bad, but still...)... Lord, I do not think it is healthy. I began, right there, to see why Muslim societies (and many others, including our own at various times in the past) have such strong rules about the separation of women from men outside the close family; and also the wisdom of the extended family, where women lives close together and care for and support each other (Oh my - is this also why I have been longing to have my girls, my children and their families, come together, live close together, where we can support and care for each other - or is it all because of my emotional state due to the loss of my dad?? -- that thought just came into my mind - and it felt and sounded COLD and almost metallic - yes, very "reasonable" - but Lord? Not from You, I think?? I wonder what Your Word says about this?

Dorcas helping women. The women praying together at the river. Priscilla and Aquila ministering together - to men (ie Apollo) yes - but I bet to women also. The Biblical emphasis of women under headship of husband and father. The constant Biblical demand for faithfulness to "the wife of your youth" - including Paul's admonitions to women re their husbands, in a number of contexts. The assumption of virginity before marriage, and abstinence outside the marriage relationship. And so on.

I'm coming right here to believe that we have to really re-think a lot of things we accept as "normal" and "fine" and "safe." Ha! In a public school, if male counsellors put their arms around female students.... and if male teacher put their arms around female teachers, even to "comfort" them... that is when as "wrong." But in church we all run around being to huggy. And yes, we do mean it in love (purity) and caring (innocence)... and "how can it be bad in a public place and in a context of prayer and even at the communion table"... but so many people are hurting and lonely and emotions are high, and when lonely, hurting, emotional people fall into the arms of members of the opposite sex, and "feel" there safety and love and caring that they don't get in the rest of their life... then what? Maybe that moment is "enough"... or maybe, just maybe... especially as they walk out the door into a sex-soaked society... it becomes "not enough."

Maybe I am over-reacting... or maybe it is a warning from the Lord that needs to be sounded. Maybe, as the Lord seeks to restore our church to purity before Him, He also wants us to put aside those things that can cause breakdown of purity, and place in there the checks and balances that keep purity. Like, maybe, couple "teams" for situations like in church yesterday... And...???

..........

I am glad, Lord, to see the children staying in church for the worship time. And I see that there are still no teachers for certain age groups. I keep wondering... are You trying to tell us something there too? I know some people - some good people - are convinced we need the children out of the service - some even want them out of worship time - "so we adults can focus on the Lord." Lord, You welcomed the children - You even drew them physically closer to Yourself than the adults! When the people came to listen to You, there were 5000 men PLUS women AND CHILDREN! Without need for a microphone. Your authority and power were so strong that all were quiet and could hear.

Pastor Side spoke of how people like Whitfield would speak to crowds of up to 50,000(!!!) out in open field - rowdy folk! - and it would be so quiet that you could hear a pin drop! That's Your power, Lord! The power of prayer drawing us into Your will and purpose and power! "Yes, Lord, yes! To Your will and to Your way... When the Spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I'll agree, and my answer will be 'Yes, Lord, Yes!'" Speak to us, Lord! Your Will!

..........

Lord, I was just starting a new prayer notebok, and was copying ___'s request for prayer for men to be real leaders.

Lord, I am wondering... was my reaction to the service yesterday more (or even just) a reaction of it being a "men only" leadership, that any of the other "issues" I used for my reasons for that reaction? I know when I read the announcement about the upcoming "congregational meeting" that I was disturbed at how "leadership" included only en. And that I immediately reacted by thinking that this new "structure, organization and bylaws" of our church would once again/still/ whatever ignore the needs of women. Of course, if these are truly Godly men, lead by Your Spirit, they will care about and consider the women just as much as themselves. "If they are...." Oh, dear God, please forgive me for my attitude and fears (a lot of which has to do, I know, with my reactions and resulting relationship problems to my husband... and before that, to my dad).

The church is looking for 5 people of Godly character to do research on the structure of the church, and bring recommendations.... I can see from my attitudes that when it comes to "Godly character" I most surely do not qualify! Oh dear God, please change my heart!

(Now I'm feeling conflicted about leading in women's ministry...).



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Oh Dear God, I've Been Foolish - Proud - Again
...Please Forgive and Help Me!

Date: October 31, 2006

Well, I'm going to bed and I don't have my lesson planned for tomorrow... and a lot of other things I need to do... and yes, it has been a long day with a lot of unexpected events... And of course I just "went off" and wrote email replies to a couple of people, and cry and feel sorry for myself... and don't even bring it to You, Lord (though I even write about how I should). Oh, and did I mention I also forgot to pray for the Bible Study (though we did pray at the beginning of it), and I was all emotional and defensive, and I knew I was, but I couldn't seem to stop myself, though I did ask Your forgiveness in the prayer at the end. I guess I wasn't "prayed up" before the meeting, and still feeling bad about those other things...

Funny, too, because I just got that email from ____ warning me not to get stressed out!

Anyway, here I am Lord, really embarrassed and feeling foolish and all. And wondering, just wondering, if You could help me again? Could You pick me up? Could You help me be wiser and more loving about mom... and my daughter... and the ladies' Bible study... and the church problems... and all the other things I seem to be so... so unwise... about, because I keep forgetting to turn it over to You. Well, I think it is kind of forgetting, but maybe it's just my old "self-sufficient, proud" nature rearing its ugly head, maybe it's spiritual warfare (the enemy does have plenty to be worried about because You are doing so many incredible things!), maybe it is even Hallowe'en, though I did ask not only for Your protection but also Your total power over the enemy for today/tonight - for "Hallowe'en." Maybe it's even lack of exercise and poor eating habits and being tired and having a lot of sad things happen lately. Maybe it is just lack of trust in You, and trying - again - more foolishly than ever - to find solutions myself, to try to save the day, to make peac, to fix/save relationships, etc. etc.... the same old, same old foolishness I've gone through over and over.

Anyway, I'm sorry.
I am.
Please forgive me.
Please help me.
And thank You that You do keep loving me in spite of it all.

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I'd Rather Be Part of a Hurting, Struggling Church
...Coming Into Repentance, Humility, Obedient Submission

Date: November 1, 2006

I'd rather be part of a hurting, struggling church that is coming into an attitude of repentance and humility and obedient submission to God, and seeking to be filled and taught and used according to God's will, by the work of the Holy Spirit in us; than to be part of a big, successful, admired church with great programs and numerous outreaches, and perfect worship music, and receiving fame and glory from all kinds of people - but sitting there in smugness and self-satisfaction (and ye, without even realizing it, becoming proud and arrogant and worldly!). Thank You, God for the struggles that drive us to You. Amen!

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It's All About You, Jesus!
Date: November 1, 2006

Reading this morning 2 Kings 8-11 and this song just kept running through my mind, because I realized after all the times I've read the stories about the kings of Israel and Judah, and wondered how they could have done the things they did, etc - that the story isn't really about them - but it is about God and His love and mercy for His people, yet at the same time His holiness and jealousy for His Kingdom and His glory, and His justice, and His Word, and His Purposes! He was in control all the time, and He was paying total attention to every detail, and He was in spite of all the evil that occurred, working out His eternal purposes and keeping alive the blood lines that would lead right to Jesus, the promised Son of David - and of Adam and Eve - and of God, so that God's eternal kingdom could and would be established! Praise Your Holy Name, dear Heavenly Father! Thank You, Jesus, King of kings and Lord of lords! Thank You, dear Holy Spirit, for showing me this truth, just as I prayed and asked You to "bless the reading of Your Word to my heart, and help me to grow and learn from it" (as I pray each time I go to Your Word). Thank You for answering my prayer and for Your great care for me, and for the "Bible school" I can attend every time I open Your Word or hear it proclaimed, because I have You, the greatest teacher: You, Truth and Wisdom incarnate, to teach me, mentor me, talk with me, lead me (and discipline me and provide the lessons I need, whether they seem good or bad to me at the time! )

"It's all about You, Jesus/ And all this is for You/ All the glory and the pain/ It's not about me/ As if You should do things my way/ You alone are God and I surrender to Your will."

Thank You for the wonderful opportunities I am having at school this year, the chance to do devotions with my classes and to be more directly involved in their lives - their real, important, spiritual lives and growth. Please help me to care about them in every way as You give me opportunities. Help me to pray for them and love them with the love of Jesus. Thank You, Lord.

(And their parents and families, too. Amen!
Thank You, Lord!)

....

And thank You for the beautiful responses I have been receiving on email to my prayer-line request for updates, and to my "WM update" email! Lord, for years I have felt that my email letter writing could - even should - be a ministry - and here I see it coming to pass! Wow! Thank You, Lord! In Jesus' Name! Hallelujah!

(Last night I was going through the email addresses that have been automatically stored on my computer - and I was just astounded at how many people I have been writing to! Thank You, Lord!

And please, Lord, help me to catch up on my website. Thank You, Lord!

(But I need to do my lessons and report cards first...)

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I Do Want to Submit it All - Dreams, Longings, Dreads, Values - To You
Date: November 5, 2006

This is something I have been thinking about a lot just now, is that I need to learn to bring everything to You. I don't know, maybe I didn't bring these purchases to You because they were things I really wanted and I didn't want to be told "No"... and I didn't even want to tell myself "No" like I so often do because I have always felt guilty to get things for myself, but lately I have just gone ahead and quickly gotten thing before I could talk myself out of them (or let You talk me out of them...) because I see us spending so much money in eating out and other things that have nothing to show for it, and I just feel like I want a few things for myself! I don't know, Lord, if this is altogether a bad thing or not, because these things are not wasteful or foolish things necessarily (unless it is foolish, for example, to have a bit of "nice" interior design for once in my life... I've always lived with mostly hand-me-downs and second-hand, and I'd just like something a little bit nice, and getting mom's furniture just kind of made me want some "nice" accompaniements - and they aren't fancy or expensive... but at the same time I'm wanting to live more simply, and to down-size, and even to go be a missionary and live with only the most basic things....

I wrote a letter to ____ this morning about what I have been learning from You about Christian education and about headship and such. Well, I hope it was from You... I know that generally it must be, because it lines up with Your Word (for the most part, as far as I can tell...) I do worry that I ay well be looking in Your Word for "proof" for my own ideas... Oh Lord God, Father, please, in the Name of Jesus, pour out Your Spirit upon me, that I may think Your thoughts and know Your truth, that I may really, truly know Jesus, the Way, the Truth, the Life! Thank You, Lord!

.....

Dear Heavenly Father,

In the service today You spoke to me - again, and again I needed to submit myself anew - and more - to You: I had to totally give up my dearest dreams and longings, even things I believe strongly to be in Your will, and be willing to lose everything that I value or wish for - even things I have selfishly wished to not happen, like my husband never changing any more, and coming home to stay, and having to love him and do things his way for the rest of my life even if it means his way of finances, and never being able to be a missionary or be involved in any other "significant" ministry ever in the present or future (even if it isn't because of my husband at all!), and even to the point of "losing" my children and never seeing them come to the Lord, and even if I lost my health - or even far worse to my way of thinking, lost my mind to dementia or whatever! Even things like having to teach a children's church/ Sunday school class during church time, if that is Your will!!!

And Lord, I do give my dreams and longings ... and dreads... to You, and all that I value most. I can't even think of words to talk about it, because just the thought of those things happening leaves me feeling barren and stricken and speechless - but Lord, I have realized that loving and obeying and trusting and living in relationship with You is far much crucial than any of those other things! (Of course my childrens' spirits are as important to You as mine is, but for me walking in obedience to You, it is still something I have to totally give over to Your will.

Thank You for Your grace in my life!
Praise Your Holy Name! Amen!
Thank You!

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