Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Spiritual Disciplines Daily Living Total Submission Amazing Grace Hallelujah Opened Eyes Spiritual Disciplines Date: Feb 7, 2006 It is good to experience a heavy heart, to realize the depths of my hopelessness and guilt and sin and total weakness and depravity, because without that, how will I ever turn to God when He calls? Thank You, Lord, for Your grace in calling me, in showing me the true state of my being, and coming to my help and redeeming me from sin - indeed, from myself! I have been studying about the spiritual disciplines, and then teaching others about them. But I have been finding it difficult to teach because I feel like I am really saying, "Do as I say, not as I do (or at least not as I fail to do)." I am coming to understand that it is good to be aware of these ways of glorifying You and growing in relationship with You. But also, I see that I must beware of throwing myself madly into trying to do them all, and ending up by trying to do them in my own strength. When that happens, these good and useful ways of cooperating with Your work in my life will become only works, and I will burn myself out. I think I need to open my eyes wide to perceive where You, Lord God, have placed me here and now, and see the opportunities of time and circumstance that You has placed before me. I need to try and see my life - and the world - from Your perspective. I need to see what You see as right and important just now, and what is wrong, foolish, empty, vapid. Then I need to go ahead with Your purposes and plans, no matter how they seem to me at the time, always keeping Your glory as my goal. You do teach me so much, and build Your relationship with me, and fulfill Your purposes every day through the circumstances of life in which You have placed me. So, dear Lord, please help me see life through Your perspective. Help me to see clearly what wrong choices I have been making, and help me to jettison these things, and use the resulting cleared times, places and circumstances to "discipline myself for godliness." It seems to me, Lord, that the way I approach things and think of them makes a difference in whether I perceive and make use of them as "just life" or use them as continuing, useful parts of disciplined spiritual growth. Ideally, am I not to come to a place where I understand that all of life is ultimately about my relationship with You, for Your purposes and Your glory? I think that in really coming to understand that, I begin to be able to live out biblical commands like, "in everything give thanks," and "pray without ceasing;" the kinds of things which disciplined spirituality strives for, right? Then even the most seemingly mundane parts of life will become ways of "doing all for the glory of God!" I need to be careful not to separate my spiritually disciplined living into a box or compartment of my life. Certainly, it is important to spend "quality time" focused one-to-one, face-to-face with You, Lord, but I need also to realize that You never leave me, and that in every aspect and moment of living, I am actually in relationship with You. So I must ask myself then whether some of the things I do are healthy contributors to our relationship or not. Compartmentalizing my spiritual life also causes it to become just a "duty" and I start to begrudge the time spent with You, or I become self-righteous about it, and again it becomes a work of man rather than a relationship guided by You. It turns into something for my glory, not for Yours. I am coming to realize that the "spiritual disciplines" really need to be moment-by-moment disciplined spiritual living, not just discrete activities in themselves, for their own sake. I am to be a disciple living the Christ-life, following the example of Jesus, abiding always in the Father. With God as my guide, I am to be open to, and asking Him what He wants me to be doing in this area. I see that striving to have a spiritual experience just like someone else's, no matter how wonderful they are, is not what God wants from me. So in the spiritual disciplines, the goal is godly living, discipleship, God's Glory. The details of the path are God's to choose, but I can cooperate by seeking to see from His perspective, and by choosing to order my attitudes, thoughts, words, actions and reactions - the details of my life over which I have some control - accordingly. Here's another thing. I see more and more that knowledge and experience have to go together. Often I am in such a rush to "learn" it all. But the learning that is really learning, the learning that sticks and changes me, must go beyond just head knowledge. It must be experienced in some way. So I do learn things by studying the Bible, prayer and so on, but it is in going through life experiences that the knowledge I've gained is put to the test, and is given reality in the context of experience. Thus my learning goes from head knowledge to wisdom and becomes a vital, living part of me. So vitality and reality is built into my relationship with God (and with others), making me a vital part of the family of God, the body of Christ, the heavenly kingdom. I need, then, to be careful not to push myself into endless amounts of cerebral knowledge, trying to "get there" in my own hurried time. I need to stop from time to time and check to see if my so-called learning is really God's teaching and guidance. He works slowly, it often seems to me, yet when I learn according to His methods and timetable, I will truly "get it." One last thing. ____ just reminded me that each of us is taught individually by a tutor, the Holy Spirit, because each one of us has an individual walk with God, and each one has individual experiences and places and times, according to God's planned schedule. At the same time, God gives us the opportunity to share our learning with others, that we may each be encouraged and edified, and the church of Jesus may be built into the glorious kingdom of God. Return to the top Daily Living Date: February 7, 2006 "Spiritual lust makes me demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God who gives the answer. The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer... We look for visions from heaven, for earthquakes and thunders of God's power, and we never dream that all the time God is in the commonplace things and people around us. If we will do the duty that lies nearest, we shall see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes when we learn that it is in the commonplace things that the Deity of Jesus Christ is realized." (My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, February 7). Yes, that's it! I can just stop striving, and I can open my eyes and heart and see You, Lord, and experience You in all the moments of my daily living. Yes, I will certainly continue to seek You in Your Word because that is how You have chosen to reveal Yourself to my mind, but I can see and experience that revelation in the daily step-by-step of life. And I can abide in You because Your Holy Spirit is in my heart. It is a reflection of how You created me: heart (spirit), body (strength/soul), and mind. It is how You command me to love You and to love my neighbour as myself. Therein is unity and oneness. Even as You - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - are One, so, since I am made in Your image, I am to live in that design of unified oneness of all my aspects - and in oneness with You, the ultimate unity for which I was created. Return to the top Total Submission Date: February 8, 2006 "[Holiness] will cost an intense narrowing of all our interests on earth, and an immense broadening of all our interests in God. Sanctification means intense concentration on God's point of view... [It] means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that rules Him will rule us... It will cost everything that is not of God in us... The one and only characteristic of the Holy Ghost in a man is a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ and freedom from everything that is unlike Him." (My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, February 8). Lord, I think I have not really understood the cost of what I'm asking; and I have not been totally prepared to give up "my interests on earth." For example, I have been trying to make over myself - and others close to me - in "my" image. But You have been teaching me (and I have very slowly been learning) to let go. If I cannot accept myself or others as we are, how will I accept You as You are, dear God? And how will I be able to accept myself as You want me to be? I have been finding it a real struggle to give up "my" cherished thoughts and ideas that "I" have developed and have thought to be so wise, even though all the time I have had doubts about them. Lord Jesus, I have said that You are the center of my faith - but are You, really? I have asked You over and over to help me keep my eyes glued to Your face and to Your cross - but do not my eyes keep returning to me, to my viewpoints, to my intellect, to my dreams and visions and desires? Of course, the world I live in encourages that. It is, after all, the first sin, the defining sin, the umbrella temptation under which all the other variations of sinful acts are found: "Ye shall be as gods." Have I really come to want You completely, dear Jesus? Not just more than myself, but so totally that my self is dead to me, dead so that it can never rise up again? So that I can truly say and long for and live and believe and desire only and forever, "Christ in me?" Lord, it really is "all about You." I am almost afraid to ask this, but Lord, please help me to truly give up my interests and replace them unconditionally with Yours. Despite my fears, I do choose to do this now, gladly. Thank You for opening my heart to see me as I really am, to see my need to be totally submitted to You. Amen. Return to the top Amazing Grace Date: February 8, 2006 Heavenly Father... My mom once told me that she often wondered, when I was a child, how I could have such a strong head knowledge of the scriptures, yet never seem to reach the point where I understood my need of accepting the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, for myself. And sometimes, Lord, I feel as though my childhood "problem" is still pursuing me. But now at least I do see it, and by Your grace, I have accepted Your great salvation. That is how I've come to see it, isn't it! Not by my own understanding but by Your amazing grace! "Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him! (Prov 3:5-6)" And now I see that this has, of course, been Your plan and timing and purpose all along. When I think of all my efforts, all my attempts at self-sufficiency and independence and so-called personal responsibility (the "success" message of the world), I feel awfully small and insignificant and helpless and useless. But perhaps, after all, that is the point. Maybe I am finally beginning to "bottom out," like an addict, addicted to my self, to my ability, to my intelligence, to my self-sufficiency, to my responsibility, to my need to do it myself. Maybe, after all, I am beginning to understand that God does not "help those who help themselves." I see, Lord, that I must allow You to pour out Your grace upon me and open my eyes to see that I need You, alone. This all makes me feel very, very small indeed. And very, very unworthy, humiliated, undeserving. But most of all, very, very amazed at such grace! "I once was lost, but now am found!" Yes, it is true. You "found" me; it was never me "finding You. It was always all about Your Sovereign timing and choice, You, the One and only God Almighty. Thank You for opening my eyes to You, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Thank You! Return to the top Hallelujah Date: February 10, 2006 Oh Heavenly Father! My heart is just overflowing with gratitude and love toward You this morning. What an amazing, wonderful life! To have a Creator God who loves me, Who guides me personally, Who has a wonderful, special, individual plan for the life of me, such a small and insignificant creature, such a failure in even my own eyes. Yet, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - to be beloved by the Almighty, Omnipotent, Sovereign, Majestic, Glorious, Perfect, Eternal, incredibly beyond all comprehension and understanding, King of kings, Lord of Lords, the One over all else that is, the Creator and designer of all that has being, the one and only self-existent One - my God, yet also my Father and my friend and - dare I even whisper it - my true and eternal Lover! "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!... Amazing love, how can it be? That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me!.... So free, so infinite His love... Died He for me, who caused His shame, for me who Him to death pursued?" What can I do, my Lord and my God, but humbly bow prostrated before You, and adore and worship You, and whisper, hardly daring to open my mouth, "Thank You!" Oh, glory! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! Hallelujah! Praise Your Holy Name! Hosanna in the highest! For the Lord God Almighty reigneth for ever and ever! King of kings and Lord of lords! Oh, hallelujah! Praise God! Wow, where did that come from? I so often worry that I do not know how to worship and praise and thank my God. It came from You, Holy Spirit, God Almighty! Thank You! Another thing that "I" didn't need to do - couldn't do - on my own. Oh Thank You! Praise God! Return to the top Opened Eyes Date: 10, 2006 Yesterday, Lord, I was so tired, and I just flopped down on the couch and started watching some fluff movie about a middle-aged housewife suffering the angst of realizing that although her life has been passably acceptable, it surely isn't what she dreamed of as a young girl. It was the kind of movie that rings a bell, that is easy to relate to, and that just draws one in. I didn't watch the whole thing - her solution wasn't so great, you know - but later, I realized that watching as much as I did was starting to open up a "whole can of worms," all that "stuff" that I've finally been learning to turn over to You: all my so-called dreams, the things I have wanted for me, the dissatisfactions I feel with my life, my frustrations (and the guilt I have felt due to all that). Anyway, watching that movie was like inviting all that stuff to come bubbling back into my mind, almost kicking and screaming to be let back into my heart. Thank You, Lord, for helping me right then to recognize it for was it was, and for helping me to bring it to You, as I am doing right now. But oh, dear God, Thank You also for showing me how easy it is to get drawn back almost instantly into the viewpoints of the world, through the seemingly innocent devices of the world's communications. How true it is that this world is not my home, and that while I have to pass through it, how careful I need to be to remember that I'm just passing through, and that I must every moment have my eyes and heart set upon my true home, the heavenly City where dwells You, my Lord and God, there with arms open to receive me at the end of my earthly journey. For surely this journey is not so long, that I should find it too much of a trial to resist the urge to find a comfortable little by-path, and turn aside from the straight and narrow road to settle into "Vanity Fair." (Maybe I ought to read Pilgrim's Progress again, Lord?) Thank You again for opening my eyes, dear Holy Spirit! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Spiritual Disciplines Daily Living Total Submission Amazing Grace Hallelujah Opened Eyes Spiritual Disciplines Date: Feb 7, 2006 It is good to experience a heavy heart, to realize the depths of my hopelessness and guilt and sin and total weakness and depravity, because without that, how will I ever turn to God when He calls? Thank You, Lord, for Your grace in calling me, in showing me the true state of my being, and coming to my help and redeeming me from sin - indeed, from myself! I have been studying about the spiritual disciplines, and then teaching others about them. But I have been finding it difficult to teach because I feel like I am really saying, "Do as I say, not as I do (or at least not as I fail to do)." I am coming to understand that it is good to be aware of these ways of glorifying You and growing in relationship with You. But also, I see that I must beware of throwing myself madly into trying to do them all, and ending up by trying to do them in my own strength. When that happens, these good and useful ways of cooperating with Your work in my life will become only works, and I will burn myself out. I think I need to open my eyes wide to perceive where You, Lord God, have placed me here and now, and see the opportunities of time and circumstance that You has placed before me. I need to try and see my life - and the world - from Your perspective. I need to see what You see as right and important just now, and what is wrong, foolish, empty, vapid. Then I need to go ahead with Your purposes and plans, no matter how they seem to me at the time, always keeping Your glory as my goal. You do teach me so much, and build Your relationship with me, and fulfill Your purposes every day through the circumstances of life in which You have placed me. So, dear Lord, please help me see life through Your perspective. Help me to see clearly what wrong choices I have been making, and help me to jettison these things, and use the resulting cleared times, places and circumstances to "discipline myself for godliness." It seems to me, Lord, that the way I approach things and think of them makes a difference in whether I perceive and make use of them as "just life" or use them as continuing, useful parts of disciplined spiritual growth. Ideally, am I not to come to a place where I understand that all of life is ultimately about my relationship with You, for Your purposes and Your glory? I think that in really coming to understand that, I begin to be able to live out biblical commands like, "in everything give thanks," and "pray without ceasing;" the kinds of things which disciplined spirituality strives for, right? Then even the most seemingly mundane parts of life will become ways of "doing all for the glory of God!" I need to be careful not to separate my spiritually disciplined living into a box or compartment of my life. Certainly, it is important to spend "quality time" focused one-to-one, face-to-face with You, Lord, but I need also to realize that You never leave me, and that in every aspect and moment of living, I am actually in relationship with You. So I must ask myself then whether some of the things I do are healthy contributors to our relationship or not. Compartmentalizing my spiritual life also causes it to become just a "duty" and I start to begrudge the time spent with You, or I become self-righteous about it, and again it becomes a work of man rather than a relationship guided by You. It turns into something for my glory, not for Yours. I am coming to realize that the "spiritual disciplines" really need to be moment-by-moment disciplined spiritual living, not just discrete activities in themselves, for their own sake. I am to be a disciple living the Christ-life, following the example of Jesus, abiding always in the Father. With God as my guide, I am to be open to, and asking Him what He wants me to be doing in this area. I see that striving to have a spiritual experience just like someone else's, no matter how wonderful they are, is not what God wants from me. So in the spiritual disciplines, the goal is godly living, discipleship, God's Glory. The details of the path are God's to choose, but I can cooperate by seeking to see from His perspective, and by choosing to order my attitudes, thoughts, words, actions and reactions - the details of my life over which I have some control - accordingly. Here's another thing. I see more and more that knowledge and experience have to go together. Often I am in such a rush to "learn" it all. But the learning that is really learning, the learning that sticks and changes me, must go beyond just head knowledge. It must be experienced in some way. So I do learn things by studying the Bible, prayer and so on, but it is in going through life experiences that the knowledge I've gained is put to the test, and is given reality in the context of experience. Thus my learning goes from head knowledge to wisdom and becomes a vital, living part of me. So vitality and reality is built into my relationship with God (and with others), making me a vital part of the family of God, the body of Christ, the heavenly kingdom. I need, then, to be careful not to push myself into endless amounts of cerebral knowledge, trying to "get there" in my own hurried time. I need to stop from time to time and check to see if my so-called learning is really God's teaching and guidance. He works slowly, it often seems to me, yet when I learn according to His methods and timetable, I will truly "get it." One last thing. ____ just reminded me that each of us is taught individually by a tutor, the Holy Spirit, because each one of us has an individual walk with God, and each one has individual experiences and places and times, according to God's planned schedule. At the same time, God gives us the opportunity to share our learning with others, that we may each be encouraged and edified, and the church of Jesus may be built into the glorious kingdom of God. Return to the top Daily Living Date: February 7, 2006 "Spiritual lust makes me demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God who gives the answer. The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer... We look for visions from heaven, for earthquakes and thunders of God's power, and we never dream that all the time God is in the commonplace things and people around us. If we will do the duty that lies nearest, we shall see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes when we learn that it is in the commonplace things that the Deity of Jesus Christ is realized." (My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, February 7). Yes, that's it! I can just stop striving, and I can open my eyes and heart and see You, Lord, and experience You in all the moments of my daily living. Yes, I will certainly continue to seek You in Your Word because that is how You have chosen to reveal Yourself to my mind, but I can see and experience that revelation in the daily step-by-step of life. And I can abide in You because Your Holy Spirit is in my heart. It is a reflection of how You created me: heart (spirit), body (strength/soul), and mind. It is how You command me to love You and to love my neighbour as myself. Therein is unity and oneness. Even as You - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - are One, so, since I am made in Your image, I am to live in that design of unified oneness of all my aspects - and in oneness with You, the ultimate unity for which I was created. Return to the top Total Submission Date: February 8, 2006 "[Holiness] will cost an intense narrowing of all our interests on earth, and an immense broadening of all our interests in God. Sanctification means intense concentration on God's point of view... [It] means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that rules Him will rule us... It will cost everything that is not of God in us... The one and only characteristic of the Holy Ghost in a man is a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ and freedom from everything that is unlike Him." (My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers, February 8). Lord, I think I have not really understood the cost of what I'm asking; and I have not been totally prepared to give up "my interests on earth." For example, I have been trying to make over myself - and others close to me - in "my" image. But You have been teaching me (and I have very slowly been learning) to let go. If I cannot accept myself or others as we are, how will I accept You as You are, dear God? And how will I be able to accept myself as You want me to be? I have been finding it a real struggle to give up "my" cherished thoughts and ideas that "I" have developed and have thought to be so wise, even though all the time I have had doubts about them. Lord Jesus, I have said that You are the center of my faith - but are You, really? I have asked You over and over to help me keep my eyes glued to Your face and to Your cross - but do not my eyes keep returning to me, to my viewpoints, to my intellect, to my dreams and visions and desires? Of course, the world I live in encourages that. It is, after all, the first sin, the defining sin, the umbrella temptation under which all the other variations of sinful acts are found: "Ye shall be as gods." Have I really come to want You completely, dear Jesus? Not just more than myself, but so totally that my self is dead to me, dead so that it can never rise up again? So that I can truly say and long for and live and believe and desire only and forever, "Christ in me?" Lord, it really is "all about You." I am almost afraid to ask this, but Lord, please help me to truly give up my interests and replace them unconditionally with Yours. Despite my fears, I do choose to do this now, gladly. Thank You for opening my heart to see me as I really am, to see my need to be totally submitted to You. Amen. Return to the top Amazing Grace Date: February 8, 2006 Heavenly Father... My mom once told me that she often wondered, when I was a child, how I could have such a strong head knowledge of the scriptures, yet never seem to reach the point where I understood my need of accepting the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, for myself. And sometimes, Lord, I feel as though my childhood "problem" is still pursuing me. But now at least I do see it, and by Your grace, I have accepted Your great salvation. That is how I've come to see it, isn't it! Not by my own understanding but by Your amazing grace! "Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him! (Prov 3:5-6)" And now I see that this has, of course, been Your plan and timing and purpose all along. When I think of all my efforts, all my attempts at self-sufficiency and independence and so-called personal responsibility (the "success" message of the world), I feel awfully small and insignificant and helpless and useless. But perhaps, after all, that is the point. Maybe I am finally beginning to "bottom out," like an addict, addicted to my self, to my ability, to my intelligence, to my self-sufficiency, to my responsibility, to my need to do it myself. Maybe, after all, I am beginning to understand that God does not "help those who help themselves." I see, Lord, that I must allow You to pour out Your grace upon me and open my eyes to see that I need You, alone. This all makes me feel very, very small indeed. And very, very unworthy, humiliated, undeserving. But most of all, very, very amazed at such grace! "I once was lost, but now am found!" Yes, it is true. You "found" me; it was never me "finding You. It was always all about Your Sovereign timing and choice, You, the One and only God Almighty. Thank You for opening my eyes to You, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Thank You! Return to the top Hallelujah Date: February 10, 2006 Oh Heavenly Father! My heart is just overflowing with gratitude and love toward You this morning. What an amazing, wonderful life! To have a Creator God who loves me, Who guides me personally, Who has a wonderful, special, individual plan for the life of me, such a small and insignificant creature, such a failure in even my own eyes. Yet, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - to be beloved by the Almighty, Omnipotent, Sovereign, Majestic, Glorious, Perfect, Eternal, incredibly beyond all comprehension and understanding, King of kings, Lord of Lords, the One over all else that is, the Creator and designer of all that has being, the one and only self-existent One - my God, yet also my Father and my friend and - dare I even whisper it - my true and eternal Lover! "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!... Amazing love, how can it be? That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me!.... So free, so infinite His love... Died He for me, who caused His shame, for me who Him to death pursued?" What can I do, my Lord and my God, but humbly bow prostrated before You, and adore and worship You, and whisper, hardly daring to open my mouth, "Thank You!" Oh, glory! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! Hallelujah! Praise Your Holy Name! Hosanna in the highest! For the Lord God Almighty reigneth for ever and ever! King of kings and Lord of lords! Oh, hallelujah! Praise God! Wow, where did that come from? I so often worry that I do not know how to worship and praise and thank my God. It came from You, Holy Spirit, God Almighty! Thank You! Another thing that "I" didn't need to do - couldn't do - on my own. Oh Thank You! Praise God! Return to the top Opened Eyes Date: 10, 2006 Yesterday, Lord, I was so tired, and I just flopped down on the couch and started watching some fluff movie about a middle-aged housewife suffering the angst of realizing that although her life has been passably acceptable, it surely isn't what she dreamed of as a young girl. It was the kind of movie that rings a bell, that is easy to relate to, and that just draws one in. I didn't watch the whole thing - her solution wasn't so great, you know - but later, I realized that watching as much as I did was starting to open up a "whole can of worms," all that "stuff" that I've finally been learning to turn over to You: all my so-called dreams, the things I have wanted for me, the dissatisfactions I feel with my life, my frustrations (and the guilt I have felt due to all that). Anyway, watching that movie was like inviting all that stuff to come bubbling back into my mind, almost kicking and screaming to be let back into my heart. Thank You, Lord, for helping me right then to recognize it for was it was, and for helping me to bring it to You, as I am doing right now. But oh, dear God, Thank You also for showing me how easy it is to get drawn back almost instantly into the viewpoints of the world, through the seemingly innocent devices of the world's communications. How true it is that this world is not my home, and that while I have to pass through it, how careful I need to be to remember that I'm just passing through, and that I must every moment have my eyes and heart set upon my true home, the heavenly City where dwells You, my Lord and God, there with arms open to receive me at the end of my earthly journey. For surely this journey is not so long, that I should find it too much of a trial to resist the urge to find a comfortable little by-path, and turn aside from the straight and narrow road to settle into "Vanity Fair." (Maybe I ought to read Pilgrim's Progress again, Lord?) Thank You again for opening my eyes, dear Holy Spirit! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family