Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Visions Mystery, Truth, Sovereignty Thank You Lord Journey Worship and Trust Back to Bethel Visions Date: January 20th, 2006 Dear Lord, I have been thinking about the "visions" we believe we have received from You. At first, we get all excited, and believe they are really from You, and look forward with anticipation to see them fulfilled. But then time passes, and little or nothing seems to be happening, or all hope of the vision coming to pass seems to be fading away. So we either give up on the vision and turn our backs upon it, or we start rushing around doing all we can to make it happen. Of course, neither is ultimately successful. I believe that You are often waiting until Your people come to fully trust You to do Your work, in Your (surprising!) way, in Your time, and according to Your purposes. Even if that means You remove the vision because we have gotten our eyes on it instead of on You. Oh dear God, help us to seek You alone: not money, not buildings, not even our great visions. Lord, let our eyes be on You and on You alone. Let us be one in You and with You. In Jesus' name. Lord, all my life I have heard people who are supposed to be Your children, yet are using Your Word in such a way as to back up their own cherished presuppositions and ideas, and to bash others of Your children who see things differently. But, Father, should we not rather be united in seeking to know You, to love You with all our hearts and souls and minds and strength, and by extension, love one another with Your love? Should we not be united in the desire to learn Your truth, through Your Word and Your Spirit, and then declare to the world the fullness of Your good news, the need for salvation and a total, focused, continuing, growing relationship and dependence upon You? Should we not be building each other up, edifying each other, pointing each other to You, helping each other keep focused on You alone? Oh Lord, please make us totally sensitive to Your Holy Spirit speaking Your Word in our hearts, guiding, comforting, teaching us all things. Then we will be able to truly do Your will, to totally submit to You, to do only that which You call us to do, to think Your thoughts rather than man's, to be in relationship with You so perfectly that we are truly one in You. Do Your work in and through me, dear Lord. Please help me to daily, moment by moment, be an empty vessel, clean and waiting eagerly to be filled and used by You, for Your glory, in love and faith and obedient trust. What an awesome privilege. But also, what an awesome responsibility. How crucial that I be, in every moment, faithful to and focused on You. Oh dear God, please make me like Jesus. Fill me with Your Spirit. Make me truly Your child in every way, every aspect, every moment of my life. I love You, Lord. Amen! Return to the top Mystery, Truth, Sovereignty Date: January 22, 2006 Clearly, Father, You are a God of mystery. We are a people who are incredibly limited in comparison with You, even in comparison to how You created us to be before we fell. Only with Your sovereign power and Being within us do we - and our works, which must truly be Yours alone - have any value or worth. For all worth and value is wrapped up in, is due to, belongs to, and is You. I feel as though I have always been trying to figure things out by myself. And I realize now that I cannot. I see I have been holding back "my" reasoning power instead of truly giving that part of me totally over to You. I have thus failed to empty myself of "me" - even though I have not really been aware of it. But now that You have brought this to my attention, I must give You this part of me, also. My intellect is not going to do me or You or anyone else any good, as long as I try to be in control. As I have always feared, in myself I have nothing worth saying, writing or teaching. There is no point in even trying to think things through in my own strength, is there? Oh dear God, I need You to take over this part also of my life and being. Think Your thoughts through me, dear Lord, I pray. I do not want to be a source of confusion or of disunity. I often wonder how people who are great theologians and great preachers can be so firmly disagreed about so many things? You are not a God of confusion. So what is going on here, Lord? These people are convinced they are hearing Your Spirit and that therefore they are right - and others are wrong. Are they perhaps not really hearing You after all, but hanging onto their "reasoning" power? Are You perhaps just keeping some things a mystery? Or what? Isn't it true that we all have only part of the truth, and that only You have all of it? Lord, I long to be open to Your truth, to be willing to admit when my previously-held beliefs may have been "seeing through a glass darkly," and to be willing to admit when I have been wrong. I want to be always willing to move forward into the growing light which You shed upon Your disciples as they follow You, and to keep focused on loving and trusting and obeying You. You keep revealing to me my failings, weaknesses, wrong attitudes, wrong beliefs; I discover ways of self-centeredness and pride that I had no idea were in me. It seems to me that I must be a great disappointment to You. And yet You keep loving me and guiding me and patiently working on me, and You have forgiven me unconditionally through the blood of Jesus, despite all my flaws and evil, wicked, self-dependent and self-centered ways. Thank You, Lord, for Your love and forgiveness. (And I am so sorry.) I see I must just sit quietly still, and take my life as You reveal and provide, letting You unwrap Your plans and purposes in Your way and time. You are in charge, and so it is all up to You, and will all work out for good and for Your glory. Your ways are always right, not just in the end, but also at all steps of the process, not matter how that process may seem to me at the time. Return to the top Thank You Lord Date: Jan 23, 2006 It seems, Lord, that You are able to help me most when I am too sick, too tired, too must in pain, too befuddled in my mind to think for myself! Thank You for the vision You have given me of the absolute necessity of focusing all my life, every aspect, upon You. Thank You for all the days and months and years of my life during which You have been drawing me to Yourself in the way and for the purpose You designed and intended for me from before the foundation of the world, indeed from the everlasting reaches, without beginning or end, of Your eternally existent Presence. Even trying to think of Your eternity in some small way, serves only to humble me more, to make me every more aware of the immeasurable, endless expanse that is Your Being. I am so small, Lord, just a tiny ant scurrying around in the sands and crumbs of time for a few fleeting moments. And yet You choose to lift me up, to elevate me into Your Presence, wrapping me in the loving arms of Your love and glory, allowing me to abide in You, the almighty God, to partake in the eternal, perfect, abiding Oneness of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and for all eternity. It is too much for me to comprehend. Thank You for Your Spirit in my heart, communing with my spirit. Thank You for making me pure and acceptable to You by the blood of Jesus - by Your sacrifice of Yourself, Lord God. Thank You for opening my eyes and my heart to at least a glimmer of Your glory: and yet even that tiny glimpse of Your glory seems more than I feel I can bear, and I find myself averting my eyes. Forgive me, Lord. How slow and plodding I am - and how patient and forgiving and persistent You are. Almighty God! Lover of my soul. Thank You for the glimpses You give me of You, of Your radiant, overwhelming, marvelous glory. Praise Your holy name! Even in the darkness, when all I see are the barren sands of time, I can never turn my back to You, for the reality of You can never be forgotten no matter the blackness and heaviness of the clouds that sometimes threaten to obscure all sight of You. Return to the top Journey Date: Jan 28, 2006 Lord God, I am so confused. "The baptism of the Holy Ghost and fire; baptism in the Holy Spirit, entire sanctification; second blessing; total surrender" Lord, it seems that so many of Your "great saints" can point to a specific moment in time when they had some overwhelming, distinct special experience, during which they truly came under Your Lordship and into a new relationship with You. And after that, everything changed in their relationship and walk with You, and they experienced apparently non-stop real oneness and submission to Your will, and usefulness to You, and deep growth in You. And yet, I have heard other Christians deny that such an experience is necessary (or even biblical), and that from the moment of salvation one just more or less continuously grows into an ever-increasing walk with You. Me? I've had quite a few moments when new light shone through quite suddenly, but I can't place my finger on a certain moment that in a sense made all the difference. So when I find myself struggling, or at least constantly discovering new-to-me unpleasant parts of my being, I am perhaps discouraged with myself, with my painfully slow growth. And I find myself longing for a defining moment. And yet, Lord, perhaps that is not Your way with me? Even in the matter of coming to salvation, I don't remember a time from the youngest age when I didn't believe, at least intellectually, in You. Sometimes that level of belief included experiences, when I look back on them, which I can only call worship, moments when the glories of the Northern Lights, or the altar call by a preacher at camp, or the words of a song, like "Turn your eyes upon Jesus" spoke deep into my heart, and I knew, knew, knew You were real and that You loved me and were calling me. And I did make some starts. But I got caught up, first, in intellectual knowing - oh, I was good at memorizing scripture, winning sword drills, earning badges in kids' clubs! And then I got caught up in my desire for coolness and acceptance, though I never stopped believing, and I kept looking, and I knew the "hound of heaven" chasing me "down the years, down the labyrinthine ways of my own mind." But it was not until that moment in the little Native Pentecostal Church in Masset that I finally really gave myself to You, and was baptized, and knew once and for all that I would never, ever turn back. And by Your mercy I am still walking with You, through the nearly 25 years that have followed. And what a walk it has been- slowly, bumpingly, yet gratefully and joyfully "moving on the upward way." I fear I relate more to Christian in the ups and downs of his "Pilgrim's Progress" than to the stories of people who somehow seem to have "gotten it" once and for all at some point. So, Lord, I wonder. What were all those experiences and moments along the way to the altar in Masset? Was I saved? Or was I just too stupid to really get it? Or what? Is the Christian life just more complicated that we make it out to be? What's up, Lord? I'm so tired. Maybe I just need to let it go and rest in You. Return to the top Worship and Trust Date: Feb 2, 2006 I was listening to a program on the radio, Lord, and it reminded me how much I need to really learn to worship You, Lord. Please help me. I'm sorry I'm such a failure in this area, Lord. The little kids at school inspire me with their simple, thankful, trusting prayers. I'd forgotten how wonderfully trusting and full of faith little children are. Wow! Thank You, Lord. Amen. Return to the top Back to Bethel Date: Feb 4, 2006 Gen 35:3 "And let us arise, and go up to Beth-el; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way in which I went." O Lord, I need to meet You face to face once again, lay myself on that altar once again. I long to dwell in Beth-el, in the house of God, in the gate of Heaven - the place where You are, the place where You speak to Your children, to me. I see Your arms wide open, pulling me into Your Fatherly hug and embrace; I feel myself burying my head in Your chest; I hear You warm, loving voice saying, "Welcome home, My little one, my own child. I love you." Hold me, Lord, please just hold me awhile. I've been so lonely. So "on my own." I'm sorry. I love You, too, Lord. Cleanse my lips and my heart, Lord, I pray. Thank You for loving me, no matter what. Amen. Speak, Lord, for Your servant heareth. Open my heart, Lord. Reveal Your truth to me. As You have just re-called me, So now, Lord, send me forth With Your gospel Burning in my heart. With pure and cleansed lips, Use me, Lord, To preach the gospel to every creature. To preach Jesus, and Him crucified. To share the shining good news Of Your great redemption, That brings Your shalom To a broken, sin-drowned race. Bringing mankind back once again To Beth-el, To the house and face and voice Of You - their God, Creator, Father, Purpose, Goal. For Your glory alone, Bowing the knee, Worshiping before Your majesty, authority, Power, Oneness In Your Kingdom, and for Jesus, Your Son's sake, Forever and ever, Amen. Thank You, Lord. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Visions Mystery, Truth, Sovereignty Thank You Lord Journey Worship and Trust Back to Bethel Visions Date: January 20th, 2006 Dear Lord, I have been thinking about the "visions" we believe we have received from You. At first, we get all excited, and believe they are really from You, and look forward with anticipation to see them fulfilled. But then time passes, and little or nothing seems to be happening, or all hope of the vision coming to pass seems to be fading away. So we either give up on the vision and turn our backs upon it, or we start rushing around doing all we can to make it happen. Of course, neither is ultimately successful. I believe that You are often waiting until Your people come to fully trust You to do Your work, in Your (surprising!) way, in Your time, and according to Your purposes. Even if that means You remove the vision because we have gotten our eyes on it instead of on You. Oh dear God, help us to seek You alone: not money, not buildings, not even our great visions. Lord, let our eyes be on You and on You alone. Let us be one in You and with You. In Jesus' name. Lord, all my life I have heard people who are supposed to be Your children, yet are using Your Word in such a way as to back up their own cherished presuppositions and ideas, and to bash others of Your children who see things differently. But, Father, should we not rather be united in seeking to know You, to love You with all our hearts and souls and minds and strength, and by extension, love one another with Your love? Should we not be united in the desire to learn Your truth, through Your Word and Your Spirit, and then declare to the world the fullness of Your good news, the need for salvation and a total, focused, continuing, growing relationship and dependence upon You? Should we not be building each other up, edifying each other, pointing each other to You, helping each other keep focused on You alone? Oh Lord, please make us totally sensitive to Your Holy Spirit speaking Your Word in our hearts, guiding, comforting, teaching us all things. Then we will be able to truly do Your will, to totally submit to You, to do only that which You call us to do, to think Your thoughts rather than man's, to be in relationship with You so perfectly that we are truly one in You. Do Your work in and through me, dear Lord. Please help me to daily, moment by moment, be an empty vessel, clean and waiting eagerly to be filled and used by You, for Your glory, in love and faith and obedient trust. What an awesome privilege. But also, what an awesome responsibility. How crucial that I be, in every moment, faithful to and focused on You. Oh dear God, please make me like Jesus. Fill me with Your Spirit. Make me truly Your child in every way, every aspect, every moment of my life. I love You, Lord. Amen! Return to the top Mystery, Truth, Sovereignty Date: January 22, 2006 Clearly, Father, You are a God of mystery. We are a people who are incredibly limited in comparison with You, even in comparison to how You created us to be before we fell. Only with Your sovereign power and Being within us do we - and our works, which must truly be Yours alone - have any value or worth. For all worth and value is wrapped up in, is due to, belongs to, and is You. I feel as though I have always been trying to figure things out by myself. And I realize now that I cannot. I see I have been holding back "my" reasoning power instead of truly giving that part of me totally over to You. I have thus failed to empty myself of "me" - even though I have not really been aware of it. But now that You have brought this to my attention, I must give You this part of me, also. My intellect is not going to do me or You or anyone else any good, as long as I try to be in control. As I have always feared, in myself I have nothing worth saying, writing or teaching. There is no point in even trying to think things through in my own strength, is there? Oh dear God, I need You to take over this part also of my life and being. Think Your thoughts through me, dear Lord, I pray. I do not want to be a source of confusion or of disunity. I often wonder how people who are great theologians and great preachers can be so firmly disagreed about so many things? You are not a God of confusion. So what is going on here, Lord? These people are convinced they are hearing Your Spirit and that therefore they are right - and others are wrong. Are they perhaps not really hearing You after all, but hanging onto their "reasoning" power? Are You perhaps just keeping some things a mystery? Or what? Isn't it true that we all have only part of the truth, and that only You have all of it? Lord, I long to be open to Your truth, to be willing to admit when my previously-held beliefs may have been "seeing through a glass darkly," and to be willing to admit when I have been wrong. I want to be always willing to move forward into the growing light which You shed upon Your disciples as they follow You, and to keep focused on loving and trusting and obeying You. You keep revealing to me my failings, weaknesses, wrong attitudes, wrong beliefs; I discover ways of self-centeredness and pride that I had no idea were in me. It seems to me that I must be a great disappointment to You. And yet You keep loving me and guiding me and patiently working on me, and You have forgiven me unconditionally through the blood of Jesus, despite all my flaws and evil, wicked, self-dependent and self-centered ways. Thank You, Lord, for Your love and forgiveness. (And I am so sorry.) I see I must just sit quietly still, and take my life as You reveal and provide, letting You unwrap Your plans and purposes in Your way and time. You are in charge, and so it is all up to You, and will all work out for good and for Your glory. Your ways are always right, not just in the end, but also at all steps of the process, not matter how that process may seem to me at the time. Return to the top Thank You Lord Date: Jan 23, 2006 It seems, Lord, that You are able to help me most when I am too sick, too tired, too must in pain, too befuddled in my mind to think for myself! Thank You for the vision You have given me of the absolute necessity of focusing all my life, every aspect, upon You. Thank You for all the days and months and years of my life during which You have been drawing me to Yourself in the way and for the purpose You designed and intended for me from before the foundation of the world, indeed from the everlasting reaches, without beginning or end, of Your eternally existent Presence. Even trying to think of Your eternity in some small way, serves only to humble me more, to make me every more aware of the immeasurable, endless expanse that is Your Being. I am so small, Lord, just a tiny ant scurrying around in the sands and crumbs of time for a few fleeting moments. And yet You choose to lift me up, to elevate me into Your Presence, wrapping me in the loving arms of Your love and glory, allowing me to abide in You, the almighty God, to partake in the eternal, perfect, abiding Oneness of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and for all eternity. It is too much for me to comprehend. Thank You for Your Spirit in my heart, communing with my spirit. Thank You for making me pure and acceptable to You by the blood of Jesus - by Your sacrifice of Yourself, Lord God. Thank You for opening my eyes and my heart to at least a glimmer of Your glory: and yet even that tiny glimpse of Your glory seems more than I feel I can bear, and I find myself averting my eyes. Forgive me, Lord. How slow and plodding I am - and how patient and forgiving and persistent You are. Almighty God! Lover of my soul. Thank You for the glimpses You give me of You, of Your radiant, overwhelming, marvelous glory. Praise Your holy name! Even in the darkness, when all I see are the barren sands of time, I can never turn my back to You, for the reality of You can never be forgotten no matter the blackness and heaviness of the clouds that sometimes threaten to obscure all sight of You. Return to the top Journey Date: Jan 28, 2006 Lord God, I am so confused. "The baptism of the Holy Ghost and fire; baptism in the Holy Spirit, entire sanctification; second blessing; total surrender" Lord, it seems that so many of Your "great saints" can point to a specific moment in time when they had some overwhelming, distinct special experience, during which they truly came under Your Lordship and into a new relationship with You. And after that, everything changed in their relationship and walk with You, and they experienced apparently non-stop real oneness and submission to Your will, and usefulness to You, and deep growth in You. And yet, I have heard other Christians deny that such an experience is necessary (or even biblical), and that from the moment of salvation one just more or less continuously grows into an ever-increasing walk with You. Me? I've had quite a few moments when new light shone through quite suddenly, but I can't place my finger on a certain moment that in a sense made all the difference. So when I find myself struggling, or at least constantly discovering new-to-me unpleasant parts of my being, I am perhaps discouraged with myself, with my painfully slow growth. And I find myself longing for a defining moment. And yet, Lord, perhaps that is not Your way with me? Even in the matter of coming to salvation, I don't remember a time from the youngest age when I didn't believe, at least intellectually, in You. Sometimes that level of belief included experiences, when I look back on them, which I can only call worship, moments when the glories of the Northern Lights, or the altar call by a preacher at camp, or the words of a song, like "Turn your eyes upon Jesus" spoke deep into my heart, and I knew, knew, knew You were real and that You loved me and were calling me. And I did make some starts. But I got caught up, first, in intellectual knowing - oh, I was good at memorizing scripture, winning sword drills, earning badges in kids' clubs! And then I got caught up in my desire for coolness and acceptance, though I never stopped believing, and I kept looking, and I knew the "hound of heaven" chasing me "down the years, down the labyrinthine ways of my own mind." But it was not until that moment in the little Native Pentecostal Church in Masset that I finally really gave myself to You, and was baptized, and knew once and for all that I would never, ever turn back. And by Your mercy I am still walking with You, through the nearly 25 years that have followed. And what a walk it has been- slowly, bumpingly, yet gratefully and joyfully "moving on the upward way." I fear I relate more to Christian in the ups and downs of his "Pilgrim's Progress" than to the stories of people who somehow seem to have "gotten it" once and for all at some point. So, Lord, I wonder. What were all those experiences and moments along the way to the altar in Masset? Was I saved? Or was I just too stupid to really get it? Or what? Is the Christian life just more complicated that we make it out to be? What's up, Lord? I'm so tired. Maybe I just need to let it go and rest in You. Return to the top Worship and Trust Date: Feb 2, 2006 I was listening to a program on the radio, Lord, and it reminded me how much I need to really learn to worship You, Lord. Please help me. I'm sorry I'm such a failure in this area, Lord. The little kids at school inspire me with their simple, thankful, trusting prayers. I'd forgotten how wonderfully trusting and full of faith little children are. Wow! Thank You, Lord. Amen. Return to the top Back to Bethel Date: Feb 4, 2006 Gen 35:3 "And let us arise, and go up to Beth-el; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way in which I went." O Lord, I need to meet You face to face once again, lay myself on that altar once again. I long to dwell in Beth-el, in the house of God, in the gate of Heaven - the place where You are, the place where You speak to Your children, to me. I see Your arms wide open, pulling me into Your Fatherly hug and embrace; I feel myself burying my head in Your chest; I hear You warm, loving voice saying, "Welcome home, My little one, my own child. I love you." Hold me, Lord, please just hold me awhile. I've been so lonely. So "on my own." I'm sorry. I love You, too, Lord. Cleanse my lips and my heart, Lord, I pray. Thank You for loving me, no matter what. Amen. Speak, Lord, for Your servant heareth. Open my heart, Lord. Reveal Your truth to me. As You have just re-called me, So now, Lord, send me forth With Your gospel Burning in my heart. With pure and cleansed lips, Use me, Lord, To preach the gospel to every creature. To preach Jesus, and Him crucified. To share the shining good news Of Your great redemption, That brings Your shalom To a broken, sin-drowned race. Bringing mankind back once again To Beth-el, To the house and face and voice Of You - their God, Creator, Father, Purpose, Goal. For Your glory alone, Bowing the knee, Worshiping before Your majesty, authority, Power, Oneness In Your Kingdom, and for Jesus, Your Son's sake, Forever and ever, Amen. Thank You, Lord. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family