Bob, and His Relation to Tea
There was once a teapot named Bob. And yes, I do mean "a." In the entire history of the universe, only one teapot has ever been named Bob. You see, most people choose to name their teapots "Fred." I can certainly understand why; I myself named my teapot Fred. But back to Bob. He was made of china, which had become chipped over the years. The top of Bob's spot had been broken off, but he could still carry liquids inside his belly. The feeling obtained from moving back and forth while being full of liquid was very pleasant to Bob. I personally think the word "teapot" is a misnomer. Okay, I guess sometimes they hold tea, but what's so pot-like about them? Pots usually have a long, flat handle and they NEVER have a spout. I am 96.5% sure about this. Bob's eyesight wasn't very good. He was legally blind, and could only see dark shapes. What Bob didn't know at the time was that the amorphous blobs were only in his head. He actually had no eyes. This is quite typical for teakettles. HOW ARE THEY LIKE KETTLES? Wait, do I know what a kettle is? Nope, never mind. Most teapots, including my own Fred, are legally blind. People only have 5 senses. Teapots have 6. They also have something called "common sense." Unfortunately, none of the teakettles actually HAD this. That's it! I'm sick of all of nonsensical names for this kitchen appliance that generally holds hot beverages or small woodland creatures! I will henceforth call them teaholders. That way, it still resembles its other names, but is more correct. Bob was a pastel blue, or at least he thought he was. His dream was to see the world, and rare sights. He started off on a long journey. He walked and walked for hours, days, months, seeing amazing things he never knew existed. How tired his legs and feet felt! He had to take a break. Teaholders can only take so much. Oh no, the point of a teaholder is also to pour tea. I completely forgot. Now the name is inaccurate. Again. I'll just call it a teakettle because I have no idea what a kettle is. So Bob was walking. After all the amazing sights he had seen, he never wanted to go home. Unknown to Bob, teakettles can't move by themselves and he had been sitting in the kitchen all along. All the sights had been interesting hallucinations and he actually had no legs or feet, so they weren't tired. Bob spent the rest of his life happily seeing things that weren't there, and his owners spent the rest of their life happily drinking hot beverages and small woodland creatures from their teakettle. The End.