So, at one point or another, through all of our academic lives, we have been asked to read different books or articles on any given subject written by Professors or Universities; our �academic elites�. This type of writing is known as �academic writing� and truly is the plague through which confusion and incoherence is created in our school systems today. It is through these academic writings that these authors try to establish their intellectual superiority over the general population by trying WAY too hard to use sophisticated language, and to phrase things as elegantly as possible; a need to express their vast understanding of the English language in relation to their subject matter. This of course is in large part because these authors were such hardcore LOSERS when they were in school, and try to use intellectual stimulation to cover up bad memories of the savage beatings they more than likely received.
What I don�t understand though, about academic writing is why its authors find it necessary to copy out a thesaurus from front to back, knowing full well that as they do not even fully know what a word means, there is very little chance that their audience will understand any better. Like, is the purpose of writing a book or article not to express your opinion on a subject, and get that message across to as large an audience as possible? I mean, for some reason that is still unknown to me, you academic writers think that you have stumbled across some theory that could revolutionize the world around us, and think that for some reason we actually give a damn what you have to say. From this perspective, would it not make sense for you to just frigging say whatever stupid-ass thing it is you want to say? Is it really that necessary to use a whole bunch of bureaucratic gibberish in the process? Do you actually think people will assume you know what you are talking about if they cannot understand your message, which is the whole purpose of your writing in the first place?
To serve as an example of academic writing corrupting the minds of our youth, I will now refer to a passage from an academic book explaining the failure of Bill Clinton�s health security plan in 1993:
�Failures led to conservative feelings because of the disarray among Democrats and supporters of the proposal and their disinclinations to explain its provisions, which contrasted poorly with the unity, resources and grassroots effectiveness of the plan�s Republican opponents.�
HUH??? I�ve got news for you buddy: NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU�RE TRYING TO SAY, ASSHOLE!!! So you own a thesaurus; good for you. You have to figure that this author spent a few years writing on this topic, so why would she waste her time and mine by using such uncalled-for language? My best conclusion is because she is a complete retard.
This type of language raises another question: why is it that when you make words up as an academic author, you are awarded the title of �genius�, but when I make words up on an assignment, I am only awarded a failing grade? How stuck-up are these authors in thinking that they can get away with this kind of garbage, where we cannot? And another thing; how come academic writers take 30 pages to say what can be covered in 2, but then teachers insist that it is important to learn how to write concisely? Like, what the hell is that? Why waste the reader�s time by filling 28 pages with useless, unrelated filler, when at the same time, you want the reader to take you seriously? Oh right�I forgot�when it comes to academics, you think you are elite, and are therefore an academic attention whore.
So please people, if you are fortunate enough to ever come across an academic writer in person, please call them an egotistical, elitist asshole on my behalf�and please, in doing so, scream it as loud as you can, and as directly as you can into the author�s right ear. You know you have done it properly if you walk away with a tongue full of earwax. And also please remember always that you are acting on this problem now, so that your children do not have to suffer the same hardships we do.