Welcome to the theater,
To the magic, to the fun.
Where painted trees and flowers grow
And laughter rings fortissimo,
And treachery's sweetly done.

Now you've entered the asylum,
This profession unique.
Actors are children
Playing hide-and-ego-seek.

So welcome, Miss Eve Harrington,
To this business we call show.
You're on your way to wealth and fame,
Unsheathe your claws, enjoy the game.
You'll be a bitch,
But they'll know your name
From New York to Kokomo.

Welcome to the theater;
My dear, you'll love it so.

Welcome to the dirty concrete hallways,
Welcome to the friendly roaches too.
Welcome to the pinches from the stagehands -- it's the only quite thing they do
Welcome to the Philadelphia critcs,
Welcome Librium and Nembutol,
Welcome to a life of laryngitis,
Welcome to dark toilets in the hall.

Welcome to the flop you thought
Would run for years.
Welcome to a world of fears and cheers and tears.

Welcome to the theater,
With some luck, you'll be a pro.
You'll work and slave and scratch and bite,
You'll learn to kill with sheer delight,
You'll only come alive at night
When you're in a show.

Welcome to the theater!
You fool, you'll love it so

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