Tear Jerk

簡介

擇自"你咪理，我愛你，死未"，純粹個人喜愛，誰叫這拆穿了大多數男人的牛皮呢。

 

歌詞

(JAMES enters. He sings:)



JAMES
SO I GO
"LET'S DO DINNER AND A FLICK"
SO SHE GOES
"WELL YOU CERTAINLY MOVE QUICK"
SO I GO
"WELL YOU'RE SO LOVELY
THAT YOU MAKE MY HEART JUST ACHE"


(He gives a "thumbs up" sign.)


SO SHE GOES
"WELL WHAT MOVIE SHOULD WE DO?"
SO I GO
"WELL THAT IS FULLY UP TO YOU"
AND THAT MY FRIENDS WAS MY ONE BIG MISTAKE


(Two movie seats appear. JANE sits in one. JAMES sits next to her. JANE watches the movie as JAMES continues.)


MY MOVIE SATISFACTION
IS MINDLESS, VIOLENT ACTION
SOME MUSCLE MEN WHO TUSSLE WITH STALLONE
A THRILL THAT WOULD THRILL US
WITH ARNOLD OR BRUCE WILLIS
AND LOTS OF NAKED SHOTS OF SHARON STONE

THIS MOVIE HERE IS CLOYING
SO PRETTY AND ANNOYING
THESE FLICKS THEY MAKE FOR CHICKS
WHO DRAG THEIR MEN
I BET SHE GETS ALL WEEPY
WHILE I GET REALLY SLEEPY
NO CHICK WILL EVER PICK THE FLICK AGAIN

JANE
(Indicating the screen)
SHE LOVES HE
BUT HE IS MARRIED
TO A WIFE WHO'S DYING REALLY SLOW
HE WON'T LEAVE
SO THEY'RE ALL HARRIED
HOW BEAUTIFUL, HE'S DUTIFUL, THAT JOE

JAMES
I YEARN TO SEE A CHAIN SAW
A PSYCHO WITH A PAIN SAW
HOW NICE TO SEE HIM SLICE EACH PERSON'S SPLEEN
A NUT JOB IN THIS MOVIE
OH BOY, WOULD THAT BE GROOVY!
HE'D WIPE THIS PAINFUL TRIPE RIGHT OFF THE SCREEN

JANE
THE END IS NEAR
HE'S AT HER BEDSIDE
WHILE HIS TRUE LOVE WAITS FOR HIM, AMEN!

JAMES
SHE DON'T LOOK GOOD
SHE'S ON THE DEAD SIDE

JANE
AND NOW JOE VOWS HE'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!

JAMES
WELL THAT IS RATHER QUEER NOW
DID I JUST FEEL -- A TEAR NOW
I BET IT'S JUST SOME SWEAT CAUGHT IN MY EYE
WELL THAT IS FAIRLY FUNNY
MY NOSE FEELS RATHER -- RUNNY
GOOD GOD! THIS MIGHT SOUND ODD BUT I MIGHT CR...

JANE
OH GOD, THEY'RE AT THE GRAVE NOW

JAMES
AND JOE IS ACTING BRAVE NOW
I'M FEARFUL I'LL BE TEARFUL ANY SEC

JANE
(Overlapping)OH GOD --

JAMES
YOU KNOW THAT SHE'LL BURN RUBBER
IF I SIT HERE AND BLUBBER
I'M QUICKLY GROWING SICKLY I'M A WRECK!


JANE
(Overlapping)OH GOD --

JAMES
OH THINK OF THOUGHTS MORE WISTFUL
CLINT EASTWOOD WITH A FISTFUL
OF UZI GUNS AND BOOZY BROADS GALORE
OH CRAP, IT'S JUST NOT WORKING
THIS MOVIE IS TEAR JERKING
THIS FELLOW WILL BE JELL-O ON THE FLOOR

I GOTTA GET A GRIP NOW

JANE
(Overlapping) JOE WON'T CRY --

JAMES
(Overlapping)I SIMPLY CANNOT SLIP NOW

JANE
(Overlapping) HE'S TOO STRONG -

JAMES
(Overlapping) MUST FIGHT! CLOSE MY EYES TIGHT! 'CAUSE I'M A GUY!
NO WHIMPERIN' LIKE A PUPPY

JANE
(Overlapping) JOE'S SO BRAVE--

JAMES
I GOTTA MACHO UP-PY
NO HOW WILL I ALLOW MYSELF TO ...

Oh God!

(He cries. Like a river.)

JANE
Are you okay?

JAMES
Fine. Allergies.

JANE
I love men who aren't afraid to cry at the movies.

(He cries even louder and buries his head in her shoulders as they weep together.)

 

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