Alien vs. Predator
Cast
N/A
Rater #1
Has Not Seen Movie.
Rater #2
3/10. suppose Hollywood will never run out of movies, especially horror
movies. Not only can they make endless sequels (there's been 10
Friday the 13ths?), but they can also have the characters fight each
other in new movies (such as Freddy vs. Jason). That's the case with
Alien vs. Predator, two characters that are both owned by 20th
Century Fox who couldn't meet in real life but meet in an
underground pyramid underneath Antarctica. Add into the mix a half
dozen random characters played by people no one has ever heard of
(save Sanaa Lathan and Lance Henriksen), as you guess the order in
which they'll die. Sounds like a fun time, eh? Uh, yeah, if you're a
masochist.
A group of supposedly experienced adventurers (we see a few of them
in various exciting activities in the beginning) travel down to
Antarctica to see the aforementioned pyramid that is just found
2,000 feet underground. It turns out that both the aliens from the
Alien series and the Predators from the Predator series fight each
other. The humans are caught in the midst, as they try to escape.
Stupidity ensues.
The whole plot is convoluted and stupid. These characters (who we
don't care about at all) don't really do much for half of the
runtime as we see glimpses of the title characters, when they attack
for no reason at all. Then, halfway through, it turns out that some
alien hieroglyphics (that humans can read quickly) are found in the
pyramid and tell the complete history of the creature that created
the pyramid (and more). It's quite possibly the stupidest thing I've
ever seen...EVER! And then one of the creatures help the humans
destroy the other...aargh. It's just so absurd that it crosses
the "it's so bad it's good" line to "it's so bad it's bad." All of
this is the fault of writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson (who is
credited in three SEPARATE credits, in a row, in the ending
credits). His script is generic Hollywood bullplop, the kind you can
get for a dime a dozen by any writer waiting tables in Hollywood.
The directing is strictly PG-13 and MTV-quick cuts and cut aways as
soon as a character's about to die, destroying what people liked
about the Alien and Predator movies. By keeping it PG-13, it can get
more people into the audience, but it takes out the language and the
gore that the fans of the respective series liked so much about
those movies.
All of this could be overlooked if it did its job: thrilled, or even
entertained. Alien vs. Predator did neither. The only part that
could be considered thrilling is the music, which could be found
anywhere. And the most entertaining part of the movie is when I
found myself laughing at how stupid the whole thing is. The action's
incomprehensible because everything's the exact same color, and most
of it's computer generated, which makes it basically uninteresting.
Going back to Anderson's script, there's at least three or four
elements stolen from other movies. There's a complete quote stolen
from True Romance, a scene stolen from The One, the whole concept of
the pyramid stolen from Cube...the list goes on and on. Something
this unoriginal can't be exciting anyway. And it isn't. The whole
movie's not worth it. Even if Alien and Predator movies are your six
favorite movies of all time, don't see Alien vs. Predator.
Rated PG-13 for violence, language, horror images, slime and gore.
Running time: ? minutes
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